"Mothering Sunday" by Graham Swift

After taking a while to get through my last book ("Chasing History: A Kid in the Newsroom" by Carl Bernstein, reviewed here), I deliberately sought a book that would be short and quick to get through. "Mothering Sunday" by Graham Swift fit the bill, in that respect -- it's 200 pages (or less, depending on what version you're reading and, if it's an e-version, how big you make the type and spacing, lol). It only took me a few hours to read. It's been on my TBR list for a while -- it caught my interest at the bookstore when it first came out in hardcover a few years ago (gorgeous cover design!). It's also been adapted into a movie that's coming out at the end of the month. 

"Mothering Sunday" -- the day, not the book -- is not a familiar term to those of us in North America. In the United Kingdom (and some Commonwealth countries), it's been celebrated on the fourth Sunday of Lent since the Middle Ages. It's a celebration both of mothers (the equivalent of North America's Mother's Day) and the "mother church," i.e., the church where you were baptized.  Traditionally, Mothering Sunday was a day when domestic servants were given the day off to visit their mothers/families and mother church.

There's not much action or plot in "Mothering Sunday" the book -- although there is a plot twist, midway through. It's Mothering Sunday 1924, a warm spring day in late March. Jane Fairchild is a 22-year-old maid at an English country estate. (Think "Downton Abbey" on a much smaller, reduced scale, after the devastation of the First World War -- Jane and Milly the cook are the only remaining servants, and most of the local young men are dead, their bedrooms preserved exactly as they left them. A melancholy air hangs over everything.) Several of the local families, including Jane's employers, the Nivens, are heading out to lunch together at a local hotel while the servants are off, and to celebrate the upcoming marriage of two of their children, Paul Sherrington and Emma Hobday.  

Jane is an orphan with no parents to visit -- but she has secret plans for the day. She and Paul have been lovers since shortly after she arrived at the Nivens' house several years earlier, at age 16, and they are taking advantage of the Sherringtons' empty house to make love one last time, in Paul's bedroom, before his marriage. Everything changes for Jane after Mothering Sunday -- although not for the reasons she (or we) might think... 

While the main story takes place on this one day, we also get glimpses of Jane's past and of what ultimately happens to her. (I don't think it's a spoiler alert to tell you that Jane never has any children.)  There's a lot here about books, about writing and storytelling, the power of words and observation and memory. 

I debated on how to rate this book, and settled on 3.5 stars, rounded up to 4 -- it's a fast read, but slow moving and contemplative, if that makes sense. The writing is beautiful, but it's a bit dense at times. It won't be everyone's cup of tea, I'm sure, but it made me think, and I may need to do a re-read...! 

This was Book #8 read to date in 2022 (and Book #3 finished in February), bringing me to 18% of my 2022 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 3 books ahead of schedule. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2022 tagged as "2022 books."  

"Belgravia" by Julian Fellowes

I decided "Belgravia" by Julian Fellowes would be my next read, because the six-part television adaptation is scheduled to begin on CBC TV tonight (Sunday, Feb. 14th -- Valentine's Day). I think I will watch (on PVR, if not live), and I always like to read the original book version ahead of the TV series or movie, if possible.  

Fellowes is perhaps best known as the creator of "Downton Abbey" -- and there are some similarities to DA:  themes of class consciousness and divisions, upstairs/downstairs characters and plots, long-hidden secrets that threaten to be revealed, illegitimacy, arranged marriages, rivalries inside and between families...  basically, a soap opera, lol.  ;)  (With perhaps a bit of fairy tale thrown in, too.) 

But there are differences too, particularly in the timeframe covered. "Downton Abbey" covers the years 1912 to 1927.  "Belgravia" opens in Brussels, Belgium, in 1815 -- almost a full century earlier -- on the eve of the historic battle at nearby Waterloo.*  Young Sophia Trenchard, the daughter of the British army's chief supplier, is more concerned with wangling an invitation to the Duchess of Richmond's ball, where her secret romantic interest, Viscount Edmund Bellasis, the future Lord Brockenhurst, will also be present.  The ball sets the stage for the rest of the novel, which takes place 25 years later (mostly) in London, when secrets from the past threaten to ruin the ambitious Trenchard family and their hard-won place in the society that revolves around Belgrave Square.

If you like "Downton Abbey" or novels and films from the Victorian era, you will probably enjoy "Belgravia."  It covers a lot of the same territory (to the point of being somewhat predictable -- although there are a few plot twists -- perhaps a few too many to be plausible...!).  But overall, it was fun and enjoyable.  

At least, I enjoyed it until almost the very end...!  

ALI/PLOT SPOILER ALERT!:  The plot involves (among other things) an obsession with producing heirs and inheritances (which I recognize was par for the course at the time), would-be grandparents longing for grandchildren, a death in childbirth, adoption, and a long-childless couple, including (towards the end of the book) a discussion about whose "fault" their infertility was. Up to that point, I was thinking I would rate the book 3.5 stars, rounded up to 4. This discussion, however, was so cliched and so infuriating to me (albeit I recognize it's a discussion that has happened, and certain in that time period) that I'm afraid I had to knock the rating down a bit, instead of up. 

3 stars on Goodreads (3.5, rounded down). 

Now -- on to the TV show!  (I'll let you know later what I think of that, and how it stacks up vs the book!)

