Showing posts with label #MM2023. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #MM2023. Show all posts

Monday, June 17, 2024

#MicroblogMondays: Three's company :)

**(CONTENT WARNING:  Pregnancy announcement!)(NOT mine, obviously!  lol)**  

It's now Facebook (& Instagram) official, so I can (finally!) spill the beans here:  Little Great-Nephew is going to be a big brother!  

Yes, Older Nephew & his wife are expecting their second child in late December.  And thus we will be great-aunt & great-uncle for a third time.  :)  

Older Nephew called dh's cellphone on the last day of April. Dh just happened to be in the shower (!), and when I saw it was Older Nephew, I answered the call. He doesn't call often. I explained dh couldn't come to the phone just then -- so he told me. :)  I ran into the bathroom so dh could share the news too (above the noise of the shower, lol).  

It was a surprise -- first, because his dad/BIL hadn't blabbed the news yet to dh (the men in that family CANNOT keep secrets!), and second, because both nephews had said they likely wouldn't be having more kids. In Younger Nephew's case, beyond just how expensive it is to raise kids these days -- particularly in this city! -- they went through IVF to get Little Great-Niece here -- and if you're reading this blog, I'm assuming you have some idea of just how expensive THAT is!  I'm not sure whether this was a surprise to Older Nephew & his wife too -- but they are both enthralled by Little Great-Niece, and I have a feeling she might have had some influence here. ;)  

I asked Older Nephew if they'd told Little Great-Nephew, and they had. His reaction? "Oh, good."  That was my reaction to HIS reaction, lol.  He's been kind of lukewarm towards his cousin/Little Great-Niece, albeit he's been warming up to her a little more recently, especially now that she's walking and doing more things. In fact, LGNephew says he hopes he's getting a little sister (!) and, in fact, he thinks it will be a little sister.  He's been right before about other people's babies, so we'll see...!  He had the honour of spilling the news on FB & IG, posing for a photo where he's wearing a T-shirt that says "Big Brother... loading,"  lol. 

Some wistfulness, and yes, definitely some anxiety on my part. (Not quite as much as her pregnancy with LGN, which was during the exact same timeframes as my pregnancy with Katie, 21 years earlier.)  But mostly just gleeful anticipation of another little great-niece or nephew to spoil.  :)   

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here

Monday, December 18, 2023

#MicroblogMondays: A Christmas carol

We arrived at my parents' house on Saturday to spend the Christmas holidays with them.  Yesterday afternoon, Parents' Neighbours' Daughter (PND) dropped by with the two youngest of the three Little Princesses, including Little Princess #3, who will be 4 months old soon.  

While they were there, a group of carollers from my mom's church showed up. We crowded around the door as they serenaded us with a few songs. It's a small town, and many of them knew PND, who grew up here -- and (of course) they were thrilled to see the Littlest Princess. I'm not sure whether they had planned their repetoire in advance, but they launched into "Away in a Manger" for their second song. 

Even when I was a kid, that song was a never a favourite of mine... and I distinctly remember thinking, when I told my mom that I would rather not attend Christmas Eve service with her in 1998 (fresh from the loss of our Katie, who was due in November), that if nothing else, having to listen to the congregation singing "Away in a Manger" (a perennial choice for Christmas Eve service)  would finish me off. 

I will admit that as I looked at that adorable little girl in her mother's arms, staring in wide-eyed wonder at the people singing to her, I had tears stinging my eyes. 

But only briefly. (After that, they sang "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" and moved on to the next house, taking away a box of candy that my dad produced from the pantry.) 

'Tis the season...!  

How are you all doing?  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here

Monday, December 11, 2023

#MicroblogMondays: Pre-holiday odds & ends

  • It's a William Tell Overture kind of day/week/month around here...! (The link goes to a past post where I explain what I mean!) 
  • The Childless Collective Virtual Summit is over for another year. It was a busy week (see above, lol), so I wasn't able to watch as much of it on the day-of as I would have liked -- although what I did see was pretty great!  Thank goodness for the Pace Yourself Pass! (which will let me watch the segments I missed on my own timetable for the next 365 days).   
    • I think Katy (Seppi, who organized the event) said there were something like 3,000 people registered this year, and 500 who joined the pop-up group on Mighty Networks.  As someone who's been around online childless communities for 20+ years now (!), those numbers are MINDBLOWING. 
  • Among the stuff keeping us busy last week (besides the summit):  setting up & decorating the Christmas tree, doing my Christmas cards, Christmas shopping at two different malls plus other stores, haircuts and a cemetery visit back in our old community, and the usual laundry, housecleaning, etc.  
  • Also this:  A week ago Saturday (Dec. 2nd), BIL called to ask if we wanted to go with him & SIL that afternoon to see one of his & dh's cousins, who recently got the all-clear after almost a year of dealing with cancer surgery and treatment. We said yes. The cousin's adult daughter, who teaches kindergarten and lives with her parents, was there, and the cousin's brother (who was our neighbour in our old community) also came over. We all had a really nice visit, laughing and talking and eating for several hours, and celebrating her clean bill of health, as well as BIL's successful liver transplant last summer. 
    • You can probably guess where this is going.  Wednesday, this cousin texted us:  her teacher daughter had just tested positive for covid.  :(   (It's running rampant through her school right now.)  
    • Almost immediately, I started feeling a tickle in my throat. I woke up the next morning and it was still there. I was also horribly fatigued all day. :(  
    • There were logical explanations:  it's been very dry in our condo unit (even though we have the humidifier running constantly) -- plus I woke up around 3 a.m. that morning and couldn't go back to sleep, so I wound up getting up around 5 (!). (So yeah, I was tired...!) 
    • Nevertheless, I worked myself into a panic. WHY had we taken a risk and exposed ourselves, so close to our departure to see my parents for Christmas??  I debated whether to test, and decided I'd gargle with saltwater, pop a few ibuprofen, rub on some Saje Immune essential oil blend (including eucalyptus, tea tree oil and cinnamon) and see how I felt the next day. (And started checking out alternate flight availability up to Christmas Eve, just in case we had to postpone out travel plans...!) 
    • The next day I woke up feeling a whole lot better. (A better night's sleep definitely helped.)  And I've felt fine since then. No further potential symptoms. THANK GOODNESS.   
    • BIL & SIL tested negative, and the cousin & her husband are fine too. 
    • I texted her last night to see how they were doing, and she said there were 7 kids absent from her daughter's class last week, and enough teachers at her school out sick that they had to hold their planned professional development day last Friday over Zoom, instead of in person. 
    • (ETA:  See comments for a further update!) 
  • Older Nephew posted a photo from Little Great-Nephew's classroom on Instagram last week:  the teachers made a construction paper tree with a leaf for each student, and they printed something about each child on it. For LGN:  "[LGN] likes to share and is always kind."  Older Nephew said he got all choked up when he saw that. Dh & I did too!  :)  
    • (It should be noted that LGN is not always enthusiastic to share -- especially when it comes to his baby cousin, lol.  But he is generally a kind-hearted little guy, just like his dad & uncle!)  
  • My L.M. Montgomery Readathon Facebook group just announced our next book, which we'll begin discussing together, chapter by chapter, on Jan. 15th: "Anne's House of Dreams." This is one that's a big favourite among our group -- and I know it's near & dear to many loss mothers' hearts, including mine. (Nevertheless, I will NOT be volunteering to do a video reading of Chapter 19...!)
    • (But -- do I have time before then to squeeze in the previous book, in the series, "Anne of Windy Poplars"?? -- known as "Anne of Windy Willows" in the UK. I do like to keep to chronological story order, where possible...!) 
  • My brand-new Kobo e-reader (purchased in late October) recently stopped syncing and downloading new books -- AGAIN.  I decided to try signing out of my account & then signing back in again, and once again, it worked like a charm.  :)  The drawback being that I had to reinput the wifi password and re-download books all over again. And all my bookmarks were gone too. (If I'd had any non-Kobo-purchased books on there, those would have been deleted too.)  But! -- I can download books to read again!  
  • Myles Goodwyn, the lead singer of the classic Canadian rock band April Wine, died in Halifax on Dec. 3.   He was 75.  April Wine was one of the few big CanRock bands of my youth that I never did see in concert, but their music -- his distinctive voice -- was part of the soundtrack of my growing-up years. (I can always pick out an April Wine song instantly.)  
  • From The Guardian: "‘I fret about the years that lie ahead’: the unique caring burden of single childless daughters." (Subhead:  "A ‘highly naturalised’ assumption within many families about who will care for ageing parents can be a vexed issue for the daughters left carrying the load.")  So glad to see articles like this that reflect the reality of so many aging childless women (and dispel some of the myths too!). 
  • A thoughtful story from the New York Times ("Why Anonymous Sperm Donation Is Over, and Why That Matters") explores the implications -- pro & con -- of ending secrecy for sperm and egg donors.  
  • Bruce Grierson nails the allure -- and problems -- with Substack newsletters in this (gift-linked) opinion piece from the Globe & Mail. (Ummm... *cough*)  (I have 6 paid Substack subscriptions, but many more freebies...)  
  • Speaking of Substacks (lol), I loved this wonderful essay about infertility from Helen Davenport-Peace. Worth a read! 
  • And I could really relate to this piece from Jennie Agg:  "What a performance: On other people's pregnancies and the roles we're required to play." 
  • I loved this opinion piece by Brad Stulberg from the New York Times: "Not Everything Has to Be Meaningful."  Sample quote: 
    “Why does what you are experiencing right now need to have some greater purpose?” she asked me. “Not everything has to be meaningful and you don’t have to grow from it. Why can’t it just suck, at least for the time being?” 
     
