Odds & ends from the holidays...

A few bits & pieces from the past few weeks that had me thinking, "I should write about that...":


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Formerly pg coworker, now on mat leave, brought her baby (born mid-September) in to the office to meet everyone, a few weeks before Christmas. Lots of oohing & ahhing, of course. I actually found myself wanting to see this baby (& I was fine, so long as I didn't think about it too much as it was happening), & so hung around until she arrived.

She was very cute (of course). I got to hold her for awhile, bouncing back & forth from one leg to another while patting the baby on the rump, & she curled up against me & fell asleep. : ) It was actually kind of nice to be holding a baby amid a group of people, all but one of whom had no clue about my reproductive history -- I could enjoy the baby without feeling overly self-conscious, wondering what they were thinking about, seeing me with a baby (are they feeling sorry for me? are they wondering why I haven't gotten pregnant again? do they think I'm a psycho stillbirth mother who's going to take off with her??)(!!).

When I handed her over to another coworker (not wanting to hog her completely), she opened one eye & glared, lol -- I guess she was feeling pretty comfortable with me. And that made me feel good. : )

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At a divisionwide holiday event just prior to Christmas, I ran into a woman I've known almost as long as I've been with the company, but hadn't seen in almost 10 years, since she changed jobs & moved to another location in another part of the city. I used to attend an annual dinner that she was in charge of organizing, & since she lives in the same suburb as me (same subdivision, in fact!), we often used to travel home from it together.

The last time I saw her was on Mother's Day, a year or so post-stillbirth. Dh & I decided to escape the hoopla by going to an afternoon matinee, & she, her husband & two then-teenaged daughters sat in front of us.


I asked her about her daughters &, after telling me what they were doing, there was a pause & then she said, "So, any kids?" (I guess I asked for it by bringing up the subject, didn't I?) "No," I said, with a smile frozen on my face. "No?" she said, looking slightly puzzled. (I wondered whether she'd heard I was pregnant & had a vague memory of it.) "No," I said, and in the extremely awkward pause that followed, I added helpfully, "It's a part of my life that just didn't work out as planned."

Mercifully, that changed the subject, we soon moved on to talk to other people and, as it was a very busy day for me, I didn't have too much time to dwell on it. I haven't had an encounter like that for quite some time, though, & I'd forgotten how damned awkward it can be. Funny, though, I think she was more traumatized by it than I was.

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I mentioned in a recent post that we went to see my parents' neighbours' grandson over the holidays. Afterwards, I had a weird dream about breastfeeding a baby boy. I'm presuming he was mine (!). I don't recall much about the dream, just that I was breastfeeding & the baby took to it like a duck to water, much to my relief.

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Pamela Jeanne recently wrote a great post about holiday photo cards. I don't entirely mind them -- although, as I said in my comment to her, it would be nice to receive one of the entire family now & then -- I have friends that I haven't "seen" in 20 years!! Of course, most of the photos we get these days aren't of babies any more, which makes it slightly easier. In fact, the annual onslaught of photo cards & holiday letters reminded me that four of my oldest friends from growing up (grade school & high school) now have kids in university. Gulp.