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Wednesday, April 1, 2026

Right now

Right now...* 

*(A (mostly) monthly series/meme.  Explanation of how this started & my inspirations in my first "Right now" post, here. Also my first (similar) "The Current" post, here.)

March had a few spring-like moments -- we had the balcony door wide open on THREE glorious days -- one mid-month and two this week, when the temperature reached a whopping 18-21C (64-70F). There was also one day when it was so foggy that I couldn't see past our balcony (it was the day of Little Great-Niece's birthday party, which made driving there -- down a couple of winding country roads! -- ummm, INTERESTING...!).  

But for the most part, the weather stayed pretty wintry/blustery -- a few snowstorms, freezing rain, and chilly temperatures, including one morning when the windchill was -22C/-8F (brrrr...).  And SO grey and gloomy!!  

Needless to say, I am SO DONE with this long, cold, snowy, grey winter!! 

Some of the things I/we did this month include: 

  • Bought groceries and takeout pizza slices or soup for lunch at the supermarket (March 2nd, 9th, 16th, 23rd & 30th).  
  • Walked and shopped at the nearby local mall (March 3rd, 10th & 24th). 
  • Drove with BIL & SIL through thick fog (as mentioned above) to Little Great-Niece's birthday party (March 7th). A good time was had by all.  :) 
  • Drove to midtown Toronto for dental cleanings and checkups (March 12th -- all was well!). 
  • Went to BIL & SIL's on Sunday afternoon (March 15th) for coffee/tea and to spend some time with our two little great-nephews, who were there while their parents went out. :)  
  • Had an abdominal ultrasound (new screening program for aortic aneurysms offered by Ontario Health to seniors) and mammogram (March 16th).(Stopped off at the supermarket en route home for groceries.) Both came back fine.  
  • Did not go to the mall during spring break week (lol) but braved the crowds and went to the bookstore instead for a for a browse (March 17th). 
    • Stopped at the drugstore en route home to pick up a couple of prescriptions and a few other things too. 
  • Went for bloodwork at a nearby lab to check my cholesterol levels (March 20th). (Gulp.) (The lab is usually packed, but there were just two people in the waiting area when I arrived??  It was spring break, so I'm thinking everyone who might usually be there was in Mexico or Costa Rica, lol.) 
    • Since I'd had to fast for 12 hours and hadn't had anything to eat, we went out for brunch immediately afterwards, (See "Eating," below.)  It was spring break, and by the time we left, the restaurant was PACKED!  
    • Then we went to a nearby Canadian Tire and picked up a couple of air filters, for both the HVAC unit and the Dyson air purifier/humidifier. (We originally planned to go to a few more stores, but it was cold, windy, grey & dreary, and there was freezing rain -- so we just headed home, where it was warm and cozy!)  
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Also right now:  

Reading: March was not a great reading month for me (too many distractions...!):  I finished 1 book (reviewed on this blog, as well as Goodreads & StoryGraph, & tagged "2026 books"  Year to date, I've read 6 books,  reached 15% of my Goodreads Challenge goal, and am currently 3 books behind schedule to achieve it by year end.  
Current reads: 
  • "The Forsyte Saga" by John Galsworthy. After mulling it over (see this post!), I accepted a commenter's suggestion to do a readalong together!  Currently 18% completed. 
  • "The Four Graces" by D.E. Stevenson -- re-read/readalong/discussion with my D.E. Stevenson group, which began Feb. 23 and will conclude in late April/early May. Original 2015 review here;  most recent review here. (Currently 56% completed.)  
  • "Childless: A Woman and a Girl in a Man's World" by Fabiana Formica.  This one is beautifully written, but slow going, and I was reading it (or trying to...!) at Mom & Dad's last summer, where there were a lot of distractions. I've put it aside for the moment to focus on other reading priorities, but I've completed 33% to date.
  • "L.M. Montgomery and Gender," an essay collection edited by E. Holly Pike & Laura Robinson. Slowly working my way through, in between the other books...! 
Coming up: Most of my book groups have their next reads plotted out for a few months in advance -- and listing them here helps me keep track of what I should be reading next. ;)  
A few recently purchased titles (all in digital format, mostly discounted ($5-10 or less) or purchased with points): 

