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Thursday, May 30, 2024
"Anne's House of Dreams" by L.M. Montgomery (re-read)
Monday, May 27, 2024
#MicroblogMondays: Holiday
You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.
Sunday, May 26, 2024
"All In" by Billie Jean King
But the names of the games' most famous players are familiar to me. Wimbledon, the most famous of tennis tournaments, always happened in early July, when we were usually visiting my grandparents in Minnesota. (As an adult, it's almost always coincided with my wedding anniversary in early July!) This was the 1970s -- pre-cable TV, certainly pre-multichannel universe, let along streaming. The rotary TV antenna at their house pulled in five or six channels on a good day -- and it seemed like tennis was on all day, every day, every channel (although that could be an exaggeration of memory on my part ;) ). I remember watching some games with a cousin who had a huge crush on Bjorn Borg. ;)
Among the biggest stars of the game at that time was Billie Jean King. I don't really remember if I ever watched her play, but I certainly knew who she was. I don't remember watching the infamous 1973 Battle of the Sexes in which King defeated the uber-sexist Bobby Riggs, but I sure heard about it, and witnessed the reverberations, including its impact on the feminist movement, and King's subsequent celebrity (which continues to this day).
So I was interested in reading King's recent memoir, "All In." Happily, it is the June pick for my Nomo Book Club within the Childless Collective online community (just in time for Wimbledon!). It's long: the hardcover clocks in at almost 500 pages, and on my e-reader (with the print magnified, lol), it was more than 1,100. I'll admit it took me longer to get through than I expected. (I'm beginning to wonder whether I'll make my Goodreads Challenge goal this year in terms of numbers of books completed -- but many of the books I've been reading are long ones, so I do expect to see a significant uptick in the number of pages read!!).
I enjoyed learning a little more about King's early years and personal life. She was raised in Long Beach, California Her younger brother, Randy Moffitt, was a pro baseball player (a pitcher), including a stint with the Toronto Blue Jays (!). She married her college sweetheart, Larry King, who became her biggest supporter and business partner. They wanted and assumed they'd have children (someday...) -- but when confronted with a surprise pregnancy, knew it was not the right time to put Billie Jean's flourishing tennis career on hold, and she had an abortion. They spent a great deal of time apart -- she travelling and playing tennis, he pursuing their shared business interests -- and they gradually drifted apart, eventually divorced, but remain good friends. King also realized, early on, that she was attracted to women, bur remained married and closeted until she was 51 years old, when she was outed by a vengeful ex-lover. She's known her partner/now wife, Ilana Kloss, since she was a promising young junior tennis player in South Africa, and they have been together for more than 40 years.
As I said, I don't follow tennis that closely -- and I'm not sure I needed to know all the details of what seemed like every tournament King ever entered ;) (you may feel differently!) -- but I did enjoy the memories evoked by the names of the best tennis players of the day: Evonne Goolagong, Chrissie Evert, Martina Navratilova, Jimmy Connors, John McEnroe, Arthur Ashe... (I read Ashe's memoir, "Days of Grace," years ago, after it was published posthumously in 1993, and remember bawling over the final chapter, a letter her wrote to his young daughter Camera, knowing he was dying of AIDS, the result of a blood transfusion during heart surgery). I really enjoyed her recounting of the historic Battle of the Sexes, and I thought the pace of the story picked up from that point on.
This book was an excellent reminder -- and a lesson for younger generations -- of how much progress women, as well as LGBTQ+ people and people of colour, have made during my lifetime. Not enough, to be sure (and sadly, some of that hard-won progress is threatened) -- but King's story really brings home just how much things have changed -- and the important role she played in making some of those changes happen. What a trailblazer she was (and is!) -- and not just in the world of tennis.
Inspired by the civil rights and social justice movements of the times, King fought one battle after another in pursuit of equal opportunities for female tennis players -- including equal prize money. She was instrumental in the creation of a women's professional tennis tour, which gave them the opportunity to actually make a living at playing the sport they loved. She led or helped create a number of different forums and organizations to promote equal opportunities for women in tennis, and in sport generally.
Now in her 80s (!), King continues to be a supporter of equality rights for women, LGBTQ+ and people of colour. She recently played a key role in helping to launch the new Professional Women's Hockey League: she announced the first pick at the league's first draft last fall, and dropped the puck at the league's first game between Toronto and New York on Jan. 1st this year. :)
She's an amazing woman and role model, and I'm glad I read this book and learned more about her and her life.
4.5 stars on StoryGraph, rounded down to a solid 4 stars on Goodreads.
This was Book #16 read to date in 2024 (and Book #2 finished in May), bringing me to 36% of my 2024 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 2 books behind schedule to meet my goal. :( You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2024 tagged as "2024 books."
Saturday, May 25, 2024
Odds & ends
- Creepy or what?? -- I got a cold sore on my lower left lip/corner recently (ugh). I did not type ONE WORD about it on my laptop or phone (until now!) -- and yet!! I suddenly had ads for Blistex popping up all over my Instagram feed a day or two later!! I swear these things are LISTENING to us... (I am NOT amused...!)