  • Not ALI-related, but also Substack-related, and totally relatable (to me, anyway): I've been reading "The Direction of Motion" by Kathy Valentine of the Go-Gos, who is packing up her life in preparation for a move to England, where her mother was from.  (Her memoir, which I read & reviewed a few years back, is also a great read!) This passage from her latest post really resonated:  
This is maybe the hardest thing of aging. They’d have you think it’s all about your appearance and physicality changing, your health changing. We know about supplements and wellness and the likelihood of meds for ailing systems, and if I choose, I can get my neck or eyes or jowls lifted. But the real thing is time. The acute, stinging awareness of time as a finite resource, pulsing alongside my heartbeat, underneath every impulse and thought. There’s nothing to fix there, and damn it makes me ruthless and harsh about protecting my mystery allotment of time while becoming simutaneously more gentle and tolerant of everything else, even people. Even me sometimes.

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here

Monday, December 4, 2023

#MicroblogMondays: Scattered

I feel like my brain is running off in 20 different directions at once  lately.  :p  Too much to do, too many distractions, too little time before we head west for Christmas.  

The Childless Collective Summit is on right now (until tomorrow), and while I've managed to watch several presentations, there are still a LOT left on my watch list.  I'm finding it hard to just sit down and watch, when there are so many other priorities to tend to right now.  Thank goodness for the Pace Yourself Pass! 

My email inbox just keeps filling up, and takes longer and longer to wade through these days.  So many great newsletters I want to read, so little time right now... 

My Christmas cards are stacked in a pile, untouched, waiting to be done. 

I would love to do some Christmas baking, but I think I'll have to wait to satisfy my baking itch until I'm "home" with my mom & sister...  (The Kitchen Aid stand mixer I got at this time last year is STILL untouched!)  

I have ONE book left to reach my Goodreads goal for the year, and I'm ALMOST finished -- but things keep getting in the way...!  (And my brand-new e-reader has been having some sync issues again... grrrrrr....) 

I'm dying to work more on my family tree, fuelled by the results of my DNA test, and my mom's. I've been corresponding with my dad's 2nd cousin about the results and the family ties we share, but responding takes time. 

Current global events are certainly distracting (and concerning). :(  

Plus there's all the usual mundane day-to-day stuff that needs to be done -- the laundry, the housecleaning...  

And I know there's lots more I haven't mentioned here. 

But we ARE getting SOME things done. We still have Christmas shopping to do, but we went to the mall last week (and a few local stores too), and made a good dent in the list. We're going back tomorrow too. Prioritizing dh's side of the family first, since I'll still have some time before Christmas to fill in the gaps for my side of the family once we get to my parents'.  

Dh took it upon himself to shred a big pile of papers this afternoon. It didn't take that long to do, once he started, but it had been sitting there (and growing!) and taking up space on my to-do list for MONTHS now. Glad to cross that one off the list!  

Also this afternoon, we hauled the Christmas tree out of our front closet and set it up. :)  We'll bring the decorations up from our storage locker in the parking garage tomorrow. Just having it up, and the extra light it gives, makes me very happy.  :)  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

Monday, November 27, 2023

#MicroblogMondays: "War and Peace," anyone??

(How's that for the ultimate juxtaposition -- "#MicroblogMondays" and "War and Peace??" lol)    

Like so many people who consider themselves avid readers, I've tried to read "War and Peace" by Leo Tolstoy. (Tried.)  As an honours English student at university in the early 1980s (many years pre-Internet, when my attention span was much better, lol), I earnestly bought up copies of some of the classics that I hadn't covered in my studies, which I fully intended to read during my spare time and summer holidays -- including a two-volume Penguin set of "War and Peace." I think I got through the first 60 pages before I drifted away to something else, and never reopened it again. (It may still be lurking somewhere in the corners of my parents' crawlspace... along with a boxed set of Thomas Hardy, which met a similar fate, lol.  I did somewhat better with my boxed set of Jane Austen, although I still haven't read all six of her novels.)  

Then, this morning, I saw this Substack Note from one of my favourite writers/Substackers


"Here I go again...!"  I thought.  As I've said before (many times...!), I need another book club/readalong like a hole in the head -- but this does sound intriguing and, at one chapter per day spread over an entire year, (possibly) manageable. 

