tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post3717059345006444837..comments2024-03-26T08:06:19.661-04:00Comments on The Road Less Travelled: Diversity & inclusion, infertility & lossloribethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09272814565916935113noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-52249341206173178252012-08-13T18:39:48.174-04:002012-08-13T18:39:48.174-04:00Thanks, Misfit. FYI, I have actually been a fairly...Thanks, Misfit. FYI, I have actually been a fairly regular reader of Feminist Mormon Housewives for awhile now -- although I am neither Mormon nor a housewife (although I was an Osmonds fan when I was a kid -- does that count?? lol). I also find their posts fascinating. They have occasionally covered ALI issues there. You'e so right about the awareness of privilege being the difference. loribethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09272814565916935113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-4233303299114068302012-08-13T17:15:06.090-04:002012-08-13T17:15:06.090-04:00Stopping by from Pamela's post. This is a fan...Stopping by from Pamela's post. This is a fantastic point. I started thinking recently (prompted by a post on, I think, feminist Mormon housewives - an intriguing name/concept for a blog and fascinating reading for this non-feminist Catholic working childless wife!) about the idea of "unexamined privilege." Sure, some people have a lot. Some will always have more than others. I can't (logically) hate people for having a dozen healthy pregnancies. But I will absolutely hate them if they take that for granted, if they're insufferable about it. Some of the non-infertile folk I know who are the most comforting have the most of what I don't have. But they KNOW that they're blessed (and not in that "aren't I so blessed?" way), and that makes all the difference. Now, I try - really, really try - to recognize when I have more than other people, and to never let whatever abundance I have be an unnecessary cross for someone else. I don't know how well I succeed. <br /><br />I also think that that suddenly being on the other side thing is so poignant. I have tried to explain to people that it's not just that I don't have kids (no, I don't need to see your doctor, thank you), it's that even if I DID get pregnant (no, prayers not needed - it won't happen, pray for someone else, thanks), I could never be innocent. I would believe every moment that that baby would die. My innocence has been shattered, and you can't have that back. And as another commenter said, I know better than to try to take that innocence from someone else. I wait until there's NO possibility it will work out for them. And I downplay the starkness of that outcome. I get angry with a lot of people, but I'm not trying to take them with me. That may be the only virtue I'm practicing :). the misfithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05206278843624907697noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-90181415969308327702012-04-08T05:44:26.661-04:002012-04-08T05:44:26.661-04:00Great post... (and I had never heard of the Canadi...Great post... (and I had never heard of the Canadian 4 groups... amazing how each country approaches the topic differently)<br /><br />Thanks for sharing about your workshop... the ideas of insiders and the majority really resonate with me. And that idea of a 'normal' family structure... the strange comments I've gotten about how my living situation isn't as 'adult' as someone who has kids at home particularly drives me mad! <br /><br />thanks for such a well written post.smiling scarhttp://circlesbecomeme.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-18946710341223203652012-04-06T09:00:32.553-04:002012-04-06T09:00:32.553-04:00This is an amazing post and so very true! I loved ...This is an amazing post and so very true! I loved it! So poignant!Krissi McVickerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09057275861414960939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-11285227999327552652012-04-02T01:13:00.814-04:002012-04-02T01:13:00.814-04:00Loribeth, I think I read this when you first poste...Loribeth, I think I read this when you first posted it, but obviously didn't comment. I think "unintentional intolerance" really sums up the comments, looks, attitudes and judgements we are on the receiving end of. <br /><br />And the left-handed/right-handed thing is a great analogy.Malihttp://nokiddinginnz.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-25183992045640548302012-03-30T15:42:21.538-04:002012-03-30T15:42:21.538-04:00This is one of the most accurate, vivid and brilli...This is one of the most accurate, vivid and brilliant analogy I have ever read. <br />Your posts are always food for thought. Thank you for sharing your story and thoughts with us.Minahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13148000699685037451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-66528984318324231582012-03-30T10:00:26.914-04:002012-03-30T10:00:26.914-04:00Here from the the stirrup queen's analogy proj...Here from the the stirrup queen's analogy project. This really resonates, thank you.Lunahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-76280640340562697112011-01-14T16:24:18.346-05:002011-01-14T16:24:18.346-05:00Thank you for this post! I have been feeling this...Thank you for this post! I have been feeling this way and never managed to find the words. You've given me a new way to look at my feelings and deal with them... In response to your previous post: I just found you between Christmas and New Year, linked from either Grieve Out Loud or a blog they linked to and have really been grateful to read about your journey and to see your perspectives.erikanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-47327342415630771452011-01-12T16:17:40.254-05:002011-01-12T16:17:40.254-05:00Excellent points. Its true, I have for sure felt ...Excellent points. Its true, I have for sure felt like the "outsider". It is one reason I have trouble relating to the moms at the park.ms. Ghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15263348912679823512noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-16876997306097018942011-01-12T13:37:10.252-05:002011-01-12T13:37:10.252-05:00This is so well said. After losing my baby, I wan...This is so well said. After losing my baby, I wanted so desperately to go back and be an insider. To be smug and confident and not scared. To naively trust that once I got pregnant, I was guaranteed to get a healthy baby nine months later. I didn't want to be aware that life was this hard, not just for me, but for so many other people. I wanted my privileged insider position back, with all the entitlement and intolerance that came along with it. And now, just a few weeks out, I can say that I don't mind that my eyes have been opened to this side of things but I so desperately wish that my baby hadn't died to make that happen.Brookehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05946311309467296976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-92097627071375778362011-01-12T08:54:36.215-05:002011-01-12T08:54:36.215-05:00FANTASTIC POST, Loribeth!!! I love this. Isn't...FANTASTIC POST, Loribeth!!! I love this. Isn't it amazing when worlds collide (mandatory work event with "real" life for example) and when one can actually speak to the other? I had a similar experience a few months ago at a work-related event listening to the founder of Back on My Feet - talking about running as her salvation from grief and how she turned it into her life's work - helping people get back on their feet. While her grief is not the same as mine, her descriptions, her rationale, everything she said rang so true, I found myself stifling sobs among my peers. Thank goddess for dark rooms. <br /><br />I am so glad this training was worth more than you anticipated, and I really appreciate you sharing your insights here.mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07830332489753742950noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-16095428443291492632011-01-12T01:20:08.842-05:002011-01-12T01:20:08.842-05:00Very thought provoking post (but don't you alw...Very thought provoking post (but don't you always?)<br /><br />My husband is left handed, and I am right. Honestly, I forget he's left handed most of the time. I know he copes differently, but most of the time I don't think anything of it because it doesn't seem to bother him at all.<br /><br />The last part of the post is very poignant. Lots to think about there.AnotherDreamerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11487881766884178761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-36913224491740693422011-01-11T23:11:00.199-05:002011-01-11T23:11:00.199-05:00Insightful as always.
After losing Serenity, I am...Insightful as always.<br /><br />After losing Serenity, I am now more cautious in asking about people's kids, how many/why they don't have any. It is not safe to assume anything about another person's situation. <br /><br />And, it doesn't surprise me that you kept a diary as a kid!<br /><br />And happy birthday tomorrow!Ya Chunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08816837461370619194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-79285880894686244902011-01-11T22:08:52.732-05:002011-01-11T22:08:52.732-05:00More of my friends/relatives have had problems (mi...More of my friends/relatives have had problems (miscarriages, infertility, etc) with reproduction than not, and yet I still feel like an outsider. How odd. It's especially apparent when I run into a pregnant woman and a bell in my head clangs every time she takes something for granted. I guess it's because (surprisingly) I know better than to disabuse her of her notion that everything will turn out as expected. Fascinating topic...<br /><br />Here from LFCA to wish you a happy birthday! You don't look a day over 29!areyoukiddingmehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16107214079237461141noreply@blogger.com