(*Personal side note:  I knew, from previous genealogy research, that my great x4 grandfather, born in County Leitrim, Ireland, was a sergeant in the British army around the time of the War of 1812. But I recently learned, after finding a brief family history written by his great-grandson -- a first cousin of my great-grandmother's -- that he was at Waterloo with the Duke of Wellington.  Not only that, BUT! his son, my great x3 grandfather, was also there with him -- as a drummer boy!!  He was born around 1806, meaning he was about 9 years old at the time. Can you imagine??!)  

This was Book #8 read to date in 2021 (and Book #3 finished in February), bringing me to 22% of my 2021 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 36 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 4 books ahead of schedule. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2021 tagged as "2021 books." 

What's saving my life right now...

Turia recently asked her readers what's saving our lives right now, and then listed what's saving hers. (She got her inspiration from this post by Modern Mrs. Darcy.)  

Off the top of my head, in no particular order: 

(Some of these items may overlap with my "small pleasures" posts.) 

• Sunshine.  We don't get NEARLY enough of it at this time of year -- but whenever we do, it makes such a HUGE difference in my mood!  
• Downton Abbey reruns.  For whatever reason, I'm still an old-fashioned "appointment TV" kind of person. It's almost five years since we moved in here, and we still haven't hooked up our DVD player (!). And my Netflix subscription, which allows me to watch all sorts of movies and programs whenever I want, is sadly under-used (to the point that I actually had to confirm to them that yes, I still wanted to keep my subscription -- like, they emailed me because they were actually wondering whether they should be taking my money anymore??!). But every weekday at 4 p.m., dh & I settle in on the couch for another episode of "Downton Abbey" on CBC.  We're now on our second run through the series, in season 5. Dh has said that if they start re-running the series all over again for a third time, we can find something else to watch, lol.  But for now, I am enjoying basking in the trials and tribulations of the aristocratic Crawley family and their servants in early 20th century England (again)  -- those dresses!  That HOUSE!! That LIBRARY!!  
• Photos & videos of Little Great-Nephew on social media. I don't know if his parents realize just how much we enjoy seeing photos of the little guy (now 15 months old), at a time when our contact with him is necessarily limited. We stalk Facebook & Instagram daily, hoping to find something new in our feeds. Too often, there's not... but whenever there is, we watch the heck out of it while it's up. ;)  In one of the more recent videos, his mom kept the camera still while he ran back & forth, in & out of the frame, babbling away to himself. It was hilarious. Dh & I probably watched it about two dozen times each before it disappeared from our feeds. (She posts almost exclusively on Instagram and Facebook Stories, which expire after 24 hours. Why do people do that??! It's so annoying!! -- especially when it's the adorable great-nephew you can't get enough of, lol.  I try to grab a few screenshots of each offering, with varying success.) 
• The Internet. I can Skype or Zoom with my parents & friends, stay in touch with my friends and relatives on Facebook & Instagram and other online forums, read and comment on blogs (and write/vent on my own), shop online (and have things delivered right to my door), download books and discuss them in book forums with other readers...  This pandemic would be a whole lot harder to navigate without it!  
• My Kobo e-reader/Kindle phone app.  See above. Yes, I have a ton of paper books on my shelves to read -- we will never lack reading material in this house...! -- but it's SO nice to be able to download that interesting book I just heard about, or the latest pick for one of my online book groups, while bookstores are closed. No need to wait for pickup or delivery. (Plus, e-books are generally cheaper, and don't take up room on my already-overcrowded bookshelves!) 
• Takeout on Saturday nights. I'll admit, dh does most of the cooking, so it's not like I need a break. ;)  But Saturday nights were always dinner out nights, pre-pandemic, and it's nice to hold onto that bit of normalcy, to keep Saturday night a little bit special/different -- even if we're not actually eating out, just bringing food home from local restaurants to eat here. Often the portions are large enough that we can refrigerate leftovers for another lunch or dinner too. :)  
• Knowing that this month/winter (and this pandemic) WILL eventually end!  :)  

What's saving your life right now? 

Odds & ends

• I've been baking up a storm this past week. :)  I made my Grandma's Swedish spritz cookies (with a cookie press) and crinkle-top molasses cookies, as well as a shortbread cookie made with Skor  (toffee) bits. I got that recipe from a friend/former blogger, and have been dying to try it. (I don't think Skor bars are available in the States, or at least not widely? -- but they're similar to Heath bars. You can also use butterscotch chips, but I don't think the effect would be the same.) I've reserved a few dozen of each for me & dh to munch on over the holidays, but I'll be taking a good portion of the results to share with BIL & SIL and the nephews. 
• I received a notification earlier this afternoon that the region where we live, just outside of Toronto, will be going (back) into lockdown on Monday. :(  It was inevitable;  I think they were going to do it when Toronto did a few weeks ago (& they probably should have then) but the local politicians begged for an exception. The numbers haven't improved since then (and everyone from Toronto & the other nearby locked-down regions have been coming here to shop & eat in restaurants, since everything there is closed...) and so back to lockdown it is. :(   I'm pretty sure all non-essential retail businesses, restaurants & gyms will be closed (including the bookstore), except for curbside pickup and takeout food. The supermarkets & drugstores will stay open. 
• Thank goodness we're pretty well set in terms of Christmas presents for Little Great-Nephew... We didn't get any toys yet, but I have a couple of little tops/onesies I ordered from Baby Gap and three books, plus we'll give him money. The nephews & nieces-in-law will get money and baking (lol) and I got cards & gift bags the last time we were at the bookstore.  Dh & I were going to go shopping on our next bookstore & drugstore visits to fill stockings for each other;  guess we'll see how that goes. I'm sure it will be nuts everywhere today, tomorrow & Sunday, now that they've announced this. :(  
• We recently learned that the husband of one of dh's cousins is recovering from a bout of COVID-19.  He's the first family member that we're aware of who's had it. :(  
• We got to the series finale of "Downton Abbey" this week on CBC television -- and then started all over again with the first episode of season 1. (Yay!)  We didn't start watching until the very end of season 1/start of season 2, so there's still almost a full season of episodes we haven't seen. 
• It's been funny to see how different some of the characters were at the start of the series, compared to the end. Cora was a lot less likeable, for one thing. Mary & Edith were both wide-eyed ingenues (albeit still not getting along...!). Carson, Mrs. Hughes and Mrs. Patmore were all much more harsh with the underlings. 
• Speaking of Mrs. Patmore, some of you saw my blog tribute to her a few posts ago. :)  But you may have missed my later comment:  "I could also write a post singing the praises of Aunt Rosamund... welcoming all of them repeatedly into her home in London (even though they have their own vast mansion sitting there empty), giving up 10 months of her life to cover for Edith and take her to Europe to have her baby in secret. We were just watching the final regular episode of the final season yesterday (where Mary & Henry finally marry -- there's still the "Christmas special" which ended the series, with Edith & Bertie's New Year's Eve wedding) -- and there's a scene where Lord Grantham, Rosamund's brother, makes a comment to the effect of how Rosamund doesn't understand because she doesn't have children -- and she says very sharply, "No I don't have my own children, thank you for reminding me of that." Go, Rosamund! ;) "
• This article from the Guardian talks about the devastating impact the pandemic has had on some women's hopes for motherhood -- single women whose dating prospects have been considerably dampened by stay-at-home orders, couples whose planned fertility treatments were delayed or cancelled, lost jobs, etc. 

A tribute to Mrs. Patmore :)

Hail to Mrs. Patmore,   
ruler of the Downton Abbey kitchen. 

Dh & I have been (re)watching (and hugely enjoying) reruns of "Downton Abbey" on weekday afternoons this fall on CBC TV (which should be wrapping up next week). 

One of my favourite characters is Mrs. Patmore, the cook. "Mrs." was a courtesy title traditionally given to the cook & housekeeper of great houses like Downton, whether they had ever been married or not. All indications are that neither Mrs. Patmore nor Mrs. Hughes (the housekeeper) were ever married or had children -- that is, until Mrs. Hughes married Mr. Carson, the butler -- after which Mrs. Patmore observes, a bit wistfully, "I suppose (Mrs. Hughes) knows the mystery of life by now, which is more than I can say for myself.” (lol) 

Nevertheless, it recently struck me that Mrs. Patmore is probably the most "motherly" figure on the show. 

She tutors Lady Sybil in some basic cooking skills before she heads off for nurse's training during the war. She also encourages footman Alfred's culinary ambitions, and he eventually lands a spot in a prestigious chef's training program at the Ritz in London. 

She lobbies both Carson and Lord Grantham to have her nephew Archie's name included on the local war memorial, and is crushed when it's excluded because he was executed for desertion. (Today, Archie would probably be diagnosed with PTSD and sent home for mental health treatment.) Lord Grantham comforts her by commissioning a special plaque dedicated to Archie, mounted on a wall near the town memorial and unveiled at the same time.

But it's Mrs. Patmore's relationship with Daisy the kitchen maid (who, under her tutelage, becomes the assistant cook) that best demonstrates her nurturing qualities. While she barks at Daisy and prods her to do better -- as any mother probably would -- her bark is far worse than her bite, and she is clearly Daisy's biggest champion.  She encourages Daisy to accept footman William's proposal as he heads off to war (to give him something to look forward to while he's "over there") -- and then to marry him as he lays on his deathbed, even though she never truly loved him. She also encourages Daisy to befriend William's lonely father, Mr. Mason -- and there are hints of a romance between herself & Mr. Mason by the end of the series! 

When Valentine's Day comes along, she sends Daisy an anonymous card, to ensure that Daisy doesn't feel left out. When Daisy gently turns down Alfred, Mrs. Patmore tells her, "I couldn't be prouder of you if you were my own daughter." Perhaps most importantly, she encourages Daisy to pursue her education, and pays for schoolteacher Sarah Bunting to serve as Daisy's tutor. And she's devastated when Daisy briefly considers leaving Downton to seek her fortune in London. 

Mrs. Patmore may be a fictional character, but she's beautifully written, and beautifully acted by Lesley Nicol. Couldn't all of us benefit from a Mrs. Patmore in our lives??

