Tuesday, January 31, 2023

"Spare" by Prince Harry

(I couldn't resist. ;)  -- The story behind my copy, here.)  

Walter Bagehot, an English economist and essayist, famously wrote in 1867, "Above all things our royalty is to be reverenced, and if you begin to poke about it you cannot reverence it…Its mystery is its life. We must not let daylight in upon the magic." 

I found myself remembering that quote and wondering what Bagehot would think of our modern social media/tabloid press world, and of "Spare," the now-infamous best-selling tell-all memoir by Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, the "spare" to his older brother Prince William's "heir" to the British throne. (The "frozen todger" story in particular...!!)  

(When I looked up that quote, I found another by Bagehot that I also pondered as I read this book: "The worst families are those in which the members never really speak their minds to one another; they maintain an atmosphere of unreality, and everyone always lives in an atmosphere of suppressed ill-feeling." Hmmm...) 

There have been other memoirs written by other British royals and ex-royals, or written about them with their co-operation. (Harry's parents, for example -- Diana with Andrew Morton and Charles with Jonathan Dimbleby. Sarah, the Duchess of York. The late King Edward VIII, Duke of Windsor, and his wife, Wallis, Duchess of Windsor.) But there's never been anything quite like "Spare" -- and part of why I was curious to read it was that unique, fly on the wall, witness to history, insider perspective into royal life. What's it really like to be a member of that family?  Harry delivers. 

The book is divided into three sections. Part One ("Out of the Night That Covers Me") begins with the tragic death of Harry's mother, Diana, Princess of Wales, in August 1997, when Harry was 12, the aftermath/immediate fallout, and his teenaged/school years. Part 2 ("Bloody, but Unbowed") details his time in the military, including two tours of duty in Afghanistan, and his subsequent struggles with PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks, and the question of what to do next with his life. Part 3 ("Captain of My Soul") describes how he met and married the American actress Meghan Markle, and their decision to retreat from royal life.  (The section names all come from the poem "Invictus" by William Ernest Henley -- which, of course, is also the name of the international sports event Harry founded in 2014 for wounded, injured and sick service men and women, both serving and veterans. "Invictus" means "unconquered" or  "undefeated.") 

I've been asked by many people (often, interestingly, Americans!) what I think about Harry & Meghan. I am of two minds on this subject. As a 60-something Canadian with some United Kingdom roots and an interest in history and politics, I grew up with a certain respect (if not Bagehot's "reverence") for the institution of the monarchy and its place in our (national/world) history and culture -- and certainly for the Queen, who was Queen for my entire life up until her death last September. I've often said, no matter what you think of monarchy as an institution, it's undeniable that she did her job -- a job she never wanted nor expected to have -- exceedingly well, for more than 70 (!) years.  

During my lifetime, increasing amounts of daylight began to be let in on the "magic" of the monarchy, accelerating in the years after Prince Charles married Lady Diana Spencer, Harry's mother (who was the same age as me). I watched their wedding, followed by the arrivals of William and then Harry. I watched them both grow up and walk behind their mother's coffin, when Harry was just 12 years old. Who didn't want to reach through the TV screen and give him and his brother a big hug?? I got up at the crack of dawn to watch his wedding to Meghan (who was living and working here in Toronto when they started dating). There was so much potential in this partnership to do good on behalf of the monarchy and reinvigorate the institution for a younger, more diverse generation -- and I was sad when they left England and royal life behind.  Even before reading this book, I had no doubt they had some legitimate concerns/complaints about royal life, about racism and security issues, about the press/paparazzi, etc. (Where public institutions/governments are concerned, daylight/sunshine can be a good disinfectant.) I appreciate Harry's frankness (he can be direct and unvarnished in a way that his brother William, as heir to the throne, cannot) and his understandable desire to tell his story, in his way.  

But I also think there's such a thing as TMI and overkill and overexposure. There's a disconnect between the Sussexes' stated loathing for the press and desire for privacy, and the way they have deliberately generated even more headlines by continuing to talk (and talk... and talk... and drop bombshells...!), in high-profile interviews with people like Oprah and Anderson Cooper, in a SIX HOUR (! -- really??) documentary series for Netflix -- and, of course, in this explosive tell-all memoir.  There are some indications that whatever public sympathy existed for them may be starting to wane.

Patti Davis (Ronald & Nancy Reagan's daughter) recently wrote an op-ed in the New York Times titled "Prince Harry and the Value of Silence." It's worth a read. Years ago, Davis wrote a tell-all memoir that caused deep hurt to her parents. Before her father succumbed to Alzheimer's disease, she apologized to him for writing it. She says: 

I wanted to tell the truth, I wanted to set the record straight. Naïvely, I thought if I put my own feelings and my own truth out there for the world to read, my family might also come to understand me better. 

Of course, people generally don’t respond well to being embarrassed and exposed in public. And in the ensuing years, I’ve learned something about truth: It’s way more complicated than it seems when we’re young. There isn’t just one truth, our truth — the other people who inhabit our story have their truths as well...

Not every truth has to be told to the entire world. People are always going to be curious about famous families, and often the stories from those families can resonate with others, give them insight into their own situations, even transcend time since fame flutters at the edges of eternity.

But not everything needs to be shared, a truth that silence can teach.

Author Joyce Maynard offers a somewhat different perspective in this Facebook post. Maynard has written frankly about her fraught relationships with her own parents, as well as with the author J.D. Salinger -- for which she was roundly criticized -- and now teaches memoir writing to others. She generally endorses honesty and openness in telling our stories, but cautions (while emphasizing that she has not read Harry's memoir and is speaking generally):  

One of the first lessons I teach in the writing circle here at the lake is that writing out of revenge never works. When someone writes to settle scores, or to justify their mistakes or simply to lay blame-- stacking the deck, reporting on the injustices they’ve endured, without exploring their own role in the story—their words may almost give off a smell on the page. The reader loses all trust. For the writer, there will be nothing to be discovered.

The gift I hope to impart in the writers with whom I work is to assist them however I can not simply in “telling all” but in learning something new about themselves and their lives, through the act of exploring them on the page --and in the work a wise writer engages in before committing her words to the page, which I know to be a vital part of the writing process, which involves challenging easy assumptions and and holding herself accountable. 

As for Harry's motives in writing this book -- in the prologue, he writes that he was stunned to realize that neither his father nor his brother really understood why he & Meghan chose to leave England. "Pa? Willy? World? Here you go," he says. (Bagehot's quote about "the worst families" certainly seems to apply to the Mountbatten-Windsors, as Harry describes them, anyway.) 

Yet there's clearly some bitterness and score-settling going on here too. Some of his stories seem rather mean-spirited (e.g., jabs at William's increasing baldness) or aimed at casting at least partial blame on others for his actions (e.g., he says William and Kate encouraged him to wear a Nazi uniform to a costume party). Harry also blasts his mother's former butler (Paul Burrell) for abusing the family's trust and writing a tell-all memoir about his time with her. Fair enough, but... pot, meet kettle? 

