I survived (and other post-anniversary musings)

• Thank you for all your kind words & thoughts on Katie's "anniversary" day. The day of I did reaonsably well, but the day or two before was not so easy. I found myself crying at the drop of a hat. I don't know why one year is harder or easier than another. I've come to accept that I just won't know how I'm going to feel until the day arrives, & try to take the day off, if I can, just in case. 
• Many of the rituals of earlier years have fallen by the wayside, but we still took pink roses to the cemetery late that morning. Then we went out for brunch, and to our favourite bookstore, and then home, where I lolled on the lovesat and read blogs all afternoon. I was very tired by the end of the day, though. 
• I posted on Facebook: "14 years... long ago, and just yesterday, all at once. Remembering our little girl and what might have been. ♥"  This is pretty bold stuff for me, people.  I got an amazing 9 "likes" and 30 comments from my 130+ "friends" (so far). Mostly just one liners and many from real life and online ALI friends, but also from friends and relatives who have barely acknowledge I was ever pregnant. Progress? 
• I also reposted a beautiful poster from Dr. Joanne Cacciatore of the MISS Foundation, showing a little girl releasing balloons in a field of flowers, with the tagline "I will always wish for you." This too got a few "likes" and shares. Including one from my mother.
• I think the hardest part of the day for me was seeing my mother repost Dr. Joanne's poster, with the words, "In memory of our little granddaughter, Kathleen Maria. August 7, 1998. Always missed, never forgotten."  I burst into sobs & whispered, "I'm so sorry, Mommy" at the screen. Handling my own grief and life disappointments is one thing (& I think I've come a long way in 14 years) -- but feeling responsible for my parents' grief and disappointment and lack of (living) grandchildren is still so hard for me. :( 
• Back around Christmastime, you might remember that I read & reviewed a book called "Closure: The Rush to End Grief and What it Costs Us" by Nancy Berns.  Berns recently summarized her ideas in a TED Talk, which you can now view on YouTube, here. If you believe, as I do (and as Elizabeth McCracken so wonderfully put it in her book "An Exact Replica of a Figment of my Imagination"), that "Closure is bull****," you will enjoy listening to or reading what Berns has to say on the topic. (For starters, she thinks it's a made-up concept.)
• I was amused to read an article in the New York Times this week about the pressure gay couples are facing to have children.  It wasn't that long ago that marriage &/or children were considered off limits to gay couples, even by gay couples themselves. On the one hand, the article says, it's a welcome sign for these couples of their inclusion in the mainstream;  others (whether or not they think kids might be in the picture) find it just as annoying as the rest of us to be constantly asked about their plans. I found it particularly funny/irritating to read the breathless observation that "The process can be also daunting logistically and financially, as would-be parents wrestle with whether to adopt or use a surrogate."  Well, duh. Those of us who are infertile have been trying to get that point across for YEARS.  Welcome to the club, guys (and girls).