Friday night odds & ends

•  All day yesterday, I kept looking for Mel's Friday blog roundup. I usually read it on my phone as I'm eating breakfast -- but it wasn't there. I kept checking during the day, and still nothing. I thought, "Gee, that's odd -- Mel hardly ever misses a roundup!"  Then it finally hit me:  IT WASN'T FRIDAY. (lol) The days all run together sometimes when you're retired, and even more so in COVID times...!  (The round-up was there as usual this morning.) 
• My gynecologist appointment was Wednesday... when we got home, my family doctor's office returned my call about flu shots & asked if we could come Friday morning. We said yes. But Fridays are usually housecleaning days for us. Thursdays we do laundry (if there's going to be lint flying around, it might as well happen just before we vacuum, right?  lol).  So we did the laundry Wednesday night and cleaned on Thursday, by which time I had no idea what day it was anymore...!
• We recently discovered that CBC-TV has been showing "Downton Abbey" reruns, late on weekday afternoons. Some days it's on for an hour, sometimes an hour & a half and sometimes two hours (two episodes). (I suspect the episodes have been trimmed a bit to allow for commercials that weren't shown on PBS, or the original-original BBC showings -- but, whatever! -- I'll take it, lol.)  We stumbled on to an episode just before the end of season 1, and we're now early in season 3.  I started watching later in the series when it was on PBS (although -- thanks to my friends' chatter in the office and online, I was already pretty familiar with all the characters and the main plotlines...!), and we caught up on several previous seasons during a PBS marathon weekend ;)  but we have yet to see the earlier episodes of season one. It's a great distraction from things like COVID-19 & U.S. elections & fibroids (although we just came through the episode about the Spanish flu pandemic earlier this week...!). Dh -- who used to scoff & roll his eyes and then head off to bed early while I watched -- is now completely hooked!! (lol)  
• Lyz Lenz had a great article in Glamour last week:  "The Power—And Threat—Of Mothers Like Amy Coney Barrett."  The subhead reads:  "In America, “motherhood” is a credential for a certain kind of mother. The bad mothers are the rest of us."  (Waving wildly:  Hello... And those of us who aren't mothers at all...?? Where does this leave US?) (There is one brief mention in the article of "women who are not mothers.")  I really like Lenz's writing and her argument is bang on -- as far as it goes -- but I do wish she'd stretch her logic just a wee bit further, and spare more than a single thought for those of us who aren't mothers at all when she talks about the deification of motherhood (but only certain types of mothers). 
• That said, it's a great article & worth a read. Sample passages: 
• "She’s a mother, so you can trust her. She’s a mother, so she must be good. Never mind that motherhood should not be a factor in a person’s job interview. No, it should not be used against someone. It is also not a qualification."
• "But in touting the motherhood of Coney Barrett, Republicans haven’t just insulated Coney Barrett from Democrats’ questioning. They also remind the public that a woman’s worth is primarily a measure of her reproductive capabilities."
• "America has long lauded this certain kind of mother—white, successful, walks into church holding hands with her husband, has dinner on the table at 6 p.m., with a circle of children around her. Most mothers in America do not look like this." 

Right now

Right now... (an occasional meme, alternating from time to time with "The Current")

Reading:  5 (!) books in September (all reviewed during September on this blog):

• The Testaments by Margaret Atwood 
• American Carnage by Tim Alberta 
• Up Beaver Creek by Sue Fagalde Lick -- our GW book club pick for September. (Sadly, this was likely the last GW book club discussion, as there haven't been too many people participating.)   
• She Said by Jodi Kantor & Megan Twohey  
• The Vagina Bible by Dr. Jen Gunter 

Current read(s):

• The Education of Brett Kavanaugh by Robin Pogrebin & Kate Kelly 

Coming up:

• Unfortunately, roadwork outside of our building (& changing schedules) meant access in & out of our driveway was blocked last night starting around 7 p.m. -- which meant I was unable to leave to attend my library book club at 7, as planned. :(  (Actually, I probably could have left -- just not sure we would have been able to get back in again!)  We were discussing "Everything I Never Told You" by Celeste Ng, which I'd already read earlier this summer & reviewed here. 
• October's selection will be "Never Let Me Go" by Kazuo Ishiguro, which I bought & read 10 (!) years ago for Mel's Barren B*tches Book Tour (my post from then here). Debating whether to do a complete re-read or just a skim to refresh my memory? 
• "Kate Hardy" will be the next read for my online D.E. Stevenson fan group, before we move on to the final book in the Mrs. Tim series, "Mrs. Tim Flies Home."  Both books share the setting of "Old Quinings" in post-WWII England. 

My Goodreads 2019 Reading Challenge YTD total now stands at 34 books -- 7 more than my goal of 24 (142%).  :)

(Some) recent purchases/additions to the TBR pile (that I haven't read yet):

• Truth Be Told by Beverly McLachlin (the first female Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of Canada)
• Inside Out by Demi Moore. 
• Had it Coming by Robyn Doolittle 

Watching:  In-theatre movies seen in September:

• Downton Abbey (if you loved the TV series, you will love the movie).
• Judy with Renee Zellwegger as Judy Garland, near the end of her far-too-short life. If you know anything about Judy Garland's life, you'll know this movie is not exactly cheerful stuff. But Renee's performance is amazing (she sings, too -- she's no Judy Garland in that department, but she's not bad either...!). 

On television:

• The final season (#5) of Poldark began this past weekend on PBS.  This season is straying beyond the material in Winston Graham's books, picking up where the last season of the TV show left off (which covered up to the end of book #7, "The Angry Tide"). Book #8 ("The Stranger From the Sea") takes a leap in time of 10+ years -- a gap the producers apparently felt was too big for the current cast to take -- and so they've used the screenwriter's imagination to continue the story (this article explains).  We'll see how it all works out...!
• We both thoroughly enjoyed Ken Burns's recent series on the history of country music on PBS.  I wouldn't say I'm a huge country music fan, but I've gained an appreciation for it and some of its artists (Patsy Cline, Roseanne Cash, Dolly Parton...) as I've gotten older.  I surprised myself by how many of the artists I knew & how many of the songs I could sing along to...! 
• I am beyond thrilled that CBC has brought back Battle of the Blades! -- a reality competition show, which pairs hockey players (both male & female) with figure skaters, skating for their favourite charities. One pair gets eliminated every week, through a mixture of public voting and judging decisions. Outside of Canada, you can't view entire episodes, BUT, apparently you can view individual performances on YouTube, and vote for your favourite team each week!  (It's still early in the competition, but I am thinking Ekaterina Gordeeva & Bruno Gervais are looking like the team to beat -- and I have a soft spot for Manitoba-born Sheldon Kennedy & Kaitlyn Weaver!) 

Crossing my fingers: A touring production of  "Hamilton" is FINALLY coming to Toronto in February for a couple of months... subscribers to the full season of programming get first dibs on the tickets and then the rest of us get to fight it out for what's left, once they go on sale (sale date still TBA). Wish me luck!!

Listening:  To the Stingray classic rock channel we get as part of our TV package. The other day they were playing "Black Water" by the Doobie Brothers. Not a song I especially loved, growing up, but one I heard a lot of... it was there, like the wallpaper, lol. There is something very comforting about the music of your youth, I think. (Even when it's something less mellow than the Doobie Brothers -- like Led Zeppelin, lol.)

Following:  The unfolding impeachment drama in the U.S. Funnily enough, I think my memories of Richard Nixon's impeachment investigation (1973-74, when I was 12-13 years old) are much clearer than Bill Clinton's, when I was in my late 30s. Maybe because the Clinton inquiry unfolded throughout 1998/early 1999... when I was (cough) otherwise preoccupied.

Drinking/Eating: (Canadian) Thanksgiving turkey dinner with my family, soon!

Smelling:  What I thought was a skunk... but apparently is more likely pot (especially since we're smelling it in the hallways as well as through the open balcony doors...!).  I didn't realize until chatting with my sister this summer, but apparently today's pot does not smell the same as the stuff  that used to waft through the halls of my university dorm, 35-40 (*cough cough*) years ago. (And we've been smelling "skunk" a LOT more frequently since cannabis was legalized here in Canada earlier this spring...!  "Thanks, Justin!" dh says, rolling his eyes.)(So THAT explains why there seem to be an awful lot of skunks hanging around our building lately, lol...)

Buying (besides books, lol):  Birthday & Halloween gifts to take for the Little Princesses, and adorable outfits for my soon-to-born (as yet unnamed) great-nephew. My most recent find:  I couldn't resist a red & black flannel lumberjack-style onesie and tiny matching plaid flannel-lined jeans with the cuffs turned up, both from Baby Gap.

Wearing: I managed to get through September without having to put on my long jeans, socks & shoes (remaining in my beloved capris & sandals).  (Loving that!)  Sadly, though, I think those days are coming to an end very soon... if not here in southern Ontario, then definitely when I head home to Manitoba to visit my family shortly...!

Trying:  To avoid the current federal election hoopla, lol.  Counting the days until it's over (on Oct. 21st)! It seems like it's dragging on forever, and yet the entire campaign from start to finish is 40 days (which is pretty much the average for Canadian election campaigns -- I found this Wikipedia entry on Canadian elections, which says, "The length of election campaigns can vary, but under the Elections Act, the minimum length of a campaign is 36 days and the maximum length of the campaign is 50 days." ).  I don't know how the Americans do it...!!

Wanting:  All the roadwork & construction hereabouts to be DONE, ALREADY!!!  It's been dragging on almost since the day we moved in 3.5 years ago, and we are SICK OF IT!!! (See also "Reading," above, lol.)

Feeling: Excited to be heading "home" to see my family soon, albeit slightly anxious to be doing it solo (my first solo trip in a long while).

Wondering:  How it got to be October 1st and where 2019 went?? -- it's already 3/4 over!! Yikes!! 

#MicroblogMondays: Binging

I've never really been one for "binge-watching" television. It certainly wasn't a thing when I was growing up. Your favourite shows came on the air, and if you missed an episode, too bad, maybe you could catch it in reruns. VCRs weren't a "thing" until I was in university. We got our first one in 1989. BIL & SIL gave it to us as a thank-you gift for being Oldest Nephew's godparents.

We don't have Netflix (although we're considering getting it, because I am dying to see "The Crown"...!), and until we moved to our condo last year and switched cable providers (& got an excellent package deal), we didn't have a PVR. We did still have an old VCR (not the original, but its successor), but when we got a fancy new box for our cable system a few years ago, we couldn't figure out how to incorporate the VCR into the hookup. We actually weren't using it that much anyway in those last few years. We didn't have a DVD player for many years, and we don't use it that much either. I have a few DVD boxed sets that I could presumably bingewatch (the Beatles "Anthology" series, season one of "The Muppet Show," the entire series of "That Girl"), but in fact, we still haven't hooked up the DVD player since we moved here. (!)

