Pre-Voldemort Day thoughts, and some odds & ends

You will understand that, as a childless-not-by-choice woman (via stillbirth & infertility), That-Day-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named, coming up this weekend (which I've dubbed "Voldemort Day") is not exactly my favourite on the calendar. (Check out the tag "Voldemort Day (Mother's Day)" for past posts on the subject.)  And as someone who hasn't lived within 1000 miles of her parents in 40 years, whose mother-in-law died before I ever met her, I haven't had to worry too much about family considerations on this day either.  I'd send a card, give Mom a call, maybe chip in on a gift that my (childfree by choice) sister would buy and deliver, and do whatever I wanted for the rest of the day.  

This year, I'll be spending Mother's Day AT my parents' house, for the first time in about 35 years. (I had a business trip in the early 1990s that brought me to Winnipeg just before Mother's Day, as well as my grandmother's birthday. I arranged to spend the weekend with them. I am so glad I did.)   

Except (major plot twist) Mom won't be there -- she died in January. I am now motherless, as well as childless. I was lucky enough to have my mother for almost 65 years;  my daughter never took a breath outside my body, but I miss them both, and especially on days like this one.  

My dad and sister have not mentioned MDay at all. (Yet?)  

I am not going to remind them. 

And now for some links:  

• We were at the mall one morning earlier this week.  It's not uncommon to see young moms there, out with their babies in strollers -- sometimes by themselves, sometimes in pairs. I thought I'd seen everything the day I saw four moms with four strollers. 
• Reader -- I had not. On this particular day, I encountered a group of moms with babies in strollers coming my way. TWELVE of them!!!  (I counted.)  12!!! Walking in a group, two or three abreast.  
• (A while later, I saw another group of five!  Not sure if they had broken off from the earlier group I saw, or if this was an entirely different group??)
• All I could think was that it was a good thing that I'm in a relatively good place these days. I mostly just shook my head in disbelief, texted dh (who also saw them, and thought it was hilarious) and... carried on.  Also that if this had been 20-25 years ago, it would have finished me off, sent me home immediately, and kept me away from the mall for weeks.(Progress?) 
• (I also wondered whether this en masse outing had anything to do with the fact that it was just a few days before Voldemort Day/MDay??)  
• Y.L. Wolfe absolutely nails it with her latest Substack piece at On the Outside: "Why This Childless Woman Chooses to Celebrate Mother's Day...Alone."  (Content warning:  Photo of mother & baby at the top of the page.)  A couple of excerpts:  

Don’t misunderstand - I absolutely believe mothers deserve a day of celebration and pampering. They deserve more than a day, in fact.

But that doesn’t mean it has to come at the expense of other women or exist in a space that ignores any other woman’s life circumstances...

I believe women like me need the same thing that mothers ask for: space to take up, validation, and support. In the absence of getting that from a culture indifferent and sometimes hostile to women without children, then we must give it to ourselves.

• This article also absolutely nails the childless-not-by-choice experience and why it can be so painful.  The lengthy title says it all:  "The hardest part of being childless by circumstance, not choice, often may not be the grief people expect — it may be the invisibility of living a life other people have no template for."  Excerpt:  

When women in this position describe the hardest part, they rarely lead with the absence of children. The absence is familiar by the time they’re forty-five. They’ve been around it. They have, on most days, made some sort of working peace with it.

What they describe instead is something more like a slow, ambient erasure. The conversations at dinner parties drift to school catchments and they’re not in them. Their friends speak in shorthand about a life stage they don’t share. Their own parents go quiet about future grandchildren. They are, increasingly, in rooms that aren’t built for them, and the architecture of those rooms gets repeated until it begins to feel like the architecture of the world.

• Virginia Evans, author of "The Correspondent" (which is high on my "want to read" list), is a mother, but she wrote an article for People that I can heartily agree with:  "Mothering Takes a Village. This Mother's Day, Let's Celebrate the Other Mother Figures."  (h/t to Kathleen Guthrie Woods for flagging this one on social media!). (And content warning:  there's a photo at the top of Virginia with her children.)  
• I got tears in my eyes reading this interview in the New York Times with Tracy Clark-Flory:  "My Mom Had a Secret Daughter. I Finally Found Her."  I've put her book on my wish list. (Gift link.) 
• At Afterglow, Katie Dunn welcomes a guest post from fellow Substacker Lexi Weber: "The unexpected intimacy of infertility."   
• Lexi writes at "Not (What I Was) Expecting." I've added her to my blogrolls here and on Feedly. Recent (also excellent) post: “You never know what could happen.” (and why that's not something you should say to someone going through infertility or facing permanent childlessness).  