As I wrote here, in July, I was interested in a summer readalong of "Middlemarch" by George Eliot, which I read as a university student -- but I just didn't have the capacity to take part (although I've saved the relevant Substack posts, in the event that I do find the time, one of these days...!). 

Have you read "War and Peace"?  (Are you tempted??)  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here

Monday, November 20, 2023

#MicroblogMondays: Be careful out there

I was just getting ready for bed on Saturday night, when an email popped up on my cellphone from my sister, with this attention-grabbing headline: "Guess who has COVID??"  

Yep, after dodging the pandemic bullet for 3 & 1/2 years (!), my sister has finally fallen victim to the nefarious bug. :(   I spoke to her on Sunday afternoon.  She said she started feeling crappy on Thursday, tested negative, felt even worse by Friday afternoon -- and tested positive. Immediately cancelled plans to head to my parents' house on the weekend. She was isolating from her partner on separate floors/rooms of their house (which is not, admittedly, especially large -- but does, thankfully, have three bathrooms!), but now he's got a sore throat too. He was still testing negative at that point, but I guess we'll see...!  

I asked her if she knew, or could guess, where she picked it up. She said nobody at her office has been sick lately (and she works from home two days a week), but she admitted she's been a little lax on masking at the supermarket, etc., these past few months. She hadn't received the latest/fall vaccine yet -- availability where she lives is still scarce/limited/not well publicized. 

I told her well, she'd had a pretty good run, and at least it happened NOW and not four weeks from now, i.e., when we'll all be at Mom & Dad's for Christmas. Thankfully, she seems to have a mild case so far -- she said so far, it's like a bad head cold. Stuffy nose, cough, sore throat, fatigue.  She'll have a few hours where she has some energy to do things, and then she crashes.  (She talked with her doctor about Paxlovid, but decided not to fill the prescription, given that she has few risk factors and often doesn't do well with new medications.)  

Still, it sucks. :(  It's a good reminder that yes, covid is still out there, people are still getting sick from it -- very sick, in some cases -- and it's easy to let our guard down (especially when governments and businesses seem to be doing everything in their power NOT to remind us it still exists...!). (And this reminder is to myself, as much as to any of you reading this...!) 

My American friends & relatives will be gathering with their families later this week for U.S. Thanksgiving -- and Christmas is not that far off, either (eeek!).  

Be careful out there. 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

Monday, November 13, 2023

#MicroblogMondays: Down the rabbit hole, part 2

After spending the past week-plus immersed in my Mom's Ancestry DNA results, my own results arrived yesterday. 

In a nutshell -- I'm a mutt. :)  (lol)  And, as I said last week, I can only imagine what a mixture our Katie would have been...! 

On Mom's side, I'm basically the same mix as Mom is, but in smaller quantities:  17% from Sweden & Denmark (primarily central and southern Sweden), 15% Scotland, 7% Norway, 4% Ireland, 3% Finland.

On Dad’s side, both of my grandparents'/their families came to Canada from western Ukraine, near Lviv -- an area that now borders Moldova, Romania, Hungary, Slovakia and Poland -- which was actually considered part of Austria when my grandfather was growing up.  

So I was I was unsurprised to learn that 39% of my heritage comes from Eastern Europe & Russia, which includes Ukraine, parts of Poland & Romania.  

But I WAS surprised by what a mixture the rest of my genetic makeup was on that side:  

  • 4% from The Balkans (primarily located in: Bosnia and Herzegovina, Bulgaria, Croatia, Romania and Serbia, but also found in Albania, Austria, Greece, Hungary, Kosovo, Moldova, Montenegro, North Macedonia, Slovakia and Slovenia...!); 
  • 3% The Baltics (primarily located in Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania, but also found in Belarus, Poland, Russia and Ukraine);    
  • 1% Greece & Albania (primarily located in: Albania, Greece, Kosovo and North Macedonia, but also found in Bulgaria, Montenegro, Romania, Serbia and Turkey), and
  • 1% Aegean Islands -- primarily located in Greece, but also found in Turkey and... Italy!!  lol 
    • (Hey, dh!  You may have married a "paisan" after all...!)  
Then I had a closer look at the breakdown of what I inherited from which parent.  My overall results showed 19% Sweden/Denmark -- but just 17% of that came from my mom's side of the family. The other 2% comes from my dad! 

I could hardly stop laughing as I picked up the phone to call my mom and ask her what she thought my (Swedish) grandmother would have said if she found out her daughter married a (part) Swede after all...!       

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here

Tuesday, November 7, 2023

#MicroblogMondays: Down the rabbit hole :)

(Posting this late, on Tuesday morning!) 

Over the past several years, my mother has been talking about getting her DNA analyzed -- i.e., she wanted ME (the family historian) to procure and organize a DNA test for her!  Her brother (my uncle) and a couple of her cousins & friends have done theirs, and she was curious about what her own results would reveal.  

I knew that if she was going to get hers done, I'd have to (might as well...!)  get mine done too. Until now, I've been on the fence. I knew it would open up a whole bunch of new possibilities for my family tree research... but of course, that can be both a good thing and a bad thing...!  

For one thing, I figured that to get the most out of your results (especially if you have any real interest in genealogy, as I do), you'd have to have a public family tree on Ancestry (true), and I wasn't sure I was ready to make mine public (and deal with a bunch of enquiries). 

Second, I knew that getting these results would send me down a whole bunch of rabbit holes, lol.  Genealogy can be a LOT of fun, but it can also be a HUGE time suck!  

And of course, there's always the chance that you're going to learn something surprising/shocking about yourself, or a family member(s). I wasn't so worried about myself -- anyone who looks at me and looks at my parents knows whose kid I am...!  But (as I think I've mentioned here in the past), I know of at least one family member who had a baby out of wedlock that was relinquished for adoption... that person has other children, and I have no idea what if anything those kids know about their half-sibling.  

But I also knew that the more family members (and closer ones) that you test, the better/more accurate your results are going to be... and my mother is not going to be around forever. I agreed to do it, with a couple of caveats:  (a) if you have anything you need to tell me, tell me NOW!  lol  and (b) if this adopted child (who would now be in their 50s) comes knocking, my mom gets to be the one who calls the biological parent about it!  

So I bought two kits from Ancestry (the company with the largest database, where I have had an account and a private family tree for years) during its Easter sale last spring, and brought them with me to Mom & Dad's when we visited over (Canadian) Thanksgiving last month. I set myself up as Mom's "results manager" (so that I could see her results, respond to any enquiries, etc.).  We took our tests (literally spit in a tube), packaged them up and mailed them while I was there. We were told the results would take about 6-8 weeks to process -- i.e., probably by American Thanksgiving, or mid-December at the latest, just in time for Christmas!  