Then, about two weeks ago, "Designated Survivor" resumed after being on hiatus since Christmas (one of the few new shows I've been watching this season). I had missed but PVRd the last few episodes. Or so I thought. When I went to watch them, I realized there were actually FIVE episodes I'd missed, only two of which I'd PVRd. I wound up cramming in all five episodes in one afternoon (while dh was out, visiting his father), two on PVR & three online on my laptop, before the new episode aired later that night.

This past weekend, our local PBS station aired a "Downton Abbey" marathon, the entire series from start to finish, starting Friday & ending early Sunday evening. As I've mentioned before, I didn't start watching DA seriously until the final season, so this was a great opportunity to catch up on some (not all, but some) of the seasons/episodes I'd missed (& relive some that I'd already seen). I sobbed once again as Mary & Edith finally came to a truce, the children played by Sybil's grave in the cemetery, and Mrs. Hughes led the servants in a chorus of "Auld Lang Syne" as the clock struck midnight and Edith & her Marquess drove away for their honeymoon, happy at last. 

After that concluded, I watched a two-hour movie about the Bronte sisters & their alcoholic brother, Branwell, called "To Walk Invisible." It was beautifully filmed -- but intense and bleak (like the sisters' novels) -- and I found myself straining to listen to and understand the thick Yorkshire accents. Needless to say, by the end of it all, I was drained. I still feel a bit off-kilter, physically & emotionally, this morning. Time to get out of the house for a while...!  ;)

Are you a binge-watcher? What you have you binged on lately?  What's in your viewing queue?

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

"In the end, you're my sister"

OK, I promised awhile back that I wouldn't make blogging about "Downton Abbey" a regular habit. ;) But near the end of last weekend's episode, the final episode in the series proper (with a wrapup "Christmas special" still to come for those of us on this side of the Atlantic), there was a scene that got me unexpectedly sobbing.  

(SPOILER ALERT!!)

One of the running plotlines throughout the series has been the ongoing friction between sisters Mary and Edith. In this episode, Mary makes a vicious remark at the luncheon table that destroys Edith's chance of happiness with the man who has asked her to marry him. The two get into a nasty fight and, after calling her sister a bitch, Edith leaves for London. 

In the end, though, with the encouragement of their grandmother (the wonderful Maggie Smith), the sisters make up (or at least come to a bit of a truce). Edith returns to Downton Abbey for Mary's wedding, and Mary asks why she's come.

“Because in the end, you’re my sister,” says Edith. “And one day, only we will remember Sybil. Or Mama or Papa. Or Matthew or Michael. Or Granny or Carson. Or any of the others who have peopled our youth. Until at last our shared memories will mean more than our mutual dislike.”

The episode ended on a poignant note, with the three children of the three Crawley sisters -- George (Mary), Sibbie (Sybil) and Marigold (Edith) -- frolicking in the cemetery outside the church where the wedding had just taken place, right beside Sybil's grave. Sybil died post-childbirth from a seizure caused by eclampsia. Life goes on, one generation passes, the next one grows up to take its place...

Edith's words reminded me of an old Ann Landers column about bickering siblings that had made an impression on me years ago (for reasons I'll explain in a minute), and I eventually found it through the wonders of Google. :)  The letter was from a mother who had been listening to her two teenagers quarreling all day, and blew her top: 

"You must become better friends," I said, "because, God willing, you will both live a long time. I will be gone, and your father will be gone, and all your teachers and many of your friends will be gone. There may be only the two of you left, and you will remember what you were like as children. 

"Nobody else will remember the Christmases you had, the treehouse you built, the day you learned to ride a bike, the fun you had trick-or-treating, the teacher you loved in the 3rd grade and the kittens born in the laundry. There will be only the two of you, and you had better love each other now, because 60 years from now, only you will remember all the wonderful experiences you shared, and those memories will be golden."   

They both became very quiet, and I thought perhaps they were too young to understand. But it must have made an impression, because they never squabbled or tried to hurt each other after that. I wish my parents had explained to my sister and me 40 years ago that sibling rivalry is natural but brothers and sisters who are not good to each other lose something precious.

(Of course, the irony is that Dear Ann famously feuded with her twin sister, Dear Abby -- but I digress... ;) )

In his episode recap for Entertainment Weekly, Kevin P. Sullivan writes: 

The reason for the surprise return is essentially the thesis of the show. Mary may be a bitch, but years from now, after the world has changed even more, the sisters will be the only ones who remember everything that happened in those halls. Every moment that defined their time there is lost and rendered meaningless without people to share them with. 

The conversation reminds me of the Lost finale in the way that it handles mortality, suggesting that all of us and our lives are just blips in time that are defined by the people we share them with. Downton has always been preoccupied with modernity and the changing of the times, but at the core of that fear is mortality. A telephone is just a telephone, but it and whatever comes after it will be around long after Lord Grantham or Mary or Cora. The world will continue to evolve and forget; that’s why we need the people who saw us through it all.

(An aside:  My favourite DA recaps are the ones in the New York Times, which I think I will probably miss just as much as the episodes themselves. Here's this week's -- enjoy!) 

