#MicroblogMondays/Annoying thing: Ens***ification

Somewhere between 5-10 years ago, after I got my first smartphone, I was looking for an app where I could keep my shopping lists and reminders (etc.) and refer to them when I was out (instead of lugging around a purse full of random scraps of paper, lol). 

Someone mentioned Evernote, and I tried it out and liked it. I didn't need all the fancy features it offered (and continued to add over the years), but it was free and easy to use, and I was able to use it on both my phone and laptop (where it's a lot easier for me to type), and sync the content between devices. I used it to make lists of things I wanted to buy at various stores, the exact kinds and sizes of jeans and yoga pants I buy regularly, the great-niblings' current clothing sizes, books I want to buy and read, music I want to purchase, an inventory and wish list for my essential oils, packing lists, a list of toiletries I keep at my parents' house (and what needs replenishing), step-by-step instructions for making turkey & stuffing like my mom's (honed over several years' worth of Thanksgivings and Christmases), etc. etc.  

By now you may have heard about the "enshittification" of the Internet? (There's a book about it, which I haven't read yet, but I thoroughly agree with the premise...!) Google's AI Overview describes it as:  

...a term coined by author Cory Doctorow to describe the deliberate, gradual degradation of online platforms and services. It refers to the process where platforms start by providing high-quality experiences to attract users, then shift value to business customers, and finally maximize profit for shareholders, rendering the service less useful, enjoyable, or user-friendly...  This phenomenon has been used to describe the decay of platforms like Facebook, Twitter/X, TikTok, Amazon, and Spotify, which prioritize ads, "hidden" content, and monetization over quality user experience... The term is often used to criticize "Big Tech" for reducing product quality to maximize short-term profits. 

Case in point:  After using Evernote for several years, I was notified (a few years back) that I had a limit on the number of notes I could create. (OR, I could pay and upgrade to their premium plan!)  

I combined a couple of categories of lists to keep the number of my notes/documents under the limit.

Some time after that, I was told I could now only use the app for free on one device. (OR, I could pay and upgrade to their premium plan!) 

I reluctantly deleted the app on my laptop, but continued to use it on my phone. 

Last week when I opened the app, for the very first time, an ad popped up (beyond the usual offers to upgrade). And then a notification that I could choose to receive ads tailored to my interests, randon untailored ads -- OR, I could pay and upgrade to their premium plan, and remain ad-free! (I think the price quoted was $60 for a year -- U.S. dollars, of course -- although there was a 40% off offer that would have reduced the price.)  

I said, "No thanks" (actually, something less polite, lol), and started looking for another notes app. 

I remembered several people mentioning that they used (and loved) Google Keep. I had a look at it and decided it would serve my purposes just fine. I downloaded the app, and then spent an hour-plus copying my lists over from Evernote and pasting them into Keep.  Once I had all my content moved over, I deleted Evernote from my phone. 

So far, so good.  

Have you noticed "enshittification" in your own online life lately? 

What app(s) do you use for notes, lists, etc.? (Any hints for me on effective use of Google Keep?)

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

#MicroblogMondays: The dog ate my #MM post

Okay, I don't have a dog. And I AM posting today, albeit later than I usually do on a #MM.  

However, I do have an excuse. 

I'll be honest, I didn't have anything drafted or planned in advance for a post today. I figured I'd have plenty of time today to think of something to write about.... and then write about it. But morning drifted into early afternoon...  

I was enjoying a large mug of tea (with milk and sugar), sometime before 2 PM, when... disaster. The half-full mug slipped out of my hands, sloshed all over my brand new WHITE top and yoga pants, onto the chair (fortunately, leather and wipeable) -- AND onto the keyboard of the laptop, sitting in my lap. (Thankfully, only a few drops got on the floor.) 

I sat there, stunned, for a moment. Dh sprang into action, unplugged the computer & took it over to the kitchen counter. I recovered my senses, got up and turned it upside down over the sink, to try to drain as much of the tea as I could out of the keyboard. Dh got the dishcloth & started wiping it down, then my wooden lapdesk (which the laptop sits on in my lap), and the chair.  

Once we'd mopped up most of the liquid we could see, I (finally) turned it off. I wiped down the keyboard with a cotton pad soaked in rubbing alcohol, and cleaned around/between the keys with cotton swabs also dipped in rubbing alcohol. (Note to self: must do this more often... ewww.....).  

I grabbed my phone and Googled "spilled tea on laptop keyboard" to try to figure out what else we should be doing. One post suggested turning it upside down over a towel. I think this would apply more to a conventional (desktop computer) keyboard vs a laptop -- I was afraid that opening up the laptop too far/wide might damage it (more than I might have already) -- so what I did was open it up, set a towel over the keyboard, close it and then turn it over, so that the keyboard part was facing down into the towel (and when I checked, there was a little more wetness coming off the keyboard, so it was obviously the right thing to do).  

Then I went to the bedroom and changed out of my wet clothes, spritzed my top with stain remover, and hung them up to dry (before putting them in the laundry). And then I called my personal Geek Squad -- i.e., my sister's techie partner -- for advice. 

I was relieved when he told me I was on the right track. He suggested that I should open the laptop up, turn it on its side (like an open book), and set it in front of a fan to help it dry out faster. I asked him how long I should keep it off before trying to turn it on, and he said a couple of hours should do the trick. He said the likeliest problem would be the keys getting gummed up.  

I held my breath, plugged it in after about 5 hours, and pressed "start."  

So far, so good. (Fingers crossed.)  I even managed to reopen all the tabs I'd had going before I shut everything down and pick up where I left off. (Thank you, Chrome History!)  

Next on the agenda:  That backup I've been procrastinating on doing... (I DID do one a month ago.)  

(Please tell me I'm not the only klutz this kind of thing has happened to...)

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

Odds & ends

• Annoying thing:  Someone's snide post on Threads, to the effect of "who's the genius without kids who scheduled Game 6 of the World Series on Halloween?" 
• I initially scrolled past it, then went, "Hey, wait a minute...!" -- but then I couldn't find it again. :p  Anyway, it pissed me off...!   
• Both Lyz Lenz at Men Yell at Me and Anne Helen Petersen of Culture Study have made the move from Substack over to Patreon in recent weeks (Lyz is now here and AHP here).   
• It's a major pain in the butt to have to learn the ins & outs of yet ANOITHER new platform/app 🙄 (I mean, seriously...??) -- and Patreon is new to the newsletter business, and still working out some kinks -- but these two were, I think, the first two Substacks I paid for, and I get a lot out their writing and the discussion threads with other subscribers, so...  
• Anne Helen Petersen is childfree by choice -- and one of her first posts in her new space is the first in a planned new series called "BIG NO KIDS ENERGY," about the joys of not having children. 
• The post is from a childfree by choice perspective, and so are some of the comments. Happily, those of us who did not necessarily choose this life are commenting too. (I added a comment myself). It may be difficult, especially if you're new to realizing children are not going to be in your future, to imagine that life can still be good, in a different way -- that there can be anything joyful about not having children. But there are positives, and I think that childfree people and their positive perspective can be helpful to us in realizing that. :)  
• The post itself is public, and I'm not sure about the comments, but I believe you have to be a paid subscriber to comment.  
• She's looking for ideas for future posts in the series too!  
• Rosalyn at The NoMo Book Club had a great Substack post recently about inclusive language, labels, and reproductive identity. 
• The New York Times's Well newsletter on anticipatory grief:  "Is It Healthy to Grieve Before a Loss?"  (Answer:  "Yes. Here’s how to cope.") (Gift link.) 
• Lisa Sibbett at The Auntie Bulletin makes a compelling argument that "The Nuclear Family is a Failed Experiment." 
• "Jennifer Aniston Said No To Adoption. Does That Mean She Is Selfish?"  writes Marcia Garcia at Life Without Children (originally posted on Medium). This is written from a childfree by choice perspective, but happily, it does reference the CNBC experience.
• Non-ALI related, but very personal to me: Canadian Returnee shares "The Ukrainian Story of the Prairies." 