(I wonder what Harry's father or brother would write in similar books of their own?  I don't suppose we'll ever find out...)

I often think about Diana, and about how heartbroken she would be about the rift that's developed between her beloved boys, and by the damage that's been done to the Crown by these revelations. While she was critical of the family she married into and how things were done, and of the "Grey Men" who run the show behind the scenes, she was from a noble old family herself, and was not out to destroy the monarchy as an institution. She wanted nothing more than to see William crowned King, and for Harry to support him.   

Bottom line: whatever you think about what Harry has to say in this book (and/or whether it should have been written in the first place) -- as a book, as storytelling, it's (very) well-written (by a ghost writer) and readable. It kept me turning the pages -- albeit I had an interest in (and some knowledge of) the subject to begin with. (Your mileage may vary.)  It's maybe a little longer and more detailed than it needs to be (400+ pages). (I found the section on Harry's military career particularly long and perhaps somewhat more detailed than it needed to be.)  But if you have any interest in the couple and/or the royal family, this is worth a read.  

4.5 stars, rounded down to 4 on Goodreads.

(I was determined to finish this book before the month ended so that I could add one more to my totals, lol.)  

This was Book #6 read to date in 2023 (and Book #6 finished in January), bringing me to 13% (!) of my 2023 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 3 books ahead of schedule. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2023 tagged as "2023 books."  

Monday, January 30, 2023

#MicroblogMondays: Portrait of an auntie :)

Even though Little Great-Nephew (LGN) hasn't been coming to stay with his Grandma (SIL) every day lately (since his mom went on disability last month, because of carpal tunnel syndrome), we've still managed to see him almost as many times this month as we normally would have. 

Most recently:  BIL & SIL (his grandparents -- who, of course, saw him every day and REALLY miss him!) called us on Wednesday -- they thought they might drive up to Older Nephew's house to visit on Friday and asked if we wanted to come. Of course we did! -- so we quickly altered our planned agenda (which was going to be laundry on Thursday & housecleaning on Friday) and did the laundry on Wednesday. 

We were just finishing up housecleaning on Thursday around lunchtime when BIL called again.  Older Nephew's Wife/LGN's mom had friends coming over on Friday -- but did we want to go with them later this afternoon instead? 

That's how we wound up at Older Nephew's house late Thursday afternoon -- arriving not long before he got home from work. LGN -- and the dog! (I miss him too!!) -- were ecstatic to see us all.  :)  Dh & BIL went to get takeout fish & chips for dinner, Older Nephew's Wife poured wine for herself, SIL & me, and took freshly baked banana cake with chocolate chips out of the oven for dessert. (She's a great cook!)  

At one point, LGN sat at the table with his art supplies and started drawing pictures. I was amused when he declared the picture he was working on was of... me. "Don't forget to draw Aunt Loribeth's glasses," his grandma reminded him. He did!  I asked him if the two lines coming out of the bottom of my head were legs and/or feet. "Socks!"  he corrected me.  :)  See below. :)  

I took the picture home and put it up on the refrigerator (as I used to do with the pictures LGN's dad & uncle drew for me, years ago), using magnets that ONW & LGN had made for us as a Valentine's Day present.  :)  

A good time was had by all. :)  

(I just realized my last 3 #MM posts, including this one, have all been about LGN....!  What can I say? -- I'm a proud great-auntie!  :)  ) 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.  


Great-Aunt Loribeth -- with glasses. And socks!  (lol) 
By Little Great-Nephew, age 3.
(He & his mom made the heart magnets as a Valentine's Day present.) 
(This may wind up as my social media profile photo, lol.)

Friday, January 27, 2023

Friday odds & ends & updates

  • The Dyson sagaSince I last bitched... errr, vented (lol) about my very expensive, non-functioning air purifier/humidifier/fan unit and the crazy runaround I was getting from Dyson customer service: we still didn't have confirmation of where we were supposed to take our unit for repair, but we decided to go to the address I'd found anyway, a week ago Wednesday (Jan. 18th). (It did turn out to be the right place.) 
    • For all my complaints about the customer service runaround I'd received to that point, I will give props to the young guy we spoke with and left our unit with -- he was very nice and efficient and reassuring. He gave me his card (with a DIRECT phone number!!), told us the repair would take 24 to 48 hours, and that we'd be notified by email when our unit was ready.  
    • Needless to say, based on how quickly my previous questions and concerns had been handled, I was skeptical.  But lo and behold!! the very next morning, an email landed in my inbox advising our unit had been repaired and was ready for pickup.!!!!!! 
    • We were otherwise occupied on Thursday, but last Friday morning (Jan. 20th), we headed back out to the warehouse to claim our unit (just in time for the weekend). The same young guy told us they'd replaced a faulty pump unit, as well as the filters (albeit they are still showing the same usage levels on the app as before we took the unit in??), and run a deep clean cycle successfully. Hopefully we won't have any further issues the next time we try to run it ourselves...!  
    • Plugged it in, filled the tank (we used water filtered through our Brita pitcher this time around vs water straight from the tap before;  we'll see if that makes a difference...) and turned it on. It started up again, and also instantly reconnected with our wi-fi. So far, so good...! (knocking wood, LOUDLY!).  
  • Ann Douglas's latest book, "Navigating the Messy Middle," which I read and reviewed here, will be published in the U.S. on March 28th.  :)  
  • When I was a kid in the 1960s, I wanted to be Agent 99 from "Get Smart."  ;)  Did you know Barbara Feldon, the actress who played 99, is childless/free?  I was reminded recently by this article from Salon. She wrote a book about living single, about 20 years ago, and now has a memoir -- titled "Get Smarter," lol. It's now on my reading wish list! 
  • Oh, for more articles like this one!:  "Jennifer Aniston Isn’t the Only One Without a Baby After IVF" by Aisha Balesaria of Mind-Body Revival Coach
  • This piece by Ali Hall in Medium practically had me standing up and applauding... it deserves to be shared & read widely!:  "Why Do Some Parents Condescend and Belittle Non-Parents?
    • But (content warning/caveat!):  whyyyyyy is it that so many great articles about non-parents are illustrated with photos of women (presumably mothers) and children??  
    • I commented to that effect on the article:  "I felt like standing up & cheering when I read this... thank you!  I do find it a little ironic, though, that a piece advocating for childless/childfree people is accompanied by... a photo of a woman (presumably a mother) and a child?"
    • The author responded: "Thank you Loribeth for your kind comment. I hear your second point and you raise it well. I know many other childfree and childless may well share your sentiments. I was in two minds about choosing this pic. Ultimately I chose it as I want to draw the attention of parents to this article and I hoped this pic may help do that. I can understand your frustration at the use of the pic, I promise I don't normally use pics with children in them for my childfree oriented articles. Your feedback is very valid and relevant."  
      • Fair point. But still...  What do you think?
  • I'm waaaayyyyy behind on my podcast listening -- and many podcasts have been on hiatus over the Christmas holiday period, posting reruns of past episodes (reruns:  they're not just for TV!  lol) -- but New Legacy Radio had a new episode this past Tuesday afternoon that I listened to live -- and it was a really good one with a very important message for all of us without children, for whatever reason:  "Why is Policy Engagement Essential for People Without Children?"  Host Christine Erickson delved into this topic with Nandita Bajaj, Executive Director of Population Balance;  Jody Day, founder of Gateway Women; Dr. Robin Hadley, an expert and researcher on male childlessness; and Therese Shechter, a childfree filmmaker and founder of Trixie Films -- all advisors with the New Legacy Institute. You can listen at the link above, or on any of the usual podcast platforms. (Jody Day has shared the link as well as a transcript on the Gateway Women website.) 
Have a great weekend!  :) 