- Annoying thing: I was reading a NYT story, about the growing threat of violence against public figures :( -- and then the comments. This one raised my hackles (albeit not for political reasons !) -- it said (in part): "The 60s were 80 years ago and multiple generations ago… "
- HEY!!! I was born in 1961... I am NOT 80 years old!! (Yet!!) (The writer must have flunked math class, lol.)
- The comments are closed, or I would have definitely shot off a reply...!
- Richard Osman announced last week that Celia Imrie has been cast as Joyce in the movie adaptation of "The Thursday Murder Club" -- the fourth and final member of the club to be cast.
- I have to admit -- I know the name, I know I've seen her in movies & TV shows, but I could not picture her at all. I had to look her up. She's not someone I would have thought of for Joyce -- my first pick was Penelope Wilton, followed by Julie Walters.
- Any guesses/suggestions for who should play the secondary characters?? (Chris, Donna, Bogdan, Stephen...?)
- The New York Times asks "When Did Everything Become a ‘Journey’?" (Gift link.) Good question! (I'm sure I am guilty of overusing that phrase myself...!)
- Glynnis MacNicol, unapologetically childfree by choice, who wrote the wonderful memoir "No One Tells You This" (reviewed here), about coming to terms with being single and childless around her 40th birthday, has a new book coming out as she turns 50 ("I'm Mostly Here to Enjoy Myself"). In the New York Times this weekend, she declares "Men Fear Me, Society Shames Me, and I Love My Life." (Gift link.) Excerpt:
Saying so should not be radical in 2024, and yet, somehow it feels that way. We live in a world whose power structures continue to benefit from women staying in place. In fact, we’re currently experiencing the latest backlash against the meager feminist gains of the past half-century. My story — and those of the other women in similar shoes — shows that there are other, fulfilling ways to live.It is disconcerting to enjoy oneself so much when there is so much to assure you to expect the opposite, just as it is strange to feel so good against a backdrop of so much terribleness in the world. But with age (hopefully) comes clarity...
Forget about the horror of being alone and middle-aged — there is nothing more terrifying to a patriarchal society than a woman who is free. That she might be having a better time without permission or supervision is downright insufferable.
- A Globe & Mail opinion piece called for a national sperm donor registry, after a recently released documentary revealed that three donors -- all from the same family in Quebec -- are the biological fathers of hundreds of children across the province. (Gift link.)
- I don't know if this Toronto Star article (essentially a cautionary tale about aging solo without children) is paywalled, but it's worth a read if you can access it. It's a sobering tale and may be difficult reading for some (it certainly gave me pause), but I believe knowledge/awareness is power. I just wish there was more information included about how such situations could be avoided. "When Antonietta vanished."
- I appreciated Ryan Rose Weaver's Substack interview with Hayley Manning (who is originally from Toronto/Markham!) of the podcast and Instagram account "Time to Talk TFMR" (termination for medical reasons), on "finding alternative rainbows," when your "rainbow baby" doesn't materialize. (Manning has one child but after several losses, including a TFMR, decided to stop trying to conceive another). There's a lot here that CNBCers will relate to, even if you never experienced pregnancy loss or TFMR.
- Says Weaver: "If we want to have better, more trauma-informed conversations with loved ones and clients who have experienced birth and medical trauma, then we need to acknowledge that there are many possible “right” choices to make about how best to heal. Including this one."
- Weaver asks Manning: "There are so many valid reasons for deciding not to pursue subsequent pregnancies after a late loss like ours. I think this surprises people and is not well understood. What made you decide not to pursue a subsequent pregnancy yourself?"
- Manning responds (and boy, I can relate...!):
After my last miscarriage, I didn’t know if I could put myself, my husband, or son through more anxious waiting and more loss. I was worried about what it was doing to all of us. I didn’t want to feel sad and anxious anymore, or at least not so constantly. I was tired of tracking my cycle, tired of sex for conceiving, tired of worrying about how old I was (I was about to turn 40). I felt like a husk of my former self. And after every loss, it took more from me, it took longer to emotionally recover. This wasn’t living.
- I really liked what Weaver says here, too:
What I fear for myself and others is what you’ve described: falling into the same old capitalist-patriarchy trap instead, with a different set of bars. Instead of being sold just one more face serum or sparkly dress or engagement ring, now we’re being sold one more expensive fertility tea, restrictive special diet, or painful medical procedure. Just one more, and we’ll be able to cross what Amelia and Emily Nagoski call The Chasm in their book on burnout — that is, the gap between who we are and what we are culturally expected to be.In our case, those of us who have “just one,” or no living child at all, will finally be “enough” in the eyes of everyone around us.What we seem to be talking about is exploring what happens if we stop seeking that. If, as Mary Oliver says, we stop crawling through the desert on our knees, and begin to just let the soft animals of our bodies love what they already love.
