tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post602740054754816265..comments2024-03-26T08:06:19.661-04:00Comments on The Road Less Travelled: Book Shower: "So Close" by Tertia Albertynloribethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09272814565916935113noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-25975997114935212672009-05-06T10:34:00.000-04:002009-05-06T10:34:00.000-04:00Loved your thoughts on being close, and then feeli...Loved your thoughts on being close, and then feeling it gradually slip further and further away. I say "loved". I was moved by them, rather than enjoyed them, I'm sure you know what I mean - I mean, thanks for putting it down so clearly.<br /><br />I always felt like we were close because most of our cycles were positive, in a fashion. I do think (along with T) that it helped drive us forwards. As for stopping treatment... well, we're not done with it for all time, but we're not ready to return, so I'm not thinking about it just at the moment. <br /><br />Bea<br /><br />BeaBeahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11877513815828460269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-43620119521580250522009-05-05T06:45:00.000-04:002009-05-05T06:45:00.000-04:00I just love these book tours because everyone's po...I just love these book tours because everyone's posts and the comments are so interesting!<br /><br />Another great post, Loribeth.<br /><br />Sometimes I feel like we have come close, and sometimes it feels like we could not ever be further from our goal. That we may live childless is certainly on my mind, if that happens, there are many other fulfilling things in life to explore, despite the loss I would feel. <br /><br />I don't know if/when we will have to make that decision, I just know it isn't right now.Andiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10173628683150350210noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-31513516107713301522009-05-05T00:16:00.000-04:002009-05-05T00:16:00.000-04:00A powerful and moving post, Loribeth. With two liv...A powerful and moving post, Loribeth. With two living kids I feel a bit unqualified to answer your question, but I will give it a shot. <br /><br />I wonder what the hell kept me semi-sane in the two years of trying with primary infertility. I think most of all it was that silly feeling that we were still young. I felt like I had time to try more difficult and less guaranteed things. I turned out to have been right, even if it took a longish amount of time. If I was in the same position at my current age, I think I would've begged for needles. But the other part of that stubborn long way around, I think, was the security of feeling that there were more tricks in the bag. If this didn't work, there were always needles. And there was always adoption. I never excluded that as a family building option. <br /><br />After A died, I felt like we did come so very close-- he was 34.5 weeks along. Friends had twins at a bit less than that very gestation something like two weeks earlier, and they are fine. They were fine then, and they are great now. I mostly don't give into that line of thought, but it is still hard for me to see those twins. I also felt like Monkey had come so close to the one thing she wanted to be-- a big sister of the kind one can see and recognize. That part, her grief, her pain, for her brother, but also for being shortchanged, that was heartbreaking to watch. <br /><br />Loribeth, I am so sorry, again, about the crappy hand you were dealt. And I am sorry most of all that Katie is not here with you, driving you crazy the way I am told girls eventually do.Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09745262857388007041noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-10864155189631413812009-05-04T21:30:00.000-04:002009-05-04T21:30:00.000-04:00I feel very far from close. My husband and I are ...I feel very far from close. My husband and I are a few weeks from knowing all we can know to decide how to move forward. <br /><br />Great post!Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17810619513876868611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-73217199882795592642009-05-04T19:36:00.000-04:002009-05-04T19:36:00.000-04:00I stumbled upon the book shower by chance - or was...I stumbled upon the book shower by chance - or was it serendipity? It's amazing what a bond I feel with all the women I met around the time of my loss (1996) and the moms I interviewed while researching my book - and whose stories I have followed thereafter. As one of the other moms I know who lost her child through stillbirth once said, we all belong to a club that none of us set out to join - or wanted to join. But here we are. And our fellow club members keep us sane. (Or sane-ish.)Ann Douglashttp://thestar.blogs.com/anndouglasnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-46047204559560028192009-05-04T16:49:00.000-04:002009-05-04T16:49:00.000-04:00I love your book reviews. Now if I could just find...I love your book reviews. Now if I could just find the time to actually read one. Ugh. <br />You are right tho, those of us who haven't had to deal with fertility issues, even if we have had the db issues, really have no idea of the struggle or the heartache involved as we really only hear about the successes and often only the gross ones at that(hello Octo mom I am speaking to you).