Friday, April 9, 2010

"One of the moms?" Ummm, don't think so...

Dh & I were just settling into our seats on our usual afternoon commuter train, heading home tonight and looking forward to the weekend, when a brown-haired woman who seemed to be in her 30s plunked herself down in the seat beside me.

"Hi!" she said. "I was just wondering, do your kids go to [local name] school?"

I was taken aback. I paused.

I almost said, "Ummm, I don't HAVE any kids."

Instead I just said, "Ummm, no."

"You live in [town]?"


"Oh," she said. "I see you on the train every night, & I said to my friend, 'I know her from somewhere... she must be one of the moms from [school]."

I shook my head in bemusement, & dh said, "Well, not from the school, no." And she smiled & got up & returned to her nearby seat.

When we left the train that night, I said to dh, "So -- do you think I look like a mom from [name] school??"

"I could see you were having a tough time with that," he said.

It WAS a weird feeling. Having to confront not just the question, "Do you have kids?" but the outright assumption that I HAVE kids, AND that they go to a particular local school.

For just a brief second, if only in this woman's mind, I was "one of the moms." I was part of the club, the sisterhood. I was one of them.

And actually, she probably still thinks I am. I'm just not "one of the moms from [name] school."

Very strange.

(P.S. While she's sure she knows me from somewhere, I don't think I've ever seen her before in my life, except maybe on the train.)


  1. Ugh. And you know, my first thought upon reading your words,
    "...I was part of the club, I was one of them" was, but of course you are. One of them, one of us. But then I thought I don't want to insult you or your feelings by saying that when you don't feel that way. And I know what you meant when you wrote it too. But still, you are a parent. You have spent the better part of the last decade honoring your daughter and spending time helping other parents do the same thing.

    It's too bad she won't ever know what kind of parent you are. She could probably learn a thing or two from you, and then some.


  2. Oh, I know I'm a parent. I do believe in my heart that I am. But I'm not a mom in the way that she was thinking, obviously.

    Thanks so much for your kind words. :)

  3. During the week I spent with my niece and nephew I wondered how many people just assumed I was their mother. If they only knew the drama ...