Monday, January 23, 2023

#MicroblogMondays: LGN made my day :)

Friday morning, we were at BIL & SIL's house. Older Nephew's Wife had an appointment in town and dropped off Little Great-Nephew to spend some time with the four of us while she was out. Aside from driving north to watch him skate the previous weekend, we'd last seen him at BIL & SIL's 2+ weeks earlier, shortly after we got back from Christmas vacation, which I wrote about here

Normally, he sticks to dh like glue -- but dh & BIL were out for a while that day, and SIL was stressed out, trying (and failing) to get him to use the potty.  I managed to get him to come sit beside me on the stairs (out of SIL's hair!) and talked quietly with him while he happily munched on apple slices and chattered away to me. He let me read THREE storybooks to him too, which was a first! 

You never know what's going to make an impression on little kids, or what they're going to remember. On this most recent visit -- even with dh and his beloved nonno (grandfather) around -- he got out some of his storybooks, sat on the stairs, patted the step beside him and called to me, "Aunt Lori!"  

"Ooh -- I'm being summoned! I guess this is our 'thing' now!"  I said to dh, surprised (but VERY pleased!), as I went over to sit beside him and read to him. Later, he got some apple slices and sat down beside me on the steps again while he ate. 

DAY. MADE. 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here

Sunday, January 22, 2023

Abso-frickin'-lutely :)

 

A Facebook find. :) 
(h/t to my longtime CNBC buddy & sometimes commenter here, Doubleme.  :)  ) 

Saturday, January 21, 2023

"The Metal Heart" by Caroline Lea

The January/February pick for the Gateway/Lighthouse Women NoMo Book Club is "The Metal Heart" by Caroline Lea.  Set during the Second World War, it's based on the true story of an Italian prisoner-of-war camp on one of the Orkney Islands off the coast of northern Scotland, and the beautiful chapel the inmates built there (which you can still visit today).   

Orphaned twin sisters Dot & Con (Dorothy & Constance) flee their home in Kirkwall to the small, fabled island of Selkie Holm, where they live in isolation in a ramshackle hut... until 550 Italian POWs arrive, commissioned to build stone wall barriers around the islands to thwart attacks by German ships and submarines.   

A romance develops between Dot and one of the POWs, a sensitive artist named Cesare whom she saves from drowning  -- while Con desperately tries to avoid one of the local men, a guard at the camp, for a very good reason... 

I've always liked novels set during the war, but I'm not sure I would have found or chosen to read this one if it weren't for the group. It's a romance, but almost a bit of a thriller, too. There's a dark, tense, foreboding air hanging over everything. Living conditions on the isolated islands are primitive, exacerbated by the deprivations of war.  Ancient legends and dark superstitions lurk in the background. The winters are dark and cold, rations are meager, and the townspeople are on edge with the arrival of the enemy aliens. I found it hard to put the book down as I got closer to the end -- and yet part of me was almost afraid to keep reading, waiting for the other shoe to drop (even if I wasn't quite sure what that shoe would look like...!). 

Overall, it was a good read. I'll be thinking about it for quite a while... 

4 stars on Goodreads. 

This was Book #5 read to date in 2023 (and Book #5 finished in January), bringing me to 11% (!) of my 2023 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 3 books ahead of schedule. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2023 tagged as "2023 books."  

*** *** *** 

Personal note: My father, who was a child during the Second World War, has told me there was a German POW camp near the farm where he grew up in southern Manitoba, just north of the US/Canada border. The only "official" POW camp in Manitoba seems to have been located in Riding Mountain National Park, a few hundred kilometres to the northwest of my grandparents' farm. But I did find this 2011 account on a local news site that corroborates Dad's story. Overall, more than 30,000 German POWs were kept in about 40 camps in Canada -- and the Prairies were a logical location for them -- after all, this was about as far inland in North America (and away from Germany) as you could get!  

(As in the U.S., ordinary Japanese-Canadians from the west coast were -- shamefully -- interned and then relocated inland, as far away from the coast as possible. Some of them wound up in Manitoba, where they were put to work on local farms, and some of them wound up staying after the war was over. There's a photo of my dad with his school classmates from the mid/late 1940s, including several Japanese children. One of their fathers became good friends with my grandfather.) 

One more digression:  Anyone else ever read "Summer of My German Soldier" by Bette Greene?  I did, when I was a young teen, and I was reminded a little bit of that book while reading this one. 

Wednesday, January 18, 2023

Recent reading

It's been a while since I mentioned some of the relevant things I've been reading!  Here are some of the articles/blog posts/Substack posts/etc. that I've read & bookmarked since mid-December:  
I feel like so many of these ideas are just so deeply embedded for us, they’re subterranean. We don’t question them, because we assume they are true, because everyone says that shit about glowing. So showing that they came from somewhere, and often somewhere bad, is the first step towards ignoring these pressures. 

...in Western societies, fertility has become ‘a kind of neo-liberal responsibility’. We see it as our job to manage it, control it, optimise it.

But should we? When the field of what we don’t know about pregnancy, miscarriage, and stillbirth is still so wide, approaching conception like any other self-development project feels to me like setting yourself up for self-recrimination and (more) disappointment. 

...until we do know more, is it fair on yourself to treat it as a goal that can be worked at?

More to the point, how can we truly be reassured that infertility or pregnancy loss is not our fault, when, as a culture, we act in the exact opposite way when it comes to achieving pregnancy?

  • From the New York Times, 10 years after the "experimental" label was lifted on egg freezing:  "Hope, Regret, Uncertainty: 7 Women on Freezing Their Eggs." 
  • From the Washington Post's Carolyn Hax: "She’s struggling with sister’s surprise pregnancy news." I find Hax is usually very sympathetic when it comes to matters of grief, loss & infertility. But beware the comments!  
  • This one is completely unrelated to infertility, loss or childlessness:  Pamela Anderson ("Baywatch") -- who is Canadian and now living back in her hometown on Vancouver Island -- has a memoir coming out this month, and the New York Times had a really interesting interview with her. Besides being Canadian, she & I don't have much in common -- but as a writer/blogger, I was particularly struck by this passage towards the end (boldfaced emphasis mine): 
For years, she says, she resisted offers to do projects about her life, unconvinced anyone needed to hear from her, content with her mark on the culture without wanting to challenge it. She isn’t after validation or affirmation and is not particularly concerned about her legacy.