#MicroblogMondays: What's in a name?

I was born in 1961.  Demographically speaking, I'm a member of the post-war Baby Boom, which generally describes those of us born between 1946 and 1964 (1966, by some definitions in some locations).  

That's a pretty big group, spanning 18-20 years!  And needless to say, those of us born in the latter part of the boom grew up with very different cultural references, memories, experiences and expectations than those who were born in the early years.  

I think I first became aware of (and interested in) the Baby Boomers as a group when I read a 1980 book called "Great Expectations:  America and the Baby Boom Generation" by Landon Y. Jones. (It's out of print, but I still have a paperback copy!)  It's been a while since I read it, but I seem to remember him making the point about the differences between the older and younger Boomers.  

In many ways (although not all), I relate more to the group that followed the Boomers -- Generation X (and particularly the early GenX-ers -- because Xers too are a large and diverse group!) -- than the earlier Boomers.  I assumed that GenX (the demographic cohort) got its name from the book by Douglas Coupland -- who, it should be noted, is also a 1961 baby.  :)  

But then I remembered that, even before that book was published (in 1991), there was a British punk rock band called Generation X, featuring none other than Billy Idol (born 1955).  The band was formed in 1976 (when I was 15) and broke up in 1979. (A new lineup formed in 1980 but broke up again in 1981.) 

But where did THEY get their name from?  I did some Googling and learned the band took its name from a 1964 book by Jane Deverson and Charles Hamblett about British youth (i.e., the early Baby Boomers) called (wait for it...)  "Generations X."  Billy Idol's mother owned a copy of the book (!).  

Interestingly, when I looked up Douglas Coupland and his book, and the origins of the term "Generation X,"  I learned (from Wikipedia) that Coupland's book had its genesis in a 1987 article he wrote for  Vancouver Magazine titled "Generation X.  I also learned that Coupland initially claimed that the book's title came from Billy Idol's band -- but in 1995, he told a different story. 

The book's title came not from Billy Idol's band, as many supposed, but from the final chapter of a funny sociological book on American class structure titled Class, by Paul Fussell. In his final chapter, Fussell named an "X" category of people who wanted to hop off the merry-go-round of status, money, and social climbing that so often frames modern existence.

But wait -- there's more! The same Wikipedia entry also tells us :    

The term Generation X has been used at various times to describe alienated youth. In the early 1950s, Hungarian photographer Robert Capa first used Generation X as the title for a photo-essay about young men and women growing up immediately after World War II (later called the Silent Generation). The term first appeared in print in a December 1952 issue of Holiday magazine announcing its upcoming publication of Capa's photo-essay. 

I've taken to referring to myself as either a "late Boomer" or "early GenX-er" (or sometimes "late Boomer-slash-early GenX-er").  But lately, I've noticed a lot of people referring to those of us in this nebulous group as "Generation Jones" or GenJones.  

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who feels like I'm straddling two worlds --  but I have to admit, I'm not particularly fond of the name "Generation Jones."  (For one thing -- who the heck is Jones supposed to be??)  

Wikipedia to the rescue again.  It defines Generation Jones as those of us born between 1954 and 1965, and says: 

The name "Generation Jones" has several connotations, including a large anonymous generation, a "keeping up with the Joneses" competitiveness, and, possibly the original slant, the slang word "jones" or "jonesing", meaning a yearning or craving. [Writer Jonathan] Pontell suggests that Jonesers inherited an optimistic outlook as children in the 1960s but were then confronted with a different reality as they entered the workforce, in the case of the United States, during the economic struggles of the 1970s and 1980s...  

Boomer?  GenX?  GenJones?  How about "Geriatric GenX"??  

I had a good chuckle when I saw a piece in Oldster Magazine by Lisa Borders recently, with the title "Geriatric Gen X: A Manifesto."  I'm not sure I'm eager to claim the "Geriatric" mantle either, but I did enjoy the article!  

Around the same time, I saw another early 1960s baby commenting on social media that rather than Boomer, GenXer or GenJones-er, she preferred to call herself "Mid-Century Modern,"  lol. I rather liked that one!