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Watching: Actually watched a lot of stuff this month! 
  • "Finding Your Roots" (season 12) on PBS, Tuesday nights, which began in January. Lots of reruns on lately, though -- I'm not sure if the season is over yet, or whether they're saving the last few episodes for ratings sweeps month, or...? 
  • The Oscars!  (mentioned in this past post). 
  • "The Forsytes" on PBS.  This started on March 22nd, and I've seen two episodes (of six) so far.  I am glad I started reading the book by John Galsworthy, because (even though I'm far from finished), it's helped me grasp who's who and how they're all related a lot faster, I think. But, as I speculated in this previous post, this series is not a strict adaptation of the novel:  I would actually call it more of a prequel (I saw a post on social media that called it "fan fiction," and that would work too!). Most of the characters and storylines echo those in the book (or are heading in the book's direction). 
    • There are lots of modern touches (rebellious women in very un-Victorian makeup, and colour-blind casting in some supporting roles, for example). There are also a couple of lesser characters who appear to have been invented just for the show (e.g., the Carterets, Jo's office friend Isaac)   
    • On its own merits, it's... entertaining.  If you enjoy a glossy soap opera featuring family rivalries, forbidden romances, handsome actors and pretty actresses, and sumptuous sets and costumes, tune in...!  
  • "The Count of Monte Cristo" airs on PBS immediately following "The Forsytes" on Sunday nights. (It also started on March 22nd = two episodes of eight aired to date). I have not read the 1844 novel it's based on, but the storyline is pretty well known today: just before his marriage to the lovely Mercedes, young French sailor Edmund Dantes (Sam Claflin) is falsely accused of treason and spends 15+ years in a grim prison fortress on an island off the coast of Marseilles. While there, he connects with the old prisoner in the neighbouring cell, the Abbe Faria (wonderfully played by Jeremy Irons), who tells him about a fabulous treasure buried on the island of Monte Cristo. Together they plot their escape, and Edmund vows to find the treasure and take revenge on those responsible for his imprisonment. I'm enjoying it so far! 
  • "Mr. Dressup: The Magic of Make-Believe:"  I wrote a recent post about this.  
  • Curling!  The Brier (Canadian men's curling championships, in St. John's, Newfoundland), followed later in the month by the women's world championships in Calgary, and then the men's in Ogden, Utah (which began this past weekend and continue through this week). Dh & I wound up watching a lot of games, especially the ones involving Manitoba/Canadian teams. (It also gave me something to talk about with my dad when I called him, since I knew he would be watching too!)   
  • World figure skating championships, from Prague last week. Network TV coverage was pretty scanty (a two-hour summary on NBC on Saturday night, and one hour on CBC on Sunday afternoon, none of it live -- grrrr....) -- but happily, I was able to access live feeds of all the events (totalling about 8 hours a day, for four days straight!, plus the gala exhibition on Sunday morning) via CBC's Gem streaming service on my laptop. (You can view Gem on some smart TVs -- but apparently our 11-year-old Samsung is not smart enough!  lol).
  • "Henry David Thoreau," a 4-part documentary by Ken Burns, airing over the past two nights on PBS. Really interesting, and the footage of Walden Pond, etc., was so pretty -- but I'll admit I was struggling to stay awake the last half hour! (till 11 PM). 
Playing:  
  • Heardle Decades: (as of March 31st): 
    • Heardle 60s: 74.2% (899/1212, 361 on first guess), up 0.3% from Feb. 28th. Max streak: 21. (up 1 from 20 -- I went for 22, but got tripped up on "Hole in My Shoe" by Traffic...!) 
    • Heardle 70s: 75.3% (720/956, 401 on first guess), up 0.1% from Feb. 28th. Max streak: 18. 
    • Heardle 80s:  41.8% (338/809, 124 on first guess), up 0.2% from Feb. 28th. Max. streak: 5.
    • Heardle 90s: 33.4% (304/911, 80 on first guess), down 0.1% from Feb. 28th. Max. streak: 9. 
  • NYT Connections: 
    • As of Feb. 28th  I'd played 563 games and won 89% of them, including 300 "perfect puzzles" with zero errors, including 18 where I got the most difficult/purple category first. Maximum winning streak: 45 (unchanged). Current streak: 12. 
    • By March 31st, I had 594 completed games, won 89% of them (unchanged since Dec. 31st), including 317 "perfect puzzles," including 18 where I got the most difficult/purple category first (unchanged from Dec. 31st). Maximum winning streak:  45 (unchanged since June 30th).  Current streak: 3.  
Listening:  
  • To the Stingray 80s music channel. They've been playing the B-52s "Love Shack" a lot lately, and I am here for it, lol.  That song always makes me want to get up and dance. :)  "Rock Lobster" and "Planet Claire" were staples at university dorm parties in the late 1970s/early 1980s.
Following:  

Eating/Drinking:  
  • Over the past 18 months, we've been trying to eat healthier and lower our cholesterol -- and avoid having to take (more) medication -- since some less-than-stellar bloodwork results for both of us in fall 2024 and then again (for me) last November (2025, as mentioned in November's Right Now post). 
    • I repeated my bloodwork in mid-March and the results showed improvement -- just one cholesterol measure out of normal range (and even that one was better than it had been). Our family doctor's staff relayed the message to keep up the low-fat/high-fibre diet and exercise, and we'll check again in another six months. Reprieve!!    
    • I'm in a bit of a plateau lately:  I ended March 0.2 pounds less than when the month started.  Overall, I'm down a little more than 14 pounds since late October 2024 -- close to my lowest weight in quite some time -- and a little more than 26 pounds from my heaviest-ever weight  (in August 2021). 
      • (Dh is down about 20 pounds overall since fall 2024.)
  • At Little Great-Niece's birthday party (March 7th -- postponed a week because she was sick!), we feasted on pasta in alfredo sauce, sliders, sausage with peppers and potatos, rice balls (arancini) and salad. And cake, of course.  :)  (It was a huge cake, and we all went home with a big chunk!) (Not quite low-cal or low-fat...!  But delicious!) 
  • After bloodwork on the morning of Friday, March 20th to check my cholesterol levels (and fasting for 12 hours prior), we went out for brunch, at the same place we went to in early February (thanks to a birthday/condolence gift card from a friend). Dh had an omelette, while I had scrambled eggs -- with bacon!  lol  (Yeah, I know... but they make great bacon! and I figure it will be a while before we're back, and before I need to have my bloodwork checked again!) 
    • I'd kind of forgotten it was still spring break here... there were still a lot of empty tables when we arrived around 9:30 AM, but by the time we left, nearly an hour later, the place was PACKED!  
  • We indulged in takeout pizza slices or soup from the supermarket, once or twice a week, for lunch and/or dinner. Saturday night takeout dinners this month included teriyaki rice bowls from the supermarket, and rotisserie chicken (baked potato on the side for me;  fries for dh) from Swiss Chalet.   
Wearing: I was occasionally able to switch to a lighter-weight spring/fall jacket this month (vs my usual down-filled winter jacket), and go without slippers over my socks inside the house occasionally. Progress? 

Buying (besides books, lol):  
  • Stuff for the great-niblings' Easter baskets. 
  • A new water-resistant spring jacket from Reitmans (black, waist length -- and on sale!). 
Trying: To call my dad, if not every day, then every other day. We usually don't have a lot to talk about, but that's not why I do it...! 

Appreciating:  What my sister & her partner are doing for my dad. They've been there almost every weekend since Mom died, keeping him company, going through closets and taking stuff to the dump and/or the local thrift shop, taking him to see potential apartments, etc. (Also feeling a bit guilty because I live so far away and can't be there more often.  I do chip in financially as needed. )  

Planning:  Our next visit there, likely for sometime in May. 

Wanting:  This winter to be OVER, already...!! 

Hoping: For better weather and sunshine, soon! 
                        
