tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post3545149260553598674..comments2024-03-26T08:06:19.661-04:00Comments on The Road Less Travelled: Holding it together, falling apartloribethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09272814565916935113noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-19613810350564200182009-04-07T16:48:00.000-04:002009-04-07T16:48:00.000-04:00Hi,You visited my blog in response to Shaz' blog a...Hi,<BR/><BR/>You visited my blog in response to Shaz' blog and I've been addicted to your blog for the last hour. I read every entry and say "Me too!" and "wow, she's expressed the emotions so very well". This particular entry resonates so strongly with me. Thanks so much for writing what you do.Sandyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14922449945274834671noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-43813985492173353792009-01-06T23:58:00.000-05:002009-01-06T23:58:00.000-05:00People hate acknowledging painful, scary parts of ...People hate acknowledging painful, scary parts of life. They don't want to think about how it happened to you, because then they have to realize that it could happen to them too.<BR/>My grandmother had three stillbirths and one 18 week D&E.<BR/>The one that was her breaking point was the last stillbirth: twins at 40 weeks.<BR/>It was 50 years ago and she still brings it up nearly every time I see her. She HAS to tell the story over and over. I can hear the pain in her voice every time.<BR/>The idea that we should ever be OVER something so traumatic is bizarre to say the least.Stephhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17363847055178499778noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-67094630054573208942008-04-12T20:41:00.000-04:002008-04-12T20:41:00.000-04:00Loribeth, I saw that story too and had the same re...Loribeth, I saw that story too and had the same reaction. I hate the "everything's fine!" as though your kids are small appliances, and once you get them fixed or replaced, you should be just swell. But what I appreciate from your telling here, is how wide this net really is of not getting over a certain trauma -- that it just reverberates through our lives, whatever "it" is. Thanks for this.Tashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07376651134993450207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-91134686126900438582008-04-11T13:02:00.000-04:002008-04-11T13:02:00.000-04:00Thanks for this post! You have made me feel like ...Thanks for this post! You have made me feel like it's OK to still be affected by the scars of the past. I have always thought that I made it past infertility so now I just have to put it behind me and forget about it. I feel guilty for letting it bother me still. Your post helped me look at this in a different way. <BR/><BR/>Thank yousoralishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08874975328481113933noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-13161079859068101302008-04-09T17:48:00.000-04:002008-04-09T17:48:00.000-04:00Ironically, I think it's about at the time when ot...Ironically, I think it's about at the time when others think someone should "get over it" when people need the most support. That's when they've had the chance to process everything and what they've lost really hits them. (And it doesn't have to be a physical loss - could be a loss of innocence, like the woman in the article. Or the loss of a dream, as in infertility.) Yet, that's usually also the time when the people with the condolences and casseroles have moved on. <BR/><BR/>I think there may have been something to the fact that in the "olden days" people used to wear black while they were in mourning. A visible reminder to those around them that they weren't "over it" yet, and had every right not to be.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-79996671059162613832008-04-09T14:25:00.000-04:002008-04-09T14:25:00.000-04:00Something like a child's death is like an asteroid...Something like a child's death is like an asteroid strike -- it permanently changes your trajectory.<BR/><BR/>All else is mere space dust.Lori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-48468157900182006602008-04-09T12:33:00.000-04:002008-04-09T12:33:00.000-04:00For that woman whose daughters had been ill, the f...For that woman whose daughters had been ill, the fear never went away. I suppose she still fears losing them. It had been postponed, but it was never dealt with.<BR/><BR/>I'm very similar in that I respond very well in highly stressing moments. I shut down my panic centre and just deal with matters at hand. And then I keep pretending that I am fine, just fine because everyone loves a strong person, right? My therapist told me once that I had been traumatized, not with a big capital T but a little one. We did some EMDR and it helped me get past one particulary distressing event. <BR/><BR/>To find healing is more complicated than the crisis merely becoming the past.Deathstarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03925549983959400448noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-50889846687733171142008-04-09T09:54:00.000-04:002008-04-09T09:54:00.000-04:00Oh, I disagree with you about shying away and that...Oh, I disagree with you about shying away and that being okay. To me, it reveals a profound desire to deny one of the fundamental, painful truths of life: suffering happens, we are all vulnerable, and once it's hit you, you can never go back. Their smugness is denial, the childish feeling that they are too good or too... something for trouble to ever strike them. <BR/><BR/>I think it's so hard just to get people to see your pain, and to acknowledge it. That, and some gentleness from time to time, is really all it takes, imho, to be a good, supportive person.<BR/><BR/>I am so deeply sorry that you bear these wounds. Anyone who has ever been wounded knows they don't just up and disappear.Shinejilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03353174053245279899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-54077089241107380702008-04-09T02:10:00.000-04:002008-04-09T02:10:00.000-04:00I can totally understand this. As I have repeated...I can totally understand this. As I have repeated many times to the people around me, I am not the same since M died. Just not the same. And I have terrible anxiety. People just don't get it. My experience is that they see that the "event" is long past, and that is that. And that woman in the article, it is the same for her, she is suffering from the scars of her experience and people think the wound is healed and gone.ms. Ghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15263348912679823512noreply@blogger.com