About me

(the longer version) 

Hi! I’m Loribeth (a variation of my real name). My dh (Sam) & I have been married since 1985. In 1998, when I was 37, I became pregnant, after 13 years of marriage & 2.5 years of trying to conceive. Sadly, I had a rollercoaster pregnancy, and our baby girl, whom we named Katie, was stillborn in early August that year when I was 26 weeks along. 

Because I was already of “advanced maternal age” and rapidly running out of time on my biological clock, we soon embarked on a series of fertility testing and then treatments (clomid, injectable drugs & IUIs). None of them worked, and as I contemplated IVF, I spiraled into a series of debilitating anxiety attacks.  We both knew this was not sustainable – physically, mentally and emotionally (not to mention financially).

And so, in the summer of 2001, at ages 40 & 44, dh & I decided to take “the road less travelled" and continue to live without children, much as we had wanted them. You can read more about my story in the Timeline page and in posts tagged “1998 memories” and “The Treatment Diaries,” which I wrote 10 years after my pregnancy and subsequent (unsuccessful) infertility treatments.  

Blogs were not a “thing” in the late 1990s/early 2000s, although I was lucky enough to find support in other online forums for pregnancy loss, infertility and, eventually, childlessness. I didn’t begin this blog until I was 46, in October 2007, nearly 10 years after the stillbirth of our daughter and six years past my last infertility treatment.  There were very few other bloggers out there at that time who were writing about childless living as an option – and most of them have disappeared into the ether – with the prominent and welcome exception of Pamela Jeanne (Pamela Tsigdinos) of Coming2Terms and (later) Silent Sorority. But happily, many others have risen up to take their places.  (See the blogrolls and other useful links on the right-hand side of the page.) We still have a long way to go before childless and childfree living become normalized in our parent-centric society (or even as an acceptable option among members of the infertility & pregnancy loss communities) – but there is no doubt we’ve made very real progress in recent years, and I am very proud to be a small part of it.  

I never dreamed in 2007 that I would still be blogging 14 years later, now in my 60s (!) – but I keep finding things to write about, and I’m grateful that people keep reading and commenting.  These days, my childless life includes early retirement (due to job loss), menopause, aging without children, becoming a great-aunt, and downsizing and moving into a condo. I write about all these things & more here. Since early 2020, I've used this blog as a COVID-19 pandemic diary of sorts.  I love to read, and I also use this blog to track & review all the books I read. :)   

March 2022

7 comments:

  1. Did you not consider adoption? Certainly plenty of infants and children out there who needed parents.

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    1. The short answer is yes, we did consider it (most people who are living without children after loss and/or infertility do). It is a much more complex undertaking than most people realize, and we decided it was not for us, not at that/this point in our lives.

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    2. Wow, Scaramanga. You assume everyone has the same privileges you have. I'm not speaking for Loribeth, whom I do not know, but for some of us we did not have the money for adoption, or we were "too old" or we were single, or we were involuntarily unemployed and therefore, with any of the foregoing, not eligible to adopt even if we fully wanted to do so. Please remember everyone is not as fortunate as you and that your comments assuming that are painful and unnecessarily shaming.

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  2. Hi Loribeth,
    I found your blog in late 2020. I was reading My Life in France by Julia Child and wanted to know more about her childless life. A Google search pulled up your blog post about the topic.
    I must have spent hours reading your blog since stumbling upon it. We have had different paths as I am childfree/sterile by choice, but your insights have been so thoughtful and interesting to read. My husband and I are devoted to our nieces and nephews, but as we enter the mid-30s and 8+ years of marriage, our choice to not have children is starting to 'stick out' in our peer group. I appreciate your willingness to share your experiences online.
    I'm an avid reader and Canadaphile, so your blog was a real treat to find during the pandemic. I love your book recommendations. (Even though my to-be-read stack is a dangerously tall, as is!)
    I just wanted to say thank you for sharing a bit of your life with strangers on the internet. It made some of the gloomiest parts of the past couple of years feel less lonely.
    Wishing you happiness and good health!
    Amber

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    1. Hi Amber, and thank you SO MUCH for your lovely comment -- you really made my day!! I have some regular commenters, but it's always so nice to hear from the lurkers out there. ;) That post (about the movie "Julie & Julia" is by far my all-time most viewed and most commented on.

      Whether childfree by choice or childless not by choice, I believe we have a lot in common. We may be a minority, but we're definitely a growing segment of the population, and I really believe it's just a matter of time before more people become aware of us and start to listen to what we have to say... hopefully sooner vs later!

      Thanks again for stopping by!

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  3. Hi Loribeth, I just spent a few hours reading your posts. I love them all. Thank you for sharing your story with us for so long. Lots of love, Nicole

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    1. Thank you, Nicole! I am going to have to spend some time looking at your site as well -- so much there!!

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