Feeling: Glad that it's (finally!) spring (even if it doesn't quite feel like it yet...!). A little dazed at how quickly the days, weeks, and this year generally so far are passing by. Missing my mom. :(   

(Couldn't think of what to write for a few of the usual categories, so I just deleted them, rather than delay posting!)  
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Monday, March 30, 2026

#MicroblogMondays: A blast from my past

If you don't know who Mr. Dressup is... you obviously did not grow up in Canada in the latter half of the 20th century, lol.  If you do know -- or even if you're just curious -- I highly recommend watching the wonderful documentary about him, "Mr. Dressup: The Magic of Make-Believe." I'd been wanting to see it since I first heard about it a couple of years ago, and happened to see that it was on the Documentary Channel this past week. (It's also available on Amazon Prime.)  I needed lots of Kleenex while I watched -- so many childhood memories came flooding back (and I've been feeling extra-emotional about my childhood since my Mom died)... a time in my life that's starting to seem further and further away from the life I live now... 

Mr. Dressup (Ernie Coombs) was a beloved, iconic Canadian children's TV performer, who was born and raised in the U.S., got his start performing with Fred Rogers (yes, THAT Fred Rogers!) on TV in Pittsburgh in the 1950s, and came with him to Canada to do the very first "Misterogers" show for CBC in Toronto. When Rogers returned to the U.S. a few years later, he took "Misterogers" with him, but Coombs stayed on to become part of a new children's program on CBC, "Butternut Square." He treated children (and, well, everyone!) with the same kindness and respect that Fred Rogers was famous for, and encouraged them to foster their imaginations and creativity, using simple materials that almost everyone has around the house -- paper, pens/markers/crayons, tape, scissors, empty cardboard tubes. He sang songs and drew pictures for his audience on an easel.   

"Butternut Square" ran from 1964 to 1967. (My sister and I had dolls we named Susan and Sandy, after the girls who appeared with him on the show.)  The show was cancelled, but happily, Coombs's character of Mr. Dressup was offered his own CBC show -- called, naturally, "Mr. Dressup."  It ran for almost 30 years (!) -- until Coombs retired in 1996 -- and lived on in reruns for another 10 years after that. Generations of Canadian children grew up to know and love Mr. Dressup, his Tickle Trunk full of costumes, and his puppet sidekicks Casey and Finnegan, whose treehouse now resides in the atrium at the CBC Broadcast Centre in Toronto. (I have walked by the CBC building many times but never gone inside... something I really need to do someday. I want to have my photo taken with the treehouse!)  In addition to the TV show, Mr. Dressup took his act on the road across Canada -- and after he retired, he kept busy touring university and college campuses, where he was met with enthusiastic crowds of young adults who had grown up watching him. 

Sadly, Ernie Coombs died at age 73 --far too young -- in September 2001 (days after the events of 9/11 -- one trauma after another...!), following a stroke, just a few years after he retired from the show, and nine years after his wife was killed in a freak car/pedestrian accident on Toronto's Yonge Street. But his memory lives on, and he remains a cultural touchstone for generations of Canadians (including me!). 

I've told this story many times over the years, but I searched my blog, and apparently I've never written it down here!  I met Coombs/Mr. Dressup, in the late 1990s -- after he retired from the show in 1996, but before he died. (I don't remember if that was before or after losing Katie in 1998, but I do remember feeling sad, when the show ended, that my future children would never know Mr. Dressup, as I had.) He actually lived in the same Toronto suburban community where we did, and was making a personal appearance one Saturday at the bookstore at the local mall. 

Dh & I walked by the store that afternoon, towards the end of his visit and saw the sign outside announcing his appearance. There was no one else there just then except the manager, who was chatting to him. "Go on, you know you want to!"  dh said, giving me a shove. 

So I went in, walked up to him, extended my hand, and said, "Mr. Dressup, I'm so happy to meet you... I remember watching you on "Butternut Square!" "

Dear man, he looked at me and said, "You can't POSSIBLY be that old!"  

No wonder I loved him!  ;)    

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.  

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Monday, March 16, 2026

#MicroblogMondays: Busy!

Yesterday was "one of those days"... non-stop from the time I got up until I hit the mattress that night. 

It was Mothering Sunday/Mother's Day in the UK, and I volunteered to cohost a text chat in the private Childless Collective online community for an hour in the morning after breakfast. I wasn't moving too fast that morning, and did it while still in my PJs (!). 

I (finally) showered after we had brunch, and just as I was drying myself off, the phone rang.  It was BIL:  our great-nephews were spending the afternoon with them while their parents went out for new tattoos (lol) -- so off we went to BIL & SIL's, where we had tea/coffee, visited and chased the two little guys around for three hours. 

We stopped at the supermarket en route home to pick up some pizza slices for an early dinner, and then my sister called. She & my dad had been to view a local apartment that's coming vacant soon. She said it was quite nice. And... Dad thinks he's going to take it (or at least apply for it, but they spoke with the manager, and it sounds like he's likely to get it if he applies). It's a little earlier than he was expecting to move -- he was thinking summertime -- but you have to take these opportunities as they arise...!  

My sister asked me if I was willing to split the monthly rent with her, until we can get Dad and some of his stuff moved over there, clear out the rest of the stuff (or at least the excess), and get the house sold (at which time he says he will pay us back out of the proceeds). Dh & I were expecting this, and said yes, of course (although we'll have to make a few adjustments to our cash flow!). The rent is really quite reasonable (certainly by Toronto standards...!). 

I was just going into a Zoom call with some online friends, so I told her to tell Dad I'd call back in about an hour and speak to him then. Chatted for an hour with my friends and then called Dad (my sister was still there too, although almost ready to head home for another work week), and talked a bit more about the apartment. A neighbour's daughter lives there and is quite happy there. Dad has heard that another building in town is a little nicer (it's in a nicer location), but it's a life-lease arrangement requiring a fairly significant chunk of change up front. And who knows when a unit there (or anywhere else in town) will open up?  

Got off the phone with Dad -- and it was almost time to watch the Oscars on TV!  As I mentioned in another recent post, I haven't been to a movie theatre since before the pandemic, and most of the nominated movies were ones I'd barely heard of. I didn't recognize half (more than half!) of the people featured on the pre-show red carpet broadcast I watched.  But I have watched the Oscars since I was a kid -- it's the only awards show that I still sit through, start to finish -- and last night was no exception.   

