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Monday, July 3, 2023

#MicroblogMondays: A family update

(Not quite a "micro" post, but it's what I've got and what's on my mind right now, so...!):  

For several months now, I've been hinting here about my BIL's declining health, and in April, I wrote a little more about what's been going on and how it's been affecting me & dh. I wrote then: 

...he's not going to get better unless and until he has a major surgical procedure, which may or may not work (and we don't like to think about "may not"). There is a waiting list involved -- so we don't know when or how this is all going to unfold. (That's about as specific as I think I can get here.)

While I try not to be too specific when I write about other people here (not my story -- although this is, partly, because dh & I have been affected a lot too), it's becoming harder to write honestly about what's been going on without adding at least a few more details:    

The "major surgical procedure" I mentioned? It's an organ transplant -- one of the few that can be done using organs, or parts of organs, from a living donor. It is BIL's only real shot at regaining some quality of life. (And, while they're at it, they're also going to repair the hernia that has been bothering him for quite a while now.)   

After assessing a few of the potential donors from within the extended family, who very generously volunteered to be tested for suitability (just one potential donor gets evaluated at a time, to conserve scarce medical resources), the transplant team decided that Older Nephew (Little Great-Nephew's dad) would be an excellent match for his dad. 

The operation is scheduled a week from today, at a downtown Toronto hospital.   

A transplant, I don't think I have to emphasize, is not your garden-variety surgery. It carries risks for both donor and recipient -- although the team doing it is reportedly the best in Canada and has a very high success rate. Older Nephew is, happily, in great physical shape, and the doctors have assured him the risks he'll be incurring -- although there always are some, of course -- are pretty minimal.  They have also assured BIL that the chances his body will reject the donated organ are very small.  

Nevertheless -- it's anxiety-inducing. And of course, this will involve not just one but TWO members of our family. (And if *I'm* stressed about it, you can imagine my poor SIL... and of course dh, who carries a lot of anxiety at the best of times...)  

As I write this, BIL is currently in another hospital (closer to home) -- he wasn't feeling well on Saturday night so SIL took him to emergency. They admitted him and he's been there ever since then. He had an infection and a slight fever -- which thankfully has broken -- and they are currently pumping him with antibiotics. This is the fourth or fifth time this has happened over the past 2+ years. We're hoping this is not going to derail the scheduled operation, and we're hoping they will just keep him there and keep an eye on him until next week. He has several medical appointments at the hospital downtown this week, so we'll know more after those. 

Needless to say, your thoughts/prayers/positive thoughts/good vibes/etc. for our family in the coming days and weeks will be much appreciated.  Also, any advice you might have to offer on how dh & I can best support them all through this stressful time. We're staying with Little Great-Nephew several times this week while both grandparents & parents are at appointments, and dh is going to drive some family members down to the hospital early on the morning of the operation (and presumably some of them home again later that night). (There likely won't be room for me in the car, so I will probably wind up staying at home for the day, with dh & SIL sending me updates.)  

We've already thought of a few other things we can do to help. I've already bought a couple of gift cards for Tim Hortons & Starbucks for SIL & Older Nephew's Wife to use for coffees & snacks/treats while they're hanging out at the hospital (there are outlets of both in the lobby) and/or later, and we're going to buy supermarket gift cards to help Older Nephew & his wife pay for groceries while he's off work. We're also planning to offer to drive up there now & then to distract Little Great-Nephew (as well as keep an eye on Older Nephew) while the wife gets in a little "me time" for shopping, a manicure, whatever she feels like she needs. One of the cousins has volunteered to message all the other cousins, on both sides of the family, to coordinate other support for meals, appointments, etc.  

Other ideas? 

(There goes any chance of spending time with my family out west this summer -- although late August/early September might still be possible, depending on how recovery goes. My parents are very disappointed that I won't be coming -- AGAIN.  :(  I guess there's always Thanksgiving in October again??) 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here

6 comments:

  1. I am CNBC and have been reading your posts for more years than I can remember. I live in the US and had a kidney transplant two years ago. I don't know what the protocols are in Canada, but after my transplant, my team told me that the anti-rejection drugs I take suppress my immune system and make me vulnerable to skin cancer. If your BIL is told the same thing about his immune system being suppressed, I am sure he will be especially appreciative of the care you and your husband have taken and continue to take regarding precautions against COVID. My team also told me to always wear sunscreen with at least an SPF of 30 and to wear sun protective (UPF) clothing. I am most familiar with the sun protective clothing made by Coolibar, Columbia, and Land's End, but there are other companies online as well. If you are looking for gift ideas, sunscreen and UPF clothes/gift cards might work. Your idea for helping your nephew with groceries is very thoughtful - he will definitely need time off work to recover from his surgery, too. My own DH and I will are sending your BIL and nephew as well as your entire family "best wishes."

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    1. Thank you so much, for the suggestions and the good wishes, as well as for de-lurking! :) I will keep this in mind!

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  2. I am holding you and your entire family in my heart in the coming days and weeks...and beyond. xo

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  3. Oh gosh, I am thinking of all of you!! And yes, the way that you are conscientious and still mask, you are doing a lot to protect your BIL!

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  4. Sounds like you are all supporting your BIL and SIL and family in wonderful ways. I'm certainly thinking of you all.

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  5. Thinking of you and your family -- that is a big deal. Your ideas sound great -- I love that they're a combination of things that will be helpful and time/service. May everything go smoothly!

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