Does any of this sound familiar?
Judgments about behavior not only unsettle and stigmatize the patient, but reflect the interrogator’s own insecurities. Frequently, those disease detectives are attempting to regain a sense of control amid the inherently random and sometimes unjust world that we all reside in, according to researchers who have studied stigma. Psychologists refer to this as the “just-world hypothesis,” a bias in thinking and perception that was first described by psychologist Melvin Lerner and colleagues more than four decades ago, and which has since been documented in numerous books and articles.
“I think that in one part there is a fundamental assumption in our society that the world is a just place, and that bad things don’t happen to good people,” says Gerald Devins, a stigma researcher and senior scientist at the Ontario Cancer Institute in Toronto. “And I think when bad things happen to good people, it’s threatening to everybody.”
“Secondly, you can say knowledge is power in a sense,” Devins says. “If we feel like we understand something, it gives us the illusion of control.”
Oh yes. If there's one thing infertility or cancer or any illness or major loss teaches us, it is that we don't live in a just world. Whatever that would look like.
ReplyDeleteThis makes so much sense to me. People want to insulate and protect themselves from being vulnerable to things like cancer, infertility, pregnancy or infant loss. Realizing that we can't protect ourselves from the random lottery of shittiness and still managing to be compassionate and gracious about it--well, not everybody rises to that, unfortunately.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, because isn't infertility and loss just a ginormous reminder of how little we can control our universe. We can't control our health AND we can't control our procreation, even if we like to think we can.
ReplyDeleteLOVE the paragraphs. THANKS for sharing! I always have this nagging feeling that for many people who don't know, they consider infertility as flu or something like that. I can't shake the feeling 'coz when I shared my first tumultuous feelings to my closest friends, they were SO shocked that I could feel that way about TTC. If they're even shocked, what about strangers? So I'm really thankful to those who help share awareness about people like us.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really interesting post, and a really interesting article that you linked to. I definitely agree that one of the reasons people have a hard time accepting the random horribleness of IF (or cancer) is because it means they could be affected too, and ultimately that means they have no control. Thinking you can do something to keep these monsters at bay is so important to people, they would rather believe the impossible than believe it could happen to them.
ReplyDeleteThis is so true. As an adolescent I was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and underwent treatment for five years (I have now been in remission for many years). In adulthood, I've gone on to experience IF and recurrent loss, and there is so much of this experience that resonates with the one before. Basically, people don't like to even acknowledge that bad shit can happen, and that it's totally random, and I think they'll often go to the extent of effectively ostracizing the person who it's happening to in order to maintain their false sense of security. It's heartbreaking, but true.
ReplyDelete*nods* Empathy, putting self in one's shoes- that's pretty tough for anyone to experience, and not even could 'totally get it'
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing!