Pre-Voldemort Day thoughts, and some odds & ends

You will understand that, as a childless-not-by-choice woman (via stillbirth & infertility), That-Day-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named, coming up this weekend (which I've dubbed "Voldemort Day") is not exactly my favourite on the calendar. (Check out the tag "Voldemort Day (Mother's Day)" for past posts on the subject.)  And as someone who hasn't lived within 1000 miles of her parents in 40 years, whose mother-in-law died before I ever met her, I haven't had to worry too much about family considerations on this day either.  I'd send a card, give Mom a call, maybe chip in on a gift that my (childfree by choice) sister would buy and deliver, and do whatever I wanted for the rest of the day.  

This year, I'll be spending Mother's Day AT my parents' house, for the first time in about 35 years. (I had a business trip in the early 1990s that brought me to Winnipeg just before Mother's Day, as well as my grandmother's birthday. I arranged to spend the weekend with them. I am so glad I did.)   

Except (major plot twist) Mom won't be there -- she died in January. I am now motherless, as well as childless. I was lucky enough to have my mother for almost 65 years;  my daughter never took a breath outside my body, but I miss them both, and especially on days like this one.  

My dad and sister have not mentioned MDay at all. (Yet?)  

I am not going to remind them. 

And now for some links:  

• We were at the mall one morning earlier this week.  It's not uncommon to see young moms there, out with their babies in strollers -- sometimes by themselves, sometimes in pairs. I thought I'd seen everything the day I saw four moms with four strollers. 
• Reader -- I had not. On this particular day, I encountered a group of moms with babies in strollers coming my way. TWELVE of them!!!  (I counted.)  12!!! Walking in a group, two or three abreast.  
• (A while later, I saw another group of five!  Not sure if they had broken off from the earlier group I saw, or if this was an entirely different group??)
• All I could think was that it was a good thing that I'm in a relatively good place these days. I mostly just shook my head in disbelief, texted dh (who also saw them, and thought it was hilarious) and... carried on.  Also that if this had been 20-25 years ago, it would have finished me off, sent me home immediately, and kept me away from the mall for weeks.(Progress?) 
• (I also wondered whether this en masse outing had anything to do with the fact that it was just a few days before Voldemort Day/MDay??)  
• Y.L. Wolfe absolutely nails it with her latest Substack piece at On the Outside: "Why This Childless Woman Chooses to Celebrate Mother's Day...Alone."  (Content warning:  Photo of mother & baby at the top of the page.)  A couple of excerpts:  

Don’t misunderstand - I absolutely believe mothers deserve a day of celebration and pampering. They deserve more than a day, in fact.

But that doesn’t mean it has to come at the expense of other women or exist in a space that ignores any other woman’s life circumstances...

I believe women like me need the same thing that mothers ask for: space to take up, validation, and support. In the absence of getting that from a culture indifferent and sometimes hostile to women without children, then we must give it to ourselves.

• This article also absolutely nails the childless-not-by-choice experience and why it can be so painful.  The lengthy title says it all:  "The hardest part of being childless by circumstance, not choice, often may not be the grief people expect — it may be the invisibility of living a life other people have no template for."  Excerpt:  

When women in this position describe the hardest part, they rarely lead with the absence of children. The absence is familiar by the time they’re forty-five. They’ve been around it. They have, on most days, made some sort of working peace with it.

What they describe instead is something more like a slow, ambient erasure. The conversations at dinner parties drift to school catchments and they’re not in them. Their friends speak in shorthand about a life stage they don’t share. Their own parents go quiet about future grandchildren. They are, increasingly, in rooms that aren’t built for them, and the architecture of those rooms gets repeated until it begins to feel like the architecture of the world.

• Virginia Evans, author of "The Correspondent" (which is high on my "want to read" list), is a mother, but she wrote an article for People that I can heartily agree with:  "Mothering Takes a Village. This Mother's Day, Let's Celebrate the Other Mother Figures."  (h/t to Kathleen Guthrie Woods for flagging this one on social media!). (And content warning:  there's a photo at the top of Virginia with her children.)  
• I got tears in my eyes reading this interview in the New York Times with Tracy Clark-Flory:  "My Mom Had a Secret Daughter. I Finally Found Her."  I've put her book on my wish list. (Gift link.) 
• At Afterglow, Katie Dunn welcomes a guest post from fellow Substacker Lexi Weber: "The unexpected intimacy of infertility."   
• Lexi writes at "Not (What I Was) Expecting." I've added her to my blogrolls here and on Feedly. Recent (also excellent) post: “You never know what could happen.” (and why that's not something you should say to someone going through infertility or facing permanent childlessness).  

"The Bandit Queens" by Parini Shroff

I just finished "The Bandit Queens" by Parini Shroff, the May selection for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club. It's been recommended to me by a couple of other childless women and book review sites.  

Reading it, I was vaguely reminded of "How To Kill Your Family" by Bella Mackie, another book club selection from earlier this year.  Both are darkly funny novels about women murdering despicable family members. 

Geeta's no-good husband Ramesh disappeared five years ago -- and now everyone in the village thinks she killed him. They also think that she's a witch.  (As if they needed further proof of that, Geeta is childless.)  

But although Geeta is shunned and isolated, the villagers are also afraid enough of provoking her displeasure to support her small business, making wedding jewelry.  (She's saving money to buy herself a refrigerator.)  Geeta received money to fund her work from a local microlender, which brings her into regular contact with other women in the village who are part of her lending circle -- all mothers who talk endlessly about their children (hmmm, this sounds familiar...). The women meet each week to make payments on their loans and keep each other accountable:  if one person doesn't pay up, the others will be on the hook for the money.  

Then, one by one, other women in the circle start enlisting Geeta's help to kill their own husbands (!). Moreover, some of them are using blackmail to get her to do it.  I'm sure it's not a spoiler to say there are complications...!  

Interwoven throughout the narrative is the story of Phoolan Devi, "the Bandit Queen," who is something of an inspiration and role model to Geeta.  I thought Devi was a mythical or historical figure, but (as the author's note at the end of the book reveals) she was actually a real-life figure, born in 1963 (just a few years after me!) into a poor, low-caste family. In a nutshell, Devi was famous as a bandit-turned-politician (!) who punished the men who abused her. She was assassinated in 2001 at age 37.   

As in "How to Kills Your Family," the violence made me a bit queasy at times (both the murders and the domestic violence some of the men inflicted on their wives and others).  The book was also a sobering reminder of the poverty and extreme patriarchy some women continue to live under. It was a little long, and I had to stop from time to time to look up unfamiliar Indian terms.