Monday, May 20, 2024
#MicroblogMondays: Information overload vs creativity
I recently read something that gave me a huge shock of recognition -- an "a-ha" moment, if you will. In her wonderful Substack "Changing the Channel," Kirsten Powers wrote about attempting to follow Julia Cameron's book "The Artist's Way," which provides a 12-week guide to greater creativity. Powers abandoned the book the first time she tried to go through it, but picked it up again after seeing how a friend was transformed by it.
This time around, she realized she was what Cameron refers to as a "blocked artist." (The piece is titled "Blocked Artists and the Lies We Believe.") She also realized that "Reading too much can be a block."(Wait, what??!)
This section in particular really hit home for me (especially paragraph 2):
When I journaled about it I realized almost immediately how I used my constant reading of nonfiction as a way to numb out. I also realized that instead of filling my well at the end of the day by spending time drawing, knitting, playing with my dog, or talking to another human, for example, I usually went straight to reading a nonfiction book where I could learn something.
My poor brain was never getting a break. I was addicted to information—I always needed to know more and be more informed, which I came to see as the block of perfectionism. I also was spending too much time reading other people's ideas and not making enough room for my own ideas to germinate.
(OUCH.)
Not long afterward, something else landed in my inbox to complement and reinforce Powers' message. I get a regular newsletter (not a Substack) from Ruby Warrington, who wrote the excellent book "Women Without Kids" (reviewed here). Her most recent missive contains much food for thought. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be a link I can direct you to -- and it was SO hard to pick just a few excerpts to share -- but her message really made me think. The header reads "Choosing creativity over visibility." (Boldfaced emphasis is Warrington's.)
Warrington wrote about how she recently declined an invitation to appear on an Instagram Live, explaining that she just didn't have the capacity to be "on" in that way right now.It is SO MUCH. To the point that I am questioning if my desires for my creative life are in fact incompatible with what I have started to think of as a culture of “peak content.”
...It all began a few of months back, when I put myself on something of a “content diet.” When I was working as a journalist, I had always made it my business to know what was happening in the culture. This meant religiously scanning my go-to list of publications; staying up to date with the edgiest podcasts; subscribing to the requisite newsletters; and sensing into the social trends that swirled between the lines. A practice that that followed me as I transitioned to writing books.
But over the past year or so, this practice had begun to feel nauseating. As if I was becoming content intolerant... some days, I literally felt like I was gagging on the sheer volume of headlines, hot-takes, and opinions that my consciousness was attempting to digest. Like I was stuffed so full of “content,” there was no more space inside me for my own, original thoughts to form...
And yet, the current wisdom being that in order to have a career as an author, I must also be producing a constant stream of content, in order to build an audience, grow my name recognition, and “test out my ideas."
...Not only do I just not have the words, the focus to spare. But also because I am increasingly questioning whether a culture of “peak content” is in fact in direct conflict with the business of selling books.
...I find myself increasingly compelled to resist a culture where the precious substance of human creative expression is reduced to content—literal FILLER—for Meta et al to sandwich between the ads that form the basis of their trillion-dollar business models... Filler that usually has its own sneaky sales hook embedded in it somewhere, because we all need to pay the bills.
And yes. There is money to be made from subscriber-only newsletters and podcasts, and from exploiting the algorithms what another friend describes as the “IG mall.” But “success” in this realm (if success = earning enough from your efforts for it to be worth it) requires creating a constant churn of … content.
And the thing is … with so much free content in the world, who even has the time to read books?!
...I cannot help but ask myself if all the content I've created to promote my books might actually have had the inverse effect. If my potential readers can check off the key takeaways by listening to me on a podcast, and get the juiciest tidbits from an IG Live, then why fork out upwards of $10 to buy a copy?
...Against all wisdom to the contrary about what it takes to make it as an author, I am choosing to go with my gut on this. For now, and for as long as it feels like the healthiest option for me, I will be choosing my creativity over my visibility. I'll just have to trust that at least a few of you will still be here the next time I have something to say.
Do I get the feeling the universe is sending me a message?
Granted, unlike Powers or Warrington, I am not a public figure or "content creator." I made a decision years ago that I wasn't going to try to promote this blog on social media, or myself as a spokesperson for the childless not by choice community. I admire others who have the time, energy and promotional savvy to do so (not to mention the courage to speak out on such sensitive issues). It's just not me. And I'm (still) happy with that decision.
Also, unlike Powers or Warrington, I'm not particularly thinking of my "creativity" (although I suppose that's part of it) -- but there are certainly parts of my life that I sometimes feel like I'm neglecting, because it's so hard to tear myself away from the damn laptop/phone...! :p
Nevertheless. I feel like some paring down of the content I consume and a reordering of priorities may be in order.
(Easier said than done, of course...!)
Does any of this strike a chord with you too?
You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.
Monday, May 13, 2024
#MicroblogMondays: Did you see them?
The big news over the past weekend was a solar storm that caused the Northern Lights (aurora borealis) to appear in many parts of the world, including some that normally don't get treated to this natural spectacle.
