New Year's Eve 2008

Dh & I got back from my parents' on Sunday night (that is, MIDNIGHT -- our flight was 1.5 hours late & the luggage took half an hour to arrive... ARGH...). The week at home that seemed to stretch in front of me with infinite possibilities is now flying by at warp speed. Ack... slow down!!!

We had a pretty good time, overall. It was bitterly cold when we first arrived (like, the low -20Cs, with windchill factors in the neighbourhood of -35C), so we barely left the house all week, but that was fine with me, lol. I read the next Barren B*tches Book Brigade selection as well as the new Vicky Bliss mystery by Elizabeth Peters (a favourite author of mine & my sister's since high school) and am currently about halfway through Barack Obama's Dreams From My Father.

My parents' neighbours had their first grandchild (grandson) visiting so my mom, sister & I went over for the obligatory visit. He is seven months old & a very good baby. I held him for awhile & felt a brief pang looking at that downy head & the crinkle in his ears, thinking, "I will never have this for myself." But I managed to keep my emotions in check.

The only time I cracked, briefly, was at Christmas Eve service at my mother's church. The service traditionally ends with the dimming of the lights, the lighting of candles held by the congregants, and the singing of "Silent Night." I thought of my Katie, of my grandparents, dead these 10 years, and of all my real-life and cyberspace friends who have struggled (sometimes successfully, sometimes not) to bring their own babies into this world, and I had to stop singing and hand my candle to dh while I fumbled in my pocket for some Kleenex.

I feel a certain relief in letting 2008 go. It wasn't a bad year by any means, but getting past that 10-year mark was an enormous burden off my shoulders in some ways. The anniversary cycles will continue to come & go, of course, but they won't be vested with that special weight that a year ending in 5 or 0 seems to bring.

Some of the things that made 2008 difficult:

• reaching the big 10 year mark since my roller-coaster pregnancy & the stillbirth of Katie (& the death of my beloved grandfather).
• the closing of the first Childless Living board I joined, which helped me so much in those early days after stopping treatment.
• surviving several pregnancies around me, including my co-worker's, as well as unexpected pregnancies from the (40-something) wives of dh's cousin & stepbrother.
• another year of getting older, & various health-related concerns (most of them, however, thankfully, not serious).
• not enough vacation time (or so it seemed...!).
• the big stock market crash & all the economic uncertainty.
• a Canadian federal election that looks like it may be repeated early in the new year.
• constantly feeling disorganized & that there's never enough time to do everything that I need & want to do (how do mothers of small children do it??!).

Some of the things that made 2008 good &/or memorable:

• one full year of blogging, & all the new friends I've made.
• finishing two more scrapbooks for my nephews.
• meeting a new cousin, who's just as crazy about genealogy as I am.
• (finally) getting to see & touch my great-great-grandmother's letters, & donating them to the county museum.
• spending a weekend with our friends in their new home in September (note to self: must schedule more weekend getaways more often in 2009...)
• spending a week with my Mom in October & seeing "Jersey Boys."
• following the U.S. election (far more exciting than ours!), & staying up late to watch the historic results on election night.

Dh & I went out for an early dinner & are settled in here at home for the evening (& hoping to stay awake until midnight...!).
Whatever 2008 was like for you, I hope 2009 only gets better!