There's something happening here...

 ...what it is ain't exactly clear. (Apologies to Buffalo Springfield for lifting their lyrics, lol.) 

Is it just me, or does it seem like we're at a bit of a turning point, when it comes to greater public acknowledgement, awareness and openness on reproductive-related matters? -- including childlessness (by choice and not), infertility and fertility treatments, pregnancy loss, abortion and maternal mortality? 

Some of this, of course, can be traced to the fall of Roe v Wade in the United States two years ago and increasing restrictions on access to abortion, IVF and other such procedures. There have been some horrifying stories coming out of some American states, where women are not only being denied access to abortions but to other healthcare procedures, including management of ectopic pregnancies and miscarriages, to the point that some women have almost died, and/or have had their future fertility prospects  compromised. 

Some of these women have been speaking at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago this week. Other speakers -- mostly women, but also a few men! -- have been sharing, openly and pointedly, about their personal experiences with loss, abortion and fertility treatments. 

For example, at his very first campaign event with presidential nominee Kamala Harris, vice-presidential candidate Tim Walz spoke about IVF access and how IVF helped him and his wife Gwen conceive their two children.  Gwen Walz later clarified that they'd actually conceived their children through IUIs, not IVF -- which prompted Republican VP candidate J.D. Vance to call Walz a liar.  I'm not sure I'd call it an outright lie -- inaccurate, yes -- but how many people outside the fertility world would know the difference?  (Certainly, from the guy's perspective, it's all the same, right??)  True, IVF is definitely a lot more expensive, involved and intrusive than IUI.  But -- take it from someone who had three IUIs -- IUI is no walk in the park either. 

But then -- last night, I watched a panel on CNN discussing this, and the differences between IUIs and IVF -- and several of the people on the panel chimed in to say THEY had experienced one or the other. And then today, my husband saw another CNN panel discussing the same topic and the differences between the two procedures. 

When on earth did you ever imagine you'd be hearing THAT kind of discussion on a national news network??  I certainly didn't!  

Also yesterday:  I spotted a forthcoming book on a Goodreads list of fall reads that I've added to the top of my wish list.  Keep an eye out for "I'm Sorry for My Loss: An Urgent Examination of Reproductive Care in America" by Rebecca Little and Colleen Long. It will be available in Canada (if not other markets) on Sept. 24th.  Here's the book's description on Goodreads (boldfaced emphasis mine):  

A must-read investigation of reproductive health under fire in Post-Roe America.

More than a million women lose a pregnancy each year, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, or termination for medical reasons. For most, the experience often casts a shadow of isolation, shame, and blame. In the aftermath of the 2022 decision to overturn Roe v Wade, 25 million women of childbearing age live in states with laws that restrict access to abortion, including for those who never wanted to end their pregnancies. How did we get here?

Rebecca Little and Colleen Long, childhood friends who grew up to be journalists, both experienced late-term loss, and together they take an incisive, deeply reported look at the issue, working to shatter taboos that have made so many pregnant women feel ashamed and alone. They trace the experience of pregnancy loss and reproductive care from America's founding to the present day, exposing the deep impact made by a dangerous tangle of laws, politics, medicine, racism, and misogyny. Combining powerful personal narratives with exhaustive research, I'm Sorry for My Loss is a comprehensive examination on how pregnancy loss came to be so stigmatized and politicized, and why a system of more compassionate care is critical for everyone.

It's currently got 16 ratings on Goodreads, averaging 4.63 stars. If you manage to get a copy and read it before I do, let me know what you think! 

After the last U.S. election, the Washington Post adopted a new motto: "Democracy dies in darkness." It's becoming obvious that reproductive rights do too. It's HARD to speak out on these subjects, go public, share the most traumatic experiences of our lives more openly. (It's hard enough sharing with family members & friends, let alone the general public!) But it's becoming obvious that the more we do, the more things start to change. 

(I find it hard personally to walk that talk -- but I like to think my upcoming World Childless Week webinar is a small step in the right direction...??)     

I've written here in the past on a couple of other occasions where I felt a similar shift in the childless/free zeitgeist, some forward movement:   

• Back in 2012, in a post titled "I am childless, hear me roar,"  I wrote about a growing sense that we, as a childless community, were beginning to find our voices:  

...over the last few months, I've had this sense of increasing momentum -- that we, the childless/free women of the world, are (at long last) beginning to find our individual and collective voices, our tribe, and make our presence known.

...It's still early days -- but I sense a growing willingness among us to speak out -- to stand up and be counted. To say, "I am childless after infertility (and/or loss). I am a survivor.  And I have a good life -- even if it's not the life I originally wanted or planned." 

Hear us roar. : )

• And in 2021, after spending the weekend at the first online Childless Collective Summit organized by Katy Seppi, I wrote about how I felt like I'd just attended "Childless Woodstock":  

Maybe I'm stretching things here just a bit ;)  but I feel like I just spent the weekend at the childless equivalent of Woodstock (minus the drugs & the mud, lol), being inspired and empowered and (yes) entertained by the rock stars of our community -- a community that some people didn't even know existed until they showed up and looked at all the other people around them -- all of us outsiders in both the parenting and infertility communities that envelop us (and sometimes threaten to smother us) -- and realized that we, too, are a force to be reckoned with -- on average, representing one in five people (20%!) in any given developed country.  

For most of the past four days, I've been sitting in front of my laptop, bleary-eyed and slightly delirious, basking in the company of my peeps -- 2,700!!! childless-not-by-choice women (and a few men)!!! -- at the online Childless Collective Summit, organized by Katy of Chasing Creation...  

I closed my laptop on Sunday night feeling both exhausted and exhilarated (and if *I'm* exhausted, I can't imagine how Katy is feeling this morning...!!), and thinking that perhaps (finally! finally!!), we too are on the verge of becoming a force to be reckoned with. 

You guys, I have been consciously living without children for almost 20 years now, and blogging for more than 13 of those years. 2,700 may not be quite half a million strong (yet!!) -- but!!! 20 years ago -- even 13 (or 10, or 5) years ago -- the idea that there would be 2,700 of us gathered together (online, but hey, pandemic...), talking openly to each other about our childless-not-by-choice experiences, sharing hopes and fears and tears, exchanging social media handles and other contact details, and organizing Facebook groups and regular Zoom meetups -- and that there would be so many amazing speakers, representing so many different aspects of our shared experiences, providing wisdom and guidance -- it would have been -- it was -- it is! -- absolutely, completely MINDBLOWING. 

I'm getting some similar vibes this summer. There's still PLENTY of room for improvement, of course!  Ours is still a very pronatalist society. It's going to take a while to change that.  

But yeah.   

How about you? What do you think?