But the book, she says, stirred something primal in her. She says it’s the first thing in her life over which she has had complete control — down to the copy edits, which she insisted on transferring into the manuscript herself — and losing that control was not an option. “It really was life or death,” she says. “I felt I need to tell my story. And I really couldn’t let anybody do it but me.”

We forget sometimes, when we talk about the idea of agency, that it’s as much about the stories we tell ourselves as it is about the actions we take. It’s not just about what happened to us; it’s about the role we feel we played in what happened. It’s the difference between posing for Playboy and a stolen sex tape. It’s why hearing someone recount your life to you can make you feel sick, while telling your own story, in your own words, can feel like a matter of survival.

  • Finally, this is not reading, but something to listen to: a member of the Lighthouse Women (fomerly Gateway Women) private community I belong to has been writing and performing songs that tell her story as a form of therapy.  She's been sharing some of her music with us there -- and it's wonderful! I asked her if I could share her music here with all of you, and she said yes. Her performing name is the name of her unborn daughter: Jaicie Claire.  Have a listen to "You Were There" and "Path of Peace" (it even includes the phrase "road less travelled," lol). 

Tuesday, January 17, 2023

Mid-January odds & ends

  • The Dyson saga: We've been pretty busy since our our brand-new Dyson purifier/humidifier/fan unit broke down a week ago, on Tuesday, Jan. 10th (and I was NOT going to chase down Dyson customer service and raise my blood pressure on my birthday!!  lol). Here's what's happened since I chatted online and then speaking with a customer service rep on the phone that day (who promised to send me a repair ticket and details on where to take the unit), and then followed up later that day with an email:    
    • I was amused to see an email from Dyson in my inbox on Saturday morning... inviting me to rate their customer service and provide some feedback on my latest interaction with them. As you can imagine, I was only too pleased to do so...!  
    • In my survey comments, I requested that someone contact me as soon as possible -- via email -- with the service repair ticket and other information promised to me last Tuesday (Jan. 10th). 
      • (I had the option of receiving a phone call or email.  On the one hand, it's sometimes easier to just talk to a human -- on the other hand, email provides a paper trail, and I won't miss the email, whereas one missed phone call can lead to an endless game of telephone tag...!)
    • Sunday afternoon, out in the car with dh, BIL & SIL, I got an email from Dyson... in response to the email I'd left the previous Tuesday afternoon (five days earlier!) via the chat function, where I'd noted that I had not yet received the promised email with repair ticket number and address information. 
Hi Lori,
 
 Thank you for contacting Dyson. 
 
 We do apologize for the delay in response, as we have an influx of emails and are responding in the order received. 
 
We have reviewed your concern about the repair. We are really sorry for the inconvenience caused to you. We would like to inform you that your repair has been booked and the repair reference id is... [number provided!]. Please visit to Dyson service center with this id. They would be happy to assist you.
      • A repair reference number -- YES!!  :) 
      • BUT -- they didn't provide the address for the local repair facility/warehouse where we could take our unit?! 
      • I did some Googling and found an address in the suburb the customer service rep had mentioned to me -- AND, lo and behold, a local email address!  I fired off an email asking for confirmation that this was, in fact, the right place for us to bring our unit. (It's about a half-hour drive away -- and we've already spent almost a week without use of our unit -- so I don't want to be making any unnecessary trips.)  
        • That triggered an auto-response email, saying that I can expect a response within 24 hours. (Well, at least I know it was a valid email address!)  They're closed on the weekend, so I figured 24 hours = by Tuesday morning.  We've been busy and unable to take the unit in until Wednesday anyway.  
        • It's now Tuesday afternoon... if I don't hear anything from them soon (and I'm not holding my breath...!), I'll call the general customer service line (AGAIN) and ask them to confirm the address. 
    • Then yesterday (Monday) morning, I got a response from the comment I'd left on the customer service survey I'd completed on Saturday morning... in FRENCH. 
      • I got the gist of what it said, but ran it through Google Translate to be sure. It said: "Hello, Thank you for contacting Dyson, we're sorry to hear you feel this way. You will shortly receive the information requested by our service team." (! -- do you get the feeling the left hand doesn't know what the right is doing??  Are they not all connected to the same systems??)   
    • And... a few hours later, I got what turned out to be a duplicate of the earlier email (!). 
    • Why does everything have to be so complicated??  
    • This would be funny, if the damn machine wasn't so horribly expensive... 
    • I think the humidity levels in our condo have only cracked 40% once in the week since the unit broke down, and they've often been in the low 30s.  :p  
  • The Bloglovin' saga: After refreshing the window, it SEEMS to be up and running normally today??  I'm not getting too excited, though... little has changed since my last post on this subject on Dec. 23rd (!).  Aside from a few brief periods, it's basically been out since Dec. 5th.  It varies from day to day, between (1) some posts from a day or two previous, mixed in with posts dated from 2020, including some spam-ish content in foreign languages (Slavic, Asian, etc.)(!), (2) "not available" messages and (3) "502 Server Error" messages. Bah humbug... 
  • The weather has been relentlessly dark, grey and gloomy since we returned from holidays... very depressing. There was a brief period of exception:  the sky cleared and the sun came out last Saturday!! and continued through Sunday & Monday!!  It was glorious!!  :)  (It also got a lot colder, but hey, that's the price we pay...!) 
    • Back to grey and gloomy this morning (with freezing rain overnight that's now turned to drizzle...).  :p  
  • It was a busy weekend:  two Zoom sessions on Saturday (actually three, but two were on at the same time -- one of them was a webinar that was recorded, so I opted to watch that one later) and one on Sunday. Plus going to see Little Great-Nephew skating on Sunday afternoon -- plus I was watching the Canadian national figure skating championships on TV both days in between Zoom calls (& PVRing to watch what I missed later...!).  
    • Nationals took place not far from our old community, about an hour/90 minutes away from where we live now. Once I would have jumped at the opportunity to get tickets for an even so close by -- and there were lots of empty seats, even in this venue, which is much smaller than nationals venues of the past. But I'm no longer close with the "skating buddy" I used to attend shows & competitions with, years ago. Getting there on my own would have been a chore -- transit might have been possible, but not easy (a couple of hours trekking back & forth, and not a great area, especially after dark...).  I think dh would have gone with me (and done the driving), if I'd asked, but it's really not his "thing" -- plus I'm still leery about big public events and covid.  Plus I find I'm still in a bit of a post-Christmas/birthday "slump" where I don't have a lot of energy/bandwidth.  Those are my excuses, anyway...! 
  • We made the trek to our optometrist's office in midtown Toronto yesterday. I was last there in late October as a follow-up from my surgery last July, and got the all-clear from him, with a request for me to return in six months (May) to check in on how things are going. A couple of weeks later, in mid/late November, I noticed some redness and irritation in the inner corner of my right eye (the one I had the surgery on -- of course!), and what looked to me like a bit of a clear bubble (cyst?) right where the white of the eye meets the iris. I've had clear cysts in the past; they generally disappeared on their own or with some drops. And of course, then there was Christmas. The eye has been looking slightly better since we got back home, but I decided I'd feel better if he had a look at it. He did (and so did his young associate), and told me he didn't see anything that concerned him, but to come back in May as scheduled for another look. What a load off my mind!   
  • BIL is adjusting to unofficial retirement (long-term disability). In recent years (since dh's own premature retirement in 2013), he & dh have spoken over the phone almost every day... and the calls have increased since he found himself at home. He doesn't read, football season is almost over (lol), he doesn't have a lot of friends outside of work & family (and of course many of the other people he might call or visit are still working themselves), SIL is still working part-time, Little Great-Nephew has been (mostly) at home with his mom since before Christmas, since SHE's on disability too... In a nutshell, he's bored, lol.  
  • I recently learned (via Facebook) that an old friend lost her first grandchild (her oldest child's baby). I sobbed as I read her post to dh (who also knew her well), and showed him the photos of an absolutely beautiful baby who hung on for a little more than three months in the hospital and passed away shortly after Christmas. A story we heard from our support group clients many times over the years -- but one that never loses its power to break your heart. :(  
  • Coming soon:  some recent reading, with links to share!  