Any other late Boomers/early GenXers/GenJones-ers/Geriatric GenX/Mid-Century Moderns/Whatever (lol) out there?  How do you think of yourself, in generational terms? Or do you care? 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.  

Right now

Right now...* 

*(A (mostly) monthly series/meme.  Explanation of how this started & my inspirations in my first "Right now" post, here. Also my first (similar) "The Current" post, here.)

April was still pretty grey & chilly -- there were still some snowflakes in the air (if not sticking to the ground) on April 19th (!) -- but towards the end of the month, the temperatures warmed up enough that we were able to open the balcony door on several afternoons.  The trees (finally) began budding out, and we could see some daffodils in the neighbourhood yards.  It's about time!!  We celebrated Easter with the family, dh had another birthday, and we made plans for another trip west to see my dad (coming up soon). 

Some of the things I/we did this month include: 

• Went to Michaels & Chapters (bookstore) to pick up a few more things for the great-niblings' Easter goodie bags. (April 1st) 
• Drove with dh into the heart of the city to have my eyes checked by the same ophthalmologist who did surgery on my right eye in July 2022. And was VERY relieved that further surgery is not needed (at least, not at this point in time)! -- see this post. (April 2nd) 
• Spent Easter with BIL & family, including SIl's two brothers and their partners/families -- 18 people in a not-huge house, including four children between the ages of 1 and 8. It was chaotic, but fun to see everyone, and dinner was excellent. 
• Shopped for groceries at the supermarket and picked up takeout soup or pizza for lunch (April 6th, 13th, 20th & 27th).  
• Went to the mall to walk & shop for a couple of hours (April 7th , 14th, 21st & 28th). 
• Our visits have been a bit shorter than usual this month (and my wallet is a bit fatter!  lol) -- Old Navy is closed for renovations until mid-June. Horrors!!  (lol)  
• Celebrated dh's birthday with takeout for dinner (Chinese -- see "Eating," below). (April 11th) 
• Returned to the mall in our old community for haircuts, lunch and shopping/walking. Also visited Katie at the cemetery. (April 17th) 
• Headed into midtown for follow-up optometrist appointments (April 22nd).  As I wrote here, new glasses (for both of us) are on hold for now, but we'll be back in October and we'll see then...! 
• Browsed at the bookstore and picked up a few things at the supermarket en route home (April 24th). 
• Drove with BIL & SIL to dh & BIL's cousin's house (the same cousin who hosts us at their cottage every year)(April 24th). He & his wife are both accountants and they do BIL & SIL's income taxes every year at this time! as well as Older Nephew's and his wife's.  (Dh does ours.) 
• (Dh went with BIL & SIL up to Older Nephew's on Sunday afternoon, April 26th, to have lunch, visit and deliver their completed income taxes. I stayed home to host a previously scheduled meeting of one of my online book clubs.)

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Also right now:  

Reading: I finished 2 books in April (all reviewed on this blog, as well as Goodreads & StoryGraph, & tagged "2026 books").  Year to date, I've read 8 books,  reached 20% of my Goodreads Challenge goal, and am currently 5 books behind schedule to achieve it by year end.  

• "The Bandit Queens" by Parini Shroff (the May selection for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club).  (4 stars;  my review.)
• "The Four Graces" by D.E. Stevenson -- re-read/readalong/discussion with my D.E. Stevenson group, which began Feb. 23 and concluded a few days ago. Original 2015 review here;  February 2026 review here. (4 stars;  latest review.)   

Current reads: 

• "Regeneration" by Pat Barker. Slow readalong with Footnotes & Tangents (April 3rd – May 14th). Currently 60% completed. 
• "The Forsyte Saga" by John Galsworthy. After mulling it over (see this post!), I accepted a commenter's suggestion to do a readalong together!  Currently 34% completed. 
• "Childless: A Woman and a Girl in a Man's World" by Fabiana Formica.  This one is beautifully written, but slow going, and I was reading it (or trying to...!) at Mom & Dad's last summer, where there were a lot of distractions. I've put it aside for the moment to focus on other reading priorities, but I've completed 33% to date.
• "L.M. Montgomery and Gender," an essay collection edited by E. Holly Pike & Laura Robinson. Slowly working my way through, in between the other books...! 