I took a look outside on Friday night but, disappointingly, didn't see anything -- it was quite cloudy and probably too much light pollution. (I did see a gorgeous orange crescent moon, though!)
I wasn't as disappointed as some people might have been (although many friends, living further out of the city and in other parts of the country/world, did see them). But I was surprised to see so many comments, on social media and in various other forums, from people marvelling that they'd never seen the Northern Lights before! -- saying they were moved to tears, calling it a "bucket list" item (something they thought they'd have to travel to Norway or Iceland to see!) that they could now cross off. (The photos they posted WERE pretty spectacular!)
I almost felt a little guilty. I didn't get to see them this time around, but the Northern Lights were not an unheard-of phenomenon where I grew up in Manitoba and Saskatchewan on the Canadian Prairies, and where my grandparents lived, in a remote rural corner of northern Minnesota ( = very little light pollution). They were infrequent and special enough that we'd usually go outside to have a look at them, but they weren't exactly a rarity.
I never realized they were such a novelty until I moved to southern Ontario, 40-ish years ago (gulp). It's a little too far south of the normal viewing range -- and of course, in a large urban area like Toronto, they're harder to see because of all the lights.
But we did see them here one night, probably about 15-20 years ago. We'd been visiting my late FIL, who lived in a part of the city near Lake Ontario, where of course, there are no lights. My BIL & SIL and their two sons (our nephews), then young boys, were also there, and as we walked out of the house to our cars, there they were!
I was thrilled to be able to share that experience with the boys! -- a memory I'll always treasure. :)
You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.
Saturday, May 11, 2024
Odds & ends on THAT weekend...
- What are you all up to? We're having a quiet weekend. (Not that most of our weekends aren't quiet...!) Catching up on reading emails and books.
- I'll be hanging out at the Childless Collective private online community tomorrow, where there are several Zoom events and an online (text) chat planned. :)
- From the New York Times on MDay weekend: "An Ode to Those Who Mother Us." (Gift link.) "Those who love and care for us are not always our parents. For Mother’s Day, The Times asked readers to tell us about the mother figures in their lives." (Some of the examples cited, albeit not all of them, are childless.)
- Marsha Lederman in The Globe & Mail had an opinion piece this weekend with a headline that gladdened my heart: "A Mother’s Day plea: Be mindful of those around you." (Gift link.)
- It starts out very promisingly, citing many of the reasons why Mother's Day can be difficult for so many people. ("I hate to be a bummer, but we should be mindful that this is not a day of brunches and roses for all families.")
- Then it shifts to the story of Anna Jarvis, who created Mother's Day -- and lived to regret it.
- Alas, the ending undercuts the message, with a shoutout to the power of mothers. Sigh...
- Jennie Agg at Life, Almost, interviews Jenni Calcraft, a physiotherapist (based in Liverpool, England) who helps women in their physical recovery, postpartum, after pregnancy loss. Check out the interview, and Jenni's website, the PABL Project. Hopefully this is something that will catch on more widely!
- I wish I'd seen this article in time to include in my last "odds & ends" roundup, since there were several (other) articles there that were critical of the fertility industry. This one is from The Atlantic: "America’s IVF Failure." (Gift link, available for 14 days from today.) Subheader: "One out of every 50 babies born in the U.S. was conceived via IVF. Why is the industry so poorly regulated?"
- (I don't think Canada is a whole lot better...! -- the legislation regulating the fertility industry is 20 years old -- the result of a royal commission on reproductive technologies created in 1989 (!!) -- and was already considered out of date when it was finally enacted in 2004.)
- Annoying thing: My (relatively new) Kobo e-reader has not been synching or downloading new books for almost two months now (AGAIN -- it's been doing this almost since I bought it last fall...!). I haven't especially needed or wanted a book that's not already been downloaded for a while, but I will soon, and it's annoying.
- Signing in & out of my account has worked as a fix in the past (and I've usually been able to sync regularly for a while afterwards) -- but it's like setting up my e-reader all over again from scratch: I can see all the titles I've purchased, and it keeps my collections intact -- but anything I've downloaded from outside sources gets wiped (I keep all those on my old reader); all my bookmarks and highlights, etc., disappear; and it only downloads the most recent 5 books I've purchased -- I have to re-download all the other titles I want to keep ready to go. (Right now, I have more than 600 downloaded.) Sigh....
- I created a new blog label/tag, "e-readers," so that I (if not you! lol) can find relevant posts faster!
- (Very) annoying thing: I just saw a TV ad for Ragu pasta sauce with the tagline "Cook like a Mother." ARGGGHHH... (Apparently it's been around for a few years now.)
- I Googled "Ragu" and the tagline, and it looks like I'm not the only one who finds it offensive...! (for a variety of reasons that I never would have guessed...!).
