Wednesday, December 2, 2015

"No more baby"

I saw a post today from a (non-ALI) blogger I follow. The title made me catch my breath: "No more baby," it read.

"Oh no," I immediately thought, "she's had a miscarriage!" 

She wasn't pregnant, that I knew of, but that was the first thing that popped into my head.

What would YOU have thought? 

Of course, the post wasn't pregnancy loss-related at all. It was her son's first birthday. She WAS mourning, but mourning the fact that the first year was over;  her little boy wasn't a "baby" any more.

Context is everything, I guess. When you've never lost a baby, you probably don't realize the impact that words like "no more baby" can have on someone whose baby-related experiences have been very different. I envy the innocence some people have about these matters.

And I realize that old habits & patterns of thinking die very hard, especially when you're an ALI-er. :p 


  1. I would have thought the same thing as you. And I think I always will. Old habits do die hard.

  2. I would have thought the same thing too! Infertility and loss change a person.

  3. yes, I would have thought the same.
    (and that's why I actually don't follow any ALI-blogger... small comments like this hurt me. Yes, infertility and loss change a person).

    1. I wasn't so much hurt as taken aback... and maybe a little annoyed -- both at myself, for automatically assuming the worst, and at how others can say such things without realizing they might have double meaning for some of us. For example -- I feel the same way (am actually far more annoyed -- & have ranted elsewhere on this blog...!) when I hear or read parents gleefully telling others about how they are "childless" -- i.e., for the evening or weekend or a few days -- when the kids go to a sleepover or to Grandma's house & the parents are free until they come home again. Childless?? I think not. :p

      Not that I would wish this on anyone. I guess I am just envious at such innocence.

  4. I would have thought that as well, and likely always will. It's like I don't think oblivious fertile people realize how genuinely I mean it when their babies are born healthy and alive and I say (as I always, always do) how glad I am that their baby is there, safe and sound. It never, ever occurs to them that it could have happened any other way.