Coming up: Most of my book groups have their next reads plotted out for a few months in advance -- and listing them here helps me keep track of what I should be reading next. ;)  

• For my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club:  
• "The Ministry of Time" by Kaliane Bradley (June). (I previously read and reviewed this one, here;  rated 4.5-5 stars.) 
• "The Hacienda" by Isabel Canas (July)
• "In Memoriam" by Alice Winn (August).  (I previously read and reviewed this one, here;  4-5-5 stars.)  
• "Young Woman and the Sea" by Glenn Stout (September)
• "The Wedding People" by Alison Espach (October). (I previously read and reviewed this one, here;  rated 4-4.5 stars.)
• "The Women" by Kristin Hannah (November)
• For my D.E. Stevenson group: Next books to be determined... 

• Footnotes & Tangents slow readalongs for 2026 include:
• "The Inheritors" by William Golding (June)
• "Treacle Walker" by Alan Garner (July)
• "The Children’s Book" by A.S. Byatt (September–December)

A few recently purchased titles (all in digital format, mostly discounted ($5-10 or less) or purchased with points): 

• "Trying" by Chloe Caldwell 
• "Atmosphere" by Taylor Jenkins Reid 
• "Woman on the Edge of Time" by Marge Piercy 
• "Silences" by Tillie Olsen
• "My Real Children" by Jo Walton 

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** 

Watching: Actually watched a fair bit of new stuff this month! 

• "Finding Your Roots" (season 12) on PBS, Tuesday nights, which began in January.
• "The Forsytes" on PBS.  This started on March 22nd and ran for six  (6) episodes, ending April 26th.  I'm still reading the book ("The Forsyte Saga" by John Galsworthy -- see "Reading," above!), but (as I speculated in this previous post) the series is a "reimagining" of the novel and/or a sort of prequel to it, and not a strict adaptation -- highly soap opera-fied, and not particularly faithful to the period it's supposed to be set in (late 1880s/Victorian England). Somewhat entertaining, but... (I'll probably still watch season 2, though...!)
• "The Count of Monte Cristo" (on PBS, immediately following "The Forsytes" on Sunday nights -- it also started on March 22nd = 6 episodes of eight aired to date). Lost treasure, lost love and ridiculously complex revenge plots! with a huge cast of characters and subplots to keep track of (still not sure I have them all straight??).  But also jaw-dropping sets/locations and gorgeous costumes.  I am enjoying it!  
• Men's world curling championships in Ogden, Utah. Our Canadian rink, skipped by Matt Dunstone from Manitoba, lost the gold medal match to Sweden on April 4th.   

Playing:  

• Heardle Decades: (as of April 30th): 
• Heardle 60s: 74.1% (918/1239, 374 on first guess), down 0.1% from March 31st. Max streak: 21. 
• Heardle 70s: 74.9% (738/985, 412 on first guess), down 0.4% from March 31st. Max streak: 18. 
• Heardle 80s:  41.5% (348/838, 131 on first guess), down 0.3% from March 31st. Max. streak: 5.
• Heardle 90s: 33.3% (313/939, 81 on first guess), down 0.1% from March 31st. Max. streak: 9. 
• NYT Connections: 
• By March 31st, I had completed 594 games, won 89% of them (unchanged since Dec. 31st), including 317 "perfect puzzles" with zero errors, and 18 where I got the most difficult/purple category first (unchanged from Dec. 31st). Maximum winning streak:  45 (unchanged since June 30th).  Current streak: 3.  
• As of April 30th, I'd played 624 games and won 89% of them, including 337 "perfect puzzles" with zero errors, and 18 where I got the most difficult/purple category first. Maximum winning streak: 45 (unchanged since June 30th). Current streak: 11. 

Listening: To a couple of episodes of The Full Stop and Culture Study (with Anne Helen Petersen). 

Following:  The journey of Artemis II around the moon and back to earth, earlier this month -- with Canadian astronaut Jeremy Hansen on board, as well as the first black man and first woman to orbit the moon (and a childless woman at that!).  From its launch on April 1st to its textbook perfect splashdown on April 10th, this was a joy to follow, and a much-needed feel-good story at a dark time in the world... 

