As always on these occasions, I can't help but thinking about my own funeral (hopefully many years hence...!). And I can't help but think that it's not going to be a very big one -- and that makes me sad. Families are generally a lot smaller these days than in generations past. Dh & I, of course, have no children who will survive us. We only have one sibling each; we only have the two nephews. Most of my extended family who might otherwise come to mourn me live too far away (I have more than 30 first cousins on one side of my family -- and just two on the other), and I don't have a lot of very close friends hereabouts.
I'm planning to be cremated, so I don't have to worry about rounding up enough strong young men to carry my casket. ;) I know what kind of service I want, and what music (a mixture of traditional Anglican hymns -- and The Beatles' "In My Life," lol). I know that I want a party/reception afterwards, and for people to laugh and tell stories about me while they eat & drink. I know where my mortal remains will wind up -- in a niche not far away from Katie's, which we purchased some years ago.
(The niche next to ours already has a plaque up with an inscription from Pink Floyd's song "Time" -- "The time is gone, the song is over, thought I'd something more to say." As a classic rock fan, I can think of worse ways to spend eternity, lol.)
But -- who's going to eulogize me? What will they say about me? Will they have known me well enough to say the things I'd like to have said? Will they note that I WAS a mother, albeit to a baby that nobody else ever knew, except through us?
I guess if they don't, it's nobody's fault except my own.
Do you ever contemplate your own funeral?
You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.
I'm going on the record for this one, that way I can be contacted many years from now.
ReplyDeleteLoribeth, I will be there. I will make sure to be at that service where we remember your life and all you did during it. I will speak about our friendship, though we've never met in person, and how much it has shaped me. And I will make sure all the things you want said are said, including that you are a mother who loves her daughter with her while being.
I promise.
Bless you, Cristy. <3 I won't hold you to that (although I guess I won't know one way or another, will I?? lol). Just knowing you WOULD say those things warms my heart.
DeleteI do think about it on occasion. I used to tell my husband to donate as much of my body as possible until I'm a shell, then burn me and toss me into Lake Superior. Morbid, I know. But my actual funeral.. I haven't really thought of that.
ReplyDeleteI totally hear you. "Her children and grandchildren took up the first several rows at the chapel". Oh god, I often think about my funeral, I know it's morbid and navel-gazing but yes I do. I've thought about donating my body to science because I think you get to avoid a funeral. I sometimes think "What do I care, I won't know anything about it!" but it still horrifies to think it might be half-empty. What gets me is that I don't think that nieces and nephews feel that visceral loss when an aunt or uncle dies, unless the person raised them or in other rare circumstances. The only person who will feel a visceral sense of grief is my partner, if he's still around. My sibling will feel the sibling stuff, but it won't be that heart-rending grief that a parental bond brings. Oh shoot me now, I'm being very self-indulgent here! but do you know what I mean? It's usually just a fleeting thought that drifts in and out of my head when I think of the future, but yeah, it's there, and I think that a funeral would bring it all home to me.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE what Cristy said - beautiful!!
Loribeth, I have known about you and your site for years even though I only started blogging and commenting this year. You were one of the original non-parent bloggers that was on my radar, and my Favourites list, for the last seven or so years. You have touched lives that you can't even know about x
Yep, I know what you mean. :( And thank you so much for those kind words!
DeleteI'll be right there beside Cristy! Toronto is just a few hours drive (ok, like six hours drive) away. :)
ReplyDeleteI've actually thought about this before too, probably more than what is healthy. I want to be cremated too, but I've already told hubs and my sisters (in case he passes before me) that I don't care what they do with me but I don't want a service. There is a company that will blast your ashes into outer space, so if hubs or my sisters can hook me up with that, I think that would be a suitable sendoff. for me.
I remember having this discussion with my sister and parents. My parents want to be cremated and not buried in the ground. They had various ideas on what to do with their ashes, not one being set on a shelf. I don't remember what my sister expressed for herself but I remember saying I don't care. I look at funerals as being for the people still living, a sort of way to say good-bye. But, really I won't be there so I don't care what they (whomever is left to tend with my remains) do although I am hoping they will be able to find some parts of me to use for organ donation. I'd like to think I'm helping someone even after I'm gone....
ReplyDeleteWhat you're not thinking about is (1) friends who will show up and (2) the new generations that will come up in the years between now and your funeral. I do think about my funeral a lot, especially things I DON'T want to have happen. And I've picked out music. I wrote it all down in a file that is only to be opened in the event of my death. But will the right people find it in time? I guess I just have to trust that they will.
ReplyDeleteYou need to tell someone where that file is... Maybe your kids, when they're a little older?
DeleteI want Cristy to promise she'll be there for me too! (Though I might have to leave her the airfare in my Will.)
ReplyDeleteComing from a farming community, I'm used to big funerals. There were almost 200 people at my father's funeral, and still a lot at my mother's 11 years later (though sadly a lot had also passed away in that time). So a year or two ago when I went to the funeral of a friend here in the city, I was quite surprised how small the funeral was, and felt a bit sad. My in-laws don't want a funeral at all, which shocks me a little!
I would like to plan my funeral like Mel, as it is a way of saying, "this was who I am." Maybe leaving a note to be read out at your funeral would be a nice idea. In fact, now that I mention it, I might do that for my own funeral. When I get around to it! Though as I write this and think about it, I hope - if I'm still in touch with all these lovely friends I've made via the internet - that there would be some kind of tribute or remembrance here on the web. I'm sure there would be one for you, and for everyone here.
Wow - you've really made me think, so I'll stop waffling now!
Mali, exactly... I grew up in small rural communities where everyone knew everyone and everyone went to everyone else's funeral (if only for the lunch & socializing later, lol!!). Some of the funerals I've been to here have been quite large too, or at least a lot of people show up at the visitation to pay their respects... In addition to relatives, there are a LOT of people who came from the same small town in Italy as DJ's family and they will all show up in droves. But once they are gone I don't think that will continue.
DeleteDh, not DJ. Good old autocorrect!!
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