<br />I know I am a lot more sympathetic now than I used to be and I feel like an ass for how I was before, ignorant.k@laklyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05366772609212990882noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-15614422218206091952009-05-04T16:40:00.000-04:002009-05-04T16:40:00.000-04:00i actually snorted when i read your comment on my ...i actually snorted when i read your comment on my blog about waiting in line. i bet you are right!<br /><br />i definitely feel so close right now. at least to achieving pregnancy... i know that art can work for me because it has. it's just a matter of sustaining that pregnancy. i'm not sure how much more struggle i have left, but i do know that i'm not ready to stop yet. i feel like that brass ring is brushing my fingertips... and damn do i want to grab on!Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05466722859869773647noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-44040846925828569842009-05-04T15:31:00.000-04:002009-05-04T15:31:00.000-04:00This was really a powerful post. Thanks so much fo...This was really a powerful post. Thanks so much for being so open and sharing so much.<br /><br />As for my own family goals, I'm getting closer and closer. It's been a very long and hard 6.5 years and at times it's nearly broken me. I'm incredibly lucky in that my husband and I have always been on the same page with our family goals. <br /><br />We learned early on that it would be very hard for us to have a biological child. Then we did get pregnant but it was ectopic. That kind of "so close" was excruciating for us. But it was much harder on my husband because he nearly lost me.<br /><br />I'd been an egg donor years ago so that part of moving on was very easy. No one warned me of the devastation of a negative donor cycle, though. That part was just awful. Now we're very happy to be building our family through open adoption.milliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09710325487325258355noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-56247377311611894932009-05-04T13:03:00.000-04:002009-05-04T13:03:00.000-04:00Lori, I am still reading your blog faithfully - ju...Lori, I am still reading your blog faithfully - just haven't been very good about posting comments recently. This post, like all of yours, has so much wisdom and poignancy. We never came very close at all. In some ways I am grateful for that, because of how heartbreaking it would be to be "so close and yet so far," as the song goes, and because of how difficult it would be to decide whether to keep pursuing treatment or to stop if we had indeed gotten close.ginyanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-82493119174839893512009-05-04T10:45:00.000-04:002009-05-04T10:45:00.000-04:00I loved your comment on my post, especially the &q...I loved your comment on my post, especially the "mileage may vary."<br /><br />In a way, I've always thought we were pretty lucky to have a black & white prognosis: it was infinitesimally possible for us to have a pregnancy.<br /><br />So we knew when to cut and run from that path fairly early on.<br /><br />For me, it would have been awful to be So Close. I liked having clear road signs.Lori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-22165020531363100442009-05-04T10:43:00.000-04:002009-05-04T10:43:00.000-04:00I only know the feeling of trying, trying and tryi...I only know the feeling of trying, trying and trying. I can't imagine the feeling of feeling your hopes slip just out of your reach.<br /><br />Your post was both beautiful and heartbreaking. I can clearly see why Ann chose to feature your quote in her book.<br /><br />I never had a treatment more than medication. The failure of each of those cycles was so devastating, I couldn't imagine failing on an IVF where I had so much time, energy and money invested. But even so, it would be so hard to stop.Jamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11509124764568535676noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-33483983336376269032009-05-04T10:23:00.000-04:002009-05-04T10:23:00.000-04:00Wow, what a powerful post, thank you so much for y...Wow, what a powerful post, thank you so much for your raw honestly and your amazing words. I am humbled.Tertiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17041136587660938690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-13041834228632409752009-05-04T10:13:00.000-04:002009-05-04T10:13:00.000-04:00Thanks for sharing - I'll definitely check out her...Thanks for sharing - I'll definitely check out her blog.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-84298053899102690732009-05-04T09:05:00.000-04:002009-05-04T09:05:00.000-04:00I feel very close, as in, within the next 12 month...I feel very close, as in, within the next 12 months close. I don't think we'll ever give up, maybe perhaps when the fertility doctor finally calls security to remove us from his office: IF things continue the way they do, though. If there is trauma along the way, I think everything changes. But my biggest 'trauma' has been no BFP EVER so uh, I think I can handle that!Adihttp://www.adeleida.co.zanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-88397101640324349312009-05-04T08:46:00.000-04:002009-05-04T08:46:00.000-04:00Oy, I definitely read your post - I wish I could r...Oy, I definitely read your post - I wish I could respond, but a few things hit too close to home (one is my anger that I had to stop reading Tertia's blog, since she got pregnant around the time I was, so the reminder is too much for me - I miss the blog, for Tertia is terrific!).one-hit_wonderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02392238740961497297noreply@blogger.com