Host Conan O'Brien was well into his opening monologue when I suddenly realized I did not have a ballot/list of the nominees!  Ever since I was a kid, I have watched the Oscars with a list of nominees in hand, marking off the winners as they come up and keeping track of which movies are receiving the most awards. (I kept all those marked-up lists too, for years, until I realized all that information was now readily available on the Internet.  But the habit of tracking during the show persists!)  Back then, I would clip a ballot from the newspaper;  these days, I find one on the Internet. Since I didn't time to check out several and decide which one I liked the best, I just went to Oscars.com and printed off the nominee list. Which was fine -- except it ran several pages long, which meant flipping madly through the pages as each category came up, trying to find the right one. (Thankfully, the pages were numbered!)  I was also attempting (mostly during commercial breaks) to monitor (and occasionally contribute to) the Oscars chat on Anne Helen Petersen's Culture Study on Patreon.  

And I was thinking about my mom. :(  I bawled my eyes out in the In Memoriam section, particularly near the very end of it, when Barbra Streisand showed up to pay tribute to Robert Redford and sang a few wistful bars of "The Way We Were." As I've written before, Redford was my screen idol when I was growing up:  my mother took us to see "The Way We Were" and "The Great Gatsby" -- at the drive in, on a school night!!  Mom loved the movies, and the Oscars, and let me stay up late on a school night to watch with her then too.  I was thinking about her last night (obviously) -- and the In Memoriam section, and Redford tribute, finished me off, emotionally.  

By the time the broadcast ended, around 10:40 PM (much earlier than in the days when it started at 8 or 8:30 PM!), I washed up, etc., it was almost 11:30 PM when I finally crawled into bed. I had hardly glanced at my emails all day! and I am still trying to catch up today and clear my inbox. 

Woke up this morning to an alarm clock at 7 AM. Did not have breakfast (or even anything to drink), because I had appointments at a local imaging clinic for both a mammogram and an abdominal ultrasound to screen for aortic aneurysms (!).  I'd never heard of this, but I did a little Googling:  apparently it's a new screening program (implemented last fall) offered by Ontario Health when you turn 65. I got the letter about it at the same time I got my mammogram reminder, and booked them together. 

I will need to fast overnight Thursday/Friday morning too, because I'm going for bloodwork to check my cholesterol (eeek). Cross your crossables for me that my results are acceptable (or at least show improvement -- despite my erratic schedule and diet the past few months...!). I do NOT want to have to take another prescription! 

En route home from the imaging clinic, we stopped off at the supermarket to do our usual Monday grocery shopping.  It was earlier than we usually go, and the store was nowhere near as busy as it is then.  Back at home, I finally had a belated breakfast, then washed, chopped and packaged up the fruits and vegetables we'd bought -- just in time for lunch.

This afternoon, I went looking for my previous bloodwork results (I view them online, print them off and then compare them to previous test results) in a big plastic bin full of assorted junk:  medical-related & dental bills and insurance claim forms, as well as random photos that need to be sorted, keepsake theatre programs and ticket stubs, wedding and shower invitations, funeral cards and obituaries that I've printed off, etc. And got sidetracked. ;)  I did find what I was looking for, but a whole lot more too:  several hours later, there was pile of paper to recycle, another pile to shred and a third pile to toss outright, but the box was much better organized and not QUITE so full.  (Dh thinks I still keep WAY too much stuff -- but I'm slowly chipping away at it...!).   

And it's spring break here this week. Not sure we will be brave enough to make our usual trip to the mall for walking and shopping among the expected crowds...!   

How is your week shaping up?? 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 
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Friday, March 13, 2026

"Gimme a Crisis" by Howard Green

"Gimme a Crisis:  In the Room With Global Banker Rick Waugh" by Howard Green, a prominent Canadian business journalist,.is not my usual kind of reading fare. But I had a special interest in the subject matter. Let's just say I am very familiar with Scotiabank, where Waugh spent his 40+-year career, as well as the events and many of the people mentioned in this book.  ;)  So when I heard about it last fall,  I immediately added it to my reading list (and finally got around to downloading a copy and opening it).  

If you're not interested in a book about risk management, Scotiabank, or Canadian banking generally (or even just banking, period), this might not be book for you.  For me, though, it was a bit of a blast from the past! 

The central theme of the book is that Rick Waugh, the personable CEO of Scotiabank from 2004 to late 2013, was a master crisis manager. (Author Green points out his father was a fireman -- perhaps a gift for putting out fires, literally and figuratively, ran in the family.) During Waugh's tenure as a top executive and, eventually, CEO, Scotiabank -- long known as Canada's most international bank, with broad global operations, particularly in the Caribbean -- experienced one crisis after another -- most notably in Argentina, the Dominican Republic, and the 2008 global financial meltdown (from which Canadian banks emerged relatively unscathed). The book also details other highlights of Waugh's career, including his role in bringing an NBA team (the Raptors) to Toronto, and advancing the careers of women at the bank. 

Amusingly, there's a chapter (excerpted in the Toronto Star a few months ago (gift link) -- which is where I first heard about this book) about Waugh's encounter with Donald Trump (!), back in the 1980s when Trump was still just a real estate mogul, looking for financing for his next project, and Waugh ran Scotiabank's New York City office.  (The bank did not take Trump on as a client.)  

The book was maybe a bit long and a bit repetitive in spots. It occasionally lapses into financial jargon and dizzying explanations of complex financial instruments that made my eyes glaze over. ;)  But overall, I thought it was very well-researched, well-written and entertaining, and that it rang true to my own personal experiences and observations about the bank and the man. 

4.5 stars on StoryGraph, rounded (after some internal debate) down to 4 stars on Goodreads. 

This was Book #6 read to date in 2026 (and Book #1 finished in March), bringing me to 15% of  my 2026 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 40 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 1 book behind schedule to meet my goal.  :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2026 tagged as "2026 books." 