Annoying things & small pleasures

 Annoying things:  

• Not so much "annoying," but sad: smoke from the wildfires in Saskatchewan and my home province of Manitoba (1000+ miles away) has reached us. :(   it's not as bad (so far...!) as the smoke from fires in Alberta & British Columbia was, a few years ago, but it's noticeable.  The forecast has been for sun, but the sky turned grey & slightly hazy on Monday night and has stayed that way. 
• So far, the air quality index is not too bad (the weather sites rate the risk today as "moderate). I know it's a lot worse in northern Ontario, as well as Minnesota & Iowa, etc.-- not to mention outside the fire zones in those two provinces.  Mom & Dad are nowhere near the fires but they've had to keep the windows closed (the levels there are in the "dangerous" zone).  We're keeping ours closed too, and I've got the air purifier running, although the current inside reading is not too bad either. 
• Related annoying thing:  pollen.  Dh has been sneezing like crazy, and I've had to take a couple of antihistamines in the past few days too. Eyes have been feeling gritty and irritated for both of us. 
• No water! (for just an hour this morning, but still...)  The city has been working on the sewers outside our building, and we had our water turned off for a hour this morning while they did some "backflow testing" (we were notified well in advance). We set the alarm clock and got up early to take our showers and get the laundry going before then (Wednesday has been laundry day lately). They were out there all day, and it was noisy (and smelly! -- sewer gas) -- but it was only an hour of real inconvenience, so... 
• (Speaking of noise...) The cacophony from lawnmowers, weed whackers, and (especially!) leaf blowers!! (One downside of summer weather!)  
• Shoe shopping:  I am looking for a pair of dressy sandals (preferably silver, but navy would also do) to wear with the new dress(es) I bought for a family wedding later this summer. Easy peasy, right?  Well, no. 
• The biggest hurdle and main issue:  I have very wide/thick feet that are VERY hard to fit. (It's a common feature on my dad's side of the family, and it is f***ing annoying.)  I can't even slide (cram?) my foot into many shoes that are specifically designated "wide width."  
• I want something that's flat or low-heeled (not kitten heels or stilettos).  I actually HAVE a couple of pairs of dressy silver sandals that I bought and wore the nephews' weddings (gulp -- 7 and 9 years ago now!) -- but they both have heels that are slightly higher than I am comfortable with these days. Given the tumbles I've taken recently (in low/flat heeled shoes!), I do NOT want to tempt fate and embarrass myself in front of a couple hundred wedding guests! 
• Also, they are not especially comfortable -- but it seems that finding dressy silver or navy sandals with low heels that actually fit my feet AND are decently comfortable would be the equivalent of winning the Powerball lottery...!  I will wear them if absolutely nothing else turns up (and jus be very careful...!).  The good thing is I still have two months to look!  
• I received an email notice on May 22nd that Pocket is "saying goodbye" -- i.e., shutting down. (I should have known when they were bought out by Mozilla in 2017 -- a buyout never seems to bode well..)  Mali recommended it to me years ago and I've been using it ever since then to save/bookmark articles I've been reading.  (It's also been very handy to get around some -- not all, but some -- paywalled material.)  
• Apparently we can export our saved items.  But to where?? (Any suggestions/recommendations?) 
• Not seeing Little Great Nephew #1 since Easter (and his brother only once briefly, almost a month ago now).  :(  
• The flood of "last day of school," prom and graduation photos began a few weeks ago and will continue through to the end of June. Sigh... (I do enjoy seeing them -- to a point! -- but after a while, it gets to be a little too much...)  
• The cost of flying within Canada. (I just booked our tickets to visit my family in July. OUCH.) 

 Small pleasures: 

• (On the flip side of the above point...!)  Having a trip "home" to look forward to...! 
• Finding matching "Cousin Crew" T-shirts in all the right sizes for all three LGNs!  ;)  
• A free month's trial of Ancestry DNA's ProTools. I've been particularly interested in (and taking advantage of) its "enhanced shared matches" feature, which lets you see how your shared matches are related to each other. Most of us are distant cousins to each other, of course, but I've been able to clarify a few relationships in some cases, which has been a big help.  :)  
• I actually missed the deadline to cancel before I was charged so I guess I'm paying for a month (erk! -- annoying thing).  I'm not sure I'll subscribe long term -- I already have a regular Ancestry subscription (which is not cheap), and this is an add-on to that -- but I can definitely see periodically subscribing, doing a spurt of research and then unsubbing, like some people do with streaming services. 
• The wit & wisdom of Kermit the Frog, needed now more than ever...!  (Lucky graduates!) 
• One of my classmates actually sang "The Rainbow Connection" at our high school graduation ceremony. (This was 1979, not long after the original Muppet Movie was released.)    

Pre-Christmas annoying things & small pleasures

REALLY annoying thing:  I took a tumble today (no stairs involved this time, though) & banged up my face.  :(  :(  :(    Just before Christmas, of course...! (Just call me Klutz Kringle.)  It could have been worse, I guess, but combined with my rosacea/redness (see "Other annoying things," below), let's just say I've looked better. 

 

We had dentist appointments in the city today -- got there early and parked in a lot near both our dentist & optometrist. I left dh in the car to head to the optometrist's office (right across the street from the lot) to get some lid/lash wipes for my eyes. Most of the lot is surrounded by a low fence, but I headed for the street through a narrow gap between a parked truck and a concrete planter. 

 

And tripped, went flying, and fell. Bit my lip and banged my left cheekbone. (Big red bruise/abrasion. A few small cuts/abrasions on both my palms, too, and I later discovered a mildly skinned left knee under my jeans.)  Can't remember if I knocked off my glasses, but the lens on the left side got all scratched up with gravel (fortunately, on the outside edge, side, so I can still see OK, but...!) -- and I could see the lens had come a little loose from the frame.  

 

I picked myself up, dusted myself off and went back to the car to inspect the damage. (Poor dh! He felt so guilty that he hadn't come with me!)  I was a pretty pathetic sight, and needless to say, I was pretty shaken up. I had some wet wipes in my purse, so I wiped off my face with them (dirt, bits of gravel & some blood -- almost entirely from where I bit my upper left lip). Felt my teeth with my tongue and they were all still there and all seemed intact, thank goodness. I thought, well, at least I can get the dentist to check them out!  Put on a mask (thank goodness I had one with me; it hid just about all the damage) and headed for the dentist. 

 

I told the woman at the desk what happened and asked if she had a cold pack I could use. Took off my mask to show them and boy, they jumped into action. She got me a cold pack and asked the dentist to come see me right away. My hygienist took me into her little cubicle and had me lay down in the chair with the cold pack on my face. The dentist came in & poked around my teeth, and he got me some Advil. He said he didn't see any damage (thank goodness!);  a couple of the bottom teeth were maybe just a LITTLE loose, but he felt they'll be OK over time. He did say sometimes when you take a blow to the face like that, teeth can sometimes discolour or die (!) but we'll keep an eye on it and cross that bridge if/when we get there.  

Both he & the hygienist said they didn't think they could (or should) do the full exam & cleaning today;  my lip was already swelling up. I told him it felt like when he puts freezing in for a filling!  So now I have to go back next week! (so long as I'm feeling better & the swelling has gone down). They will probably do some X-rays then, just to make sure all is well. They just let me lay there, holding the cold pack on my face, while dh had his appointment. (His dentist -- a super nice man who has also done work on me -- came in to say hello and ask how I was before we left.) 

After we were done, we headed over to the optometrist's office. I kept my mask on and got my wipes, and then asked if he had a couple of minutes to look at my glasses. I explained to him what happened and showed him my glasses (while keeping my mask on!). He fiddled with them, had me try them on three times until he was satisfied with the fit. He said to come back & see him if I want to replace them. The lenses ARE 10 years old;  I broke the frames about 6 years ago and luckily was able to replace those and use the same lenses -- but I've been thinking that even if my prescription hasn't changed, it's probably time for a new pair (don't you think??).  Dh's glasses are almost that old too, and he's been itching for new ones.  So I may make appointments for us when we get back from Christmas. (They'll be fine for now.) 

 

We stopped at a drugstore on the way back to the car and I bought a cold bottle of water -- I drank some but  mostly held the bottle to my face, like an ice pack. When we finally got home, I washed my face and put some witch hazel and polysporin on my bruises, and I've been using an ice pack, on & off. It looks a little better than it did, but still not great. Hopefully I'll be mostly better before we head west to see my parents! (I suppose I could always use some makeup to cover up or at least minimize the bruising.)   

