I've been quiet here lately. Tomorrow is 7 weeks since my mother died, and it's almost 4 weeks since we (finally) returned home from Manitoba -- and I still feel like I'm trying to get a handle on things (and not quite succeeding, with emails and notifications and to-do lists piling up). Aside from a few book reviews, I've been finding it hard to find things to write about here, much less the motivation to actually get them down on screen.
It's not just my mom that I'm grieving, too. I lost six people my age or younger last year -- friends, cousins, classmates. Today would have been my friend R.'s 68th birthday. Friday, my cousin would have turned 66. Both of them died unexpectedly in November, and sometimes I find it harder to believe that they're both gone than that Mom's gone. (Mom was 84, after all.)
Beyond grief, part of my malaise, I think, is just... February. February has long been my least favourite month of the year -- and not much has happened so far to make me change my mind -- I've had a severe case of the midwinter blahs. We've had a lot of snow this winter, and we just went through a stretch of 23 consecutive days of sub-zero temperatures (the record was 40+, back in 1976) -- that's zero degrees Celsius, by the way, i.e., below freezing. (We woke up a couple of mornings last week to windchills in the -30C to -35C range and I thought I was back in Manitoba, lol.)
The state of the world, as reflected in the nightly news, is depressing. (And not all because of the Orange One either... Case in point: we just had a rare school shooting yesterday, in a small town in northern British Columbia.)
So I was grateful to see Modern Mrs. Darcy's annual post last week, in which she asks readers "what's saving your life right now?" and lists some of the things that are saving hers. It's a great yearly reminder at a tough time of year to look for the silver linings, the "glimmers" that remind us that for every winter, there is also a spring. (Eventually...!) :)
Without consulting my past posts on this topic... here are a couple of my current lifesavers right now:
- Heated car seats! lol (We've been using them a lot lately when we've been out!)
- Our second bathroom. It often comes in handy ;) but the reason I've included it here is that we've been using it to shower, ever since we got back from Manitoba. The spray in our master ensuite shower has been both lukewarm and rather weak, ever since it was "fixed" last fall -- and our building's recent boiler issues haven't helped matters (and we've been procrastinating on calling the plumber to come look at it). It's a bit of a pain (the tub/shower is not as easy to get in & out of as our walk-in shower cubicle, obviously), but having a consistently strong, WARM spray has been very nice. :) (We bought a no-slip bathmat for the tub, and there have been no slips while getting in or out since then.)
- Spending time with the great-niblings. Always a day brightener. :)
- Watching the Winter Olympics from Milan-Cortina (the figure skating in particular)(another reason why I haven't been here much...!).
- Watching Piper Gilles & Paul Poirier win bronze in the ice dance final with their exquisite "Vincent (Starry, Starry Night)" program. :)
- This cropped henley sweatshirt from American Eagle. :) I bought one on sale in light blue and it's so soft & cuddly that I bought another one in dark/navy blue. :) I've been wearing one or the other constantly (especially during this frigid weather...!).
- A gift card that one of my best friends from high school sent me for my recent 65th birthday. She lost both her parents a few years back, one after the other, and then her (adult) daughter in a car accident, so she knows something about grief. The card was for a (relatively) new brunch restaurant chain, with two outlets nearby, and we used the card last Friday. The ambience was lovely, the service was friendly and prompt, and the food was hot and good, with generous portions. We will be back.
- Starting a new D.E. Stevenson novel -- "The Four Graces" -- which I've read before, but this is one of my favourites of hers that I've read to date -- like a warm hug and a cup of tea. (A good cup of tea also being a lifesaver!)
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