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Thursday, March 12, 2026

A few odds & ends

A couple of articles/posts to share: 
  • Tracey Cleantis Dwyer -- formerly at "La Belette Rouge" (a blog which no longer exists) -- has returned to blogging via Substack!  Check out "The Next Happy Project." 
    • I highly recommend Tracey's 2015 book "The Next Happy," which is all about letting go of the life you had planned -- something Tracey, who is childless after infertility, knows a lot about. 
      • Disclosure:  I'm in the book. :)  I answered survey questions for Tracey as part of her research.  I also reviewed the book on my blog not long after it was published, here. 
  • This Sunday, March 15th is "Mothering Sunday" in Britain, and The Full Stop community and podcast has published a post on Linked In with suggestions for "Navigating Mother's Day When You're Childless Not by Choice." (Also very applicable for Mother's Day in May, here in North America & elsewhere in the world.)  
Non-ALI/CNBC related:  
  • It wasn't just our imaginations -- this winter really was as cold and snowy as it seemed, the Toronto Star confirms by looking at the historical weather data.  
  • The time changed last weekend -- and it struck me that my mother was no longer here to complain about it (as she always, always did!).  Wherever she is now, I know it's a place where time is meaningless. Enjoy, Mom.  :)  
  • This coming weekend (Sunday night) is the Oscars. 
    • I used to follow the Oscar races like a hawk (I even won the office Oscar pool once!), and tried to see as many of the nominated movies as I could (the ones that interested me, anyway).  These days, I think I am only aware of "Hamnet" (with its ties to a well-known book and its grief/child loss theme -- not to mention Paul Mescal, lol), but not many of the other nominees.  
    • Mel recently posted about "The Last Movie I Saw;" I think the last one I saw in-theatre was "1917" (which was very good, and one of those movies that really deserves to be seen in a theatre). The pandemic began not long after that and, well, you know the rest. We used to go to the movies, perhaps not every Sunday, but usually at least one Sunday a month. Many things have returned to some form of normalcy since then, but we still haven't been back to the theatre.  I am not sure how we got out of the habit, but we did.  I do miss it sometimes. 
    • Nevertheless, I will be watching on Sunday.  :) 
    • This will be my first Oscar night without my Mom. :(  She always watched, and when I was growing up, she would let me stay up late -- on a school night! -- to watch with her. I more recent years, I would always call her before the show started (even though she hadn't been to a movie theatre in years either). 
      • I'm sure she will be watching from wherever she is now.  And I hope there's a bottomless bucket of popcorn, and that it doesn't bother her stomach, as it did in her later years (to the point that she had to stop eating it).  

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Monday, March 9, 2026

#MicroblogMondays: Dark shadows

Little Great-Niece's 3rd birthday party was this past weekend. We hadn't seen any of the family in a full month, so it was great to see everyone and catch up.  

While we were chatting, Older Nephew's Wife mentioned to SIL that she was going to her cousin's baby shower the next day (Sunday/yesterday). Then I caught the ominous words:  "...high-risk pregnancy... the baby is small... issues..."  

SIL rushed to assure her that the doctors had told her Older Nephew was going to be a small baby -- and he was born at more than 8 pounds (and is now 37 years old and more than 6 feet tall). 

Older Nephew's Wife wasn't sure exactly what the problem is, but she knew that it's a high-risk pregnancy, there are  problems, and not simply a matter of the baby measuring small for dates. 

I've met this cousin a couple of times -- a friendly, vivacious young woman, who bonded with dh over their shared love of the Pittsburgh Steelers. I asked what hospital she was going to have the baby at (ONW wasn't sure). 

After that, I kept my mouth shut, and the conversation moved on to other topics.

I don't want to be the dark shadow, the voice of doom. And so often, these things DO turn out all right. Most people do get their ultimate happy ending. 

But I'm living proof that sometimes (more often than most people think or want to imagine) they don't. And it's not an experience I would wish upon my worst enemy.

She will be in my thoughts until I know the baby is here and both are fine. 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.

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Tuesday, March 3, 2026

Accumulated odds & ends

I haven't been that diligent about compiling notable stuff I've read lately, but for what it's worth, here are a few links!  (Some are a little dated, but no less readable!) 
  • Have any of you seen the movie "Hamnet" yet, or read the book it's based on, by Maggie O'Farrell? I have done neither -- yet -- although I would like to partake of both. (For one thing, I think Paul Mescal is an amazing young actor.)  
    • An online group of loss mothers that I belong to were debating whether to see it or not -- drawn to the themes of grief and loss of a child, and yet wondering whether it would hit a little too close to home? 
    • I really appreciated the perspective offered in this post from Jennie Agg, who writes a Substack about pregnancy loss and grief called Life, Almost, about "Hamnet" the movie, and whether it's "grief porn" (as some are apparently describing it). 
      • **NOTE: there are spoilers about the movie, including specific scenes and how they unfold. Also, Agg has a living child.**
    • Excerpt: 
...for me, the film’s presentation of loss and grief is nuanced, considered, grounded in something true.

...What do we mean when we dismiss something as ‘grief porn’? I guess it’s implying something gratuitous, debasing, bordering on shameful.

Which is interesting when you consider the way many bereaved parents today often describe being made to feel, shamed into silence: it’s too much, we don’t need to hear it.
  • Anne Helen Petersen (childfree by choice) -- whose Culture Study community has moved over from Substack to Patreon -- has been giving a lot of coverage to infertility and childless/free topics recently. A couple of highlights (I'm not sure whether some of these may be paywalled?):  
    • A series of occasional posts titled "Big No-Kids Energy," about the joys of not having kids. 
      • Here's the kickoff post where Anne explains what the series is about. 
      • Anne has interviewed several childfree & childless people/couples for the series about their no-kids life. The most recent subject was Cathy, who is 60-something and childless not by choice, but making the most of things. She was a delight to read about. :)  
    • A Culture Study podcast episode featuring a standup comedienne, about being a "childless freak" (!) that will have you nodding! The comment section is worth a read too.  :) 
    • An earlier podcast episode (from back in early February) about "The Heartbreaking (and Largely Unregulated) Business of IVF."  A lot of what's discussed would not be surprising to many of us, but it might be an eye-opener for people not intimately acquainted with the fertility industry.  
      • I made a comment that's received the most "likes." In part, I said: 
One point I will take exception to:  the comment that "IVF works! -- it's very effective."  IVF is still (almost 50 years after the first IVF baby was born) very much a crapshoot.  Your odds of success might be better if you're in your 20s or early 30s -- and/or if you have the money and stamina to endure multiple cycles -- but once you hit 40,  they drop like a stone. There are many of us out here who went through infertility treatments and did not wind up with a child. You just don't hear about us. Clinics certainly don't want to acknowledge our existence, and patients currently in treatment don't want to hear about us either. 

