tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post6085215997778302169..comments2024-03-26T08:06:19.661-04:00Comments on The Road Less Travelled: I saw her standing thereloribethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09272814565916935113noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-17314952378018575342014-05-10T16:23:23.369-04:002014-05-10T16:23:23.369-04:00I had to comment. I have been on both ends of thi...I had to comment. I have been on both ends of this. Sometimes, I am just ready to let a friendship go and I can't even tell you a reason why. When getting together doesn't seem to happen naturally it just seems better sometimes to move on. However, I have felt like, wow, I have called so many times and now I just feel like I am being a bother. It's tough. It is so hard to make good friends as an adult, it seems so sad when one ends, whatever the reason. <br /><br />Ms. GAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-22620560636563181222014-05-10T11:54:34.312-04:002014-05-10T11:54:34.312-04:00This made me pause - I can actually relate to your...This made me pause - I can actually relate to your friend a bit. My job (while sadly not super high paying) has cah-razy hours and I'm starting to lose the ability to have time to keep in touch with people, even my parents. I worry that this will lead to alienation like this. It sounds like there is not a rift on her side, other than she's very limited with time. I certainly understand your own feelings as well. I would encourage you not to write her off - friendships like these are often the most important. I really hope you and she can connect again. Jjiraffehttp://jjiraffe.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-89343106893400074662014-05-09T19:52:15.325-04:002014-05-09T19:52:15.325-04:00I neglected to mention that this post was inspired...I neglected to mention that this post was inspired by Mali's recent post on friendship -- an expansion of my comment there:<br /> http://nokiddinginnz.blogspot.ca/2014/05/friendship-101.htmlloribethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09272814565916935113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-53745100127388040422014-05-09T15:28:54.117-04:002014-05-09T15:28:54.117-04:00I lost, or rather, was abandoned by one of my own ...I lost, or rather, was abandoned by one of my own college roommates and very dear friend (we were in each others' weddings) in fall 2007. I think I blogged quite a bit about it at the time, because that kind of sudden silence is terrible. From 2008 to last year, our only contact was a Christmas card, and the messages grew briefer each year. But at Christmas 2012, I decided to add to my photo card, "I'd be glad to hear from you more often. I'm still at (email address)." It took a full year, and I had decided not to send her a card, but a few days before Christmas 2013, she did email me. It was so strange to hear from her out of the blue, and she had clearly written and rewritten the email -- it was oddly stilted in places. But she did say that she was very, very sorry we had not talked in so long. And that's all I needed to hear. It's as close to an apology as I require. I really didn't require much, clearly -- I am pretty sure, based on the timing of her breakup with me, that she experienced PPD and perhaps some marriage problems. I could also read between the lines of her email to guess that her oldest son may have some special needs that would have added to her lifelong struggle with depression at the time she abruptly stopped speaking to me.<br /><br />We've since emailed every few weeks and are slowly getting back to a place of friendship. I am very glad for it. She is never going to be my best friend again, but I'm glad we are on friendly terms at least. It made for a nice Christmas. : )<br /><br />So if I were you, I would email her on her birthday. Like Pamela said, she may surprise you at some time. : )<br /><br />I read this book right around the time my friend cut me off. It was pretty good.<br /><br />http://www.amazon.com/What-Did-Do-Wrong-Friendship-ebook/dp/B000GCFD7M/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1399663696&sr=8-1&keywords=I+don%27t+know+what+I+didEllen K.http://www.southcitysadie.typepad.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-33388465987627886072014-05-08T19:00:24.510-04:002014-05-08T19:00:24.510-04:00The relationships that hurt the most when they end...The relationships that hurt the most when they ended, were the ones I had with women. Whether they thought I was to blame or vice versa or they withered due to neglect, I never forgot any of them. But you can't, can you? Cause it hurts when someone you care about and share history with just disappears from your life. Now I can understand why you walked past her. You just didn't know what to say. She probably has her own reasons and they have nothing to do with you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-23379812907125005392014-05-04T21:54:09.606-04:002014-05-04T21:54:09.606-04:00@Pamela: I would never assume that it's over.....