 

Dh told me it was on the news that U.S. Senator Mitch McConnell tripped and fell today too. I said, "Yeah, but he's 82!"   

We have haircuts on Friday. I told dh that I'm going to tell our stylist that my fat lip is the result of a filler injection gone bad, lol.  

*** *** *** 

Other annoying things: 

• Hitting "mark all as read" (as in ALL the unread emails in my inbox -- and there were a LOT) instead of marking one particular email as UNread. Grrrr.....
• The Canada Post strike (now in its 4th week -- going on since Nov. 15th! -- and not looking like it will be resolved anytime soon...) -- which means I probably won't be sending out Christmas cards for the first time I can remember since I started doing it as a kid (probably ever??). Or receiving any either -- one of my great pleasures at Christmastime (although, granted, there have been fewer and fewer every year in recent years...).  
• My rosacea has been acting up again, especially since it turned colder. I think the lack of humidity in our condo has a lot to do with it (although we've been running the humidifier constantly). I don't mind the fine lines and grey hair that comes from aging, but people used to rave about my beautiful skin, and I took pride and comfort in that -- so this is a real blow to my ego! 
• In the latest installment of "Adventures with my Kobo E-reader,"  lately, when I try to sync my reader and download my latest purchases, the sync progress seems "stuck" on "Updating books."  
• I've waited up to half an hour or 45 minutes before cancelling the sync -- and then tried again, two or three minutes later. Weirdly, I've found that often does the trick -- it almost immediately starts downloading my books and completes the sync! (Knocking wood...!) Definitely better than signing out of my account and then back in again -- and then having to download all the books I want downloaded all over again, so they're ready to read when I want them! -- but still annoying...! 

Small pleasures: 

• A photo on Instagram of Little Great-Nephew with Santa!  :)  
• Stopping to take a peek at Santa myself whenever I'm at the mall. Always a day brightener!  
• Having our Christmas tree up and decorated, and the extra light it gives off at a dark & gloomy time of year. 

#MicroblogMondays: Books, bargains and bots

This story began when I got my weekly Sunday email of ebook deals from my ereader/ebooks provider (which I'm not going to name here, this time around -- but I have named it often in the past. Hint:  it's NOT Amazon Kindle!).  

When I clicked over to look at the deals, I was hugely annoyed to see that many of the books listed were not, in fact, on sale. They were listed at full price. 

(Which is often ridiculous -- $15, $20 (Canadian) or more -- for an e-book??! I mean, I realize, writers don't get paid a lot of money, and there are editors and designers, etc., who also need to be paid -- but you're not paying for paper or printing costs -- and I'm sure the publisher is taking a nice chunk of profit for themselves too..!)  

Dh & I have both noticed this happening a couple of times lately.  We've also been annoyed that the deals being offered lately -- both weekly and daily (under $5) -- haven't been that plentiful (e.g., usually well over 100 or 200 books offered in all categories;  recently just 30 or 40 in bargain fiction!) -- or all that enticing/interesting to us. AND, all this past week, a good chunk of the books listed under daily deals in the non-fiction category were actually fiction books! WTF?  

I was annoyed enough on Sunday morning to start hunting for a way to voice my displeasure to the company. Of course, there was no email address. Just a chat box on the website, and accounts on all the usual social media channels. I decided to leave a comment on the most recent post on Facebook.  Here's what I said:  

Is there a reason why so many of the books in your "today only deals" email are listed at full price?? And why a whole lot of books in the "nonfiction books on sale "section are actually fiction books? 

Not too long afterward, I got a response:  

Hi! We are truly sorry that you are experiencing issue, please send us a direct message and we would be more than happy to try and troubleshoot any problems you may be having. Thanks!

Obviously a bot. But a response. 

Okay. I decided to bite. I sent them a DM (via Facebook Messenger) at around 3:10 PM, repeating my original comment and adding:  

This has happened more than once lately (re: the "today only deals"), and the fiction books have been in the nonfiction sale books all week.  Very annoying! 

Then I added links to the pages to show them what I was seeing, and mentioned that I was in Canada.   

Around 3:50 PM, this response:  

Hi! Thanks so much for getting in touch with us. If it’s not too much trouble, could you share the email address linked to your Kobo account and the last awesome book you purchased? We’re excited to help and will get back to you very soon!

(Well, the bot has certainly been trained to be polite & enthusiastic, at least??) 

I was busy and left it for the time being, intending to get back to them the next day. When I woke up this morning, I had this message, sent just before midnight the night before:  

Hi there!

Thank you for reaching out to...

We're delighted to hear from you. We wanted to check in and see if you require any additional assistance. If you do, please don't hesitate to reply to this message. We're always eager to lend a helping hand.

​For any inquiries, big or small, please feel free to visit us at... [help desk link -- another bot, I assume...!] We're here for you!

​Best regards...

I hesitated, but decided to respond, at around 10:15 AM. I gave them my email address and name of the last book I'd purchased, and added: 

My husband is also a Kobo customer and has noticed the same things.  Yesterday's so-called bargains are now expired, but this wasn't the first time we've noticed this, and I'm sure others have also seen the same things.  It's just irritating to open an email, expecting to see bargains and so many of the books are still full priced (and the non-fiction under $5 section is full of fiction!).  We just wanted to make our feelings known, in the hope this can be fixed going forward.  Thank you. 

Responded the bot: 

I'm sorry if you are experiencing this. I understand your frustration regarding this issue. Rest assured that I will help you with your concern. Please send us screenshot of the offers that you want to purchase so that we can review it in our end. We appreciate your cooperation and patience during this process.

Me (getting annoyed now...):  

The offers have now expired. And I wasn't interested in many of them anyway -- it's the principle of the thing. Thanks anyway. I just hope that in the future, an email listing "deals" really does contain all deals. 

Bot: 

I apologize for any inconvenience and frustration this may have caused you. In the future, please feel free to reach out to us immediately so we can make any necessary adjustments for you.

Below that was this message:  

Your exclusive one-time use promo code is: 75% off  (Promo code xxxx reserved for user)

​Promo codes are discounts that can be applied to specific books in the xxxx Store. Due to publisher restrictions and territorial limitations, promo codes cannot be applied to all books.

​To apply your promo code... [list of detailed instructions] 

Well, okay. It's nice to get offered some sort of compensation for my time and irritation, and 75% is nothing to sniff at. I spent some time this afternoon going through my wish list, selecting a few of the most expensive books on it and filtering to check whether they were eligible for the promo code. (Happily, most of them were.)  I narrowed down my choices, finally made my selection, went through the steps to purchase and apply the promo code... and this message popped up on the screen:  

This promo code has already been used the maximum number of times.

(Seriously?)  

The kicker:  while I was scrolling through my wish list to pick out which books might be candidates for my 75% discount, I noticed that one of the books listed as a "deal" yesterday -- at full price--  was now listed for $1.99!! (Yes, I bought it.)  

I suppose I could have gone back to chat/argue with the bot some more, but I feel like I've spent enough time on it. This is when you really wish for a human on the other end of the chat/email. I feel like it would have been a much faster and more satisfying process -- certainly for me. And I wonder if a human will ever see and consider what I had to say? 

(I'm hoping for better things from the Black Friday sales...!) 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.  

#MicroblogMondays: Uber-Boomer ;)

I got a chuckle out of this recent Globe & Mail article (gift link): "What happens when a Boomer tries Uber for the first time."  I'm not QUITE as technologically inept as the author, but I *am* a (late) Boomer (or early GenXer, depending on how you define the timelines) -- and I have yet to use Uber. 

For one thing, we don't often have need of a ride somewhere. I don't drive (long story), but dh drives us most places we need to go. When we lived in our old community, I would sometimes get off work earlier than he did, and in that case, I would usually take the bus home from the train station. (There was a stop conveniently located near our house.)  Once in a great while, if I wasn't feeling well and had to wait for the bus, I would take one of the cabs that was generally lined up in the parking lot outside. And I occasionally took cabs to assignments in far-flung areas of the city as part of my job  The department had an account with one of the city's large cab companies. You'd get a "chit" from the office administrator and fill in the details for the driver when you reached your destination, including the amount on the meter and a tip. 