But I loved how the women ultimately set aside their differences and came together to support each other and advocate for change and justice in their community. As the NoMo Book Club said in their Goodreads review of this book:  

Ultimately, the takeaway message from the book is that the unbearable burdens of life are made tolerable by the comradeship that can be found within true female friendship. Once the women stop turning on each other, but stand as a unified whole, they are an unstoppable force - something that any non-mother who has known the strength of joining a community of other childless women can understand all too well.

And I enjoyed the humour that helped to alleviate some of the tension. There were some truly ridiculous situations depicted (I could picture them like a movie in my mind), and some lines that made me chuckle (or laugh out loud outright). For example:  

• "Never send a god to do a goddess's job."
• "We can't just knock off everyone we don't like. This isn't Indian Idol." 
• "Shooting people makes me a don; killing a dog just makes me a psychopath.” (The dog doesn't get killed, although animal abuse and its effects are briefly depicted earlier in the book.)   
• "We’re happy to be accessories. Like jewelry, but way more dangerous." 

The last few chapters were tense -- but the last line of the book left me with a smile on my face.  : ) 

4 stars on both Goodreads and StoryGraph. 

Shroff's next novel, "Some People" will be released in July. 

I was interested to learn that Shroff is/was a student and protegee of Elizabeth McCracken, who wrote one of my all-time favourite pregnancy loss memoirs, "An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination" (which I wrote about here as part of Mel's Barren B*tches Book Club), which contains one of my all-time favourite lines:  "Closure is bullshit."  

This was Book #7 read to date in 2026 (and Book #1 finished in April), bringing me to 18% of  my 2026 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 40 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 5 books behind schedule to meet my goal.  :(  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2026 tagged as "2026 books." 

Odds & ends

• Personal note:  10 years ago today (!), we took possession of the condo where we're now living, and moved out of our home of 26 years, on the other side of the city. (We spent the night at BIL's and moved our stuff in here the next day.) 
• "Boy, that went by fast," commented dh, when I reminded him. No kidding. 
• At the same time, what a lot has happened in those 10 years!:  our nephews' weddings, the arrival of three great-niblings (and a dog!),  the deaths of both FIL & my mom, as well as several other people we've loved, BIL's transplant surgery... 
• I've hashed out the pros & cons of condo living and of moving here several times before on this blog, so I won't go into those topics all over again here. Suffice to say, I'm still not wild about the community itself, but overall, we do love the condo and being closer to family.  :) 
• Mom stuff:  
• I had my first dream about Mom since she died, last week. I don't remember much about it, but she was there. I like it when the people I've loved and lost show up in my dreams. It's like a little visit from them. 
• Dh was looking for a newscast the other night, and landed on ABC World News Tonight with David Muir. Which got me teary, because my parents always ate supper late -- partly because Mom insisted on watching "her" news (on ABC -- the network broadcast, followed by the "local" news, from Fargo, ND -- although she almost always fell asleep before the end...!). She really liked David Muir and how he delivered the news as well.  It's the little, unexpected moments like that that catch me off guard and set me off (very similar to after we lost Katie).  
• Vision update:  We went into the city today for follow-up visits with our optometrist, following my opthamologist appointment earlier this month. The opthamologist determined that surgery was not necessary at this point, but there's still a small patch of developing nodules on my left cornea (as well as the small beginnings of a cataract).  Even so, my vision has not changed significantly since I last changed my glasses almost 12 (!) years ago (although both my regular and computer glasses have some scratches on them. The optometrist didn't think the scratches were that bad, though?). 
• The optometrist gave me an updated prescription for my glasses, but suggested it might be worth waiting a while longer to get new ones. We have a number of large expenses right now -- current, upcoming and anticipated:  we just paid our taxes (ouch), paid for flights to visit Dad soon (and will be going there again this summer and at Christmas), possible purchases for his new apartment to fund, as well as subsidizing his rent until he sells the house -- and we still need to purchase a cremation niche or plot at the cemetery for both him and Mom, and inter her ashes at some point -- etc. etc.... So I've decided to hold off on new glasses for a while longer.  (Dh's glasses are about the same age as mine! and he'd like new ones too, but agreed we should both wait.)  We'll be back for checkups again in six months, so we'll see what the situation is then... 

And now a few links to share: 

• Non-ALI/CNBC-related, but I thought it was worth sharing:  Canadian Returnee explains Bill C-18, Meta's response (why I'm unable to see or post news links on Facebook or Instagram), and "What Facebook's News Ban Taught Canadians."   
• I see posts on social media -- from both Americans and Canadians! -- claiming that the Canadian government is "censoring" news.  Not true!  News (actual news, from actual journalists) is readily available, online and elsewhere -- you just can't find it or share it on Facebook or Instagram. And that's because of a decision made by Meta, not the Canadian government. (The article explains more.) 
• (For some reason, Meta's ban doesn't apply on Threads??  But shhhhh, don't remind them of that...!  lol)    
• Great news:  One of the "OG" voices in the CNBC blogging world is back! Welcome back PJ at Making Sense of It All. 
• I love, love, loved this blast from the past via Tracey Cleantis Dwyer (another longtime blogger who recently launched a Substack): "The Hardy Boys and the Mysterious Case of the Magical Meeting." (Featuring Parker Stevenson, Shaun Cassidy, and an older/childless woman role model who changed Tracey's life.)  
• Speaking of Shaun Cassidy, Alan Osmond, oldest of the performing Osmond Brothers, died earlier this week at age 76, after living with MS for 40 (!) years.  Another brother, Wayne, died in early 2025 at age 73.  You know you're getting older when your teen idols start dying...  :(  
• Katie Dunn at Afterglow writes about whether children give your life "purpose" -- something that many childless women struggle with, when parenthood doesn't work out for them ("what's my purpose now?"). Part of the post is paywalled, but what's free to read is worth a look!  
• Another brilliant post from Ali Hall at Life Without Children:  "When Women Supporting Women Defaults to Mothers Supporting Mothers." (Subhead: "Compassion is never found in comparison.")  
• I vividly remember the story about the doctor whose daughter asked her that painful question -- and her response (or lack thereof) -- and posted about it at the time (during the height of the pandemic). 
• Ali is offering half-price annual paid subscriptions during the month of May. 
• Also from Life Without Children, childfree Rosie Diell ponders "What fence sitters can learn from the childless community." 
• Lana Manikowski at "Infertile and Childless. So Now What?" looks at "What Happens to Your Marriage When IVF Doesn’t Work?" A couple of excerpts: 

...for many couples, IVF doesn’t work.

And when fertility treatments end without a baby, you are left with more than grief. You are left with questions about your marriage that no one prepared you for.

I remember thinking very clearly, is this going to be enough?

 

...a marriage without children is not a lesser version of life. It is a different version of life. It can still be connected, meaningful, and something you feel proud of.

Not because you convinced yourself to be okay with it, but because you built something real together after infertility.

• Poorna Bell dismantles "the myth of grandmotherhood" (and why it's important for everyone, whether or not you have grandchildren).  Most of the post is about grandmothers, but near the end, there's this: 

What about the women who aren’t grandmothers? Where is their place in society? Most of these women will have experienced a sense of isolation and an erosion of community the first time round, when it came to not having children. Having spoken to a number of women including Jody Day about this, it appears there is a second wind in one’s 60s, around grandmotherhood that raises the same issues.

(Bell muses that this particular issue "may merit a spin-off Substack" -- I would love to read that!)  

Odds & ends

A couple of personal notes: 

• I got a little choked up watching the launch of the Artemis II from Cape Canaveral in Florida yesterday, more than 50 years after the last Apollo lunar mission in December 1972. (There have been space shuttle trips in the interim, of course, but somehow without quite the same cachet.)
• I was 11 (almost 12 years old) and, I will admit, pretty blase by that time about trips to the moon. The early ones *were* exciting, and the first moon walk in July 1969 (when I was 8 -- witnessed on a black-and-white TV set, while at my grandmother's in Minnesota, on my dad's 30th birthday) -- but after a while, the novelty wore off -- and (likewise with the Watergate hearings, around the same time) the wall-to-wall coverage pre-empted my Saturday morning cartoons and other favourite TV programs. (Priorities, people...!)  But if I'd known I'd be a senior citizen before we headed back to the moon again, I might have paid a little more attention...!  
• I've seen a lot of people on social media commenting on how all they could think about was the doomed launch of the space shuttle Challenger, 40 years ago. I'll admit that crossed my mind as I watched too. (I was recently married, unemployed and ironing laundry in our midtown Toronto apartment when that happened.) Very glad that history did not repeat itself in this case. 
• Artemis is also notable for Canadians because there's a Canadian astronaut aboard, Jeremy Hansen. Other Canadians have been in space before, but he'll be going farther than any of them have. Godspeed.   
• Dh & I drove into the heart of the city today for my long-awaited appointment with the opthomologist who did a keratectomy (surgery) on my right eye four (!) summers ago.  As mentioned in this post from November, my optometrist thought she saw something similar happening with my left eye, and sent me to have it checked out. I had all my crossables crossed that I wouldn't need more surgery -- but was pretty much resigned that I'd need to have it done .  
• So I was thrilled when the doctor told me yes, there was a small, shallow area on the left cornea that should be monitored (also the beginnings of a small cataract) -- but she didn't think surgery was necessary, not right now, anyway.  What a relief!  (And this on top of my improved cholesterol readings a few weeks ago! -- maybe I should buy a lottery ticket??)  
• I hadn't thought much about it when I made the appointment, but today is the day before Good Friday (i.e., the kickoff to the Easter long weekend).  Moreover, it's the first day of Passover too -- and the route we took to the hospital where the eye clinic is located runs straight down a long street (about 20 km or 12 miles) through the heart of Toronto's Jewish community. (We counted almost 10 synagogues and temples, and a good half-dozen Jewish schools and community centres along the way.)   Given this confluence of holidays, plus rainy weather, I expected traffic would be heavy -- and it was! (especially heading out of the city in the late afternoon).  
• En route home, we passed by several police cars and vans-- and realized they were probably patrolling the area in case of trouble. :(  I'm glad they were being vigilant, but what a sad commentary on the times we currently live in... 

And now a few recent notable links to share:  

• Elizabeth Day at Daylight ponders "When Did Reading Become A Competitive Sport?"  (Many of her posts are paywalled;  this one isn't!)  
• Ali Hall at Life Without Children on "How Pronatalism Is the Oldest Ism of Our Time" is WELL worth a read!  
• And speaking of pronatalism, Ali Hall also noted this extreme example of pronatalism running amok:  "Russia Is Sending Women, Who Don’t Want Kids, To Have Their Heads Checked." (!) 
• Another wonderful interview with a childless/free woman from Anne Helen Petersen for her "Big No-Kids Energy" series in her Culture Study Patreon newsletter: "Christy, Who Cares For Herself." 

Happy reading! and happy long weekend!  

A few odds & ends

A couple of articles/posts to share: 

• Tracey Cleantis Dwyer -- formerly at "La Belette Rouge" (a blog which no longer exists) -- has returned to blogging via Substack!  Check out "The Next Happy Project." 
• I highly recommend Tracey's 2015 book "The Next Happy," which is all about letting go of the life you had planned -- something Tracey, who is childless after infertility, knows a lot about. 
• Disclosure:  I'm in the book. :)  I answered survey questions for Tracey as part of her research.  I also reviewed the book on my blog not long after it was published, here. 
• This Sunday, March 15th is "Mothering Sunday" in Britain, and The Full Stop community and podcast has published a post on Linked In with suggestions for "Navigating Mother's Day When You're Childless Not by Choice." (Also very applicable for Mother's Day in May, here in North America & elsewhere in the world.)  

Non-ALI/CNBC related:  

• It wasn't just our imaginations -- this winter really was as cold and snowy as it seemed, the Toronto Star confirms by looking at the historical weather data.  
• The time changed last weekend -- and it struck me that my mother was no longer here to complain about it (as she always, always did!).  Wherever she is now, I know it's a place where time is meaningless. Enjoy, Mom.  :)  
• This coming weekend (Sunday night) is the Oscars. 
• I used to follow the Oscar races like a hawk (I even won the office Oscar pool once!), and tried to see as many of the nominated movies as I could (the ones that interested me, anyway).  These days, I think I am only aware of "Hamnet" (with its ties to a well-known book and its grief/child loss theme -- not to mention Paul Mescal, lol), but not many of the other nominees.  
• Mel recently posted about "The Last Movie I Saw;" I think the last one I saw in-theatre was "1917" (which was very good, and one of those movies that really deserves to be seen in a theatre). The pandemic began not long after that and, well, you know the rest. We used to go to the movies, perhaps not every Sunday, but usually at least one Sunday a month. Many things have returned to some form of normalcy since then, but we still haven't been back to the theatre.  I am not sure how we got out of the habit, but we did.  I do miss it sometimes. 
• Nevertheless, I will be watching on Sunday.  :) 
• This will be my first Oscar night without my Mom. :(  She always watched, and when I was growing up, she would let me stay up late -- on a school night! -- to watch with her. I more recent years, I would always call her before the show started (even though she hadn't been to a movie theatre in years either). 
• I'm sure she will be watching from wherever she is now.  And I hope there's a bottomless bucket of popcorn, and that it doesn't bother her stomach, as it did in her later years (to the point that she had to stop eating it).  