Monday, January 16, 2023

"Anne of the Island" by L.M. Montgomery

"Anne of the Island" by L.M. Montgomery -- the third book in the "Anne of Green Gables" series, first published in 1915 -- is the current choice of the L.M. Montgomery Readathon group I belong to on Facebook. We started reading and discussing it, chapter by chapter, on Jan. 9th -- it's not too late to join us!  (At the pace of two chapters per week, we'll finish up at the end of May.) 

As I usually do, I chose to speed on ahead and finish the book on my own, then go back & follow along with the group (and count it again later as a re-read). This was, of course, after I finished reading Book #2 in the series first --- "Anne of Avonlea," which I reviewed here

Some editions of this third volume are called "Anne of Redmond," which might be a more accurate title, since the primary arc of the plot covers the four years that Anne spends as a student at Redmond College in Kingsport, Nova Scotia -- standing in for Halifax, where Montgomery lived and attended Dalhousie University for a year (1895-96). (She also lived there from 1901-02 and worked for the newspaper The Daily Echo. If you're curious about the connections between this book and Montgomery's experiences in Halifax, this blog post by Montgomery scholar Sarah Emsley might be of interest.) 

Also at Redmond: Gilbert Blythe and Charlie Sloane of Avonlea, and Anne's friends from her days at Queen's in Charlottetown, Priscilla Grant and Stella Maynard. Together with a new friend, Philippa Gordon, the girls rent a cozy cottage together, "Patty's Place." The novelty of women in higher education at the time is a running theme throughout the book -- as well as the distracting allure of romance. Many of Anne's old school friends are pairing off and getting married, including Diana Barry and Jane Andrews.  Anne has many suitors and proposals -- some of them hilarious -- and turns them all down. Then she meets a fellow student who embodies all of her romantic fantasies -- tall, dark, handsome, melancholy (and rich!) Royal Gardner. Has her prince come at last? (But what about Gilbert??)   

I can't remember a time when I didn't want to go to university (and I did) -- but, reading "Anne of the Island" again for the first time in many years, I found myself wondering just how much my ambitions (and expectations of student life -- as well as romance) were fuelled by this book?? I was also struck by the Halifax/Kingsport links. This is the first time I've read this book since visiting Halifax myself (once in November 1997, and once in September 2010 -- I thought I'd written about that trip on this blog, and while I have written about certain aspects of it, there is no one main "travelogue" post I can point to -- which is a pity;  it's a wonderful city!) -- and it was so much fun to read her words about the city and, in many cases, almost immediately know what locations she was talking about. For example, I instantly knew that the "Old St. John's Cemetery" Montgomery writes about here, near Anne's boarding house in her freshman year, was a stand-in for the Old Burying Ground, which was almost directly behind the hotel we stayed in. Dh & I took a stroll over there one afternoon to have a look around. Cemeteries do not generally bother me in the least -- but this was probably the oldest one I've ever been in (you have to remember I grew up on the Prairies, where the late 1800s is about as far back as buildings and cemeteries go!) -- and I'll admit, I found it just a WEE bit creepy!  (A few photos below!) 

(I digress.) 

This book is a favourite of many in the Readathon group. I would rank it a notch above "Anne of Avonlea," if not *quite* as high as "Anne of Green Gables" itself.  The Redmond material is wonderful, and some of the Avonlea content between terms is good too, reflecting how time marches on as we grow and age -- Diana's wedding, Ruby Gillis's sad story --  but I could have done with a little less of the escapades of Davy & Dora and the chapters about the courtship of Janet Sweet & John Douglas (albeit that story does provide another romantic relationship for Anne to reflect on).  The ending, however, makes up for all the prior shortcomings.  :)  

4.5 stars, rounded down to 4 on Goodreads. 

This was Book #4 read to date in 2023 (and Book #4 finished in January), bringing me to 9% (!) of my 2023 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 3 books ahead of schedule. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2023 tagged as "2023 books."  

*** *** *** 

ALI note:  This passage, toward the very end of the book in Chapter XXXIX ("Deals With Weddings"), really resonated:  

Anne was always glad in the happiness of her friends;  but it is sometimes a little lonely to be surrounded everywhere by a happiness that is not your own. And it was just the same when she went back to Avonlea. This time it was Diana who was bathed in the wonderful glory that comes to a woman when her first-born is laid beside her. Anne looked at the white young mother with a certain awe that had never entered into her feelings for Diana before. Could this pale woman with the rapture in her eyes be the little black-curled, rosy-cheeked Diana she had played with in vanished schooldays? It gave her a queer desolate feeling that she herself somehow belonged only in those past years and had no business in the present at all.

*** *** *** 

And now, as promised, some photos from Kingsport... oops, Halifax.  ;)  

Georges Island, called William's Island in the book, 
as seen from the Halifax waterfront, September 2010.
It's now a public park you can visit. 

Plaque at the entrance to the Old Burying Ground
(aka "Old St.John's" in the book)
Halifax, September 2010. 

Monument near the gates of the Old Burying Ground. 
It's the only Crimean War monument in North America. 

Sample photo from the Old Burying Ground. 
How'd you like to walk through here on Halloween night?? 

