1 in 4

Many of my friends from the babyloss world (both online & in real life) have been posting this meme on their Facebook walls and other social media sites over the past few days, marking Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month (& Day, coming up on Monday, Oct. 15th). 

I did too. 

It's hard sometimes to "go public" with my ongoing grief -- to remind others of our loss (and that, yes, we are not "over it," 20 years later!) -- but if not now, then when, right? 

I am one of the estimated 1 in 4 who have lost a baby, through miscarriage, stillbirth, ectopic pregnancy or infant loss. (That statistic could potentially be higher, since many women miscarry before they are aware they are pregnant.)

I am also one of the (approximate) 1 in 5 to 1 in 4 women of my generation (born in the 1960s & 70s in developed countries) who does not (and will not) have (living) children -- both by choice & not (as was the case for me).  No "I am 1 in 4" memes for us (yet?), although I am sure there will be soon...! 

Just for fun, I Googled the phrase "1 in 4" to see what would pop up.  It wasn't what you might expect:

• One of the first links to pop up http://1infour.ca/ .  It took a bit of searching through the site to figure out exactly what the site was for, but it appears to be an initiative to shed light on domestic violence issues in the Hamilton, Ontario area. 
• There were several links related to mental health issues, including: 
• Project 1 in 4, which is all about erasing the stigma around mental health issues. 
• https://iam1in4.com/, also related to mental health issues.
• http://www.oneinfour.org.uk/ supports people who have experienced child sexual abuse and trauma in the U.K.  

As I clicked on, here are some of the other "1 in 4" links I found: 

• Toronto Real Estate: 1 In 4 Homes For Sale Are Sitting Empty
• Nearly 1 In 4 Canadians Feel Crushed By Their Debts: BDO Canada Affordability Index
• 1 in 4 Canadians admit they're not in good physical health
• 1 in 4 Canadian seniors prescribed 10 or more drugs
• 1 in 4 children in Toronto live in poverty, 2016 census shows
• Anxiety affects 1 in 4 children!
• 1 out of 4 Canadians (28% of men and 24% of women) is expected to die from cancer.
• Nearly one in four women in the United States (23.7%) will have an abortion by age 45
• Opioid crisis study: Nearly 1 in 4 in Ontario prescribed too much
• 1 in 4 Canadians are family caregivers
• A new study shows 25% of retired Canadians are in debt and 24% of working Canadians have raided their retirement savings. 

I gave up after scrolling through 10 pages (!) of Google results, without finding anything related to pregnancy & infant loss awareness (and remember, this is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month!), or childlessness.  All of the above links represent important issues -- but so too are the loss of much-wanted children (often for reasons that can never be explained).  1 in 4 is a pretty big chunk of the population. For all the progress I have personally witnessed on issues of pregnancy loss, infertility and involuntary childlessness over the past 20 years (and there HAS been progress), we clearly still have further to go to get our stories heard (let alone adequately understood!)...