Accumulated odds & ends

I haven't been that diligent about compiling notable stuff I've read lately, but for what it's worth, here are a few links!  (Some are a little dated, but no less readable!) 

• Have any of you seen the movie "Hamnet" yet, or read the book it's based on, by Maggie O'Farrell? I have done neither -- yet -- although I would like to partake of both. (For one thing, I think Paul Mescal is an amazing young actor.)  
• An online group of loss mothers that I belong to were debating whether to see it or not -- drawn to the themes of grief and loss of a child, and yet wondering whether it would hit a little too close to home? 
• I really appreciated the perspective offered in this post from Jennie Agg, who writes a Substack about pregnancy loss and grief called Life, Almost, about "Hamnet" the movie, and whether it's "grief porn" (as some are apparently describing it). 
• **NOTE: there are spoilers about the movie, including specific scenes and how they unfold. Also, Agg has a living child.**
• Excerpt: 

...for me, the film’s presentation of loss and grief is nuanced, considered, grounded in something true.

...What do we mean when we dismiss something as ‘grief porn’? I guess it’s implying something gratuitous, debasing, bordering on shameful.

Which is interesting when you consider the way many bereaved parents today often describe being made to feel, shamed into silence: it’s too much, we don’t need to hear it.

• Anne Helen Petersen (childfree by choice) -- whose Culture Study community has moved over from Substack to Patreon -- has been giving a lot of coverage to infertility and childless/free topics recently. A couple of highlights (I'm not sure whether some of these may be paywalled?):  
• A series of occasional posts titled "Big No-Kids Energy," about the joys of not having kids. 
• Here's the kickoff post where Anne explains what the series is about. 
• Anne has interviewed several childfree & childless people/couples for the series about their no-kids life. The most recent subject was Cathy, who is 60-something and childless not by choice, but making the most of things. She was a delight to read about. :)  
• A Culture Study podcast episode featuring a standup comedienne, about being a "childless freak" (!) that will have you nodding! The comment section is worth a read too.  :) 
• An earlier podcast episode (from back in early February) about "The Heartbreaking (and Largely Unregulated) Business of IVF."  A lot of what's discussed would not be surprising to many of us, but it might be an eye-opener for people not intimately acquainted with the fertility industry.  
• I made a comment that's received the most "likes." In part, I said: 
  

One point I will take exception to:  the comment that "IVF works! -- it's very effective."  IVF is still (almost 50 years after the first IVF baby was born) very much a crapshoot.  Your odds of success might be better if you're in your 20s or early 30s -- and/or if you have the money and stamina to endure multiple cycles -- but once you hit 40,  they drop like a stone. There are many of us out here who went through infertility treatments and did not wind up with a child. You just don't hear about us. Clinics certainly don't want to acknowledge our existence, and patients currently in treatment don't want to hear about us either. 

I would also add that most clinics are abysmal at providing emotional support & counselling to their patients going through treatment -- and even less is available for those of of us who aren't successful. Even a referral to an outside counsellor, or a pamphlet listing resources we might consult would be helpful.  Any support I got was entirely the result of my own research.  

• Carrie Hauskins, who is childless after pregnancy loss and infertility, writes at Blooming With Care about the matter of "Heirlooms for No One" -- dealing with things from a childless aunt, as well as wondering about her own stuff after she's gone (something I think about a lot, especially as my childfree sister & I go through the painful process of emptying out our parents' house...). Excerpt: 

I told her we weren’t having kids, and when she said I could pass down her things to my children, I didn’t correct her. She knew the truth. And she still gave me her things. If she didn’t want to believe that her lineage of items will end with me, that’s her problem to work through, not mine. She was aware that I’m a dead end in our family's genealogy. 

 

...Legacy used to mean what I would pass down to my children. Today, it means deciding what to do with the ring once I melt it down. It might not mean the same thing five years from now. But for today, I think of my kooky aunt and her curmudgeonly way of life. I might not inherit her moods, but I do love the quirky jewelry. I do plan on having an eccentric estate sale. One that people line up for early in the morning and wraps around the block. Would my aunt love that? Who knows? It’s my legacy.  

• Katie Dunn at Afterglow (childless after infertility) ponders a question that doesn't get enough attention --"IVF doesn't work for everyone. So when do you stop?" -- and explains her own process for making that difficult decision. 
• Katie Hawkins-Gaar at My Sweet Dumb Brain writes movingly about grief, nine years after her first husband's death:  "The Grief Math Changed This Year." 
• "Anyone Can Be an Auntie. It’s a State of Mind," proclaims a New York Times Magazine article by Maya L. Kapoor. 

#MicroblogMondays: Childless & motherless

(Not really a "microblog" post...!) 

It's been two months now since my mom died suddenly on New Year's Day -- and I'm still trying to absorb the fact that she's no longer here and I'll never see or speak to her again. :(   (I think I'll still be trying at the end of MY life...)  

A comment from Carmel in Australia on this recent post got me thinking... and I've been mulling it over ever since then... 

We all know on some level, that we're going to lose our parents someday. It's something that most of us will (sadly) experience in our lifetimes. And when your parents start getting up there in age, you know that that day is coming sooner versus later. 

But there's still nothing that quite prepares you for the reality and the suddenness of when it happens. 

(Even when you're there WHEN it happens, as I was.  One minute, I was conferring with my mom about dinner... less than five minutes later, she was on the floor. Gone. As I've said to many people since then, I fully expected to get a phone call about a fall down the stairs -- fatal or otherwise. I did NOT expect things to unfold the way they did, and I certainly did NOT expect to be there -- after all, I'm usually not! It totally sucked to be present and to see her like that -- but I am also so very glad that I was, for my dad's sake...)

And  I've been wondering whether the loss of a parent/parents resonates just a little differently for those of us who are childless?    