I would also add that most clinics are abysmal at providing emotional support & counselling to their patients going through treatment -- and even less is available for those of of us who aren't successful. Even a referral to an outside counsellor, or a pamphlet listing resources we might consult would be helpful.  Any support I got was entirely the result of my own research.  
  • Carrie Hauskins, who is childless after pregnancy loss and infertility, writes at Blooming With Care about the matter of "Heirlooms for No One" -- dealing with things from a childless aunt, as well as wondering about her own stuff after she's gone (something I think about a lot, especially as my childfree sister & I go through the painful process of emptying out our parents' house...). Excerpt: 
I told her we weren’t having kids, and when she said I could pass down her things to my children, I didn’t correct her. She knew the truth. And she still gave me her things. If she didn’t want to believe that her lineage of items will end with me, that’s her problem to work through, not mine. She was aware that I’m a dead end in our family's genealogy. 
 
...Legacy used to mean what I would pass down to my children. Today, it means deciding what to do with the ring once I melt it down. It might not mean the same thing five years from now. But for today, I think of my kooky aunt and her curmudgeonly way of life. I might not inherit her moods, but I do love the quirky jewelry. I do plan on having an eccentric estate sale. One that people line up for early in the morning and wraps around the block. Would my aunt love that? Who knows? It’s my legacy.  

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Monday, March 2, 2026

#MicroblogMondays: Childless & motherless

(Not really a "microblog" post...!) 

It's been two months now since my mom died suddenly on New Year's Day -- and I'm still trying to absorb the fact that she's no longer here and I'll never see or speak to her again. :(   (I think I'll still be trying at the end of MY life...)  

A comment from Carmel in Australia on this recent post got me thinking... and I've been mulling it over ever since then... 

We all know on some level, that we're going to lose our parents someday. It's something that most of us will (sadly) experience in our lifetimes. And when your parents start getting up there in age, you know that that day is coming sooner versus later. 

But there's still nothing that quite prepares you for the reality and the suddenness of when it happens. 

(Even when you're there WHEN it happens, as I was.  One minute, I was conferring with my mom about dinner... less than five minutes later, she was on the floor. Gone. As I've said to many people since then, I fully expected to get a phone call about a fall down the stairs -- fatal or otherwise. I did NOT expect things to unfold the way they did, and I certainly did NOT expect to be there -- after all, I'm usually not! It totally sucked to be present and to see her like that -- but I am also so very glad that I was, for my dad's sake...)

And  I've been wondering whether the loss of a parent/parents resonates just a little differently for those of us who are childless?    

I consider myself pretty well-versed in the basics of grief and loss and how to cope with it while keeping your sanity reasonably well intact.  I've been leaning heavily on the lessons I learned 27 years ago after the loss of our daughter (as well as my grandparents shortly after that, and other loved ones in the years since then), as well as mourning my childlessness, and the loss of any other children I had hoped to have. .   

It's one thing to come to terms (on at least some level) with the knowledge that there will be no children or grandchildren, no descendants to pass along possessions and memories and stories and values to. No one to provide support to us in the same way that we've supported our aging parents. 

It's one thing to realize there will be no further branches on my particular limb of the family tree to document and chronicle. 

But it's quite another thing when the older generation directly above us -- the ones we've always looked to for support and guidance -- begins vanishing from "above" us, too -- and suddenly, WE become the "older generation."   

In many ways (to the casual observer, anyway), my life went on the way it always had after the loss of our daughter, and the eventual realization that there would be no other children to follow. But the loss of my mom -- who has always been there my entire life -- changes things in some pretty big ways (as will the eventual loss of my dad). 

Even though I've been living 1000 miles away from my parents for the past 40 years, I always knew they were THERE.I may not have seen them more than a couple of times during the year, but all I had to do to talk to them was pick up the phone. 

Now Mom's not there (and never will be again).  And some day (sooner than later), there will just be my (childfree by choice) sister and me, from my family of origin. And possibly someday, just me. The house that I thought of as "home" for the past 42 years (even though I only actually lived there with my parents for one year, before I was married) -- full of old, familiar things that have been part of my life for decades -- will likely be sold later this year, and the things divided up among my sister, my cousins and me, or sold or given away. My dad is planning to find somewhere else to live (something my mom fiercely resisted while she was alive) -- still locally, but something much smaller, in a more communal, seniors-friendly setting. There may not be room for us to stay there when we go to visit, which means we'll either have to stay in one of the local motels, or we'll have to gather at my sister's house in the city.  

"Home" has been a recurring theme in my life -- the question of "where is home?" In a lifetime of moving around, "home" was where my parents were. I have a home with my husband now, of course, but I still say "I'm going home" when I'm heading west to visit my family.  My mom had a similar strong attachment to "home."  Even though the house she grew up in was torn down almost 30 years ago, and even though my grandparents have been gone for more than 25 years, and even though she hadn't lived in the town where she was born and raised since 1960, and even though the number of friends & relatives left there has dwindled in recent years, she still thought of her hometown as "home," and loved to go there. Her passport expired earlier this year, but at Christmastime, she was still talking about wanting to go "home" for a visit, and wondered whether her U.S. birth certificate would be enough to get her across the border (and back again using her Canadian citizenship card). 

Mom's funeral reminded me of just how precious it is to be surrounded by people who share your memories and experiences... not just parents and children and siblings, but extended family members and friends too.  And also of how many of those people aren't here any more either (or won't be much longer). After my grandfather died, whenever we'd have trouble coming up with a name or relationship or some other detail from the past, one of us would say sadly, "Grandpa would know...!"  And of course, Grandpa was no longer around to consult. :(  Likewise, I was trying to remember an incident from my childhood the other day, something I knew my mother would remember  -- but I can't call her up and ask her any more. 

