25 years ago today (!), while licking the wounds (physical, mental, emotional) inflicted by five-ish years of trying and failing to conceive a baby -- including three years of unsuccessful fertility treatments plus a stillbirth at 26 weeks -- I took my first concrete step toward acceptance of the new reality I found myself facing: I posted my story on the Childless Living message board on a now-defunct site called iVillage. (I've been sharing my story here on this blog since fall 2007 -- coming up to 19 years now!)
I started writing a "25 years later/things I've learned about life without children" post -- and then I realized I was repeating myself: I already wrote many of the same things five years ago, in a post titled "20 years of childless living." Have a read there!
There is life (and joy) without children. Not better, not worse than being a parent. Just different.
Thank you all for being part of my journey so far on this road less travelled!
What lessons/advice from your own childless living experiences would you add?
Thank you for sharing and contiuning to share your life. Your blog and few others have been a big gift to me while in the midst of trying to have a baby years. The reality there is livable life and good life if it doesnt work out heloed me way more than all the miracle stories and perservance stories and "don't lose hope" stories.
ReplyDeleteNow I am going to your 20 year anniversary post and see am I repeating myself.
Has it been that long now?? You have been there for my journey as well. Thank you my friend.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking of you, Loribeth. Thank you for being with me too, these last 15 years or so.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, these anniversaries are weird. Because it's an accomplishment, but also a reminder of the loss, but then also a reminder of your resilience. A mixed bag! Love both posts!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for writing. You've helped me in so many ways. When you were moving at the same time I was moving, I felt so much less alone. <3
ReplyDeleteThank you, Loribeth, for sharing your wisdom along the way!
ReplyDeleteI very much agree: "There is life (and joy) without children. Not better, not worse than being a parent. Just different."
From the 20 years post, what resonated with me the most is that we are not as alone as we initially think/feel. This was huge for me!
Thank you for putting your journey into words: for guiding, illuminating, teaching, and connecting with so many people over the years through your writing.
ReplyDeleteThank YOU, Mel, for encouraging me to start blogging! and for providing a virtual gathering place for adoption/loss/infertility/childless bloggers for all these years too! <3
DeleteBelated congratulations for this milestone and for your consistent voice. I've always admired your steadiness. As to bits of wisdom, I'd add that folks on our path in life learn that we can't look to society for affirmation (which is lavished on parents); instead we must look deep inside and recognize that each person touches and influences others. There's no greater satisfaction than knowing we've gotten here without all the cultural instructions, social cues and trophies. In fact, you've just given me a writer's prompt. Thank you!
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