#MicroblogMondays: Skater boy :)

I've never been very athletic, but there were two physical sports/skills I mastered at a basic level when I was growing up:  swimming and skating.  I learned to skate as a pre-schooler in the classic Canadian style:  on a backyard rink that my dad made for us in the garden behind our house in a small Saskatchewan town, on a pair of hockey skates borrowed from the neighbour boys across the street, hanging onto a TV tray for balance. 

From there, I progressed to taking figure skating lessons, from the time I was about 5 until I was about 13. I never got very far, but I developed a love of the sport that continues to this day. During the five years we lived in one small town in northwestern Manitoba, we lived a short walk down the back alley to the skating rink (which was across the street from the curling rink). Between figure skating lessons, public skating sessions and watching hockey practices and games, and my sister, friends & I practically lived there during the long winter months. (I wrote about the old rink and my skating days there in this post from 2015.) I haven't been on skates in about 40 years now (gulp) -- I'm not sure I would do it these days (if I did, I would be wearing a helmet and lots of padding!! -- something I never had to worry about as a kid...!) -- but in my mind, I can still do it. ;)  And of course, I fully intended to enroll Katie in skating lessons when she was old enough... 

Dh & BIL both learned to skate, albeit dh hasn't been on skates in 40-some years either. BIL & one of the cousins used to play hockey together, and teenaged dh, five years older than they were, was tasked with taking them to their games -- on the subway, fully dressed in all their equipment!! -- and then getting them home again (often stopping first for hamburgers at a nearby fast-food restaurant). 

Older Nephew was never that much into hockey, growing up. Neither he nor Younger Nephew ever played, although they did both learn to skate. 

Then he married his wife, whose mom's partner (essential, his wife's stepdad) is a former player (I think he even played a few games in the NHL), and developed a passion for the game (to the point that he now has the Philadelphia Flyers logo tattooed on one of his arms!). (Not the Leafs??)  Between the two of these guys, it was inevitable that Little Great-Nephew would, at the very least, learn to skate.  

Shortly after Christmas, they took him to a family skating session at the local arena for the very first time (and then a second). We were still at my parents' place our west, but got a huge kick out of the photos and videos that both of the proud parents posted on social media. 

This past weekend, LGN's cheering section/fan club -- the biggest one there that day! lol -- included not only his parents and maternal grandparents but also his paternal grandparents (BIL & SIL) and dh & me.  :)  There weren't any early-afternoon public skating sessions available at the local arena where they'd been taking, so Older Nephew & his wife took LGN to another arena in another small town nearby.  He & his wife's stepdad took LGN out on the ice, with a "skating trainer" for him to hang onto. He was happy to see us all there (and, between stints on the ice, had a blast crawling up & down the bleachers and eating snacks -- which everyone knows is half the fun of spending time at the rink, lol).  

Little Great-Nephew, age 3, with a skating trainer. ❤
By the end of the hour, he was able to take a few steps/strokes without it! 
(The skating rink must also double as the town's curling rink, as you can 
probably tell from the circles painted on the ice...!)
I'll admit I got teary watching the little helmeted figure out on the ice, with his dad & grandad nearby encouraging him and helping him up when he fell. (But I was still able to take a ton of photos & videos, lol.)  It sure brought back a lot of memories.  

Every now & then, his grandad would swoop him up in his arms & then zoom around the ice at a fast speed with him. LGN would spread his arms out like he was flying, with a huge grin on his face. Magical.  :)  

(Not sure how long he'll be able to do that! -- he's getting pretty big!)  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here

Thursday, January 12, 2023

62

 

Credit where credit is due:  I grabbed the image above from a Medium post written by a woman named Joanne Huspek a few years ago on her own 62nd birthday:  "62 Things to Do When You Turn 62."  The number of candles in the image does give one pause -- but hey, as my Grandma once said about aging (and as I have quoted on this blog many times), "Consider the alternative...!"  

I'm not sure how many of the things on the list I did today ;) but I had a pretty good, busy day. This morning, we went to a well-known art gallery near us, where I have a membership, for the first time since the pandemic began. It was good to be back!  We wore masks, but there were very few other visitors there, thankfully. 

After that, we headed to the bookstore for a browse. I had both a $50 gift card from my sister and a 20% off birthday email burning a hole in my pocket (lol), on top of my membership card, which gave me yet another 10% off. I picked up "The McCartney Legacy, Volume 1: 1969-73" as well as (just guess...!) Prince Harry's memoir, "Spare" (I couldn't resist).  That one was discounted by 25%. With my gift card and all the discounts, I wound up paying a grand total of $4.82 for two hardcovers (which have gotten REALLY expensive lately!). Score!!  

After that, we went to the supermarket to pick up some wine for dinner, cupcakes for dessert, and pizza slices for lunch. We ordered takeout for dinner from one of our favourite restaurants.  And BIL & SIL dropped by a for a little while, with a gift. Just guess what it was -- SIL knows me well, lol.  Guess I'll be taking the copy I bought back to the store next week...!  ;)  

Tomorrow, the best present of all:  a haircut!  :)  

Wednesday, January 11, 2023

"Anne of Avonlea" by L.M.Montgomery

The L.M. Montgomery Readathon group I belong to on Facebook just started reading and discussing "Anne of the Island," the third book in the "Anne of Green Gables" series, first published in 1915. (It's not too late to join us!)  

I'm not sure why the group leaders decided to skip over book #2 in the series -- "Anne of Avonlea," first published in 1909 -- but I am a completist who likes to read series books in their proper order, if at all possible. ;)  And it's been many years since I read "Anne of Avonlea" (or "Anne of the Island" either, for that matter) -- so I decided I needed to squeeze in book #2 before tackling book #3. :)  

I can see why the powers that be might have decided to skip over this book in favour of "Anne of the Island" (which several group members have declared is their favourite in the series). There's really not a whole lot that happens here that's consequential in moving Anne's overall story forward.  Now 16 going on 17, Anne teaches school in Avonlea and befriends one of her pupils, an imaginative little boy named Paul Irving. She makes other new friends, including her cantankerous new neighbour, Mr. Harrison, and his foul-mouthed parrot, Ginger, as well as the resident of a lovely old stone cottage in the woods with the enchanting name of Miss Lavendar Lewis. She and her friends start a Village Improvement Society, which is the source of much local amusement.  And Marilla adopts TWINS!! -- the orphaned children of a distant cousin -- a pretty, placid little girl named Dora and her brother, a devilish imp named Davy (who is the subject of a great deal of harsh criticism from Goodreads reviewers!!).  

By the time the story ends, Anne is (finally) heading off to Redmond College -- and there's a hint that her friendship with Gilbert Blythe may be on the verge of becoming something more... 

While this is not the classic the original "Anne of Green Gables" was (of course, what book is, right??), especially in terms of consequential plots and story development, Montgomery's writing still sparkles. There are some very funny episodes, some finely drawn characters, and Montgomery's usual sharp observations of human behaviour. 