When I did call home, I would talk briefly to my dad -- and then he'd hand the phone over to Mom, who would regale me with the latest news from her wide circle of friends and relatives. I miss that -- and I find myself feeling curiously cut off from those people I used to hear about through her (although of course there's nothing preventing me from calling them myself... I've just never been in the habit). I spoke with several of my cousins at the funeral -- some of whom I haven't seen in 20 years (and not all of them are on social media, either) -- and I've texted a few others since then, and we've been commenting that we all really need to keep in better touch. We've never really HAD to before, because we'd hear about each other through our parents.  

Because I'm not the only one who's lost a parent in recent years, of course.  In recent years, Mom lost one cousin after another, many friends, at least half of her school classmates (a tightly knit group who keep in close touch) and, two years ago, her younger brother and only sibling.  After she died, various people offered to spread the word among the surviving cousins on both sides of her family -- and when I thought about who needed to be notified, I was struck by just how few of them were left.  Of the 12 first cousins on Mom's mom's side (including Mom and her brother), only 5 remain, and most of them are in their 80s now.  On Mom's dad's side, there were once 27 first cousins;  now, there are just 7 remaining. The youngest is 75.  (There were still a lot of phone calls to make, though...!) 

(My dad has lost just one of his six siblings -- my oldest uncle, who was in his early 90s when he died a few years ago. Dad, at 86, is the "baby brother" of the family and has one younger sister in her late 70s. The other three siblings are all in their 90s now. My own first cousins range in age from mid-40s to late 60s.)  

I mentioned that Mom's childhood best friend (and the matron of honour at her wedding) came all the way from South Dakota for the funeral. As we were chatting afterwards, she made a casual remark about "Grandma N" (Mom's maternal grandmother) -- and it hit me: of course this woman would have known my great-grandmother (who lived with my mom's family -- or rather, they lived with her, in her house! -- and died in 1951, when my mom was 10).  And there are so few people left who do, and who could tell me about her, first-hand.   

Later that evening, one of my own closest childhood friends (also one of my bridesmaids) stopped by to see us (en route home from ANOTHER funeral for one of her own extended family members!).  Although it was 10 years since we last saw each other, and we aren't often in contact in other ways, we always just pick right up where we left off -- and we did. We know each other so very well, and there are so few other people who have known me for so long and so intimately that I'm still in touch with.  

There are very few people here, where I live now, who know me and my family the same way these friends and relatives do. Dh's family will listen politely if/when I talk about my family, and my experiences and memories of growing up -- but I know these stories don't really interest them and don't resonate with them in the same way they would if those people and those memories were part of their story too (just as the stories and memories I share with them don't resonate in the same way when I talk to my parents and sister about them).  

And of course, I have no children to bore with my stories!  (But most parents still tell them anyway, right?)  

And yet -- as I've mused in the past -- you never know just who will remember you, or how. 

There were lots of lovely tributes to my mother on the funeral home website -- but I was surprised to find one on Mom's obituary on the city newspaper website, from the daughter of my cousin who passed away before Christmas. She wrote:  

Aunty D. was an integral part of family events. Always there, busy with cleaning or putting more food out or getting in the thick of conversations happening around her. She always took the time to ask those deep questions and really wanted to understand what was going on in your life. I have fond memories of spending close time with her when I would babysit my cousin and she made me believe I can do great things with my life. I’ve also always wanted to learn how to play piano because of her. She will be remembered and cherished.

I've only ever met this young woman a handful of times, when she was a child, and I had NO IDEA she had interacted with my mother to that extent, or that Mom had had such an impact on her. (Mom could not play piano -- but she appreciated it when other people did!)  

I can only hope that someday, some younger person will remember me in the same way. 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

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Sunday, March 1, 2026

Right now

Right now...* 

*(A (mostly) monthly series/meme.  Explanation of how this started & my inspirations in my first "Right now" post, here. Also my first (similar) "The Current" post, here.)

For a short month, February was a LONG month! (It has long been my least-favourite month!)  It included 23 consecutive days of sub-zero temperatures (which began in January) and lots of snow, (more than we've had in quite a few recent winters) -- although it did warm up briefly, mid-month (with temperatures hovering just above zero -- which triggered snow mixed with rain, sometimes freezing rain...!).  

On the personal front, I am still struggling somewhat to get back to "normal," after my mother's death on New Year's Day and an unexpected full month away from home.  (Perhaps related to or adding to this feeling of abnormality/being out of routine, I binged on the Olympics for two solid weeks. ;)  )

And the month ended in disappointment when Little Great-Niece's birthday party was cancelled at the last minute, because she was running a slight fever the day before. :(  (To be rescheduled, possibly for next weekend.) Better safe than sorry, I guess (remembering Little Great-Nephew #1's birthday party in November, which became a super-spreader event...!).  But we've hardly seen anyone all month long, and we were SO looking forward to it (dh especially).  :(   (At this rate, the great-niblings will get their Valentine's Day goodies for Easter...!)

Spring can't come soon enough...! 