I consider myself pretty well-versed in the basics of grief and loss and how to cope with it while keeping your sanity reasonably well intact.  I've been leaning heavily on the lessons I learned 27 years ago after the loss of our daughter (as well as my grandparents shortly after that, and other loved ones in the years since then), as well as mourning my childlessness, and the loss of any other children I had hoped to have. .   

It's one thing to come to terms (on at least some level) with the knowledge that there will be no children or grandchildren, no descendants to pass along possessions and memories and stories and values to. No one to provide support to us in the same way that we've supported our aging parents. 

It's one thing to realize there will be no further branches on my particular limb of the family tree to document and chronicle. 

But it's quite another thing when the older generation directly above us -- the ones we've always looked to for support and guidance -- begins vanishing from "above" us, too -- and suddenly, WE become the "older generation."   

In many ways (to the casual observer, anyway), my life went on the way it always had after the loss of our daughter, and the eventual realization that there would be no other children to follow. But the loss of my mom -- who has always been there my entire life -- changes things in some pretty big ways (as will the eventual loss of my dad). 

Even though I've been living 1000 miles away from my parents for the past 40 years, I always knew they were THERE.I may not have seen them more than a couple of times during the year, but all I had to do to talk to them was pick up the phone. 

Now Mom's not there (and never will be again).  And some day (sooner than later), there will just be my (childfree by choice) sister and me, from my family of origin. And possibly someday, just me. The house that I thought of as "home" for the past 42 years (even though I only actually lived there with my parents for one year, before I was married) -- full of old, familiar things that have been part of my life for decades -- will likely be sold later this year, and the things divided up among my sister, my cousins and me, or sold or given away. My dad is planning to find somewhere else to live (something my mom fiercely resisted while she was alive) -- still locally, but something much smaller, in a more communal, seniors-friendly setting. There may not be room for us to stay there when we go to visit, which means we'll either have to stay in one of the local motels, or we'll have to gather at my sister's house in the city.  

"Home" has been a recurring theme in my life -- the question of "where is home?" In a lifetime of moving around, "home" was where my parents were. I have a home with my husband now, of course, but I still say "I'm going home" when I'm heading west to visit my family.  My mom had a similar strong attachment to "home."  Even though the house she grew up in was torn down almost 30 years ago, and even though my grandparents have been gone for more than 25 years, and even though she hadn't lived in the town where she was born and raised since 1960, and even though the number of friends & relatives left there has dwindled in recent years, she still thought of her hometown as "home," and loved to go there. Her passport expired earlier this year, but at Christmastime, she was still talking about wanting to go "home" for a visit, and wondered whether her U.S. birth certificate would be enough to get her across the border (and back again using her Canadian citizenship card). 

Mom's funeral reminded me of just how precious it is to be surrounded by people who share your memories and experiences... not just parents and children and siblings, but extended family members and friends too.  And also of how many of those people aren't here any more either (or won't be much longer). After my grandfather died, whenever we'd have trouble coming up with a name or relationship or some other detail from the past, one of us would say sadly, "Grandpa would know...!"  And of course, Grandpa was no longer around to consult. :(  Likewise, I was trying to remember an incident from my childhood the other day, something I knew my mother would remember  -- but I can't call her up and ask her any more. 

When I did call home, I would talk briefly to my dad -- and then he'd hand the phone over to Mom, who would regale me with the latest news from her wide circle of friends and relatives. I miss that -- and I find myself feeling curiously cut off from those people I used to hear about through her (although of course there's nothing preventing me from calling them myself... I've just never been in the habit). I spoke with several of my cousins at the funeral -- some of whom I haven't seen in 20 years (and not all of them are on social media, either) -- and I've texted a few others since then, and we've been commenting that we all really need to keep in better touch. We've never really HAD to before, because we'd hear about each other through our parents.  

Because I'm not the only one who's lost a parent in recent years, of course.  In recent years, Mom lost one cousin after another, many friends, at least half of her school classmates (a tightly knit group who keep in close touch) and, two years ago, her younger brother and only sibling.  After she died, various people offered to spread the word among the surviving cousins on both sides of her family -- and when I thought about who needed to be notified, I was struck by just how few of them were left.  Of the 12 first cousins on Mom's mom's side (including Mom and her brother), only 5 remain, and most of them are in their 80s now.  On Mom's dad's side, there were once 27 first cousins;  now, there are just 7 remaining. The youngest is 75.  (There were still a lot of phone calls to make, though...!) 

(My dad has lost just one of his six siblings -- my oldest uncle, who was in his early 90s when he died a few years ago. Dad, at 86, is the "baby brother" of the family and has one younger sister in her late 70s. The other three siblings are all in their 90s now. My own first cousins range in age from mid-40s to late 60s.)  

I mentioned that Mom's childhood best friend (and the matron of honour at her wedding) came all the way from South Dakota for the funeral. As we were chatting afterwards, she made a casual remark about "Grandma N" (Mom's maternal grandmother) -- and it hit me: of course this woman would have known my great-grandmother (who lived with my mom's family -- or rather, they lived with her, in her house! -- and died in 1951, when my mom was 10).  And there are so few people left who do, and who could tell me about her, first-hand.   

Later that evening, one of my own closest childhood friends (also one of my bridesmaids) stopped by to see us (en route home from ANOTHER funeral for one of her own extended family members!).  Although it was 10 years since we last saw each other, and we aren't often in contact in other ways, we always just pick right up where we left off -- and we did. We know each other so very well, and there are so few other people who have known me for so long and so intimately that I'm still in touch with.  

There are very few people here, where I live now, who know me and my family the same way these friends and relatives do. Dh's family will listen politely if/when I talk about my family, and my experiences and memories of growing up -- but I know these stories don't really interest them and don't resonate with them in the same way they would if those people and those memories were part of their story too (just as the stories and memories I share with them don't resonate in the same way when I talk to my parents and sister about them).  

And of course, I have no children to bore with my stories!  (But most parents still tell them anyway, right?)  

And yet -- as I've mused in the past -- you never know just who will remember you, or how. 

There were lots of lovely tributes to my mother on the funeral home website -- but I was surprised to find one on Mom's obituary on the city newspaper website, from the daughter of my cousin who passed away before Christmas. She wrote:  

Aunty D. was an integral part of family events. Always there, busy with cleaning or putting more food out or getting in the thick of conversations happening around her. She always took the time to ask those deep questions and really wanted to understand what was going on in your life. I have fond memories of spending close time with her when I would babysit my cousin and she made me believe I can do great things with my life. I’ve also always wanted to learn how to play piano because of her. She will be remembered and cherished.