(I got offered a cab chit by the HR person who was handling my termination, but I said no and took the train home as usual. Dh -- who had lost HIS job a year earlier -- picked me up.) A colleague who also lost her job that day -- and who also usually took a train home -- told me she took the chit. "I'm gonna take them up on everything they offer me, make them pay," she laughed. Made me think I should have taken the chit too!  lol  Oh well.) 

BIL usually takes us to the airport & picks us up again, when we're travelling, and when he's not able to do so (as was the case last year, because of his health), I've found a reasonably reliable airport limo company to take us. (And, depending on where else we need to go, there's a rapid bus service right outside our front door that takes us directly to the local subway station in a few minutes' time.)  

Yes, it's more expensive to take a cab or an airport limo anywhere than an Uber. The cabs can be less than clean sometimes, and the drivers don't always speak or understand English very well. (Limos are usually a much nicer ride, and the rates to & from the airport aren't that much different from taking a cab, which is why I prefer to use them.)  I remember one memorable cab ride where the ashtray was full of cigarette butts, the car reeked of stale smoke, and he was playing music loudly while talking on his cellphone, all the way home from the train station.  Not my sort of music either...!) 

But... I've heard some iffy stories about Uber, particularly about women travelling alone. I figure that, at least with a cab, there's a license involved, a tangible company behind it with a physical, local presence (versus an app) and a phone number you can call to voice your complaint to a real person, if you're not happy with the service.  Yes, I know you can rate your Uber driver (and they rate YOU, as a passenger!), but there's no easy recourse if you have a complaint or concern.  Also, as many people in the story comments pointed out, if you don't rate your driver five stars AND give a good tip, you may be more likely to find yourself without a ride in the future. Sounds vaguely blackmail-ish to me. I mean, what's the point of a ratings system if you're not going to welcome honest feedback? 

How about you? Do you use Uber or other such rideshare services, versus more traditional methods of transportation?  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

Odds & ends

• Creepy or what?? -- I got a cold sore on my lower left lip/corner recently (ugh). I did not type ONE WORD about it on my laptop or phone (until now!) -- and yet!! I suddenly had ads for Blistex popping up all over my Instagram feed a day or two later!!  I swear these things are LISTENING to us... (I am NOT amused...!) 
• Annoying thing:  I was reading a NYT story, about the growing threat of violence against public figures :(  -- and then the comments. This one raised my hackles (albeit not for political reasons !) -- it said (in part):  "The 60s were 80 years ago and multiple generations ago… "  
• HEY!!!  I was born in 1961... I am NOT 80 years old!! (Yet!!)  (The writer must have flunked math class, lol.)  
• The comments are closed, or I would have definitely shot off a reply...!  
• Richard Osman announced last week that Celia Imrie has been cast as Joyce in the movie adaptation of "The Thursday Murder Club" -- the fourth and final member of the club to be cast. 
• I have to admit -- I know the name, I know I've seen her in movies & TV shows, but I could not picture her at all. I had to look her up. She's not someone I would have thought of for Joyce -- my first pick was Penelope Wilton, followed by Julie Walters. 
• Any guesses/suggestions for who should play the secondary characters??  (Chris, Donna, Bogdan, Stephen...?) 
• The New York Times asks "When Did Everything Become a ‘Journey’?"  (Gift link.)  Good question!  (I'm sure I am guilty of overusing that phrase myself...!) 
• Glynnis MacNicol, unapologetically childfree by choice, who wrote the wonderful memoir "No One Tells You This" (reviewed here), about coming to terms with being single and childless around her 40th birthday, has a new book coming out as she turns 50 ("I'm Mostly Here to Enjoy Myself"). In the New York Times this weekend, she declares "Men Fear Me, Society Shames Me, and I Love My Life." (Gift link.) Excerpt:  

Saying so should not be radical in 2024, and yet, somehow it feels that way. We live in a world whose power structures continue to benefit from women staying in place. In fact, we’re currently experiencing the latest backlash against the meager feminist gains of the past half-century. My story — and those of the other women in similar shoes — shows that there are other, fulfilling ways to live.

It is disconcerting to enjoy oneself so much when there is so much to assure you to expect the opposite, just as it is strange to feel so good against a backdrop of so much terribleness in the world. But with age (hopefully) comes clarity...

Forget about the horror of being alone and middle-aged — there is nothing more terrifying to a patriarchal society than a woman who is free. That she might be having a better time without permission or supervision is downright insufferable. 

• A Globe & Mail opinion piece called for a national sperm donor registry, after a recently released documentary revealed that three donors -- all from the same family in Quebec -- are the biological fathers of hundreds of children across the province. (Gift link.)  
• I don't know if this Toronto Star article (essentially a cautionary tale about aging solo without children) is paywalled, but it's worth a read if you can access it. It's a sobering tale and may be difficult reading for some (it certainly gave me pause), but I believe knowledge/awareness is power. I just wish there was more information included about how such situations could be avoided. "When Antonietta vanished." 
• I appreciated Ryan Rose Weaver's Substack interview with Hayley Manning (who is originally from Toronto/Markham!) of the podcast and Instagram account "Time to Talk TFMR" (termination for medical reasons), on "finding alternative rainbows," when your "rainbow baby" doesn't materialize. (Manning has one child but after several losses, including a TFMR, decided to stop trying to conceive another). There's a lot here that CNBCers will relate to, even if you never experienced pregnancy loss or TFMR.  
• Says Weaver:  "If we want to have better, more trauma-informed conversations with loved ones and clients who have experienced birth and medical trauma, then we need to acknowledge that there are many possible “right” choices to make about how best to heal. Including this one."
• Weaver asks Manning: "There are so many valid reasons for deciding not to pursue subsequent pregnancies after a late loss like ours. I think this surprises people and is not well understood. What made you decide not to pursue a subsequent pregnancy yourself?" 
• Manning responds (and boy, I can relate...!): 

After my last miscarriage, I didn’t know if I could put myself, my husband, or son through more anxious waiting and more loss. I was worried about what it was doing to all of us. I didn’t want to feel sad and anxious anymore, or at least not so constantly. I was tired of tracking my cycle, tired of sex for conceiving, tired of worrying about how old I was (I was about to turn 40). I felt like a husk of my former self. And after every loss, it took more from me, it took longer to emotionally recover. This wasn’t living.

• I really liked what Weaver says here, too: 

What I fear for myself and others is what you’ve described: falling into the same old capitalist-patriarchy trap instead, with a different set of bars. Instead of being sold just one more face serum or sparkly dress or engagement ring, now we’re being sold one more expensive fertility tea, restrictive special diet, or painful medical procedure. Just one more, and we’ll be able to cross what Amelia and Emily Nagoski call The Chasm in their book on burnout — that is, the gap between who we are and what we are culturally expected to be.

In our case, those of us who have “just one,” or no living child at all, will finally be “enough” in the eyes of everyone around us.

What we seem to be talking about is exploring what happens if we stop seeking that. If, as Mary Oliver says, we stop crawling through the desert on our knees, and begin to just let the soft animals of our bodies love what they already love.