Some of the things I/we did this month include: 

  • Bought groceries and takeout pizza slices or soup for lunch at the supermarket (Feb. 2nd, 9th, 16th & 23rd).  
  • Walked and shopped at the local mall (Feb. 3rd, 10th, 17th & 24th).
  • Went for brunch at a new restaurant, using a gift card a friend sent me for my birthday (Friday, Feb. 6th). (See "Eating," below.) 
  • Browsed and picked up cards & other things for the great-niblings at the bookstore (Feb. 6th, 11th & 25th). 
  • Had lunch at BIL & SIL's with Younger Nephew, his wife and Little Great-Niece (Feb. 7th). Between sickness and the holidays, we hadn't seen Younger Nephew & family since Little Great-Nephew #1's birthday party in mid-November (i.e., almost three months!). That's the last time to date that we've seen anyone from the family, including BIL & SIL. :(  
  • Stopped at the drugstore to pick up prescriptions, en route home from doing other shopping (Feb. 11th, 23rd & 25th). 
  • Went to the bank (Feb. 25th).   
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** 

Also right now:  

Reading: I finished 4 books in February (all reviewed on this blog, as well as Goodreads & StoryGraph, & tagged "2026 books"  Year to date, I've read 5 books,  reached 13% of my Goodreads Challenge goal, and am currently 1 book behind schedule to achieve it by year end.  
Current reads: 
  • "Gimme a Crisis" by Howard Green.  Currently 13% completed.
  • "The Four Graces" by D.E. Stevenson -- re-read/readalong/discussion with my D.E. Stevenson group, which began Feb. 23 and will conclude in late April/early May. Original 2015 review here;  most recent review here. (Currently 12% completed.)  
  • "Childless: A Woman and a Girl in a Man's World" by Fabiana Formica.  This one is beautifully written, but slow going, and I was reading it (or trying to...!) at Mom & Dad's last summer, where there were a lot of distractions. I've put it aside for the moment to focus on other reading priorities, but I've completed 33% to date.
  • "L.M. Montgomery and Gender," an essay collection edited by E. Holly Pike & Laura Robinson. Slowly working my way through, in between the other books...! 
Coming up: Most of my book groups have their next reads plotted out for a few months in advance -- and listing them here helps me keep track of what I should be reading next. ;)  
  • For my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club:  
    • "The Safekeep" by Yael Van der Wouden (March). (I read this one fairly recently, last fall, and will likely not revisit it, particularly since I'm not leading the discussion.)  
    • (Books for May & onwards to be determined...) 
  • For my D.E. Stevenson group:  
    • (Next books still to be determined...) 
A few recently purchased titles (all in digital format, mostly discounted ($5-10 or less) or purchased with points):  (Not adding links this time around...!) 

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** 

Watching: 
  • "Finding Your Roots" (season 12) on PBS, Tuesday nights, which began in January. 
  • The Winter Olympics! (Constantly!  lol -- for two full weeks!! -- figure skating in particular, although I found myself watching all kinds of sports.)  
Playing:  
  • Heardle Decades: (as of Feb. 28th)  
    • Heardle 60s: 73.9% (874/1182, 350 on first guess), down 0.1% from Jan. 31st. Max streak: 20. 
    • Heardle 70s: 75.2% (696/925, 388 on first guess), down 0.7% from Jan. 31st. Max streak: 18. 
    • Heardle 80s:  41.6% (325/782, 114 on first guess), unchanged from Jan. 31st. Max. streak: 5.
    • Heardle 90s: 33.5% (296/883, 78 on first guess), down 0.5% from Jan. 31st. Max. streak: 9. 
  • NYT Connections: 
    • As of Jan. 31st, I had 535 completed games, won 89% of them, including 283 "perfect puzzles," including 16 where I got the most difficult/purple category first (unchanged from Dec. 31st). Maximum winning streak:  45 (unchanged).  Current streak:  12.  
    • By Feb. 28th  I'd played 563 games and won 89% of them, including 300 "perfect puzzles" with zero errors, including 18 where I got the most difficult/purple category first (an increase of 2 since Dec. 31st). Maximum winning streak: 45 (unchanged). Current streak: 12. 
Listening:  The Stingray 80s channel played "Shelter" by Lone Justice the other day -- and now I'm down the Lone Justice rabbit hole on YouTube & Spotify. I had and loved their first two albums on cassette, which went to Older Nephew along with my vinyl collection, and both seem to be out of print, albeit there are used copies floating around. 

Following:  

Eating/Drinking:  
  • We've been trying to eat healthier and lower our cholesterol -- and avoid having to take (more) medication -- since some less-than-stellar bloodwork results for both of us in fall 2024 and then again (for me) last November (2025, as mentioned in November's Right Now post). I'm supposed to repeat my bloodwork in the spring.  
    • I ended February 0.2 pounds heavier than when I started -- could be worse!  Overall, I'm down 14 pounds since late October 2024 -- close to my lowest weight in quite some time -- and down 26 pounds from my heaviest-ever weight  (in August 2021). (Dh has gained a few pounds since Christmas, and is currently down not quite 18 pounds overall since fall 2024.)
  • We went for brunch at a new restaurant (Feb. 6th), thanks to an old friend who sent me a gift card for my recent 65th birthday and as a pick-me-up after my mom's death. Dh had an omelette and I had scrambled eggs with bacon (served crisp, as I like it!).  The ambience was lovely, the service was friendly and relatively prompt, and the food was hot and tasty, with generous portions. (The potatos, in particular, were excellent!)  We will be back!  
  • We also indulged in takeout pizza slices or soup from the supermarket, once or twice a week, for lunch and/or dinner. Saturday night takeout dinners included teriyaki rice bowls from the supermarket, rotisserie chicken (baked potato on the side for me;  fries for dh) from Swiss Chalet, and California Sandwiches (which are NOT exactly healthy, but delicious! lol).  
Wearing: Cropped henley sweatshirts from American Eagle (as mentioned in this post). :)  I loved the first one I bought (in light blue) so much, I've since bought a couple more in different colours (on sale).  So soft & cozy!  

Buying (besides books, lol): (and besides sweatshirts! lol -- see above):  Things for the great-niblings' Valentine's Day goodie bags, as well as LGNiece's 3rd birthday.   

Noticing: It's staying lighter, longer, outside these days. Progress?  

Trying: To call my dad more often, since we got back home. 

Wondering: When we should plan to head back west. I'm pretty sure we'll be back in mid-July (as usual), which will be Dad's 87th birthday (and would have been my parents' 66th wedding anniversary), but we should probably go before then to see Dad and help my sister with the house cleanout. (I'll chat with her about it soon...) 
                           
Feeling: Grumpy, isolated, a bit bored (and I'm not bored very often) and out of sorts -- still not back to some semblance of normalcy -- and very much done with winter!  :p  Hoping things start looking up soon...! 

(A few regular categories dropped this time around, because I couldn't think of anything to write for them, and I wanted to get this posted!)  
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