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Friday, February 4, 2022

Support networks (or the lack thereof)(an update)

Further to my #MicroblogMonday post about being prepared (re: covid) --while I addressed practical things like stocking up on food and medical supplies, I later realized I didn't say anything much about social support networks, which is what Mali was mainly talking about in her post. I did say in my post that being closer to dh's brother and our nephews, as well as other relatives, was a big reason why we moved here in 2016 -- and I know that, if we got sick and needed them to bring us some groceries, etc., they would be able to help us out.  (Unless they were all sick at the same time too...!) 

It's great to have family close by (and willing) to help, of course -- but family doesn't always compensate for having a broader social network of friends and neighbours. I wrote a long post a few years back (May 2018) about "Social capital, adult friendships & childlessness," which I searched out and dusted off while thinking about these issues. Most of what I wrote then is still valid. A few things I wrote near the end, though, had me thinking it was time for an update! 

We've been living here two years now -- and we really haven't met a lot of new people here either.  There are neighbours & other people who live in the building that we know by name & exchange pleasant chit-chat with, but nothing deeper. None of dh's cousins, local or otherwise, have come to visit & inspect our condo (which surprises me -- we're the first in the family to get a condo & I though the novelty/curiosity factor would bring them over, if nothing else...!). His aunt has been here, but only because we took her out for dinner and then back here later for coffee....

Well, it's been almost SIX (!) years now -- and while we have lots of acquaintances in the building (and their dogs! lol) that we know by name and exchange pleasantries with, we're still not at the point of inviting them over (or being invited over) for dinner or anything like that. There ARE a very few people (including our next-door neighbour -- one of the building "originals" and a current member of the condo board of directors) that I think I'd feel comfortable asking a favour from in an emergency now, which makes me feel a bit better and less isolated.

We still haven't had any family visitors, after almost six years (!) -- albeit, of course, two of those years have been consumed by the pandemic, when nobody has been socializing much. (We love dh's relatives, but we wouldn't want them here right now...!)  Not even BIL & SIL have been over since the pandemic began, although of course we have been over there (and up to Older Nephew's new house) to see them, many times, especially since we all got our vaccinations this past year. 

Back to the 2018 post: 

I keep saying I'm going to join a yoga class -- mostly because I need & want the exercise & the relaxation/mindfulness benefits it promotes -- but also because it would get me out of the house. I've researched a few places but haven't tried any out yet. Likewise, I would love to find a book club. Even if I didn't make any real friends there, I would love to discover new books and talk about them with other people. I went on Meetups.com in search of one hereabouts, but most of the ones listed there meet in the city proper and would be difficult to get to. I've even considered going back to church in an attempt to meet people (if not with an eye to my eternal salvation, as I sometimes joke).

Still haven't found a yoga class (not that I looked that hard...! -- and even if the yoga studios are operating -- which can be iffy, depending on current restrictions -- I wouldn't feel comfortable going to one right now anyway -- all that emphasis on deep breathing, etc...!).  

I did join a book club through the local library in early 2019, and very much enjoyed attending the monthly meetings for a year, until covid intervened...!  I didn't make any real friends there, but I was getting to know the regulars and their names and quirks, and there were several women who usually sat near me that I would chat with while waiting for the meeting to begin, and then as we were leaving. (We all usually wore nametags, which helped.) I've found some online book clubs since the pandemic began that have helped to fill that bookish gap, and I very much enjoy too, but if/when we ever get rid of covid (!) and the library club restarts in-person meetings, I will definitely return. 

Still haven't been to church here (let alone considering regularly...!).  Churches are open, but capacity is currently restricted because of covid. 

I also wrote about investigating the local Gateway Women meetups. Of course, these have all (or mostly) been online for the past  two years because of the pandemic. I've made connections with some local GWs & other childless women through other CNBC online forums -- there have been some Zoom calls, and talks about getting together for coffee or maybe a hike, etc. -- but the pandemic keeps making this difficult.  While some might be comfortable meeting face to face at this point, I'm afraid I still wouldn't, not yet. There's also the distance & transportation factor: the Greater Toronto Area is pretty far-flung, I don't drive, and public transit has its limits.  Still, it's something I'd be interested in, if/when we can ever get rid of covid...!  

Meanwhile (as Mali reminded me), I am very lucky that I have some awesome friends right here in my computer. :)  Thanks for being here!  :)  

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