Well -- my results are still pending (currently due mid-month, although they may come sooner), but Mom got hers on Halloween, Oct. 31st, less than three weeks after we sent them. And since then, almost every point I anticipated has been realized...!  I did wind up making my tree public (and there have been benefits to that, in terms of being able to expand my tree back a generation or more further on several branches). I most definitely have been spending a lot of time wandering down various rabbit holes, checking our matches and trying to figure out how we're all related.  And yes, there have been a few surprises!  

First, the ethnicity estimates. We always were told/said/believed (for quite a while, anyway), that my grandmother was Swedish and my grandfather was Irish, so you'd expect Mom to be roughly half and half, right?  From her mother/Grandma's side, she's actually 32% Swedish/Danish (no Danish reflected in the actual locations, though) -- but also 11% Norwegian (! -- Grandma always made fun of Norwegians -- some inter-regional rivalry there...! -- so I can only imagine what she'd have had to say about THAT...!)  and 7% Finnish. 

On her dad/my Grandpa's side, 21% comes from England/Northwestern Europe, 19% Scotland, just 6% Ireland, and 4% Wales. One of the Scottish cousins I've connected with over the past decade or so (from one branch of my grandfather's family -- there are others that also have Irish history behind them) has always believed that we were part of the "Ulster Plantation," brought over from England & Scotland (mostly in the 1600s) to "colonize" Catholic Ireland with Protestants (which of course has resulted in hundreds of years of conflict).  Almost all of the "Irish" ancestors I've found have been Protestant/"Orange."  It will be interesting to see how these results get reflected in my own (in much smaller percentages, of course).

No sign of the potential family member I was worried might pop up (yet! -- my results are still to come...!) -- but there's been one or two potential matches (not close-close, but first or second cousin level to my mom) that have me going "hmmm...." In a similar vein:  the whispered family story (which one of my great-aunts refused to discuss!) was that my Swedish great-great grandmother arrived in this country with three children (including my great-grandfather) -- and no husband. The scandalous rumour was that each of her three children had a different father. (!)  The one son/brother to my great-grandfather died relatively young, as did his only child/son in his early 20s, ending that line of enquiry -- but a descendant of my great-grandfather's sister is listed in my mother's results/matches, and identified as a "half-cousin" and the sister (my mother's great-aunt) as "half grandaunt." Which means, if I'm interpreting this correctly, the scandalous rumour is true!  ;)  

I have had one person contact me so far about Mom's results -- a third cousin once removed in Australia, who is actually related to another distant cousin I've been in touch with for the past 10 years now. Still, this person was able to add some new information to my tree. 

I still have a LOT to learn about DNA genealogy -- and with more than 800 "close" matches and 19,000 matches for my mom to peruse -- plus my own still to come, of course (including what I've inherited from my father's side of the family).  Now dh is interested in getting his done!  (I can only imagine what a mixture of ethnicities our Katie would have been...!)  I think I'm going to be exploring rabbit holes for quite a while to come...!  (But I love it!) 

Have you had your DNA analyzed?  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here

Monday, October 30, 2023

#MicroblogMondays: Plus ca change...

When my sister & I were little, the arrival of the Christmas catalogues from the big department stores -- from Eatons, Sears and, from the U.S., Sears Roebuck -- was a major event, eagerly anticipated. We would pore endlessly over the pages, jam-packed with toys of every description, and flag the ones we wanted -- one of us would use an X and the other a check mark, or a circle. (Hint, hint, Mom & Dad.)  The small rural towns on the Canadian Prairies where we grew up in the 1960s and 1970s were miles away (often hundreds of miles away) from department stores of any size, let alone dedicated toy stores, so the catalogues presented a spectacular display of riches, abundance and possibilities.  

Those thick, fat catalogues have mostly gone the way of the dodo bird (not to mention the department stores themselves -- RIP, Eatons and Sears Canada, among others).  So I was both surprised and amused when we walked in to BIL's house two weekends ago after dinner for coffee -- the kids and grandkids were all there too -- and were greeted by a very excited Little Great-Nephew, clutching -- of all things -- a CATALOGUE. From Amazon!  (Who else these days, right?)  It was far slimmer than than the gloriously fat catalogues of my childhood, but there were still pages and pages of toys to keep a clearly dazzled LGN preoccupied for most the time we were there. 

LGN was mesmerized, and insisted on sitting down with every adult in the house, one by one, to page through and show us all the toys he wanted. By which I mean pretty much all of them, of course, lol.  

It's nice to know that some things haven't changed -- that catalogues still exist (in some form), and that, in the age of the Internet and Amazon, they still have the power to enchant a young child.  :) 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here

Monday, October 23, 2023

#MicroblogMondays: A service saga

When we owned a house, we had a regular HVAC guy who would come twice a year -- fall and spring -- to service our furnace, as well as in-between times when we were having issues. We found him by sheer luck, after trying a couple of other companies. He was a lovely Italian man -- on the verge of retirement by the time we sold our house, which made me feel somewhat less guilty about leaving him behind...! (lol) 

I know next to nothing about HVAC systems, but apparently our condo unit has an individual HVAC unit with a "fan coil" and a "drip pan" -- which we are responsible for.  We've been advised we need to have our coil cleaned & serviced regularly (as we did with our furnace at the house) and to be sure to check and empty the drip pan, especially during humid weather. (If it overflows and causes damage to the unit below ours, we're responsible.) Someone told me "oh, you can just vacuum the coil off yourself" -- but when I open up the little door to where the unit is housed, all I see (besides the slot where the filter goes) is a wall of sheet metal and a dark empty space below it (that presumably goes down to the unit on the next floor?).  

We've been living here more than 7 years now, and I'm embarrassed to admit our HVAC unit has never been serviced. The building opened a year or so before we bought the place, and I doubt the original owners ever had it serviced either -- so we're overdue. Granted, we haven't had any real issues to date, and we've always been conscientious about changing the filter every 2-3 months.  And I did make an effort, a few years back, to call someone to come look at it. BIL had no recommendations to offer, so I just did some Googling and called round to several HVAC companies. Some never returned my messages. In a couple of cases, I did talk to customer service/sales reps who didn't seem to have any idea what it was I was talking about or what I wanted. (I think the condo thing confused them.)  One tried to sell me on a monthly service plan. (I'm not going to buy a service plan from you without sampling the service first...!)  Then along came the pandemic, and any thoughts of having service people inside our unit for quite a while...!  

As fall approached, I decided we really needed to have someone come look at the thing, for my own peace of mind, if nothing else. The name of the company that's responsible for the building's overall heating/boiler system is listed in the lobby, and I Googled them, but from what I could tell, individual unit systems weren't part of what they generally did.  I did some more Googling, and lo and behold, I found a company -- not too very far from where we are -- that specializes in serving individual condo unit  HVAC systems (as well as overall building systems).  I figured that they should know what they're doing, right? They were well rated on all the ratings sites too.

So last Monday, I called to ask for an appointment.  The girl I talked to took some information from me (the usual personal information and some information about the age of our building, etc.), and said someone would call me back. 

