Pages

Saturday, March 11, 2023

THREE YEARS -- plus odds & ends

  • Today marks THREE YEARS (!) since the World Health Organization declared we were in a global pandemic. 
    • Last year on this day, I wrote about "Two years of pandemic living," and what was good/better and what wasn't. In 2021, I relived March 12, 2020 -- i.e., what I called  "The Last Normal Day" -- one year later. 
    • I tried to come up with something new & original to write about to mark this day this year, but there's not a whole lot I could think of that I haven't already said (or that someone else hasn't said, better). 
    • I recently read that, by some measures (deaths and hospitalizations, I think), this has actually been the worst year of the pandemic to date -- the numbers (the ones being reported, anyway...) have not gone dramatically up over the past several months -- but they haven't declined a whole lot either.  And yet, covid is now a non-issue, completely off the radars of so many people (certainly our politicians). It's mind-boggling, and horribly discouraging. It does not bode well for the future, and certainly not for any future pandemics. :(  
    • And so onward we muddle, into YEAR 4...!  
    • (This is NOT how I pictured spending my retirement years..!)  
  • It's spring break here in Ontario this week. Even before the pandemic, our inclination has always been to stay close to home this week to avoid the mobs of parents & kids running amok everywhere...!  (And how much worse would it be if people didn't take off for Florida or the Caribbean or Mexico and just stayed home this week??)  This year won't be any different...!  
    • We don't normally go to the supermarket or drugstore on Saturdays (for the same reason), but dh needed to pick up a prescription and stopped at the supermarket across the street to pick up some snacks for Oscar-watching tomorrow night. He reported it was a total madhouse in there, so much so that he could hardly walk down some of the aisles because they were so crowded with people and carts. Yikes!  
  • A reader recently contacted me off-blog to let me know her comments didn't seem to be getting through. I have no idea why (sorry if this has happened to you!), but I was prompted to check my spam folder for the first time in a while. I discovered five comments there that should have been marked "awaiting moderation" -- three dating as far back as October, one dating back to 2014 (?! -- I've certainly checked my spam folder since then...!) and one from... ME (!)(my response to another comment). Weird!  
  • From Stephanie Phillips at World Childless Week:  "My Childless Identity Feels Under Threat." I particularly related to this passage, near the end. It's a pet peeve of mine and something I noticed when I first realized I would be permanently childless, 20+ years ago now (and something I've mentioned on this blog before) -- but Steph puts it so very well here.  [Boldfaced emphasis mine.]
...I have noticed a steady build up of pronatalism trying to eliminate our presence by encompassing the labels of childless and childfree into parenthood. 
No longer do the words solely dictate those who chose not to have children and those who had no choice in the matter. A parent can now be childless or childfree for the day or weekend, as they share their delight at the children being with the other parent, grandparent or convenient childless aunt. Childless has suddenly become a word of positivity when adopted by parents. What a clever way to turn childless grief on its head and hide away the pain; twist it and embrace it as a positive in the parent’s world. Parents shout about the joys of being a parent and equally the joys of being childless.
Just to underline and reiterate everything I have said, I am not saying parenting is not hard and I am not saying I understand what it is like to be a parent. I am not saying that you don’t deserve time away from the kids to relax or party or do anything in between. 
When I tell you I am childless I am sharing a part of my story; a part that represents a deep grief and a true love. I am sharing a really important part of who I am. I am not childless for the afternoon or the weekend, I am childless for the rest of my life.

  • Sara Petersen writes about "momfluencer culture" at "In Pursuit of Clean Countertops," and she recently wrote about the pregnancy of one particular "momfluencer" (unknown to me) and why we find momfluencer pregnancies -- and, by extension, pregnancy generally, both on & offline -- so fascinating. The content is heavy on moms & the shared experience of pregnancy -- but I have to admit that I, as a non-mom, found it (and all her writings) fascinating, because it explains so much about the mom-centric culture we as childless-not-by-choice women exist in and why we feel so alienated at times. (A large and growing chunk of the population will never have children, for various reasons -- so pregnancy and parenthood are not universal experiences, as some assume...)  If other moms find it difficult to live up to this stuff, how do they think it makes us non-moms feel??   Unfortunately, those questions never get asked -- I wish they would, because I think it would be a fascinating conversation and perhaps a lightbulb moment for some thoughtful parents... 

1 comment:

  1. Stephanie's article puts a different perspective that I find very interesting. A friend once told me our lives were the same - her kids are grown and left home and her day-to-day life is just her and her husband (and elderly mother). Yet her kids live in the same region, she's always in touch, sees her grandkids regularly (and bemoans that they see the other grandma more often), etc. I tried to note that although superficially our lives were the same, fundamentally they were not. She said it trying to find commonalities, making an attempt to understand, and for that I'm grateful. But yes, comparing her day-to-day situations with my lifelong situation was very different.

    Like you, I think, we have always tried to avoid malls etc during holiday periods, even pre-pandemic. Hardly anyone masks anymore, people are still dying. It's baffling. But your comment on your retirement years - yes, that is why we have decided to travel, and just take the risk.

    And your last sentences. Yes, yes, yes. But, "how do they think it makes us non-moms feel??" just made me think that they just don't care. They are so wrapped up in the mom-ness of it all, that our feelings/thoughts/contributions etc don't come into it. Or am I just feeling grumpy this Monday morning? lol

    ReplyDelete