- Non-ALI related: I've enjoyed reading several of Nick Hornby's novels (and the movies adapted from them), and recently learned he has a Substack newsletter (who doesn't these days??). In a recent post, he wrote about a new television adaptation of Tom Wolfe's 1998 novel "A Man in Full." (Disclaimer: I have neither read the book nor seen the TV show.) The show is set in present day, but Hornby points out that Charlie is still very much a man of the time when he was created, and the times he would have lived through to that point:
He belongs exactly where and when we first met him, at the end of the 1990s. If you start to fiddle around with him so that he at least pretends to understand what’s going on now, he falls apart. The novel was written to reflect that kind of ‘90s man; that was Wolfe’s schtick, the journalistic eye. Wall Street. Property. No women in any boardroom. Swinging dicks. There are assholes running big business now, of course, but it’s a different kind of asshole, one that reflects the times they have lived through.
Moreover, Hornby explains (and I love, love, loved this paragraph -- maybe because he's not that much older than I am....! -- and because he offers some sound advice to writers and others, along with a plug for the importance of considering history):
No character can exist outside of history; history is a part of what makes us who we are. Working out what has happened during a character’s lifetime is an important step on the way to that character becoming real. Young writers attempting to imagine someone of my age, 67, often tend to attribute a cliched version of ‘elderliness’ to them: retired, walking the dog, doing the crossword, voting for Trump and Brexit, shouting at the television. Well, kid: I was nineteen when the Sex Pistols released their first single, and twenty-five when I heard hip-hop - ‘The Message’ by Grandmaster Flash - for the first time. (And I voted Remain twice, in 1975 and 2016.) Haight-Asbury was pop-culture history to me, something I learned about from my elders. The drugs were mostly the same, although you couldn’t order them from your phone. People had a lot of pre-marital sex. I’m not saying that I’m not ageing. I’m just saying that it’s happening differently for my generation. No pipes, not so many slippers. (Lots of dogs, and probably even more shouting at the TV.) We’re living longer, and we are fitter. Old age doesn’t have a permanent character.
Monday, May 6, 2024
#MicroblogMondays: Annoying things & small pleasures
- MDay ads & marketing, reaching a fever pitch this week. Bah, humbug...
- The master bathroom sink, which has always been sluggish, but always responded to a dose of baking soda & vinegar followed by hot water, clogged up a week ago Thursday (April 25th) and refused to clear.
- Related annoying thing #1: Called the plumber who handles the overall plumbing systems for our building on Thursday morning. He told me he'd try to come that day and, if not, would call me on Friday to arrange another time. He didn't show up all weekend :p -- but when I messaged him on Sunday, he did apologize and came early Monday morning.
- Related annoying thing #2: Paying him $250 (plus tax!) for half an hour's work (!!).
- Related small pleasure: Having a functioning second bathroom sink to use in the meantime...!! (A second bathroom was not high on our list of "must-haves" when condo shopping, but this is not the first time we've been VERY glad we have it!)
- There were a LOT of long faces around here last Saturday night/Monday morning: The Toronto Maple Leafs lost to the Boston Bruins in Game 7 of the first round of Stanley Cup playoffs, in overtime, on Saturday night. I don't know how many times they've wound up playing Boston in the first round of playoffs -- when they've made the playoffs! -- and lost, but it's been a LONG time since they've bested Boston and gone on to the next round.
- My beloved Winnipeg Jets were knocked out of the first round by Colorado. :(
- There are still two Canadian teams left in the playoffs (Vancouver & Edmonton -- who are playing each other!). A Canadian team has not won the Stanley Cup since 1993 (31 years ago). :(
- The last time the Leafs won the Cup was in 1967 -- 57 years ago!! (My husband was 10 years old at the time and remembers it well!)
- Someone in the neighbourhood blasting music at top volume on Sunday afternoon... it was mild enough that we had the balcony door open, but we had to close it (and we could still hear it faintly through the closed door/windows). Hopefully this is not a preview of things to come this summer...!
- How many guys (including my own dh.) are simply not getting the "man vs bear" debate going on right now (and why so many women are saying they'd choose the bear). One friend pointed out on FB that she probably wouldn't be in the woods by herself anyway (true for me too -- lots of things could happens beyond the whole man vs bear thing, right?). Another (a former blogger), lives in an area where close encounters with bears are not uncommon sight -- but, she added, "They never followed me off busses. Nor demanded I smile, nor catcalled me or slipped roofies in my drink." Exactly.
- The price of books these days -- including e-books! (All prices quoted Canadian prices/dollars.) Hardcovers are now about $40, paperbacks $25. Current or recent e-books seem to start around $15 (minimum) lately, and are often priced at $18-20 or more. I keep a (very long!) wish list, consult it frequently, and snap up copies when they're on sale for for $5 or less. (Annoying thing: It seems like the bargains have been further and fewer between lately.)
- Example: I'm dying to read "Prophet Song," but it's not in paperback yet -- the hardcover is $40 and the ebook is not that much cheaper at $32 (!). (For an EBOOK!!) Seems kind of ridiculous.