I don't think this quite merits the 5 stars I gave AOGG -- but it's still a good book on balance, and it functions well as a bridge between books #1 & #3.  It does gain momentum near the end.

4 stars  on Goodreads.  

On to "Anne of the Island"!  :)  

This was Book #3 read to date in 2023 (and Book #3 finished in January), bringing me to 7% (!) of my 2023 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 2 books ahead of schedule. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2023 tagged as "2023 books."  

*** *** ***  

On an ALI note:  The character of Miss Lavendar (which appears far later in the book than I remembered), while enchanting, had me wincing with its references to ageism and singleism.  Miss Lavendar is described -- and describes herself -- as "old" (although she is clearly young at heart). She is only 45 years old (!) -- but her hair is described as "snow white" (!). She's also referred to as a spinster, as "lonely" and "odd," and (several times) as an "old maid."  

Montgomery is only reflecting the language & attitudes of the times, of course. Overall, it's a sympathetic portrait -- and of course, there is a happy ending for Miss Lavendar before the book ends -- but it was still a bit of a jolt to read from my own perspective as an older, childless woman (married, but aware of the stereotypes that single childless women are still dealing with today). 

(Also jolting: her conversation with little Paul Irving about her "little dream boy." He tells her, "I think it's a pity you haven't any boys of your own."  Ouch!)  

Tuesday, January 10, 2023

Feeling frazzled (alternate title: REALLY annoying things!!)

  • We bought our Dyson purifier/humidifier/fan unit on Oct. 17th. Aside from the 2+ weeks we were away, it's been in pretty much constant use (albeit we didn't need the humidifier function much the first few weeks, until the weather turned much colder and dryer in November, and we don't usually leave it running at night).  That's 2-3 months -- and today was the first time I got the notification that a deep cleaning cycle was required. (The manual says it's generally needed once a month or so, albeit a lot will depend on how hard your water is and how much it's being used. 
    • The instructions were easy to follow, a couple of starter packets of citric acid were provided with machine (not sure where I'm going to find it once those run out??), and I set everything up and left the machine to do its stuff. Easy peasy, right? 
    • Except... nothing seemed to be happening. When I started the cycle, a countdown started from 60:00. It got to 59:50 and... stalled.  It did progress a little after a while, but one hour later, the timer had barely budged two minutes. 
    • I went online & discovered this is a common complaint/issue about these units. (Sigh.)  A few people had suggestions about things you could try to get the thing moving again. 
    • Nothing worked.  
    • In frustration, I decided to just dump the citric acid water (the pump & evaporator unit had been soaking in it for a few hours by then, which I figured must have helped clean SOMETHING, right?), clean it all out, refill it (I even used filtered water from the Brita pitcher). 
    • But when I put the tank back in place, it just tried to get me to continue the deep clean cycle. I could NOT get it to do anything else. I tried holding down the power buttons on both the unit itself and the remote for 10 seconds, simultaneously, to reset the machine to factory settings. Didn't work. The only thing I could/can do was turn the machine off. (And back on again, for all the good it did me.)  
    • I then spent the better part of an hour trying to reach Dyson Canada customer service. I had the chat window open on my laptop while I was on hold on the telephone. The guy on the chat (the first to respond) eventually told me it was probably the pump unit. It's covered by warranty -- but of course it's out of stock right now. They're supposed to send me an email when it's available again. 
    • I did eventually speak to someone on the phone (after being transferred twice). After several minutes (dictating all my personal information, AGAIN...)(as a registered warranty customer, don't they have this stuff on file??), she eventually told me I had two choices:  she could send me a mailing label and I could pack the unit back up in the box it came in and ship it by courier to them for exchange/replacement. I told her we don't HAVE the original box anymore. She said any box would do. Like it's easy to find boxes that would fit a rather large piece of very expensive equipment and allow it to arrive safely, without too much rattling around?? (We're not talking shoeboxes here...!)  
    • The other option would be to bring the unit to the Dyson warehouse/repair shop, about a half-hour's drive from where we live, for repair. (What about people who live further away??)  Dh reluctantly chose this option. The rep said she would email me a service ticket, location information, etc., and we could take it there any time (no appointment required).  No word on how long the repairs might take. 
      • Four hours later, customer service lines are closed, and I still don't have the email. :p 
    • I have basically spent the entire day on this thing, stressing out about it. :p 
    • Without the humidifier going, the humidity in our unit has not risen above 40% and has been as low as 35%.  Dh, of course, has been dealing with eczema over the past few months, and I have dry-eye issues (which were associated with the eye surgery I had this past summer), which are two big reasons why we were keen to buy a humidifier before the colder, dryer winter weather kicked in. The Dyson did help (until it didn't...!). 
    • Dh is furious and says he's never buying another Dyson again. Okay -- but we need to at least try to get this one fixed or replaced (or refunded) first. We spent enough money to buy it and I'm not about to just write it off without a fight...!  
  • While we were away over Christmas, we received an email from our property manager notifying residents of our building about a 12-storey condo building that developers are proposing to build nearby. As in, RIGHT NEXT DOOR to us. 
    • The proposed site is on the corner of the busy main street/highway that the front of our building faces and a residential street, leading into an older but still very nice residential subdivision. It's across the street from yet another fair-sized condo building (8 storeys, 276 units) that faces onto the main road/highway (built on the site of a small former strip plaza, within the past 4-5 years, since we moved here).  There is yet ANOTHER proposed condo building (14 storeys) proposed to be built a short distance down the main road/highway from that one, backing onto the residential street and sandwiched between existing houses. There is also a large development of townhouses across the main road/highway that was built prior to our move here, but which longtime residents also had to live with during construction. 
    • The proposed building would replace three houses. These are NOT huge houses or lots -- ample, but not huge, a fair amount of street frontage but not very deep -- and I find it hard to fathom how they are going to squeeze a 12-storey building (not sure how many units are being proposed?), plus parking, etc., onto the available space. The house right on the corner is older and slightly run down, but there doesn't seem to be anything visibly wrong with the other two, which look like they were built in the late 1970s or early/mid-1980s. 
    • How'd you like to be the houses next door or across the street from this proposed development??  The house that's just two down from the site has been gutted and extensively renovated over the past year, inside and out. I can just imagine, after spending all that money to upgrade his property, how pleased THAT owner is to learn about what's being planned!!  
    • We haven't talked to any of our neighbours since we got back, but I'm sure this has not been well received. Our building is 7 storeys and 122 units (built on what was once several acres of large empty space -- no doubt former farmland).  Our own unit is located almost as far away from the proposed new building as you can get in our building -- but we'd still be subject to a whole lot of noise and dirt, etc., while construction is under way (and no doubt our beautiful sunset views would be at least partially obstructed).  It would be even worse for the units on the side closest to the site:  they'll have construction going on almost directly below their windows/balconies, and once it's finally done, they'll have units, balconies and neighbours mere yards away. 
    • You'll recall that for the first three years we lived here, we had construction all around us:  60 townhouses were sandwiched into the space behind our building (which also affected the houses bordering that space -- some of which will also be affected by this proposed new development), as well as a new rapid transit corridor and the accompanying roadwork out front. There was a lot of noise and a lot of dirt... a lot of 7 a.m. wakeups (or earlier!) to the sound of construction workers yelling at each other and vibrations from heavy equipment being brought in. I am NOT looking forward to another several years of more of the same! 
    • I understand that we need more housing, and especially more affordable housing. I understand that, being located on a main thoroughfare and transit corridor, this is a prime area for (re)development. BUT, squeezing these large developments onto tiny residential lots, on residential streets?  
    • The first public hearing will be held in early February. I'm considering sending an email, and wondering whether the meeting will be available to watch online??   
  • Wednesday morning, i.e., tomorrow, is usually the time we go to visit SIL & LGN. Except... he's not there;  hasn't been for a couple of weeks now. His mom was diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome just before Christmas, and is on short-term disability from her work-at-home job right now. We're not sure when she'll be cleared to return. So LGN is at home with his mom now (albeit he was at his grandmother's one day last week and I got to see him then, which I wrote about here). 
    • We knew LGN would be off to school (!! -- junior kindergarten) this fall -- and were anticipating the hole that would create in our week then. We just didn't think it would happen so soon. Funny, we usually only saw him a couple of hours a week anyway -- but we sure miss the little guy. :(  