The episode and the Ann Landers letter struck a chord with me. The theme of sibling rivalry is something I understand too well. As I think I've written before, my grandmother and her older sister had a prickly relationship and feuded on & off all through their life. Sometimes they would go for years without speaking to each other, even though they both lived in the same small (pop. 1400) Minnesota town. This made life difficult for those of us who loved them both.

My own relationship with my own sister is not exactly the Hallmark variety (although it's not exactly Grandma & Aunty E. or Mary & Edith either). Perhaps we learned a lesson from our elders.

Like me, my sister has no children (she is childfree by choice). When we die, the memories and experiences we have shared will die with us. Others may share in some of our memories through our letters or blog posts or photo albums -- but only we will know exactly what it was like to grow up together at the time and place that we did.

The lesson that life and memory are transient -- and far too short -- is something those of us who have lost a child quickly learn. It's something that I struggle with -- the desire to pass along the memories and knowledge and experiences that have made my life meaningful to a new generation, in the hopes that some small shred will survive and be passed along to the generation after them.  And it's something that's harder to do when you don't have children of your own to inherit the memories and heirlooms and the stories behind them. It's one of the things I find most difficult about life without children -- who will remember me when I'm gone?  Who should I leave my treasures to? Who will remember my Katie? What will my legacy be? How can I make an impact, a difference?

A few days after I saw this episode, Mali wrote a gorgeous post about "the keepers of memories" that echoed some of the things I'd been thinking about since the "Downton Abbey" episode. Mali's mother recently passed away, and as they went through her mother's things, her childless cousin D wondered, “are the childless the Keepers of Memories because we look back, not forward?”

I thought about it, and agree that it is possible this is the reason. Perhaps we look back simply because we have the time to do so. But I prefer to think that, as keepers of memories, we’re doing it out of love and a feeling of connection, a belief that the past will matter to the future. That without the past, there is no future, even if personally, I am not going to be part of that future...  

Ultimately, I prefer to think that we’re the Keepers of Memories because we know how precious they are, how easily people and memories can be lost, and that once they’re gone, they’re gone. That it’s not always about the family tree, but more about the memories and connections and links.

I'm proud to call myself a Keeper of Memories. Whether my memories and the memories that others have entrusted to me ultimately matter to someone else is out of my control.  People will remember and find meaning in what I leave behind, or they won't. In the end, I don't think any of us will ever know our true legacy or the impact that we have made on the world. 

 

But these things matter to me now, while I'm here, and I live in hope that someday, they will matter to someone else too. And ultimately, it's not things that truly matter -- it's people. 

#MicroblogMondays: ALI on Downton Abbey

*  (SPOILERS AHEAD)
*  I already knew that reproductive matters have been key plot points in past episodes/seasons of "Downton Abbey." And they were front and centre in last night's episode. 
*  Lady Mary's maid, Anna -- previously a rape victim and a murder suspect (!) -- is miserable again:  she's had at least two, maybe three miscarriages to date, and believes she will never have children. She and her husband, Mr. Bates, talk about adoption, but she's convinced he won't be happy without a biological child.  Lady Mary to the rescue with a visit to her Harley Street surgeon in London, who diagnoses her with incompetent cervix and prescribes a cerclage for the next time around. Problem solved!! (Why am I not convinced?) 
*  Meanwhile, I have to remind myself that times were much different in the 1920s, as Lady Edith continues to jump through ridiculous hoops to preserve her reputation by concealing the fact that she's little Marigold's mother (even though it seems like most of the family is in on the secret anyway). As I've noted, this is the first season where I've been watching complete episodes of Downton -- but my understanding is that after a lengthy "vacation" abroad (during which she delivered the baby), Edith enlisted one of Downton's tenant farmers, Mr. Drewe, to take the baby in to raise, while she would visit regularly as "godmother." Meanwhile, Mrs. Drewe (unaware of the baby's true parentage) quite understandably became attached to the little girl, and was heartbroken when Lady Edith changed her mind and decided to bring Marigold to Downton Abbey to live as her ward and give her all the advantages of a Downton upbringing. It was difficult to watch the clear distress both women were feeling in last night's episode, while poor little Marigold was caught in the middle. This was an argument for openness -- and a cautionary tale about the destructive powers of secrecy -- if I ever saw one.
*  Anyone else watch? Thoughts?
* (I'll try to refrain from turning all of my future #MM posts into "Downton Abbey" discussions, lol. Although the timing is perfect...!) 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.    

Right now...

Reading:  "Listening Valley," another recently reissued novel by D.E. Stevenson. (Review to come, eventually.) Recently acquired (& now in the to-read pile): "Once in a Great City" by David Maraniss.

Watching: Most recent movie seen: "The Big Short" (last weekend), which was both funny and horrifying at the same time. And I actually started watching "Downton Abbey" last weekend -- the start of the final season. For some reason, people seem to assume that I have been watching it all along -- and gasp in horror whenever I tell them that no, I haven't.  I've seen bits of different episodes, but never consciously watched one in its entirety (until now). (And yet, thanks to social media, I could still tell you the names of most of the characters as well as the various main plotlines. Go figure.)