- Example: "The Postcard" by Anne Berest has been on my wishlist since it was published. Hardcover, $40. The ebook is $31. (!) The paperback just came out -- $29. (I caved and bought a copy -- I get a 10% discount with my Plum points card. But I still think it's ridiculous.
- Example: Barbra Streisand's memoir -- which, admittedly, has a pretty hefty page count -- is $63 (!!) for the hardcover!! The e-version is $22 (which does seem more reasonable by comparison, albeit still slightly ridiculous for an ebook, I think...!). (No paperback yet.)
- (Yes, I know the library exists...! ;) )
- Our new vertical blinds! :) (Why didn't we do this years sooner??)(The pandemic, for one thing...)
- Milder weather, finally!! (although not always sunny skies...).
- Italian pastries with my tea for the last few days -- takeaway goodies from dh's uncle's 90th birthday party this past weekend.
- Getting dressed up and putting on makeup (for the party -- I wouldn't want to do it every day anymore, but once in a while, it's kind of fun...!).
- Putting on a pair of pants I hadn't worn in a while, and having them still fit! ;)
- Having a good hair day, too!
"Fletcher's End" by D.E. Stevenson
Content warning: I was a little started by the casual use of a racist expression in Chapter 10. Stevenson's books are very much reflections of the time & place they were written in (this one was published in 1962), and occasionally, a word or phrase that would be unacceptable in the same context today pops up and jolts the modern reader. That said, one word is generally not enough to make me abandon a book. Others may feel differently...
3 stars on Goodreads & StoryGraph.
This was Book #15 read to date in 2024 (and Book #1 finished in May), bringing me to 33% of my 2024 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) on track to meet my goal. :) You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2024 tagged as "2024 books."
Friday, May 3, 2024
Odds & ends
- A reminder that this Sunday is International Bereaved Mothers Day. (It's always the Sunday before that "other" day in May!) I never really do anything to mark the occasion, but it's nice to think that there's an "official" day just for us. :) (I wrote a little more about Bereaved Mothers Day and how it began here, last year.)
- There's an promotional ad for a TV show on CTV here in Canada (and possible other markets elsewhere?) called "Sullivan's Crossing." (Filmed in Nova Scotia, with a Canadian cast.) The ad has been running CONSTANTLY -- and it's driving me nuts, primarily because it includes a shot of a young woman with a voiceover chirping, "I'm gonna be a MOM!" Just the reminder I don't need! especially with You-Know-What Day fast approaching.... :p
- Lisa Kissane (who created Instagram's Nomo Book Club, now run by Rosalyn Scott), has started a Substack about her experiences as a childless step-grandmother. Check it out at "The Childless (Step) Nanna)."
- From Sue Fagalde Lick at Childless by Marriage: "Four simple words that can end a conversation." (Been there, done that, got the T-shirt...)
- From Ali Hall on Medium: "Adult-Only Spaces Are Not an Attack on Children." Sample quote: "It may seem paradoxical, but we can like children and not always want to be around them."
- I also appreciated the inclusion of this passage: "Sometimes, those propping up the bar in adult-only pubs desperately want children and are seeking a safe space to drown their sorrows after yet another failed IVF cycle, and in their grief, they can’t bear to be around children because it hurts too much."
- Pronatalism alert from the Washington Post: "Blake Masters disparages his House opponent for not having kids." (Gift link.) Masters is (just guess...!!) an Arizona Republican running for the U.S. House of Representatives. I am SO tired of politicians who use their families (versus their opponents' lack of children, for whatever reason) as political fodder!
- The Washington Post recently took a look "Inside the opaque world of IVF, where errors are rarely made public." (Gift link.)
- Sample quote: “The vast, vast supermajority of mistakes in fertility clinics, the public doesn’t even know about,” said Adam B. Wolf, a prominent attorney for fertility plaintiffs...
- Another passage:
All of Monica Coakley’s 18 eggs were in cryopreservation Tank 4 at Pacific Fertility Center when it crumpled like an empty soda can, devastating nearly 500 people’s hopes of having children. She was 42, did not have a partner and was not ready to get pregnant, but freezing her reproductive material had given her assurance that she had time.And suddenly that was gone. She tried to have more eggs retrieved, but the procedure did not work. She said she accepted settlements from the San Francisco clinic and Chart Inc., the tank manufacturer, and is prohibited from disclosing the terms.“It makes me sick, still,” Coakley, now 47, said in an interview. “I look at this money now that’s in my account and it doesn’t make me feel any better. I wake up most mornings and still go, ‘I can’t believe I don’t have kids.’”
- I was amused/bemused to note, near the end, this sentence: "They had the best two implanted, or “transferred” to Laura, in the parlance of fertility care... " Close, but no cigar, right? (lol) The (mis)use of "implant' versus "transfer" (which is the correct terminology in this instance) has long been a pet peeve here in the ALI blogworld...!