Lo and behold, about five minutes later, someone did!!  He asked me to text him a photo of our HVAC unit. (?? -- I guess so he could see what kind it was?).  Okay -- I took a photo of the outside of the unit and texted it to him. And then I waited to hear back from him. 

And waited some more. 

Finally, on Thursday, after consulting with dh about the best course of action, I decided to text him back. I said I was just following up and would like to book something soon. He texted me back a while later, apologized, said he just saw my text (! -- seriously?) and that he could come any day in November, 9 to 11 or 2 to 5. I said fine, how about 2 p.m. on Nov. 1st? 

Silence. 

Then the next day (Friday),  I got another text from him -- with a link, asking me to fill out an online form on their website. Basically all the information I'd already given him AND the original girl I spoke to (eyeroll), but, okay. I filled in the form -- once again, attached the photo I'd taken of our unit, as requested. Of course, by then it was Friday afternoon. 

Nothing happened over the weekend, but this morning (one week after I first called this company), I got an email, confirming my appointment for Nov. 1st -- for the 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. time frame (?! -- okay, whatever...). The name of the service person was a completely different guy from the one I'd been texting with. They encouraged me to upload any photos of our unit (seriously? -- again??)(this would be the third time).  And there was a link: "Click here to secure your booking."  

I clicked, and a window opened up asking for my credit card information to pre-pay the $180 (plus taxes) fee -- final total $203, plus change (!) (I don't remember what we paid at the house -- and I usually paid the guy with a personal cheque, which I know is getting to be rare these days -- and I know that was 7 years ago -- but I know it wasn't $200...!).  I consulted dh & we reluctantly decided we probably had to pay the fee. So we did, and I got an emailed receipt.  

All this, just to get an appointment...!  

And now we wait to see if someone actually shows up...!  

Why is it that getting a service person to come to your house these days (for anything!) is like pulling teeth??  I know these HVAC guys are busy at this time of year, but seriously?? 

Of course, I have the "advantage" of being retired and at home to make these calls and field the responses (such as they are), and wait around for someone to actually come do the work. It would be even more aggravating if I was trying to do this while working and/or taking care of small children. (Which is not to say I don't have other things to do as well...!) 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.

Monday, October 16, 2023

#MicroblogMondays: To check or not to check??

Is there anyone who actually enjoys flying these days??  It feels like it's become more & more stressful, with more and more tasks that were once handled by agents offloaded onto customers (and extra fees charged for every little option, of course...!).  

I'm asking because dh & I just got back home from spending a week with my parents & sister in Manitoba over (Canadian) Thanksgiving. We'll be heading back again at Christmastime. 

Our trip to Winnipeg (via Air Canada) was relatively smooth and uneventful. Pearson Airport in Toronto can be crowded and chaotic at times, but there was hardly anyone in the security lineup, and we breezed on through in no time at all. 

Returning, however, was a different story. First, we woke up to a notification that our flight was delayed by about an hour & a half due to "operational issues."  We still arrived at the airport in plenty of time... and then spent a good half-hour waiting to go through security. I've never seen so many people in the security lineup there as I did yesterday. The waiting area at the gate was also crowded. We were sitting near the check-in desk, and I overheard the attendants telling people the flight was oversold. There were multiple pleas broadcast for volunteers to check their carry-on luggage, free of charge.  

Backtracking a little:  Last year, after hearing one too many horror stories about lost luggage, in airports all over North America but particularly at Pearson, dh & I decided to bite the bullet, pare down as much as possible and fly to Manitoba for Christmas with two small carry-on suitcases only (plus my purse and laptop case as our "personal items"). The limit on liquids & gels was challenging for me (my Ziploc baggie was stuffed to the brim), but I've been keeping some basic personal care items at my parents' house anyway, which helped some. I knew we could do laundry while we were there, and I could borrow items from my mother &/or sister if necessary.  My sister was doing a lot of the necessary Christmas shopping (and we've scaled that back a fair bit in recent years too). 

Still, our bags were pretty well stuffed (winter clothes tends to be a lot heavier/bulkier than summer stuff...!) -- and an eagle-eyed attendant pounced on them and made us try to fit them in the sizer as we were boarding. They wouldn't quite fit in, were tagged and set aside to be checked. If looks could have killed, I would have dropped on the spot from the ones dh (who gets extremely uptight when flying) was giving me then (because of course it was MY fault...!). (It all happened so fast that we were on the plane and in the air before I remembered the bags were not locked.)  Fortunately, both bags arrived on the carousel in Winnipeg, with contents intact (including Christmas presents!). They were considerably less stuffed for the return trip home and all went smoothly then. 

This time around, our bags were not so stuffed, and (as mentioned above) we had no issues on the trip to Winnipeg. Returning to Toronto yesterday, however...!  The tradeoff for the great deal we got on the airfare was that we were in the last "zone" (group) of passengers allowed to board the plane -- and by the time we entered the cabin and found our seats, there was not an empty space in the overhead bins to be seen. We weren't the only ones in this predicament, of course:  the aisle was crowded with people trying to board and people trying to find a spot for their luggage. By some miracle, the flight attendants managed to find spaces for our two bags (plus several others) -- one a couple of rows ahead of where we sat, and one WAY at the back. We had to wait until nearly everyone else had left the plane in Toronto before dh could make his way to the back to retrieve it. 

It feels like a crapshoot:  do you check your luggage (often for a fee, of course) and then pray/cross all the crossables/etc. that it arrives when & where you do?  Or do you go with a carry-on only and pray/cross all the crossables/etc. that there's room for it in the overhead bins by the time you get to board (and that you don't wind up having to check it anyway)?? 

(Pronatalism alert:  Parents travelling with small children, of course, have an advantage:  they get invited to board early, no matter what zone they're in.)  

What do you do?  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.

Monday, October 9, 2023

#MicroblogMondays: Grateful

It's Thanksgiving Day (a long weekend Monday) here in Canada. I'm at "home" in southern Manitoba with my parents, sister & her partner, for the first time since last Christmas. It's not especially warm (12C = 54F) -- but hey, it's not snowing either!  ;)  and the sun is shining. Fall colours are still in evidence. Salads have been made, the turkey has been stuffed and is now roasting in the oven (and it sure smells good). There will be a card game later tonight. :)  

I'm grateful to be here. Grateful that our trip here went smoothly. Grateful that my parents (aged 82 and 84) are still hanging in there, and that I can spend some time with them. Grateful for our extended families. Grateful for my dh, and that our marriage has survived loss, infertility and the transition to permanent childlessness (among other challenges...!). 

Grateful for this blog, and for all of you who read it, comment and support me. Thank you! 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.

Monday, October 2, 2023

#MicroblogMondays: Does anybody really know what time it is?*

*  with apologies to the band Chicago for stealing their title, lol. 

(I mentioned this incident in my recent "Right Now" post for October -- but I realized, even as I posted it, that this would make a great (short!) #MM post too! -- so here it is, again, slightly expanded...!)  