@Pamela: I would never assume that it's over... I'm always open to hearing from her! And I may yet give her a call or email -- if only to let her know when I'm retiring, lol. I'm just not in a hurry to make the first move. (Again.) loribethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09272814565916935113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-26142950801842910032014-05-04T20:30:55.839-04:002014-05-04T20:30:55.839-04:00Timely post. And I understand your dilemma. There ...Timely post. And I understand your dilemma. There are some people it's easier to pick up where things left off than others. Clearly both have to invest the time and emotional energy to make it work--and we're not always at the same place at the same time to do so. Rather than assume it's over and done with I would allow some time to see if a new shoot will form, or if it's more of an old growth forest (forgive my botany-challenged metaphor). Just as you've trusted your intuition to date, she may surprise you...Pamela T.https://www.blogger.com/profile/11474998003921896431noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-72514998200920266522014-05-03T08:05:05.486-04:002014-05-03T08:05:05.486-04:00(((HUGS))) 35 years of friendship is really a big ...(((HUGS))) 35 years of friendship is really a big deal - and on top of that you've been there for each other in many different life situations. I'm sorry it turns out this way, but friendship is a two-way street and you can't do it on your own. Amelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16792921371964029469noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-42191676785767647012014-05-03T01:26:08.358-04:002014-05-03T01:26:08.358-04:00I know, a difficult decision.
In the last decade...I know, a difficult decision. <br /><br />In the last decade I lost many friends. Almost always was the reason that I was just tired of reaching out. I was tired that it was always me who was assumed to have all the time available on the world. And my friends all have small children so it was clear that they were to busy to remember to keep in touch. <br /><br />Each of us has to find our our path. But as the years are passing by, I learnt to be quite comfortable being alone. <br />(I just terribly miss my dog - he indeed knew how to show me that he wanted to be with me ALL the time :)<br /><br />warm hugs.Klarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17028863974858724867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-4420192595425879552014-05-02T23:49:48.486-04:002014-05-02T23:49:48.486-04:00I'm glad you wrote this. I'm glad that it...I'm glad you wrote this. I'm glad that it wasn't infertility, loss or childlessness that created a barrier. But I'm sad your friendship drifted apart. For you, and the way it has made you feel. <br /><br />"How many times do you call or email someone, how many unreturned voice mails do you leave, before you decide to leave the ball in their court?" I read this and nodded, knowing how you felt. Each time I reach out I have hope. But if it isn't reciprocated, then I've decided it just makes me feel worse than if I hadn't done it in the first place. And a true friendship isn't supposed to make us feel bad. <br /><br />So I don't think it is about being the "bigger person." Because I think you've shown time and again that you are the bigger person. Malihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03928262526502319303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-15875145448466136382014-05-02T22:42:39.370-04:002014-05-02T22:42:39.370-04:00It's hard when friendships unravel like that, ...It's hard when friendships unravel like that, and you don't quite know why. I had a close friend of many years reenter my life a few years ago, and then one day she just left me hanging. Unreturned texts, calls, and finally I just left it. She's still on my FB but I don't know what to do, I think I get what you're saying. How do you walk away from such an extensive friendship? I've known my friend for less time (around 18 years maybe, since 4th grade) and I hate to throw that away, so I leave it hanging in her court because I still don't rightly know what happened. It's disorienting, you think things are fine but then things slowly unravel and you just don't know what happened exactly.<br /><br />I'm sorry your friendship went that way, and I can relate to how confusing it is. I would leave the ball in her court for now, you've tried to figure things out... but I also know how hard that has to be with it just hanging there.AnotherDreamerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11487881766884178761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178366214524455884.post-17928720005015410362014-05-02T22:30:38.379-04:002014-05-02T22:30:38.379-04:00Relationships can be so tricky to navigate. I hav...Relationships can be so tricky to navigate. I have many situations like this myself where I have found myself seeing them before they see me and keeping on walking.<br /><br />I think we do what feels best at the time, what feels right. If the relationship is meant to take off again, you will both come together at the same time, the right time, and move forward with common ground. <br /><br />Relationships fade and they strengthen and they fade again. It's good to hear that I'm not alone with this!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14896931627340645963noreply@blogger.com