- From Today: "IVF ruined my life. What I learned from years of failed fertility treatments." Excerpt:
IVF is an incredible gift. The science behind it is astonishing — and yet, it’s not enough. Three years, five egg retrievals, 10 embryo transfers, 19 embryos, $165,000 and over 80 pounds of weight gained — and I have nothing to show for it. It’s not the doctor’s fault, nor is it my fault. Objectively, I can recognize that. But as I look back on who I used to be three years ago, the confident, happy, hopeful young woman who dreamed of raising a family of her own, I can’t help but think that despite its magnificence, IVF ruined my life.I am a broken shell of the person I used to be. I have nightmares; I have inescapable bouts of depression. I can’t look at an ultrasound image without choking back tears.I will never be the same again. IVF did that to me. Hope did that to me. I wish there was more transparency around IVF — I wish there was more honesty about what it’s really like. Would I have gone forward with it if I had known how it would destroy me? In truth, I can’t answer that question. I don’t know.
- Vox recently published an article, "The failed promise of egg freezing," an eye-opening look at the realities and limitations of the procedure, based on more than a decade's worth of statistics and research, since egg freezing became more widely available in 2012.
- "For many years, the effectiveness of the procedure was a bit of a black box: Not enough people had tried to use their frozen eggs for scientists to pull together reliable data. Now, however, a picture is emerging," the article says.
- Childlessness gets a passing message not just once but twice, including a quote from Katy Seppi of Childless Collective:
Some of that feeling [that this will work, despite no guarantees] may stem from a kind of relentless optimism in American culture — or, perhaps, a Protestant work ethic — around the idea of having biological children, the message that if people simply try hard enough and long enough, they will eventually be rewarded with a child. This messaging has led some women to open up in recent years about their unsuccessful infertility treatments, to destigmatize their experiences. “For those of us who close our infertility chapters without a baby, we’re often met with unsolicited advice, reinforcing the narrative that we obviously gave up too early,” one woman, Katy Seppi, told CNN.
And:
Greater support for single parents and other family forms beyond the heterosexual two-parent household could also take the pressure off of women to bank eggs in hopes of meeting a male partner. So, too, could a greater social acceptance of the value of a child-free life, especially since more and more people are choosing not to have children. While many people who freeze eggs have a deep and personal desire for children, it’s also the case that women, especially, experience enormous social and even political pressure to reproduce — and reducing that pressure could free some people to pursue other shapes for their lives.
Wednesday, May 1, 2024
Right now
Right now...*
*(an occasional (mostly monthly) meme, alternating from time to time with "The Current"). (Explanation of how this started & my inspirations in my first "Right now" post, here. Also my first "The Current" post, here.)
April was not as cold as it's been some years (no blizzards!)... but not as warm as it's been other years either (no capris yet!). Lots of dull, grey, rainy days. But the temperatures are trending milder, the trees are budding out, and cheerful yellow dandelions are popping up everywhere. I started doing some spring cleaning, we had an eclipse, and dh celebrated his birthday!
- Went to the bookstore three times, the bank twice (to use the ABMs), the drugstore to pick up prescriptions & sundries twice, Reitmans (women's clothing store) and the LCBO (Liquor Control Board of Ontario = liquor store), once each. (Beer and wine have been allowed to be sold in some Ontario supermarkets for about 10 years now, but spirits must be purchased through the LCBO).
- Had to call in an HVAC technician after our heat conked out on April 3rd... AGAIN. (The same thing happened on March 22nd.) (Question: Why does the heat always, ALWAYS conk out around 5:30 a.m.??) This time, he brought the replacement part we needed and fixed the issue (fingers crossed...!) -- to the tune of almost $600 (gulp!) -- but hey, it had to be done...
- Also had a visit from the plumber on April 29th to clear the drain in our master bathroom sink, which refused to budge despite repeated doses of baking soda & vinegar. (Half hour visit = $250 plus HST!!)
- We also had him look at the faucet in the tub/shower in the other bathroom, which seems to have been stripped and is difficult to turn completely off. He didn't have the necessary part, but says he'll come fix it the next time he's in the area.
- Went to the supermarket with dh on April 6th to pick up some stuff for dinner.
- Spent a few hours on the morning of April 8th with Little Great-Nephew & BIL at BIL's house (playing umpteen games of hide-and-seek with LGN! -- he had the day off school because of the eclipse), and then home in the afternoon to watch the effects of the eclipse.
- Also had lunch at BIL & SIL's with Older Nephew & Little Great-Nephew (the wife/mom was at work) on one weekend, and with Younger Nephew, his wife & Little Great-Niece on another!
- Spent the morning of April 11th (dh's birthday) at the mall, walking around, shopping and having an early lunch in the food court. (HIS idea! lol)
- Returned to the mall for more walking, shopping and lunch on April 23rd.
- Drove out to our old community on Sunday, April 14th, for our spring covid boosters. En route home, I got a text from SIL, and we wound up going directly there for coffee & pastries to celebrate dh's birthday.
- "The Improbability of Love" by Hannah Rothschild (the April book for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club). (My review.)
- "Wolf Hall" by Hilary Mantel, part of a "slow readalong" hosted by Simon at Footnotes and Tangents. (My review.)