Eating/Drinking:  

• Over the past 18 months, we've been trying to eat healthier and lower our cholesterol -- and avoid having to take (more) medication -- since some less-than-stellar bloodwork results for both of us in fall 2024 and then again (for me) last November (2025, as mentioned in November's Right Now post). 
• I ended April 1.4 pounds less than when the month started.  Overall, I'm down more than 14 pounds since late October 2024 -- close to my lowest weight in more than a decade -- and more than 26 pounds from my heaviest-ever weight  (in August 2021). 
• (Dh is down more than 18 pounds overall since fall 2024.)
• We celebrated dh's birthday on April 11th with takeout from a popular Chinese chain restaurant outlet (not the healthiest stuff, but we hadn't had it in quite a while!). We usually get their "Dinner for Two," which includes 2 egg rolls, sweet & sour chicken balls, chicken chow mein, and fried rice. (Also fortune cookies, of course!)  It's a ton of food and we always have enough leftovers for another complete dinner later in the week!  
• Older Nephew's Wife sent home some leftover burgers, hot dogs and pasta salad with dh when he went up there with BIL & SIL for lunch last Sunday (while I hosted an online book club Zoom). Dh thinks pasta salad (or cold pasta anything) is gross (likewise bean salad)... his loss!  (I don't care for the peppers & cucumbers in it, but I just pick those out and eat the rest!)  
• We indulged in takeout pizza slices or soup from the supermarket, once or twice a week, for lunch and/or dinner. Saturday night takeout dinners this month included teriyaki rice bowls from the supermarket, and rotisserie chicken (baked potato on the side for me;  fries for dh) from Swiss Chalet.    
• Trying to use up what's in the fridge/cupboards as much as possible, and minimize new purchases, leading up to our upcoming trip.  We'll do a big trip to the grocery store to restock when we return.  

Wearing: The weather was mild enough overall that, by mid-month, there were several days when I was able to ditch my socks and go barefoot in the house (if not outside...!), plus switch from long to short sleeved T-shirts and long to capri-length yoga pants (again, not outside yet!). :) 

Buying (besides books, lol):  Plane tickets for our next visit to my dad, next month (at a thankfully/relatively -- and surprisingly, considering current world events and their impact on fuel prices -- reasonable price).  

Also, not exactly "buying," but we both had to pay income taxes (ouch!). 

Planning:  Our next trip to Manitoba to see my dad, and help my sister with the ongoing house cleanout and setting up Dad's new apartment (he took possession on April 30th). Sis has stacked a pile of boxes in the closet of the room where we stay for me to go through while I'm there (and sent me a photo -- see here!)(eeeekkkk....!).  

Missing:  Dh's cousin's daughter's wedding in July. We had to RSVP this week. It's the same week as my dad's 87th birthday and what would have been my parents' 66th wedding anniversary, and I think I need to be with my dad then.  I would have liked to go, though -- I have a nice dress I could have worn, and it's always fun to see everyone. (Plus, it's being held at a barn venue!! -- which is a real departure for dh's family's weddings!  I'm curious!  lol)  

Prioritizing/Trying: To tackle some of the "stuff" in my own house/condo (see above for my inspiration!  lol).  Granted, we did get rid of a lot of stuff when we moved, 10 years ago -- but there's a lot that I haven't looked at/re-evaluated since then, and there's more that can be done...!  (And I'll likely be bringing at least a few more things home with me from my Dad's house too!)  I've made progress on whittling down the magazine pile under the living room coffee table (yay me?). 

Loving:  When I actually get a good night's sleep!  ;)  

Noticing: The trees are starting to bud with leaves and blossoms!  And I've seen some daffodils, in the yards of the neighbourhood houses. Yay!!  :)  

Appreciating:  Being able to have the balcony door open, even slightly, on several days this month. 

Wanting:  I feel like I'm always writing this (lol), but -- what I just said above aside -- I want nicer weather!  I am sick of this winter!! 

Wondering:  When it's going to be warm enough outside to warrant a trip to the gelato shop??  ;)  

Hoping:  That we can get downtown to the AGO (Art Gallery of Ontario) to see the Paul McCartney photo exhibit that's on there until June 7th. (Which might be difficult, given that we'll be away for two of the remaining weeks the exhibit is on...) I don't think I've been downtown since I met Mel and her family for dinner, two summers ago! 

                        

Feeling: Glad that it's (finally!) starting to feel at least a little bit like spring (even if it's taken its sweet time getting here...!).  A little dazed at how quickly the days, weeks, and this year generally so far are passing by. (How is it May already??)  Sad that this upcoming visit will likely be the last time I spent with my dad & sister in our family home of the past 42 years. :(  Missing my mom. :(