Coronavirus, older relatives and aging without children

Over the past few years, my parents have been driving into the city a couple of times a year for regularly scheduled luncheon get-togethers with my aunts & uncles who live there (my dad's brothers and sisters), as well as several of their cousins. My dad, at 80, is probably one of the YOUNGER ones in the group (!!). (A couple of my own cousins, closer to my own age, have also been attending, because they've been acting as chauffeurs for their own parents who no longer drive.)

One of the regular luncheon group members is a cousin (not sure if she's a first cousin, or further removed??) of my late (gone 45 years!!) grandmother's (!), a lady who just turned 94 (!). She is a widow, childless, fiercely independent and still living in her own home. She also owns a vacation home in Arizona and, until very recently, used to spend her winters there.

My parents never really knew this woman until recently (I've never met her myself), but they have developed a relationship with her, chat regularly with her on the phone, and have been helping her out with various things. She's been asking my father for financial advice, and my mother (with some tech support from my sister) helped her put some of her vintage fur coats on a local buy & sell site, for example. ("Who else is going to help her?" my kind-hearted mother will say. She describes this woman as very hard of hearing, but still very sharp-minded.)  Her closest relatives/next-of-kin are two nieces -- one in her early 60s & one in her early 70s, one in southern Ontario and one in the U.S. (i.e., some distance away).  The one niece told my dad (over the phone) that she hasn't seen her aunt in 20 years. 

She has managed fairly well on her own -- until just before Christmas, when she slipped on the kitchen floor and broke her leg!  Somehow she managed to drag herself across the length of her house to the front door, open it and call for help, until a passing neighbour heard her. She wound up in a rehab hospital for several weeks. Assisted living was suggested, but she was determined to go back to her house. (She was also determined to go to Arizona to check on her home there!! -- of course, at her age and with her medical history, there is no way she would have qualified for travel medical insurance. My father -- and the current coronavirus pandemic, and related flight restrictions -- seem to have finally convinced her not to go -- for now at least...!)

Another reason why Arizona would not be a good idea right now: she is also dealing with cancer (!!) & undergoing treatment. There is a van that will pick her up, take her to the hospital for appointments and bring her home again. One of her neighbours -- a young mother with two small children, who is dealing with her own health issues -- has been taking her grocery shopping and to the drugstore to get prescriptions refilled, etc., since she got home from the rehab hospital -- but she's admitted to my father that while she's concerned and has been glad to help, she simply can't continue with the level of support she's been giving. 

When the hospital social workers learned of this cousin's situation, they were ready to appoint a government trustee to look after her affairs -- but she would not hear of that, and asked my father if he would assume the role of trustee instead. He's reluctantly agreed. (She's also asked him to be the executor of her will.)  He's been in contact with her lawyers, and is still investigating and sorting through all the things he feels he should know about.  

Despite the COVID-19 pandemic and all the advice to stay at home and practice social distancing, my parents were (still!)  planning to go into the city later this week to check in on this elderly cousin. (When I called last weekend, my mother had been to a church meeting, and was planning to go for coffee with her friends this week!)  My exasperated sister called me up the other night and asked me to call my parents & again and tell them to STAY HOME, because they weren't listening to her.  (Someone flagged this New Yorker article on Facebook... my parents are from the pre-Boomer generation, but otherwise, it completely fits!)  

As an aging childless woman myself, I obviously have a lot of sympathy for this woman. And I believe that we all need to look out for one another (now more than ever!).  But as the aging daughter of aging parents who have some underlying health issues, my priority has to be THEIR health & wellbeing.    

Anyway, it's a good lesson for all of us (whether or not we have children!) to be prepared, get our affairs in order, cultivate relationships with family, friends and neighbours, and set up some support systems NOW, before we find ourselves in need of them...