I realized, at dh's cousin's cottage, late on Friday afternoon, that my watch had stopped, sometime just after 3 p.m. (I have another watch -- which was at home, in my jewelry box -- but its battery also ran out a while back!) 

I just took off the watch & put it in my purse -- no point in having it on when it's showing the incorrect time every time I look at it -- but I feel really weird -- oddly incomplete -- without it.  I know a lot of younger people don't wear watches anymore -- they just look at their cellphones to check the time -- but I've worn a watch more or less every day since I got my first wind-up Timex from my parents for my 8th birthday in 1969. :) 

I tend to keep my watches for a long time, too.  (I think I still have that Timex, in a drawer somewhere.)  After the Timex, I wore a nurse's watch for years that my grandparents had given my mother for her high school graduation in 1959. (I did get a new band for it at one point, and had it serviced a few times. I haven't worn it in decades, but it's still in my jewelry box too.)  Dh gave me a watch for Christmas, early in our marriage, and I wore that for years too (and still have it). Then I got two more watches as long-service awards from the bank I worked for -- a Seiko on my 20-year anniversary in 2006, I think, and then a Michael Kors (which turned out to be much larger than it looked on the computer screen...!), as a retirement gift when I "officially" retired in February 2016 (after being laid off & on severance pay since July 2014).  I'm still wearing the Seiko regularly, with the Michael Kors as a backup. Time to get to the mall and get a new battery(s, for both watches)...!  

I do have another watch -- a really cheap, sparkly one that I bought to accessorize a dress I wore to Older Nephew's wedding. I suppose I could dig that one out & see if it still works while I'm waiting to get the others fixed?  

I also had a watch that had belonged to dh's mother, which his dad gave me before we got married. I wore it on our wedding day in 1985 (as my "something old") -- and I passed it on to Older Nephew's Wife before THEIR wedding, 7 years ago (this past weekend, in fact!), and she wore it then too.  (I wrote about that particular watch in this post.) 

How about you? Do you wear a watch?  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.

Monday, September 25, 2023

#MicroblogMondays: The (Pandemic) Time Warp

Obvious subtitle:  "(Let's NOT do that one again...!)"  ;) 

Modern Mrs. Darcy recently flagged an article from The Cut titled "The Pandemic Skip." (If you hit a paywall, try this link instead.) Summarized MMD:  "COVID warps our perception of time, but what do we make of the years we “missed?” " 

Sample passage: 
That COVID warped our perception of time is well established — studies show that stressful experiences tend to make it feel unclear how much time is passing, especially when one is confined to one’s home for months on end. It felt fast, it felt slow, it’s now hard to remember at all. With some time and space from that urgent, panicked period (did that happen yesterday or the day before? How long has it been since I’ve seen another person?), some new questions have started to come up. Like, if we slept through three years of normal life development, how old are we exactly?

This pandemic skip — the strange sensation that our bodies might be a step out of sync with our minds — happened to people of all ages. We’ve heard of those freshmen in high school, who, never having attended middle school, went back to their classrooms punching each other like 12-year-olds. A friend skipped from 57 to 60 and, when she started dressing up to leave the house again, realized she felt distinctly out of sorts in her clothes — her dresses felt suddenly too short or too colorful. (At 57, she said, patterns felt ironic. At 60, they didn’t.) My skip, I realized, had carried me swiftly through what would have been my last couple years of socially permissible carelessness. And what I’d dropped into didn’t especially appeal, particularly after having been trapped in the house-cats-in-a-bag style for three years: real adulthood with all its attendant concerns.  

I remembered a discussion in a similar vein on another forum, and hunted it down. It stemmed from an article on The Oldster Substack, titled "The (Pandemic) Time Warp" (and tickled me by including a YouTube link to "The Time Warp" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show," lol).  Sample passage: 

All the worrying and isolation and grief and illness have definitely taken a toll on me, physically and mentally. I saw it coming; I remember being so scared in those first months of lockdown that my limbs sometimes shook uncontrollably at night in bed. When I wasn’t panicking about the imminent dangers, I was panicking about more long-term ones; I often thought, This constant anxiety is going to make me older than my years.

And now I think maybe it has. In the wake of the past three years, my joints are achier, I’ve got more wrinkles, my hair is grayer, and I’ve lost more of it. I’m exhausted all the time, yet so anxious still that I have difficulty sleeping through the night.

The question posed on the forum was: "Regardless of your position on how our governments handled/are handling this, how has the experience of living through a pandemic altered you?"   

My own response (in part):  

The first comment I saw [on the Substack article] expressed my thoughts exactly:   

"I don't feel it aged me, I feel it robbed me. When you're retired and in good health, these are the years you want to spend traveling, take these long breaks to discover other places and people, and that got taken away for about 2 years." 

(Make that 3.)  I thought by this point in our retirement, we'd have been doing some of the travelling we keep saying we want to do -- and that just hasn't happened.  I particularly resent that the pandemic robbed me of precious time with my parents. They are 82 & (almost) 84 and live 1000 miles away -- and there was almost 2 years when travel restrictions meant I could not get home to see them (when we usually go twice a year, Christmas and summertime). I am more & more aware that my time with them is limited and rapidly dwindling. 

My husband & I are/were generally homebodies -- but the past three years kind of took that to extremes...!  We've still continued to be very careful, much more so than most of the people around us -- although we've been getting out a bit more lately (wearing masks in public places indoors), now that nicer weather is here....  It's nice to be getting out a little again while still staying (relatively) safe.  


How about you? 

I feel compelled to add this P.S. from The Oldster article (as if it really needed to be said...): 
PS I feel compelled to note here that the pandemic isn’t exactly over. We’re now in a time of greater freedom of movement, when there are more situations in which it feels safe to gather with others, and I am glad for it. But contracting Covid remains a risk, especially for those who are older, immunocompromised, or disabled, and there are people suffering with long Covid.
You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here

Monday, September 18, 2023

#MicroblogMondays: More odds & ends

#MicroblogMondays is back!  :) 