I've only ever met this young woman a handful of times, when she was a child, and I had NO IDEA she had interacted with my mother to that extent, or that Mom had had such an impact on her. (Mom could not play piano -- but she appreciated it when other people did!)  

I can only hope that someday, some younger person will remember me in the same way. 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

"You Are Here" by David Nicholls (re-read)

The April book for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club is one of my recent favourites, and one I thought would be perfect for the group: "You Are Here" by David Nicholls, who's written several other books I've enjoyed. I first read this one in June/July 2024 (reviewed here).  

Our main characters are two lonely, awkward people: geography teacher Michael, 42, has recently separated from his wife (Natasha), and is avoiding their empty home in York by taking longer and longer solo walks in the English countryside.  By contrast, Marnie, 38, a freelance editor and proofreader who works from home, spends her days holed up in her small London apartment, increasingly isolated since the departure of her husband Neil, as well as the pandemic lockdowns. All her friends are married and busy with their families. (Hmm, this sounds familiar...) 

Both Marnie and Michael are invited by their mutual friend Cleo to accompany her and a group of friends to hike a section of the Coast-to-Coast Walk through the scenic English countryside. Michael agrees -- but he intends to keep walking the entire 192 miles -- a journey that will take about 10 days to complete (and will end close to where Natasha is now living).  And Marnie finds herself deciding to walk "just one more day" along with him -- day after day after day...  

It's obvious these two are destined to fall in love (despite Cleo's plans to matchmake them both with other members of the group!). But there are plenty of twists and turns and unexpected stumbles and disappointments and discoveries along the way.  

I loved following Michael and Marnie on their journey together (physical and otherwise).  (I imagine there's been an uptick in people walking this trail since the book came out -- and I think a movie, properly done and filmed on location, would be wonderful!)  I loved that Marnie was an editor/proofreader (echoes of my previous life in the corporate world...), and some of her observations about the job made me laugh out loud.  :) 

And as someone who is childless not by choice, I very much appreciated the revelations that both Marnie and Michael are too.  As I said in my original review, "This is one of those rare novels where we CNBCers see our stories clearly and sympathetically reflected." Beyond the childless angle, it was nice to see two middle-aged characters gradually awakening to the possibility of second chances and new possibilities. 

My original rating for this book stands -- 4.5 stars on StoryGraph, rounded up to 5 on Goodreads. 

This was Book #3 read to date in 2026 (and Book #2 finished in February), bringing me to 8% of  my 2026 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 40 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 1 book behind schedule to meet my goal.  :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2026 tagged as "2026 books." 

Pre-Christmas odds & ends

• Counting down to Little Great-Nephew #2's birthday party, and our flight west for Christmas... 
• I mentioned our most recent plumbing issues in my last post, and that I wound up taking a shower in the second bathroom for the first time in nearly 10 years (!). 
• What I didn't mention was that the tub walls are quite high,  my left knee is rather stiff and it was a bit of a step to get in and out. And I slipped and banged the back of my left thigh, just above the knee, on the edge of the tub as I was getting out. 
• It ached briefly, but I didn't think much about it -- until dh, seeing my bare leg on Wednesday morning as I was getting dressed (three full days after I banged it), said, "You've got a big bruise back there!"  I ran to the full-length mirror. 
• Sure enough, there was a big purple blotch, about the size of my palm.  Greeeaaaat... Cue the anxiety and the consultations with Dr. Google:  "Flying with a bruise."  (Yikes.) 
• Since then, I've been taking ibuprofen and using an icepack a couple of times a day to attempt to reduce the swelling and attempting to elevate the leg when I'm sitting (albeit that can be awkward...!). I bought (and began using) an arnica-based gel that's supposed to help relieve muscle aches and bruises, etc., a neoprene compression sleeve that fits over the knee and covers the bruise, a wrap-around tensor bandage (in case the neoprene sleeve feels too tight), and a pair of compression stockings (that only go up to the knee). I've been trying both wraps out at home and will probably wear one of them on the plane. 
• Any tips for me??  
• (Like I need one more thing to worry about...!) 
• (For what it's worth, dh thinks it's looking a little better than it did on Wednesday? But it's still very much there...) 
• I've discovered an alternative to the dearly departed Pocket! Anne Helen Petersen of Culture Study has been recommending Instapaper to her readers as a way to get around paywalls for at least some (if not all) weblinks.  I signed up, downloaded the app to my phone, and gave it a try with a couple of links. Worked like a charm. :)  I was even able to import my Pocket links (which I'd downloaded to my laptop before Pocket's demise). 
• Another alternative I'd been using that often works:  Archive Today. 
• Timely:  A friend from the Childless Collective shared this article from British "agony aunt" Philippa Perry: "My 10 rules for a happier Christmas."  Applicable for everyone, but childless people who are often torn over what to do about the holidays will likely appreciate some her advice. 
• In "2025 Childfree Trending," Laura Carroll -- author of the groundbreaking book on pronatalism, "The Baby Matrix" (reviewed here), offers some thoughts on the state of pronatalism in 2025, and the positive developments in the childfree movement, including online community building, and the growth in the number of businesses that are marketing to non-parents.  
• In Life Without Children, Charlie Brown explains "Why We Must Stop Assuming The Fertility-Challenged Eventually Get Their “Miracle Baby”."  (Hear, hear!!)  
• Also in Life Without Children, Charlie Brown also explained "Why I Want To Help Break the Silence That Surrounds Infertility." (While I'm not as likely to talk openly about my experiences, I could relate to just about everything Charlie wrote!)  
• Katie Dunn at Afterglow describes what it's like "When every friend has a baby" and "How I went from feeling left behind and left out, to grateful and thriving." 

Do you know the feeling? That sharp, visceral sting when your heart aches for something you don’t have, while everyone around you celebrates exactly that? For anyone navigating infertility or baby loss, being the only non-parent in your circle can be absolutely brutal.

