Monday, October 26, 2015

#MicroblogMondays: Learning to let go

I did something this past week that I once thought I would never, ever be able to do. 

In the middle of painting the entire house -- which involved clearing out & then refilling my closets (which is why I haven't been around the blogosphere much this week) -- I took the opportunity to go through my wardrobe and pare things down a little.

And I packed up my maternity clothes and sent them to the Salvation Army thrift store. 

I have so few keepsakes from my pregnancy with Katie. I never bought much in the way of clothes or toys or equipment for her -- first because the pregnancy was so tenuous, almost from the start, and second, because I was lectured by dh's relatives not to buy too much, because I was going to get tons of gifts at my shower on the September long weekend (which ultimately never took place).

So my maternity clothes (along with a pile of pregnancy books) represented the bulk of what pregnancy-related items I had, and they meant a lot to me. I had some pretty cute outfits, and I remember how much fun I had shopping for them (my mother was visiting me when I made my first foray into a maternity wear shop, early in my pregnancy, and I am so, SO glad we were able to do that together, and that she could share that experience with me) and where I wore what outfit.

I kept the outfit I wore that fateful day of my six-month checkup... the dress I wore to the funeral... and two other pretty dresses that I loved and didn't want to let go of, at least just yet. Everything else went to the Salvation Army.

I have to admit -- it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. Of course, I took my sweet time in making this decision... 17 & 1/2 years!!

Maybe that's the key. Take your time, and don't let anyone rush you into doing things before you feel good & ready to do them. Grief has no timetable.

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.


  1. That must have been so hard. Proud of you! How did you feel after?

    1. Surprisingly OK. I was ready. I think keeping a couple of my favourites helps. Also, I took photos of all of them a long time ago, so I have some reminders. They've just been hanging there in the closet, taking up space... & if someone else can use them... (although they're a little dated). I wouldn't want to try to give them to someone I know -- for one thing, they might not want clothes associated with a failed pregnancy :p and for another I would not want to see them prancing around in MY clothes.

  2. I completely agree that grief has no timetable. Letting go of those clothes earlier--because of some idea that you "should" or that you "needed to"--would have been painful and traumatic and totally unnecessary. Holding on to them didn't mean you were holding on to your grief--your grief is inseparable from your love in many ways, but these clothes represent so much more than sadness.

  3. Wow. That was a big change. A powerful one too. I think the last line of this post is so true. We have to do things on our own timeline, not what others prescribe. Still, wow.

  4. It's hard letting go of things sometimes, but those very things that we cling to at one time, we find we can let go at another. Whether it's six months or 17 years later. Yes, you took your time, but how wonderful not to feel pressured, and to do it when it felt right. Still ... sending hugs!

  5. Kudos to you for being able to release those things on your own timetable. I'm glad it didn't hurt as much as you expected, and I hope this bit of cleansing helps to ease your heart at least a little. *hugs*

  6. Yes: grief has no timetable. Sending you hugs for being brave enough to try this, and hoping that it feels a little lighter to have let go of things when the time was right.

  7. Good for you. It must have been hard to let go. But I'm glad you did it on your own timeline.

  8. Well done! It must have been difficult but so liberating! (((HUGS)))

  9. Good for you to listen to your inner voice of being able to hold onto those things as needed, honor them with pictures and to let them go on your timetable. Hope it brings you peace.

  10. A friend once told me after I got divorced that I know the right moment to let go of the things from my wedding and not to push myself to do it too soon. To let go when it is right. And she was right. You have to let go at the right moment, when you are ready. It sounds like you did that. Hugs!