Odds & ends & annoying things

• Annoying thing #1:  How the heck is it almost the end of November?? I need to get cracking with my Christmas shopping....
• I did order T-shirts for my sister & me from an Etsy dealer in the U.S., both bearing the motto "I'm with the banned"  (as in books, lol).  :)  
• My sister has been off work all week with covid (as I wrote here).  Last I heard from her (yesterday, via email), she still wasn't feeling great and was sleeping a lot.  :(  
• A few weeks ago, we had dinner at dh's cousin's house (along with BIL & SIL), and (as I wrote here) our hostess made (among other yummy things) a really tasty salad/veggie dish that I haven't been able to get out of my head since. I finally texted her and asked for the recipe, and she was happy to share -- and I'm happy to share it here with you too.  :)  
• I made the double recipe (14 cups) on Tuesday. It was a LOT -- we've had it for lunch &/or a side dish at dinner every day since then -- but it keeps 3-4 days in the refrigerator, and it's been a welcome change from endless peanut butter on toast and yogurt, lol -- we finished it off at lunchtime today. It got a little soggy towards the end, but it's soooo good. :)  Our hostess and I both used sweet potato instead of butternut squash, plus optional kale for some greenery (spinach leaves would probably be good too), and I used white wine vinegar instead of apple cider vinegar for the dressing.  I will definitely make it again! 
• Annoying thing #2: The PBS/BBC TV adaptation of Winston Graham's "Poldark" novels, a few years back, piqued interest in the original books, and I started following an online forum devoted to them. The conversation there mostly petered out once the TV series ended -- but back in early September, I started getting notifications of new posts on a thread titled "Demelza," dormant since 2018.  Three guys there have been arguing over the character of Demelza (Ross Poldark's wife), her affair with Hugh Armitage, whether he ever truly loved her, and whether she ever truly loved Ross.  
• Two women, early on, intervened to make comments in defense of Demelza. They were mostly ignored and haven't ventured back into the conversation. I don't blame them...! I've mostly been just rolling my eyes and ignoring the posts -- but seriously, I'm kind of agog that these three guys have been arguing about this (on & off, with a pause for a couple of weeks), for almost THREE MONTHS NOW...!  The power of literature, I guess??  (But also the power of a bunch of a guys with an opinion, who think they know a woman's heart & mind...!)  
• Annoying thing #3:  My brand-new Kobo e-reader (a Clara 2E) -- which I bought barely a month ago, to replace my 8-year-old Aura H20, which was not downloading books or syncing properly -- was doing exactly the same thing as the old one, earlier this week. I was frustrated beyond belief...!  
• I found a link on the Kobo help site to Facebook Messenger, so I messaged them there. They recommended I do an "account repair." I had it in repair mode for 16 HOURS, overnight (had to plug it in to recharge because the battery was running so low). I finally messaged them and asked "How long is this going to take??"  I mean, I have a lot of books on there, but this was ridiculous...!  
• They recommended I cancel the repair (and told me a reset procedure so that I wouldn't lose any data), and then try again, preferably using a different wifi. (Yeah, like I just have another wifi system in my back pocket??)  I did the cancel/reset procedure, and then I decided to try signing out of my account and back in again, which is something else suggested on the help site. 
• It was like I was setting up my reader all over again! -- I had to reconnect to our wifi and reinput the wifi password and then my Kobo account password -- and it started repopulating all my books again. And then it downloaded the last 5 most recent books I'd bought!  (It took about a half an hour.)  I had to re-download all the other books I'd downloaded to read, too. 
• BUT -- THEY DOWNLOADED!!!  And the ones I'd been reading still opened up at the page(s) where I'd left off. Working like a charm since then, thank goodness! (and fingers crossed!)  
• Henri, a fellow CNBCer from one of the online childless communities I frequent, has started a Substack newsletter. Her latest entry is a thoughtful post on that phrase we all love to hate ("as a mother...").  Go read, like and maybe subscribe! (I've added her to my blogroll here!) 
• In her Substack (Life, Almost), Jennie Agg (mother of one, plus five miscarriages) decides she's "done" (maybe...), and muses on "the myth of maternal desire" in "Maybe I don’t want another baby ‘enough’."  No matter when you decided YOU were "done" or how many living children and/or losses you had (including zero), you will likely find something to relate to in her words. Sample passage:  

...I can’t help feeling that if I really am done, it will mean something about how much I wanted this in the first place. Given that I have the option of keeping going – which I’m aware not everybody who wants a child does – why wouldn’t I?

But there’s an unreasonable expectation masquerading in that question. Because what would, in fact, count as ‘enough’? How could you possibly quantify such a thing?

How much physical trauma is enough? How much money do I need to spend on unevidenced private treatments? Do I have to have considered surrogacy, adoption? Do I need to show receipts from yet another expensive therapist?  

• In the post mentioned above, Agg links to another piece by Farrah Storr, a childless journalist who writes at Things Worth Knowing:  "How NOT to have children:  A guide from the other side..."  Unlike her, I haven't experienced a "startling" number of friendships with mothers in their 50s with grown children (?!) -- and I haven't encountered too many other CNBCers who have either -- but overall, it's definitely worth a read!  
• Completely unrelated to anything ALI-related, but full of great writing (and truths!) that made me laugh:  Cathal Kelly, a sportswriter at the Globe & Mail, expounds on a recent scandal involving the football coach at the University of Michigan, and what it says about the differences between Americans & Canadians. (Gift linked.) 
• (SO true! The largest crowd at an average-attendance Canadian college sports game -- of any sport -- would probably fit into an American high school football stadium -- and still leave a lot of empty seats.) 
• Annoying thing #4 (related to the above...!):  Dh has been watching hours and hours of American college & NFL football for two solid days now. (Sigh, and eyeroll.)  He tries to tell me that, well, I watch hours & hours of figure skating at this time of year -- but I still think he watches more football overall.  
• Besides which, no Canadian TV network is carrying coverage of the fall grand prix series this year (! -- Annoying thing #5...). American network coverage is spotty and U.S.-centric. I could watch it online, but to be honest, I forget to check what times it's on. The final is on this weekend (in Japan, I think?), so I may make an effort to tune in, even if it's on my laptop at odd hours.  
• On the other hand, with everyone south of the border busy with Thanksgiving, Black Friday and football, my inbox has been much less busy/full than usual, my social media networks quieter, and I've actually got some reading done. It's been nice to get caught up a little!  

Yet another service saga...!

About a year ago, dh got a message from his longtime life insurance provider. (He actually worked for them, when we were first married.) Let's call them Company A. 

Around the time we got married, dh took out a fairly sizeable life insurance policy on himself, with me as the beneficiary. The premiums were $70 a month (which was a lot of money for us when we were first getting started).  And we've been paying $70 a month for well over 35 years now. 

Anyway, the message said the value of his contributions were no longer enough to fund the policy (and of course, he'd turned 65 in the meantime...!), and as a result, his premiums were about to increase, big time. $70 a month turned into just over $300 a month (!). (Ouch!) 

I said, "This is ridiculous, we need to find you a cheaper policy."  We realized we didn't need quite that much insurance on him now anyway --  we have a lot more resources I could fall back on now if something were to happen to him, versus when we were newly married and expecting to have a family. Our former company's retiree benefits offerings include life insurance -- and those benefits came up for re-enrollment this fall -- so he submitted a request for insurance (a smaller amount) through there. (In retrospect, I suppose we could have just called Company A and asked what it would cost to downscale his policy to a lesser sum -- oh well....!)  

Our benefits are provided by a different insurance company -- Company B -- BUT, they outsource their life insurance benefits coverage to Company A.  As part of dh's application/request for coverage, he had to submit an evidence of insurability form when we were re-enrolling in our benefits earlier this fall. Since then, he's had to go through a lengthy phone interview with Company A, and we had a nurse actually come to our condo about a month ago to do bloodwork and a medical assessment. 

Earlier today, he got an email from Company A with an encrypted link to a message on their secure website. (He'd set up a password, etc., with them previously.)  Clicked on the link, nothing happened. Blank screen. He forwarded it to me, I tried on both my cellphone and my laptop, nothing. 

I said to him, "We'd better call Company A." Dh has NO PATIENCE for that sort of thing, so I wound up calling. (Miraculously, it never took more than about a minute to wait to speak to someone, once I'd successfully navigated through the initial call menu.)  The first guy I spoke with said he could see that dh's request had been approved (yay!) -- but he could not see the contents of the message to confirm that. I mean, great, we're approved, and maybe all the message said was "Congratulations! You're approved!"  -- but what if there were instructions within for something else we had to do?  We needed to know what was in that message. 

The guy I was speaking with said he would have to transfer us to another number for more information. I gave the phone to dh so he could talk. This rep was spectacularly unhelpful, and told dh to call our HR department (!!).  Our former company's HR department has nothing whatsoever to do with pensions or employee benefits anymore;  it's all been outsourced to Company B.  

Dh hung up in frustration. 

I decided to try again. Well -- I will swear I talked to at least 8 different people (having to repeat my story every time) and was given at least 5 or 6 different numbers to call (not including outright transfers to other departments).  The last number I was told was the correct number to call was not in service. (!!)  You can't make this stuff up. 