- "Widowland," by C.J. Carey (re-read; originally read in November 2021 and reviewed then here). (My re-review.)
- "Bel Lamington" by D.E. Stevenson -- a re-read with my DES group. (My review; original review here.)
- "Queen High/Queen Wallis" by C.J. Carey (a re-read and the May book for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club -- my earlier review here). Sequel to "Widowland," which the group read in November 2021 (reviewed here and here). (My re-review.)
- Fletcher’s End by D.E. Stevenson, for my DES group -- a sequel to "Bel Lamington" (see above). Group read starting soon!
- "Bring Up the Bodies" by Hilary Mantel (book #2 in the Thomas Cromwell Trilogy) -- part of a year-long "slow readalong" hosted by Simon at Footnotes and Tangents. We started April 29th. We will read #3 in the trilogy, "The Mirror and the Light," later in the year (starting July 22nd, I think?).
- "Anne's House of Dreams" by L.M. Montgomery, a re-read with my LMM Readathon Facebook group, which began Jan. 15th and will run through late May. (My original review here.)
- "War and Peace" by Leo Tolstoy (!). As I wrote here, I need another book club/readalong obligation like a hole in the head ;) but nevertheless, I'm taking part in a year-long readalong of this book, hosted by Simon at Footnotes and Tangents -- a chapter a day for a full year, which began Jan. 1, 2024. Currently at about 39% read.
- "L.M. Montgomery and Gender," an essay collection edited by E. Holly Pike & Laura Robinson. Slowly working my way through, in between the other books...!
- For my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club:
- "All In" by Billie Jean King (June)
- For my D.E. Stevenson group: This list of upcoming books should keep us busy through 2024, and well into 2025! (A couple of the books are ones we covered when I first joined the group back in 2014 -- you know you've been around for a while when....!)
- For the Notes from Three Pines (Louise Penny mysteries) Readalong: The last discussion was for book #3, "The Cruellest Month," posted in June 2023 (no further posts/books since then). I've continued dipping into the series on my own, between other book club obligations. Book #6, "Bury Your Dead," is the next one on my to-read list!
- "Being Henry: The Fonz... and Beyond" by Henry Winkler
- "Rocks: My Life in and out of Aerosmith" by Joe Perry
- "Bergdorf Blondes" by Plum Sykes
- "Remembering America: A Voice from the Sixties" by Richard N. Goodwin
- "Me, the Mob and the Music" by Tommy James
- "Dancing on the Edge" by Russ Tamblyn
- "Prequel: An American Fight Against Fascism" by Rachel Maddow
- "Mennonite in a Little Black Dress" by Rhoda Janzen
- "Stupid and Contagious" by Caprice Crane
- "Camera Girl" by Carl Sferrazza Anthony
- "The Postcard" by Anne Berest (paperback)
- The last few (new) episodes of Season 10 of "Finding Your Roots" on PBS. Now in reruns.
- "Mr. Bates vs the Post Office" on PBS (4 consecutive Sunday nights in April) -- based on a true story from the U.K. Heartbreaking, infuriating -- and captivating! (Also: the central couple in the story are childless!)
- Also on PBS: "American Experience" on April 22nd: "Poisoned Ground: The Tragedy at Love Canal," which I remember from the news during my late teens/early 20s. (These days, I live about a 2 hour drive from Love Canal.) Love Canal was an entire subdivision in Niagara Falls, New York, that was built on top of a toxic waste site -- with consequences that are no surprise to us these days (precisely because of what happened at Love Canal and other such places) -- but back then, no one knew why their backyards and basements were oozing a mysterious black sludge, or why so many babies were being miscarried or stillborn, or why their children were getting sick.
- I winced a bit over the "moms save the world" narrative -- but back then, it really was a notable thing that this group of ordinary housewives were demanding answers & action from the (mostly) men in power -- and getting it! The changes they prompted are still benefiting all of us today, in America & elsewhere, more than 40 years later. Amazing.
- My uncle's Celebration of Life from Minneapolis last Friday (April 26th). The connection wasn't great, but it's better on the replay, and I was grateful to be able to be there virtually, if not in person.
- Heardle 60s: 76.4% (438/573, 181 on first guess), up from last month. Max. streak: 15.
- Heardle 70s: 80.9% (314/254, 135 on first guess), down from last month. Max. streak: 18.
- Heardle 80s: 43.9% (82/187, 32 on first guess), up from last month. Max. streak: 4.
- Heardle 90s: 27.6% (82/297, 16 on first guess), down from last month. Max. streak: 4.
- New vertical blinds for our three floor-to-ceiling/wall-to-wall windows, from Blinds To Go. Paid the balance due and scheduled installation for May 1st! (They're up, and they're beautiful!)
- Flowers for my late uncle's Celebration of Life in Minneapolis on April 26th, on behalf of my parents, sister & her partner, and me & dh.
- New everyday shoes (Clarks, extra-wide), since my old ones are wearing down at the heels.