This post may not be "micro," but I have lots of links for you!  
  • From The Atlantic: "Why Are Women Freezing Their Eggs? Look to the Men." (Gift link.) (I've added this book to my wish list!) 
  • Not ALI/CNBC related, but something I found interesting (also from The Atlantic): "The Very Common, Very Harmful Thing Well-Meaning Parents Do." YIKES. (One more entry in the "if this is parenting today, maybe it's just as well I didn't have kids" file -- not to mention the "I am SO GLAD I grew up before the internet!!" category.) (Also gift linked.)
  • This (gift-linked) article from the Washington Post is infuriating, on so many levels: "First, the loss of a baby, then the loss of legal rights." 
  • The always-wonderful Bibi Lynch rants about "‘As a mother’: the worst three words in the English language." Subheading:  "Having a child doesn’t give you some special insight or make you morally superior to the kid-free among us, writes Bibi Lynch. So why do so many people think it does?" (Content warning: Beware the accompanying photos! -- why do publications always do this??) 
    • (There may be a paywall, but you may be able to read a few free articles a month by creating an account and signing in.) 
  • Bibi chatted with Sangita Myska on BBC Radio about World Childless Week on Sunday during the last hour of Sangita's show. Their conversation is available for the next 6 days (i.e., until Saturday). (Edited: I got the date wrong;  correct date & link substituted.) 
  • While reading Bibi's article in the Independent, I saw a link to another story that made my jaw drop:  apparently this past week on "The View," Whoopi Goldberg, mid-sentence, while discussing a completely different topic, suddenly asked co-host Alyssa Farah Griffin (age 34, married in 2021) if she was pregnant!  Live, on national television!!  While Griffin's MOTHER-IN-LAW was in the audience, no less!!  Really, Whoopi??  :p    ("I see a glow," she said, trying to justify her outburst -- oh brother...) (She did apologize.)
    • Goldberg was roundly criticized on X (formerly Twitter)(deservedly so) -- but some people also came to her defense there. UGH.   
    • If that link is too hard to access, almost the exact same article is also on People. 
  • Worth a few chuckles (and cringes):  "That Weird Sad Childless Woman" (Alison Zeidman) on Substack posted examples she's found of "The Weird, Sad Childless Women of Stock Photos." 
  • Jessica Wildfire at OK Doomer can be kind of dark at times -- but I thought this was a great piece about grief (and our grief-phobic society):  "You Could Use a Mourning Routine."
*** *** *** 

The Cut (from New York Magazine) had a lengthy, frank article (written by an ambivalent childless/free woman) about what Jody Day refers to as the "#FriendshipApocalypse" of childlessness -- what happens when all your friends start having kids. The title:  "Adorable Little Detonators" (subhead: "Our friendship survived bad dates, illness, marriage, fights. Why can’t it survive your baby?").  There may be a paywall (and I'm not a subscriber, so no gift links);  if that's the case, try this link instead. 
  • Sample quote:  "Babies, those little assholes, really do show up in our lives like a popular girl transferring into school in the middle of the semester. Their sudden presence, though welcomed, coveted, hard won, and considered a blessing to their parents, throws the social order into disarray." 
  • And this:  "It becomes us vs. them. On one side: People With Kids (PWIKS: frazzled, distracted, boring, rigid, covered in spit-up; can’t talk about movies, only about how they wish they had time to see them). And on the other: People Without Kids (PWOKS: self-absorbed, entitled, attention whores, grumpy about life’s inconveniences even though their life is easy). When those slights go unaddressed, it becomes all too easy to pull away."
  • Jessica Grose, the New York Times's columnist on American families and culture, mentioned the Cut article in a recent subscriber newsletter:  "There’s Still Overwhelming Cultural Pressure to Get Married and Have Kids."  (You noticed??) (Gift link.)
    • Sample passage: "...I think when people get into their 30s and 40s and aren’t married and don’t have kids, they’re often judged... Many Americans find a range of family structures acceptable, but the family structure that Americans overwhelmingly see as completely acceptable is “a husband and wife raising children together.” For all the concern (and, sometimes, concern trolling) about marriage and fertility rates dropping, it’s still challenging to veer from well-worn cultural scripts to write your own new ones."  
    • And:  "A substantial majority of Americans — 75 percent — have been married by 40, and once they’re in their 40s, over 75 percent of men and over 80 percent of women have had a biological child. There’s this idea floating around that if only the broader culture pushed marriage and family harder, we wouldn’t have so many single parents, and I always wonder: When, exactly, did the broader culture stop pushing marriage and babies?" 
  • And in her Guardian column, Republic of Parenthood, Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett also weighs in on The Cut article (in a blurb near the end of a piece about Sophie Turner, Joe Jonas and mom-shaming): 
"What’s not [working]:  Postpartum friendships, apparently. I enjoyed this article in New York magazine about the impact a baby can have on friendship groups, although I didn’t identify. What’s changed, I think, is that more and more women are choosing to be child-free and feeling entitled to child-free time, whereas historically they would be roped into communal childrearing. It’s a reasonable expectation, but we all need to be kind to one another, and new parents are especially vulnerable. Having a baby can be like a bomb going off in your life, and at times like that you need your friends more than ever, even if they’re sick of hearing about it."

    • In the online childless communities I frequent, several people (including me!)  bristled at Cosslett's comments. Among the points made: 
      • "Entitlement to child-free time" and "Roped into communal childrearing" is a telling way to put it. (How dare we feel "entitled" to personal time, right??)("A reasonable expectation"?? -- I should think so...!)  As someone said, "feeling entitled to another person's labour and support is the real problem."  And as another said, "Surely there has to be some give and take?"  (Kindness works both ways.) 
      • Not having the baby(s) you wanted and expected that you would have all your life to this point can also be "like a bomb going off in your life."  And yes, "at times like that you need your friends more than ever, even if they're sick of hearing about it." And too often, our friends are not there for us then... 
      • What do you think? 
You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here