I finally called Company B (our overall benefits provider) and poured out my tale of woe to the customer service rep, who was very calm, sympathetic & kind.  She gave me another phone number for Company A (!) -- but she also offered to open up a case number and check things out on their end. She said it could take a few days, and said if I didn't get any satisfaction from Company A to call them at Company B again, and she provided me with the case number to use then. 

After I spoke to her, I felt much calmer. I went back to my laptop and tried clicking on the link in Sam's email again. Lo and behold!! a sign-in window opened up. (Make a liar out of me, right?) I entered dh's password, and there was the message -- yes!  he's been approved! (No further action required.) 

I felt kind of ridiculous after all that rigomorole.  I think we just didn't wait long enough for the sign-in window to open (it did take a while).

But seriously??!   WHAT A RUNAROUND. I felt SO stressed when I finally got off the phone and I still feel just drained. It shouldn't have to be this hard to get an answer to a simple question!  

Dh said to me, "At least you have some skills here. Can you imagine your mom or dad trying to do this??"  (Oy.) 

You know, I've heard Jody Day of Gateway Women say that childless people often wind up in care homes at a much younger age than people with kids. And it's not that they're in any worse shape than parents are. When people think of eldercare, they think of intimate care -- things like needing help with baths and changing pads and using the toilet, etc.  Only a small fraction of older people need this sort of care, particularly at the younger end of the spectrum. More often than not, what they need is exactly what I just experienced -- help with navigating technology, advocating/negotiating with bureaucracy, standing on a ladder to change a high-up light bulb, transportation to a doctor's appointment, etc. etc.  If they (we!) can get that sort of occasional practical help on a consistent basis, they can stay in their homes so much longer.  

Dh plans to call Company A back in a few days to cancel his old/larger policy, now that we have this lower level/cheaper coverage approved through our retiree benefits. And all this reminds me -- I should check in on the status of my case with my credit card company/Amazon again.  

(But NOT TODAY!!  lol)  

Midweek odds & ends

• I Hate November, Chapter ??:   Longtime readers will recall that for many years running, I would publish a post titled or themed "I hate November."  Admittedly, November doesn't suck QUITE as much as it used to: I'm no longer working and dealing with year end and, with the passage of time, Katie's due date doesn't loom quite so large in my mind these days. And it's still early in the month to issue judgments...!  
• But it's been pretty dark and gloomy lately, because of the weather, if not (just!) the recent time change...!  I'm not quite ready to dive into the holiday season just yet (I like to wait until after Remembrance Day, at least, if not American Thanksgiving, before starting to decorate, wear my Christmas-themed shirts, etc...), but I will admit I look forward to the way the decorations and tree lights literally and figuratively brighten things up!  
• I'm continuing to work my way through the list of my Mom's Ancestry DNA matches, while waiting for my own results, trying to figure out how we're connected. In addition to the matches I mentioned in my previous post that had me going "hmmm..."  I noticed one match came from someone whose Ancestry profile identifies themselves as an adoptee born in 1970, who knows nothing about their birth family. It also identified the place where they were born -- which signals to me which branch of the family they might be from ( = potential grandparent or great-grandparent, at least). It's not a part of the family where I've had much contact with anyone, though -- so I think I will just sit tight for now and see if anyone approaches me for information... 
• We're due for a dentist visit later this month. And I've been feeling some sensitivity around a crown on my lower left jaw -- my original crown, and one that was actually replaced a couple of years ago. PLEASE don't tell me I need to get it replaced again...!  Sigh.... 
• The comedy of errors with "Big Blue" (pseudonym for my telecomms provider -- although any Canadian will know exactly which company I mean...!) continues, after we upgraded our internet service and had a new modem installed... then had to have a new TV receiver installed...!  (See this post, and my update in the comments.) 
• First, last Monday, we attempted to return our old (now defunct) TV receiver and remote to the local Big Blue store. Guess what? -- they don't take equipment returns in their stores now -- we will have to send it by post/courier (within 30 days, or risk getting charged). Of course, dh already threw out the box it came in, so we had to go to a nearby postal outlet to buy a box and some bubble wrap, etc.  
• I found instructions on how to return the equipment online and attempted to print off a shipping label.  Nothing happened. I eventually realized that (duh!) it's a wireless printer -- and so it needed to be reconnected to the new wifi. I wound up spending half an hour on the phone with my sister's computer geek partner. Between the two of us, we eventually got it done...!   
• In the meantime, we had a voice mail message on our phone. I input my password to retrieve it -- and was told that was the incorrect password. (!) I was asked for my "temporary password." I didn't HAVE a temporary password!  It dawned on me that this might have something to do with the new internet/modem (since our phone runs off the internet). Called Big Blue and yes, it probably did have something to do with the new equipment. Got some instructions on how to reset my password. I was intending to just reuse the same password -- except that's no longer an option -- they now want 6 to 15 digits, versus the original 4. (Sigh.)  I came up with a new password, retrieved my message and all is well. For now, anyway...! (Just waiting for the next shoe to drop...!)  
• Once this is all over and I've returned the TV receiver, etc., I am writing Big Blue a letter/email to complain about the ridiculous rigamorole we've been through -- it's been just one thing after another...! There HAS to be a better way to do this...!  
• On the bright side:  we spent a fun afternoon with dh's cousins on his mom's side on Sunday, playing golf virtually, indoors -- a new business venture in a nearby community, owned by the two adult sons of one of the cousins (one of them the same age Katie would have been).  I don't play golf, so I mostly watched dh & his cousins (he had a BLAST) and socialized. 
• We also got to see Little Great-Nephew AND Little Great-Niece AND the dog last weekend at BIL & SIL's house!  :)  It was LGNiece's first encounter with the dog... she seemed curious about him (and he, of course, instantly loved her and wanted to lick her!), but she started crying whenever he came too close, so we did our best to keep them apart for now...!  
• Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos of Silent Sorority was Christine Erickson's guest on New Legacy Radio on Nov. 7th, discussing "When the Personal is Political What is Our Responsibility?" A very important (essential!) conversation for our community, and so well done! -- please listen! 
• Thank you to Jennie Agg at Life, Almost for the link to this great Substack piece by Helen Davenport-Peace on "the fertility wellness industry." I especially liked this part, towards the end: 

We are surrounded by the message that there is an answer to infertility that lies in the things we consume and the lifestyle we create. It’s alluring. It offers quick fixes in three month packages, often costing four figures sums we can’t really afford. It also feeds into our wider inhabiting of not doing a good enough job...

What happens when you do try out all alternative modalities, try all the diets, take all the supplements and you don’t ever get the outcome you’re seeking? How do we reconcile this with the narrative that holds us responsible for our fecundity? What do we do with that? It’s not easy to hold our heads up high in realms of wellness and diet culture when we’re positioned in this way.

We do get to do this though.

Fertility is not solely reserved to ‘healthy humans’ (however we deem this to look).

Infertility does not equal ill health.

• A thoughtful piece from the Atlantic:  "Capitalism has plans for menopause."  Subhead: "Feminists made the subject speakable. Now influencers and corporations are moving in." (Gift link.) 
• Key statement near the end:  "What women need is more Jen Gunter—a medical doctor and author of The Menopause Manifesto—and less Gwyneth Paltrow."  (Hell, yes!)  
• Oldster featured an excerpt from a new book by Maria Coffey, called "Instead: Navigating the Adventures of a Childfree Life." Excerpt title:  "No Regrets — Just Some "Counterfactual Curiosity" about Roads Not Taken."  (Now I want to read the book!)  
• The not-childless but always-wonderful Anne Lamott on aging: "It's good to remember: We are all on borrowed time." (Gift link.) 
• An excellent post from Meriel Whale, aimed at people with children, about "Supporting your childless friend," especially during the upcoming holiday season.  Read it and share, if you dare...! 
• ChildLESS? ChildFREE?  How about "areproductive"??  (Not sure I like that one any better, frankly... but there are some other good points in the linked article!) 