• This Toronto Star article gave me the heebie-jeebies. :(  "She wanted a natural pregnancy and childbirth. It ended in tragedy." (Gift link.) 
• Also in the "heebie-jeebies" category (but worth a read):  "They Answered an Ad for Surrogates, and Found Themselves in a Nightmare." (Gift link.)
• The New York Times's Modern Love column explores "Why It’s Best to Imagine the Worst" and why "I can't imagine" is one of the worst things you can say to someone.  
• Subheading:  "After learning devastating news about our young son, we needed to feel connected to friends and family, not just exist beyond their imagination."
• A recent post by The Nomo Book Club Substack features "A collection of non-fiction books that are building a community of non-mother voices."  I've read many of these books myself (and others are in my massive to-be read pile). Worth checking out!  
• This was followed up more recently by another post about "solo NoMos":  "A collection of memoirs by solo women who are embracing lives outside the mainstream narrative." I've read and can enthusiastically vouch for several of the books on this list. 
• And Lisa Sibbett at The Auntie Bulletin posted about "The Best Novels I Read in 2025." There's actually a lot more than novels listed -- 70 books in all!  And coincidentally, or not, many of them are relevant to aunties, chosen family and friendship. (I see at least a couple that I've read and loved!) Enjoy! 

Odds & ends

• Not ALI/CNBC related, but y'all know I am a huge fan of L.M. Montgomery -- and Modern Mrs. Darcy recently pointed her readers to a Substack post that ranked the men in Montgomery's novels. (Guess who tops the list?)  
• I wouldn't argue with her choices, although it's been many years since I last (re)read "Kilmeny of the Orchard" and now I want to find myself a copy...! 
• Ali Hall cross-posted this Substack post from Nadia Huq through her own Substack, Life Without Children -- "How I Grew to Love The Single, Childfree Me." Even if you're partnered and consider yourself childless vs childfree, as I do, I think you will probably find a few things here you can relate to! 
• Also on Life Without Children, Ali ponders why parents can talk about their children while childless/free people are expected to shut up about their different life experiences ("Being Childfree Is Not My ‘Whole Personality’ but Here’s Why I Need to Talk About It"). 

The double standard and irony of it all is that, in my experience, often, those beating their drums the loudest about us childfree people talking about being childfree are usually the ones who have made parenting their whole personality and have “mom of boys” or “proud mumma bear” in their bios.

And that’s ok.

But why do they get to build their world around having children and expect those of us who don’t have them to be silent?

• Rosalyn at NoMo Book Club describes the comfort that can be found in books that encompass the worlds of other childless/free women ("Sharing sanctuary"). 
• Carrie Hauskens at Blooming With Care wrote about her childless holidays -- and her Bonne Maman advent calendar tradition (yum!).  
• Further on the New York Times magazine story of the 65-year-old woman who can't stop/won't stop having babies (gift link included in this post), Sara Petersen at In Pursuit of Clean Countertops invites former fundamentalist wife Tia Levings to muse about how "It's Easy To Want Babies:  It's Harder To Raise Them." 
• American journalist Kirsten Powers (who has no children) writes about the panic attacks she's been experiencing as the holiday season approaches ("When Grief Take You Out"). After reading about what her year has been like, you'll understand why...!   
• I've been mulling over an "I hate November" rant these last few days (feeling sick and sorry for myself...) -- and Anne Helen Petersen just posted about "fall regression" on her Culture Study Patreon, and the comments section is filled with people venting about season depression and grief. My comment begins with the words, "You all are my people,"  lol    
• (Unfortunately, the piece is paywalled, but here's a preview link.) 
• Lyz Lenz's list of Sunday links on her Men Yell at Me Patreon included this one (from McSweeney's, a humor site), and I couldn't help but think about infertility as soon as I saw the headline: "When It Happens."  

It’s impossible to say when IT will HAPPEN. But it can’t be too long until IT HAPPENS. Looking at the data (age, high-stress job, cardiac history), it is statistically plausible that IT will HAPPEN in the next thirty-six months.

Annoying things & small pleasures

Annoying things: 

• The neighbour two doors down must have gotten a dog/puppy... because over the past few weeks, it's been yelping/whining, on & off, sometimes for hours on end. (Dh has gone out into the hall and pinpointed the unit where the noise is coming from.) It's annoying as hell to have to listen to, and it also breaks my heart to think of that poor pup, who has probably been left all alone for hours on end. We are on the verge of sending a complaint to the property manager. 
• By contrast, our next door neighbour has two dogs (and works full time), and another neighbour a few doors down the hall has a new-ish puppy too. We hardly ever hear a peep from them. 
• The mall has been significantly busier, even on midweek mornings before noon, these past few weeks. (Already! Six weeks away from Christmas!) 
• Of course, the last timewe were there was last Tuesday, i.e., Remembrance Day -- a holiday for government  workers, if not everyone. 
• I was standing in the checkout line at Old Navy when the mall PA system asked for the traditional two minutes of silence, and began playing a recording of "The Last Post." (It was exactly 11 AM.)  I was pleasantly surprised when, within a few seconds, everyone in the store had stopped what they were doing and bowed their heads while the music played. 
• However, when the music stopped, everyone started talking and ringing up items again -- not realizing that they were supposed to remain silent for two full minutes. They were kind of startled when the closing bars of The Last Post began again, after the two minutes were up.  I guess they get points for the initial recognition of what to do, but...! Is two minutes of silence really too much to ask in these crazy times?? 
• House humidity has plunged since the temperatures started dropping. We started up the humidifier last week, and while it doesn't hurt, I'm not sure it makes a significant difference either. 
• I don't mind the chillier weather, but the relentlessly gloomy, grey, cloudy sky is already making my mood plunge. :(   
• Hopefully, things will perk up a bit once we put up the Christmas tree, later this month! 
• I've been referred (by my optometrist) back to the opthamologist who did the surgery on my right eye, three summers ago -- this time to check out my left eye, which may or may not be developing a similar problem. :( 
• Also annoying:  I couldn't get in to see her until early February. I really feel like I need new glasses (more surgery or not) -- the ones I have are 11 years old (!) and getting rather scratched up, so I think I'm due for a new pair, if only for aesthetic reasons! -- but I guess I'll have to wait at least a few months longer for those... 
• I also managed to put a noticeable scratch right in the centre of my the left lens of my computer/screen glasses recently (which, come to think of it, are about the same age as my regular ones!). :p  So I may need TWO new pairs... sigh... 
• Further annoying thing:  After I wrote this blurb, dh checked the mail and there was a letter from the opthamologist's office, confirming my appointment. For APRIL. The optometrist's office had called with the February date a couple of days ago. 
• I've left a message with the opthamologist's office, asking them to confirm the proper date. (Based on previous experience with this office, it may be a few days before I hear back from them.) Sigh... 
• (Before all this started, I was hoping I could have new glasses by Christmas or January at the latest... at this rate, Christmas 2026 might be more likely...!)  

