"The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown

I've heard of Brene Brown. (Who HASN'T heard of Brene Brown at some point over the past decade or so?) But, while I had several of her books in my massive TBR collection, I had yet to actually read one of them. 

Then an opportunity came up that seemed too good to resist: a month-long (August) read-along/discussion of Brown's "The Gifts of Imperfection" via Instagram, hosted by Lindsay Fischer, mother of IVF toddler twins, and Justine Froelker, a certified Brene Brown "Daring Way" and "Dare to Lead" facilitator and voice for the childless-not-by-choice community.  (It's not too late to join in!)  

"The Gifts of Imperfection," first published in 2010 (the edition/cover shown here), is not a long or difficult read -- although it covers a lot of ground and there's a lot to absorb and ponder. The original paperback version is just 138 pages; the 10th anniversary hardcover edition, in a slightly different format with a new introduction, is 208 well-spaced pages in a generous font size -- both covering 10 "Guideposts to Wholehearted Living."  

Brown does not mention childlessness or infertility in this book. There ARE a lot of references to her kids and to parenting, which could be a trigger/stumbling block for some readers from this community. Jody Day of Gateway Women has said (as she did in this podcast interview) that, as important as Brown's work is, she has a "bit of a blind spot around pronatalism... she does kind of operate on the assumption that everyone who’s reading or listening is a parent."  But interestingly, when Jody asked her a related question at a London appearance in 2013, Brown said that her research showed infertility and childlessness to be the number one area of human empathy failure. (You can see Jody ask her question, and Brown's response, at the 54:30 mark in this video from that event.)  

The book does discuss concepts of trauma, shame, resilience, authenticity, vulnerability, the importance of telling your story -- all highly relevant topics in the ALI/childless community. And while I haven't read this book before, a lot of the material was familiar to me after 20 years of working through my grief over loss and childlessness -- which shows you just how much Brown's work has become part of the cultural conversation over the past decade.  Each chapter ends with suggestions of things you can do to cultivate that particular guidepost. 

As I mentioned earlier, I haven't read any of Brown's other books, and it's not her first, but this one seems like a good place to start if you're looking for an introduction to her work. (In fact, Brown herself recommends it.) 

Brown has two podcasts -- "Dare to Lead" and "Unlocking Us" -- and recently recorded a six-part series based on this book, together with her sisters. :)  I haven't listened -- yet. :)  

4 stars on Goodreads, possibly 4.5. 

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As suggested by Lindsay, I completed Brown's "Wholehearted Inventory" before I began reading the book. I landed squarely in the middle of the spectrum for each of the 10 Guideposts, with some subtle variations from guidepost to guidepost. I scored furthest along in terms of: 

• Letting Go of Scarcity and Fear of the Dark/Cultivating Gratitude and Joy,
• Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Productivity as Self-Worth/Cultivating Play & Rest (retirement certainly helps with that one!  lol), and 
• Letting Go of Unclear and Uncommitted Values/Cultivating Value Clarity and Commitment.

 I'm clearly furthest behind on Letting Go of Perfectionism/Cultivating Self-Compassion. :) 

Overall, I still some work to do! 

This was Book #40 read to date in 2021 (and Book #2 finished in August), bringing me to 111%! of my 2021 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 36 books. I have now completed my challenge for the year, and am (for the moment, anyway...!) 18 (!) books ahead of schedule. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2021 tagged as "2021 books."