Monday, January 9, 2023

#MicroblogMondays: Taking down the tree

We (finally) took down the Christmas tree today. This was probably the latest we've left it up in years.  We normally put it up somewhere around Advent Sunday/the first weekend in December and then take it down shortly after the New Year. (And of course, we're usually away visiting my family for a week or two over Christmas, so we really only get to enjoy it for 3 or 4 weeks, tops.) We got back from visiting my parents last Monday, Jan. 2nd, but between grocery shopping to restock the refrigerator & cupboards, doing laundry, housecleaning and helping BIL & SIL with a couple of things, it didn't get done last week (and I didn't want to do it on the weekend).  We have other things to do later this week, so we knew the tree had to come down today or tomorrow.   

Since getting an artificial tree, my mother rarely takes hers down until after her birthday, Jan. 6th, which also happens to be Ukrainian Christmas Eve. She's not Ukrainian, but my dad is, and when my grandparents were alive, we often used to celebrate with them at their farm, a few miles from the Manitoba/Minnesota/North Dakota border (on the Canadian side).  My dad had five siblings and three half-siblings, and most years, all or most of them, plus many of their kids (and, eventually, some grandkids) would cram into the little farmhouse. It wasn't always an entirely traditional Ukrainian meal, but there were always perogies, holubtsi (cabbage rolls) and kielbasa (sausage)(none of which I appreciated until I became an adult -- my loss!!). One of my aunts made elaborate kolach (braided loaves of bread) and another made kutya (wheat kernels in a sweet sauce, served cold). Kids sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the TV, plates balanced precariously on knees. After eating, we would play hide and seeks in the basement or go out for snowmobile rides in the nearby fields while the women did the dishes and the men played cards upstairs. Those were the days... 

My mother used to tell us that, being part-Swedish (on her mother's side), we're "allowed" to keep the tree up until Jan. 13th (which would be after MY birthday). Apparently the Swedes traditionally celebrate St. Knut's Day, or "Little Christmas," which is when the tree comes down and any leftover goodies get eaten up. 

I have a friend who builds up to Christmas all year long... she'll start reminding us on Jan. 24th that it's only 11 months till Christmas Eve!  and continue with monthly, then weekly, then daily countdown reminders. The thing I find hilarious is that her tree and all the decorations always come down on Boxing Day, the day immediately after Christmas! -- after all that buildup!!  

Our tree on Ukrainian Christmas Eve. 
(Somehow, having it up then seemed
entirely appropriate this year.)
 
It was time for ours to come down -- and it's nice to have an unobstructed view out the window again -- but I'll admit, the room seems a little bare without it. I'll miss the warm glow of its lights and the extra light they provide. (Even during the day, it's been pretty grey & dreary here lately...!)

Till next year, old friend...!    

When do you usually take down your tree &/or other holiday decorations? 

(This is my first #MM post this year -- I missed several lately, so it's good to be back!) 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here

Sunday, January 8, 2023

"Living the Life Unexpected" by Jody Day (re-read)

"Living the Life Unexpected" by Jody Day is (quite rightly) regarded by many childless women as the "bible" for learning to live without the children we always thought we would have someday.  I own and have read all three editions of the book (including the original "Rocking the Life Unexpected," crowdfunded by childless women from around the world and self-published by Jody in 2013).  

Each time I've read the book, I've noticed things I hadn't before and gained new insights about myself, my childless life and the world around me.  Over the past year, I've been re-reading the book again, chapter by chapter, working through (many of) the exercises (something I hadn't really done on past readings)  and discussing them at monthly Zoom calls in the company of a small group of other childless women from around the world, all of us members of the private online support community that Jody founded more than a decade ago. 

(Mid-2022, Jody handed over the leadership of the community to Katy Seppi of Chasing Creation, and the group changed its name from Gateway Women to Lighthouse Women. Jody has retained the rights to the Gateway Women name for her other work in the childless community going forward. Among her current projects (and future book subjects!): an exploration of what it means to age as a woman without children today.) 

This book -- known within the community by the acronym "LTLU" -- remains an invaluable resource for involuntarily childless women (and men), worthy of multiple re-reads.  It contains a mixture of personal stories, history, statistics and guidance, as well as questions and exercises designed to get you thinking in new ways about childlessness and what your life might look like, going forward. You don't HAVE to do the exercises, of course -- there is still plenty of benefit to be gained from reading the book without doing them -- but they're a great way to explore your thoughts and gain new insights -- and working through the book with other childless women, as I've been doing over the past year, is a fabulous way to gain new perspectives (and get to know some wonderful other childless women better, too!). 

As we've now completed all 12 chapters and our year-long exploration of the book, I am counting this as a(nother) re-read. My original rating of 5 stars on Goodreads still stands.  :)  

You can find my previous (2020) review of this book here, and my 2014 review of the original "Rocking the Life Unexpected" here

For more information on Jody Day, Gateway Women and "Living the Life Unexpected," check out the Gateway Women website, which includes a link to the introduction and the first chapter of this book. There's also a link there to the private Lighthouse Women online community. A new round of LTLU member discussions is expected to start there shortly! -- and I'll back for another round!  :)    

This was Book #2 read to date in 2023 (and Book #2 finished in January), bringing me to 4% (!) of my 2023 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 2 books ahead of schedule. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2023 tagged as "2023 books."