Monday, August 28, 2023

Monday odds & ends

  • Mel is on hiatus from her blog for a few weeks, so no #MicroblogMondays right now (which feels a little strange). 
  • Yesterday was Little Great-Niece's baptism. Beyond the actual ceremony at the church, there is traditionally a family celebration at a restaurant or at home later on. We were not invited to the celebration :(  -- but then, neither were any of the parents' other aunts/uncles/cousins. We understand that you have to draw the line somewhere, especially when space is limited, and fair is fair.  
    • But we did go to the church, and we brought a gift (a cheque, the same amount we gave to Little Great-Nephew, three years ago).  We wanted to go because we live RIGHT HERE, and of course we did not get to attend Little Great-Nephew's baptism either -- nobody did, because of covid restrictions, other than the priest, the parents, the baby and the godparents.  (And SIL, who knew the priest well and got a call a few minutes before the ceremony was to start:  "Come and watch your grandson be baptized!"  Luckily they live close by too!) (We did get to watch on the church's YouTube live feed!)
    • None of the other other uncles & aunts showed up for the church only (and I think at least one of them lives relatively nearby). Of course, most of them have their own kids and grandkids, or the hope of grandkids in the future. Being there probably meant a lot more to us than it did to any of them.  
    • Younger Nephew texted me this morning to thank us for coming to the church and for the gift -- and to apologize for not being able to include us later. He was worried that we might be offended.  Awww.  We have two amazing nephews.  :)  
    • We did not wear masks. (Gulp.)  I brought one in my purse, but absolutely NO ONE was wearing one, including Younger Nephew & his wife, who are about the most covid-cautious people we know.  The church was large and airy and seemed well ventilated, and while there were a lot of people there, there weren't a lot immediately around us, which made me feel slightly better. Fingers crossed there are no repercussions! 
  • I (finally!) went for a pedicure last Thursday afternoon -- for the first time in almost FOUR YEARS. (I did wear a mask then -- and so did the nail techs, more for the fumes than the germs, I think.) 
    • The last time I had one was in September 2019, just before Older Nephew's Wife's baby shower (in advance of Little Great-Nephew's November birth).  I intended to get one before we headed west to my parents' house for Christmas that year, but ran out of time and -- well, you know what happened in early 2020.  
    • Manicures, I can take or leave, but I do enjoy a nice pedicure -- especially during the summer, when my feet (not especially attractive to begin with) are on constant display, and pre-pandemic, I'd indulged regularly/monthly or so. I'm planning to go again in late September, before our planned weekend at dh's cousin's cottage. :) (Hopefully the weather will still be conducive to sandals by then, although that's not guaranteed...!) 
  • Little Princess #3 (!) arrived this past weekend!  Her mom grew up across the street from my parents (hence, I refer to her here as Parents' Neighbours' Daughter, or PND, lol -- and her daughters as Parents' Neighbours' Granddaughters, but more often as the Little Princesses) and is now in her late 30s. Her two older sisters (who will be 9 & 12 soon -- hmmm, I may not be able to refer to them as the "Little" Princesses for much longer...!) are both very excited.  :)  And dh & I are looking forward to spoiling her when we see her!  
    • She was born about a week past her due date, which (as you can imagine) made me VERY nervous -- so I was VERY relieved when my mom called to tell me she'd arrived and that all was well!  
  • I haven't been keeping track of articles to pass along to you quite as closely during the past week or two (sorry!). But I did notice this great article from Elle Canada about the choice to have children -- or not.  :)  
  • Once again, the deadline for a submission to World Childless Week has come & gone without a contribution from me.  :p  I actually started drafting something but it was still WAY too long and unpolished to submit and I just ran out of time. I hope to see some familiar bylines there, though!  
    • World Childless Week is Sept. 11th-17th this year.  You can already register for some of the webinars and other live events taking place that week -- visit the website and have a look at what's coming up!   

Monday, August 14, 2023

#MicroblogMondays: Read all about it (if you can!)

You all know how much I love sharing links to news stories on my blog that I think you might find interesting -- especially stories about childlessness, infertility, pregnancy loss, and grief & loss generally.  I generally don't share these kinds of articles on my social media accounts -- but I do frequently share other news articles there.  

Right now, however, I can't share -- or view -- news articles of any kind on any of Meta's platforms. This is not because of anything that I, personally, have done -- millions of Canadians are in the same situation right now. It's because Meta, which owns Facebook and Instagram, among other social media platforms, is embroiled in a dispute with the Canadian federal government, which recently passed legislation requiring them to start paying news outlets for the news links shared & viewed on their platforms. (Here's a Q&A that might be helpful.)  Google is also threatening to remove my (& other Canadians') ability to see news articles there because of this legislation. A similar situation happened in Australia a while back;  that dispute was eventually resolved.  

Personally, I don't rely on social media for my news, as some people say they do -- although I do share articles there. I have digital subscriptions to several online newspapers and other publications (Canadian and American), and I get daily email newsletters from most of them, highlighting articles that might be of interest to me. I also get notifications from my news apps on my phone.  (I do find some pretty interesting articles from international publications via Facebook & Instagram posts from CNBC friends there.)  We also watch daily newscasts on CBC TV, and CNN and/or the CBC News Network channels are our default viewing when nothing else is on that we want to watch.  So I think I will be able to stay pretty well informed.  

Still, it's annoying to see this message popping up in my feed: 

And it's annoying not to be able to share a good article that I've found with my friends on Facebook -- or to read the ones that those outside of Canada have posted there. 

I've read the arguments from both sides. As a former journalist, my sympathies are with the news organizations, whose business models were completely upended by the advent of the Internet & social media, which has drawn away the advertising & subscriber dollars that keep them running. Media outlets are going under at an alarming rate, local media in particular.  This is a U.S. example, but the local weekly newspaper in the next county over from where my mother grew up just ceased publication (along with several others in the area),  leaving the county without local news for the first time in well over a century.  The local newspaper in Mom's home town/county, in operation since 1882, is still chugging along... fingers crossed!!  

As a user of both traditional & social media, my main feeling is that, as usual, we the people are getting the short end of the stick. :(  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here

Monday, August 7, 2023

#MicroblogMondays: Katie, 25 years, and silver linings

I'm not sure what I can say today that I haven't already said in the 25 years leading up to this point. But... 25 years, people.  It's not something you can ignore or brush under the carpet (any more than people try to gloss over the fact that she did, for a brief time, exist, if only in my uterus).

So I will try. She deserves it. Especially today, of all days.  

25 years. It seems impossible. It's a long chunk of time. The build-up to these "anniversaries" doesn't carry quite the same weight of dread that it did, 24 years ago, 20 years ago, 15 years ago.  Facing this day has gotten easier with the passage of time. 

But I can't pretend the date doesn't mean anything to me anymore. It does. It still has power.  

As I've said before (and as I've heard other childless moms say too), when it's 5, 10, 15, even 20 years later, you have some idea what your kid might be doing (what grade they'd be entering at school this fall, what they'd be studying, what milestones they might be reaching, what their interests & activities might be, based what your friends' & relatives' kids the same age are up to...).  

These days, though, I have no idea who she'd be or what she'd be doing. None. 

When I was 25, I was married (!), living 1,000 miles away from the people & places I'd known all my life, starting my working life and landing the job I would hold for the next 28 years.  They say young people are marrying older these days, but a childhood friend's son, born 25 years ago in April, just got married last week (!) -- now THAT definitely gave me pause!! A cousin's son -- also 25 -- was attending a friend's wedding this week. My cousin's daughter -- also 25 -- has been living with her boyfriend in another city for several years now. 

She would definitely be all grown up. 

In traditional terms, a 25th anniversary means silver. Dh & I had our silver wedding anniversary in July 2010 (13 years ago now), and I wrote a post at the time titled "Our silver lining." The gist of the post was that even though my life to that point hadn't turned out the way I had planned, we had each other, and we'd survived.  

There are no silver linings with stillbirth.  I will never stop grieving our daughter, and wishing that things might have been different. I don't know why so many people facing uncertain pregnancies, as we did, get a happy ending, or, eventually, their "rainbow" (as in "rainbow baby") -- and we didn't. 

But.  The life I have now is not something I would wish away either. It is what it is... and what it is, is a pretty good life, on balance. I'm grateful for the life we have, while still wondering about the life that might have been.  Both things can be possible at once; it's not an "either/or" situation. 

I've often said that I had a choice:  I could let my grief over my daughter's loss and my childlessness destroy me. Or I could try to live a life that would have made her proud to have me as her mother. It hasn't always been easy, but I like to think that I've done a reasonable job of it over the past 25 years. 

Onward.

(I relieved my pregnancy in detail on this blog, 10 years after the fact. See the posts tagged "1998 memories.")

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.