Odds & ends: Updates and some good reading

A couple of updates:  

• First, an update to the Internet/TV saga that I posted about recently (in case you didn't see my later comment on the actual post).  After publishing huge long rants/vents -- here, on Facebook and elsewhere -- and having been told that it might be NEXT FRIDAY by the time we got our new receiver... guess what showed up on our doorstep at lunchtime the very next day?? -- less than 24 hours after we ordered it?? (Maybe after reading the critical comment I left on the survey, they sent out the word to put a rush on it?? lol) 
• Once again the instructions bore no resemblance to the equipment/setup we had, but between us, dh & I managed to hook everything up. We did ultimately wind up calling for help, and I'm sure the young guy we spoke to was rolling his eyes (although he was very polite and patient) but WE HAVE TV AGAIN! Yay!! :)
• (My dad saw my rather irate post on Facebook, and called me the next morning because he was afraid I was being scammed, lol.  It really was "Big Blue," Dad, although yeah, sometimes the ridiculous prices they charge really do feel like a scam...!) 
• A not-so-happy update:  Older Nephew is back in the hospital :(  -- for the THIRD time since he served as his dad/BIL's organ donor in July. :(  He had a mild fever this past week, had his bloodwork checked on Saturday and his numbers were off, so he was advised to head back to the hospital, where he's awaiting yet another non-surgical procedure that will (hopefully!!) correct the problem once and for all. Sigh.  :(    

And now -- some great reading lately that I'd love to share with you! 

• Dani Shapiro's essay in the New York Times, "Why My Fall Made Me Feel So Ashamed," gave me a feeling of deja vu. (Although my story turned out better than hers, I think!) 
• I'm (obviously) not a parent, but this NYT opinion piece from Jessica Grose really resonated:  "Stop Micromanaging Halloween — Let Your Kids Be Free." (The "Switch Witch," anyone?  How about "Boo-ing" your friends and neighbours??)  Along with "holiday inflation," the post covers the high costs of "helicopter parenting," to both parents (mothers in particular) and children. 
• As I read, I remembered other pieces I'd read about "holiday inflation" -- what Grose calls "the ever-encroaching parental project management of holiday madness" -- and a rant I wrote -- 10 years ago now! -- about the Elf on the Shelf. ;)  (Also the piece by Anne Helen Petersen mentioned/linked to in this post.) 
• See also this Twitter/X thread by Helaine Olen of the Washington Post, referenced by Grose in her article. 
• I was also reminded that (1) if this is what it takes these days to be considered a "good" parent, perhaps it's just as well that motherhood didn't work out for me...!  and (2) I am sooooooo glad that I grew up in the time & place that I did...! 
• Says Grose:  "Every year, a holiday becomes just a little bit more labored, a little bit more controlled. It’s just one more party to monitor, just another fresh costume, just another gift bag, until all your free time and money are gone, and your children have no time or space to let their imaginations run wild, which I thought was the point of Halloween in the first place. If your kids are left to manage their candy harvest by themselves, the world will continue to spin on its axis."  (Amen!) 
• In her Culture Study newsletter, Anne Helen Petersen recently asked subscribers "How has your Internet changed?"   A surprising number of people wrote that they missed blogs!  (Google Reader also came up!) 
• I piped up to comment that blogs are still out there, and that I in fact was still blogging after almost 16 (!) years. One person asked me to send her my URL. I haven't, yet. I'm not sure she realizes just what KIND of a blog I write...!  ;)  
• Other notable themes that popped up in the responses:  
• More recently, Petersen asked "Are You in The Portal?"  She begins by relating how she'd been chatting enthusiastically with her mother about some of the projects she was working on. 

“What are you now, 42?” she asked. “I think that’s exactly when I started writing textbooks. I just had this huge creative surge.”

What an amazing way to reframe the energy I’ve been channeling this last year: energy to write another book, energy to figure out a Culture Study-related podcast, energy to dahlia farm. What if it wasn’t ambition pushing me forward….but a swell of creativity? And what if that swell of creativity was possible because I’ve become a whole lot less concerned with bullshit?

Earlier this year, I was flailing around after my dog Peggy’s death, trying to figure out what I wanted to write about next. On Instagram, Anja Tyson (follow her, she and her daughter are so great) suggested: “the weird spiritual / emotional / professional / transitional portal that women ages 37 to 45 are in.”

I became obsessed with this idea of a portal, and when I brought it up — on IG, but also in casual conversation — it seemed to resonate. Something was happening. Maiden-becomes-crone, sure. Destabilizing, yes. But it was also an experience of transformation, of refinement.

So I started talking to people about what this portal might be. And here’s what they told me.

Interestingly, I'd just been on a Zoom call that morning with a group of childless women. Many of them were in their 40s (some of them young enough to be my daughters -- GULP!) and had only recently, within the past few years, realized that motherhood was not going to happen for them. We all got talking about the moment when the door to parenthood closed for us -- slammed shut in some cases, closed quietly ourselves in others -- and yeah, it happened at 40 for me too -- and we had to begin contemplating "Okay, what next?"  In some ways, I think I'm still figuring that out...! But yeah, my early 40s was when I had to start rethinking and rebuilding my life. 

Warning: A lot of the stories Petersen's interviewees relate are parenthood/motherhood-related -- and one of them is actually a single mother by choice -- so, caveat emptor.  (The comments are better. Some mom-related, to be sure, but a few even mention pregnancy loss and hysterectomies!) 

• On a related note, Lyz Lenz asked subscribers to her Substack, Men Yell At Me, "What happens after 40?" 
• "How did your life change after 40?... What has pleasantly surprised you about getting older? What did you think about expiration dates? And have you blown past them? What did you wish you had known?"
• In the comments, I recounted the story of my 40th birthday weekend and its aftermath (among other things)... and in one of those "believe it or not" moments, someone recognized the story and responded, "Hey this is random but I used to read your blog! Small world!"  Small world indeed!  :)  (And if you're back here reading again, hello!)  
• Lyz also had a great rant about "The eternal allure of Engagement Chicken: Feminist backlash and the food of marriage."  (I remember Glamour magazine's "Engagement Chicken" very well, albeit I was already married by then, and I was amused to see it being reinvented as "Marry Me Chicken" in the NYT recently.) 
• On her Substack "She Tried," the always-wonderful Nora McInerny reminds us that "Suffering is not self-improvement." Sample passage: 

The hard parts of our existence are not an aberration or interruption to our life, they are life.

This pressure to make lemonade puts an unreasonable expectation on us as humans, it perpetuates a narrative that says it’s all in your head, or at least in your control.

Um, it’s not...

When life gives you lemons, you do not owe anybody a glass of lemonade. [boldfaced emphasis hers] 

Another service saga

(A different one than I wrote about for #MicroblogMondays this week...! -- or the ongoing saga of my scammed/suspended Amazon account....!) 

You know, sometimes I wonder why I ever try to do something different or buy something new and improved... supposedly the result is going to be something better -- but so often, it just creates a whole new set of cascading problems that needs to be resolved...!  

To set the scene:  If you're Canadian/Ontarian, there really are just two main players in the telecommunications services field -- let's call them "Big Blue" and "Big Red."  We have only ever had our home phone, then internet and (later) cellphones with Big Blue, right from day one (i.e., going back 38+ years). Big Red was our cable TV service provider at the house, but when we moved, Big Blue offered us a great package deal that included their fibre-optic TV service, and we took them up on it. Both companies have their pros & cons (many will tell you that both suck equally, lol) and both are horribly expensive (Canadians pay more for cellphone and other telecomm services than just about any country on earth), but we had a couple of really dumb run-ins with Big Red (including a sales rep who called the house once and was so rude to me that I wound up filing a complaint!).  To their credit, I've always found the people I've dealt with at Big Blue, on the phone and in person, to be unfailingly helpful and polite. 

Our building, completed in late 2014/early 2015, I think, was built with the very latest in fibre optic technology (so we were told).  A technician visited the day we moved in (7+ years ago, in April 2016) to hook up our new services -- dh & I were out, but BIL let him in and when we returned, everything was up and running, including the TV. There's a panel in our front closet with a whole bunch of wires, etc. He hooked them up to the modem we brought with us from the house -- how old THAT was, I'm not sure -- and provided a receiver box for the TV (which was a relatively new -- i.e., November 2015 -- 48-inch Samsung TV). 