Please tell me that I'm not the only holdout. ;) 

Listening: This past week, I was telling a distant cousin in Scotland about Blue Rodeo, one of Canada's most beloved bands, and sent him a couple of video links. Here's one of my favourites. You're welcome. ;)

This afternoon, I also very much enjoyed listening to a thoughtful CBC Radio documentary/podcast about women turning 39/facing 40. Most of the women featured here are single & childless -- but there's still a LOT here that most of us who have reached (or passed) this stage in our lives can relate to. Here's the link.  It's about 25 minutes long.

Following:  My online book group's discussion of "Listening Valley" (just getting started).

Drinking: A nice mid-afternoon cup of tea -- my favourite. :) 

Eating:  The last of my Christmas toffee.  My sister's best friend since junior high days is a great cook & baker, and she makes toffee that is EXACTLY like the kind our grandmother made for us every year at Christmastime. And so, every year at Christmastime, P. makes a batch of toffee and gives a generous portion to my sister -- which she, in turn, shares with me. :)  I've often said she & I don't have a "Hallmark" sort of relationship -- but it does give me a warm fuzzy feeling that she does this. ;)   

Anticipating: A certain sort-of milestone birthday, divisible by 5, coming up shortly.

Contemplating:  Past mistakes. Trying not to dwell on them or beat myself up over them, particularly since most of them don't matter anymore anyway (if they ever did).  

Loving:  Having a little "me alone" time, while dh spends some time this afternoon with his dad.  

Long ago & far away? Unfortunately not...

(Headline edited, with apologies to Lisa at Life Without Baby....!) 

Confession: I have yet to watch a complete episode of what seems to be everyone's favourite TV show of the moment, Downton Abbey.  When I tell people, I inevitably get a shocked reaction, followed by assurances that I would love it, I really should watch it, etc. I'm sure I'd love it too;  it's just that it's on until 11 p.m., which is generally way past my bedtime (and I'm already staying up until 11 on Mondays to watch "Dallas" -- two nights in a row is too much for this old gal...!), and I've already missed the first 2.5 seasons and catching up on DVD is a b*tch...

Anyway. While I have yet to see a full episode myself, I still can't help knowing all about the show & the various characters, thanks to watercooler & Internet chatter, etc. 
(Spoiler alert!!)

And after last Sunday's episode, my Facebook news feed was flooded with comments of "Not Sybil!!"

Lady Sybil, the youngest of the three daughters who live at the Abbey, died in Sunday night's episode, after giving birth to a daughter. The cause? Eclampsia.

I've been waiting to see what, if anything, the ALI blogosphere might have to say on the topic.  Cecily at Uppercase Woman wrote about how watching the episode triggered PTSD and memories of her own experience with eclampsia, which resulted in the loss of her twin boys, nine years ago. There was also an article in today's Globe and Mail.

My fear, after hearing about Lady Sybil, was that those fortunate viewers who have never confronted high-risk pregnancy or pregnancy loss might think (as I once did) that eclampsia is a thing of the past, that such things would not, do not, happen today. They would be wrong.

In my 20s, like so many naive young women, I didn't think that anybody died during childbirth anymore. Certainly not in North America, anyway. I learned differently soon after I started working on the newsletter for the company that still employs me. One of my first tasks was to contact human resources and compile a list of all the employees and pensioners who had retired or died during the previous month. Imagine my shock when I was handed a death advice for a 35-year-old woman. I had to call her boss to verify one of the facts, and she was only too willing to share all the gory details with me, unprompted. She had died in childbirth. Childbirth?? I was shocked. Who dies in childbirth in late-20th century urban Canada??

I probably shouldn't have been surprised. I came very close to not being here myself, because of eclampsia.

Growing up, I would sometimes overhear my mother saying that she'd had "a hard time" giving birth to me, and was in the hospital for two weeks afterward (which was a long time, even back then,, when stays of a week after a normal birth weren't unheard of). But it wasn't until many years later, perhaps during my own pregnancy, at age 37, that I remember hearing her use the terms "toxemia" and "eclampsia." I'm sure my mother probably mentioned it to me then;  I do remember her asking about my blood pressure. (I never had problems with high blood pressure or started taking medication for it until well into my 40s.) 

In later years, I remember her saying to me that we were both lucky to be here. Just over Christmas, I overheard her telling a neighbour that she went into convulsions while delivering me.

In my 20s, I gave both my grandparents one of those fill-in-the-blanks memory books and asked them to write in them. After they had both died, my mother gave them back to me. Grandma's remained blank, but I was tickled to find that my grandfather had filled in the first few pages, in a shaky hand. Under the question, "Where were you when I was born?" he had written, "Not far away." My mother chuckled ruefully as she read that: "I'm sure he was," she said. My poor Grandpa;  I can just picture him. How worried he must have been for us both.

After losing Katie, on message boards and in our real-life support group, I heard many more stories about pre-eclampsia, about soaring blood pressure and difficult decisions, about emergency C-sections and babies delivered prematurely or stillborn. Yes, it does still happen today. 

And then I gradually started making the connection from the stories I was hearing from other women my own age who had survived the horror of eclampsia but watched their babies die, to the snippets I'd heard from my mother about my own birth story. And realized how very, very lucky we both were.

My mother recently started watching "Downton Abbey." I can't quite bring myself to ask her if she saw last Sunday's episode.

More information on (pre)eclampsia & related conditions such as HELLP can be found at the Preeclampsia Foundation.