Small pleasures: 

• Buying and (since Remembrance Day is over) wearing some new holiday PJ tops from Old Navy around the house. I don't often buy the coordinating PJ pants;  I mostly wear black yoga pants around the house. Somehow that feels a step up from pajamas!  (Am I deluding myself?  lol)  
• Starting to accumulate a pile of presents for both Little Great-Nephews' birthdays (one soon, one just before Christmas), as well as all three great-niblings for Christmas. 
• If you'd told me 20-25 years ago that I could not only enter a children's clothing store without wincing but also scour the racks with positive glee, I never would have believed you. 
• (I will admit, the sight of tiny pretty holiday dresses for little girls still has the power to sting. But for the most part, I enjoy myself!)  
• Meeting up with a childless friend (whom I first "met" online) for tea a few days ago :) at the coffee shop connected to a bookstore, about a half-hour's drive north of us (and about a half-hour's drive south from where she lives). Dh agreed to take me there, and browsed for books and presents for Little Great-Nephew #1's upcoming birthday while she and I chatted. 

Odds & ends

• I've been tired and going to bed earlier for the past week or two. And after reading one of Mel's recent Friday Roundups, I realized why!  (Personally, I blamed all those late-night World Series games! lol) 
• "What Might It Look Like Not to Have Children?"  Glynnis MacNicol at Good Decisions (who is childfree by choice) provides links to a decade's worth of her writing on the subject. 
• Pamela Tsigdinos recently discussed "Surviving the Trauma of IVF" on the Beyond Pronatalism podcast. 
• Y.L. Wolfe explains "Why People Who Don’t Have Children Deserve a More Inclusive Label" on the Life Without Children Substack. 
• Subhead: "Childless, childfree, non-parent…we shouldn’t have to define ourselves as the inverse of those who have kids."  
• (Related: The THIRD post I wrote for this blog, back in November 2007, pondered this question of unsatisfactory terminology: "Am I childLESS or childFREE?")  
• Here's an excerpt from Wolfe's post: 

Why do childless and childfree women often do so much soul-searching trying to settle on just the right label when mothers just get to be mothers without any need for distinction or an understanding of how they got there?

I can’t help but think that the answer is simple. Motherhood is the approved lifestyle choice for women in patriarchal cultures. Therefore, no matter how you got there, you get your gold star and no expectations to explain your circumstances.

Being a woman without children, however, will earn you judgment, criticism, and even hate. You can’t just say you don’t have children. People want to know why — and even though it’s rude as hell to ask, they will.

Maybe it just feels easier to preempt the invasive questions by carefully choosing the word we want to use to describe our non-parent status.

• This story, from The New York Times Magazine, is just WILD:  "She Was Ready to Have Her 15th Child. Then Came the Felony Charges."  Subhead:  "MaryBeth Lewis’s desire to be a new mom again, at 65 years old, led to a custody battle like no other."  Among other things, it touches on IVF, donor gametes, surrogacy and adoption. (Gift link.) 
• Related to the NYT Magazine article and the Lewis case, Jill Filipovic wrote a thoughtful post for her Substack, asking "Is it a Reproductive Right to Have Your 15th Child at 65?"  (Subhead:  "When women's desires and children's rights collide.")  
• Unfortunately, I believe it's paywalled for subscribers only -- but I can give you a taste of what's in it. The opening reads: 

Reproductive freedom is a core feminist principle. So are the rights of children. What happens, though, when those principles conflict? And in an era of incredible technological progress in assisted reproduction, should there be any limits to what women can choose?

• And, near the end, there's this: 
  
  

  To be clear, I am a big supporter of reproductive medicine and technological progress, including IVF and various forms of assisted reproduction (I have more misgivings about surrogacy, but still think it should be legal, if tightly regulated). And most people, when handed these new technologies, use them in ways that I find totally reasonable and largely ethical.

  
  

  But there are always outliers...

  
  
• (I thought Jill Filipovic was childless/free, but a recent Instagram post showed her husband wearing a baby carrier and the top of an infant's head peeking out in some photos. I can find nothing she's written about having a baby -- and a few of the photos show her doing some pretty crazy yoga poses, with a body that looks anything but post-partum -- unless they've adopted...??) 

Odds & ends

• Annoying thing:  Someone's snide post on Threads, to the effect of "who's the genius without kids who scheduled Game 6 of the World Series on Halloween?" 
• I initially scrolled past it, then went, "Hey, wait a minute...!" -- but then I couldn't find it again. :p  Anyway, it pissed me off...!   
• Both Lyz Lenz at Men Yell at Me and Anne Helen Petersen of Culture Study have made the move from Substack over to Patreon in recent weeks (Lyz is now here and AHP here).   
• It's a major pain in the butt to have to learn the ins & outs of yet ANOITHER new platform/app 🙄 (I mean, seriously...??) -- and Patreon is new to the newsletter business, and still working out some kinks -- but these two were, I think, the first two Substacks I paid for, and I get a lot out their writing and the discussion threads with other subscribers, so...  
• Anne Helen Petersen is childfree by choice -- and one of her first posts in her new space is the first in a planned new series called "BIG NO KIDS ENERGY," about the joys of not having children. 
• The post is from a childfree by choice perspective, and so are some of the comments. Happily, those of us who did not necessarily choose this life are commenting too. (I added a comment myself). It may be difficult, especially if you're new to realizing children are not going to be in your future, to imagine that life can still be good, in a different way -- that there can be anything joyful about not having children. But there are positives, and I think that childfree people and their positive perspective can be helpful to us in realizing that. :)  
• The post itself is public, and I'm not sure about the comments, but I believe you have to be a paid subscriber to comment.  
• She's looking for ideas for future posts in the series too!  
• Rosalyn at The NoMo Book Club had a great Substack post recently about inclusive language, labels, and reproductive identity. 
• The New York Times's Well newsletter on anticipatory grief:  "Is It Healthy to Grieve Before a Loss?"  (Answer:  "Yes. Here’s how to cope.") (Gift link.) 
• Lisa Sibbett at The Auntie Bulletin makes a compelling argument that "The Nuclear Family is a Failed Experiment." 
• "Jennifer Aniston Said No To Adoption. Does That Mean She Is Selfish?"  writes Marcia Garcia at Life Without Children (originally posted on Medium). This is written from a childfree by choice perspective, but happily, it does reference the CNBC experience.
• Non-ALI related, but very personal to me: Canadian Returnee shares "The Ukrainian Story of the Prairies."