We've been happy with the service we've received, for the most part, but lately I've had issues with some Zoom calls I've been on -- my screen freezes up, or the connection drops altogether, etc.  Then, earlier this month, I received an offer from Big Blue to upgrade our internet (which also runs the home phone & TV) to a faster speed (1 GB -- double what we already had) -- at no additional charge. 

The offer was only good until Oct. 31st -- so on Monday, I called to enquire and decided to take it. I was told they would send me a new modem/hub;  we'd get it in 3-5 business days and we could install it ourselves (directions included) and just return the old modem to any of Big Blue's retail outlets. 

Early this morning, we heard a "clunk!" outside our door -- the new modem/hub had arrived!  The instructions outlined how to switch from the old modem to the new one. Unfortunately, the "old" modem in the brochure was NOT the old modem we HAD -- it was a much newer model -- and it was not at all clear how the setup pictured translated to the equipment we had. I called Big Blue's help line, and after trying a few things suggested by the rep I spoke with, I wound up begging him to send someone to our condo. Surprisingly, they agreed -- and even more surprisingly, they said someone would come between 12 noon and 5 p.m.!  

A nice young man arrived at our door around 3 p.m. He immediately clued in to the fact that Big Blue mistakenly thought we had a later version of our modem, and also that the wiring in our panel was not set up to allow easy installation of our new modem/hub. (He walked away with a bundle of obsolete/now-unnecessary wires and plastic boxes, as well as our outdated modem.)  

Moreover, he immediately realized that the receiver box for our TV was not compatible with the new modem/hub he was installing.  (For one thing, it's not wireless.)  Bottom line:  No TV until we get a new receiver.  : (  He told us we could call and order one -- told us exactly what to ask for (because, he assured us, the newest model they would try to sell us on is "crap"). 

I called Big Blue as soon as he'd left and once they figured out what we needed, they agreed to send it out -- within 3 to 5 business days -- i.e., Monday at the very earliest -- but I was told it likely won't arrive until NEXT FRIDAY (i.e., Nov. 3rd!). (Which is obviously more than 5 business days, but by then I was too tired to argue.)  We actually got the bright idea to drive, after supper, to the closest Big Blue retail outlet that was open, at a mall in the area, but were told when we got there that the stores don't stock the necessary equipment. Well, we tried. 

So now we're without a TV for at least the next several days, and possibly a full week-plus.  The young technician who visited us assured us that we could watch TV on our phones or laptop in the meantime. I know younger people do it all the time -- but when you're a Boomer/early GenXer like dh & me (and having trouble reading the small type, lol -- yes, I admit it..!), it's just not something we're used to doing.  I did manage to figure out the TV app for the phone -- and then how to tune in from my laptop -- and 15 inches of laptop is definitely better than 6 inches of phone screen, I guess...! -- but it's still a far cry from the 48 inches we've been watching for the past 8 years...! or the 32" before that...! Plus, I'm used to working on my laptop and having the TV on in the background, and glancing from one to the other. Right now, I can look at one or another, but I can't easily keep an eye on both (although I can listen in). (What, no multi-tasking??) 

I got a customer service survey after the young technician left. I gave him high marks for his expertise and pleasant service, but added in the comments section that we're not happy that the story isn't over and that we're now without TV service. (I did add that it was clearly not his fault.)  I'm planning to send a letter/email when this is all finally resolved. I don't expect anything will come of it, but I feel like someone should know the hoops they're making their customers jump through. (Couldn't they have confirmed the equipment we had, and ensure the newer stuff is compatible, before sending out upgrades?)  Not everyone is comfortable navigating switches to new/different technology -- and not all of us have teenagers around to do this kind of stuff for us...! 

To be continued...!  :p  (Rant over! -- for now...)(lol)  

Friday odds & ends

• It's the Thanksgiving long weekend, here in Canada!  I am, as always, grateful for so many things -- including this blog, and all of you here.  :)  
• (Speaking of grateful...)  Older Nephew was discharged from the hospital (again) earlier this week -- hopefully for good this time!  (And hopefully if he notices something is awry in the future, he'll get it checked out sooner!)  
• Covid seems to be everywhere again.  :(  Within the last week or so, my childhood best friends' parents (both of them, both around 90), dh's cousin's sister-in-law and several coworkers, two blogging friends and an online book club friend have all tested positive, several of them for the first time. Yikes!  (Even dh, who has been a little lax on the masking front, is willingly wearing his more often again!)  
• Annoying thing:  I'm having problems syncing my Kobo e-reader (an Aura H20, about 5-6 years old) to my account, and downloading books that I've bought to it -- both over wi-fi, and when I hook my e-reader up to my laptop with a USB cable. (I can see the books I've bought, but I'm having trouble downloading them to actually open up and read.)  Once in a while, I get lucky and the sync/download works, but not very often lately. I tried using dh's USB cable instead. Nada.  I'm hoping my parents' wi-fi might do the trick once we get there?? and if not, that maybe my sister (who is something of an expert on all things e-books & e-readers) can help??  
• I had the same issue earlier this year -- and then suddenly, it started working properly again. Here' s hoping the same thing happens again soon...!  
• I thought this e-reader was about 5 years old -- then I dug up the receipt (yes, I tend to keep these things...!) and it turns out it's actually 8!  So maybe I can justify buying a new one, if that's what it comes down to...??  
• I still have my original Kobo reader too. It's not the original-original model (which came out in May 2010 -- so Wikipedia tells me!), but probably the second model they made & sold.  I bought one each for me & dh for Christmas 2010 (12+ years ago). That one actually malfunctioned fairly soon after I bought it, and the store replaced it. So the one I'm using right now is actually my third reader.   
• More annoying/unnerving technical stuff: A while back -- at least a year ago -- I'd noticed, when I tried to log in to the airline website with my frequent flyer number, a strange email address popped up as part of my personal information. Also a strange phone number (a southwestern Ontario area code). 
• Happily, I was still able to book, simply by exiting out of the account and booking without one, adding in my personal information later (instead of having it pre-populated) -- but I made a mental note that I needed to check this out further & get my information corrected. 
• (Obviously, I should have done something as soon as I noticed something was amiss...! -- but, out of sight, out of mind...)  
• I was looking at the airline app yesterday, for the first time in quite a while, checking out my personal info -- and there was that strange email and phone number again, associated with my name & frequent flyer number in my profile. (!) I went into my profile and tried to change it -- and got a message that they'd sent a code to my email to verify my identity. 
• Of course they were sending it to the WRONG ( = that other!) email!!  
• I started panicking, got on the phone, and (of course) got bogged down in automated menus and voice response systems.  
• I FINALLY managed to get into a queue to speak to a real live person. I was prepared for a long wait -- and was pleasantly surprised when I actually got through within just a few minutes' subjugation to horrible muzak (lol). I wound up speaking to two different reps (both very pleasant), explained the situation (more or less coherently, I think -- by then, I was in quite a panic...! -- especially after being scammed so recently!) -- got my personal information corrected and updated, a call centre PIN set up and a new frequent flyer program card ordered (mine is so old, the number on it is typewritten!), and was reassured that this would NOT screw up my upcoming travel booking. (Later, I also changed my password.) 
• I apologized to the one woman for being a bit freaked out -- especially when I kept running into one unhelpful automated system after another, when all I really wanted was to speak to a real live person for help (knowing that getting this mess straightened out was more than likely going to require human intervention). "I'm not even THAT OLD!"  I said, and she chuckled and said she understood totally (sounded like she was probably of a similar age...!).  
• It's not often I'm inclined to say this about an airline lately (lol), but it wound up being a mostly good customer service experience. :)  
• I'm still not sure how this happened (which is somewhat disconcerting -- and I don't suppose I'll ever know), but now I feel like I can breathe again...!
• Mrs. Spit is saying goodbye to her blog, after 15 years (!) of beautiful writing and wonderful insights. Go thank her for her contributions to the conversation about childlessness after loss.  :) 
• A wonderful article from the Globe & Mail about a special camp for grieving families. (Gift link.)   
• Podcast listening:  Irina Vodar was Christine Erickson's guest on New Legacy Radio on Oct. 3rd, talking about her new documentary film, "Anything You Lose."  More details on the film and how you can attend the Los Angeles premiere on Oct. 7th, on Pamela's Silent Sorority blog. 
• After listening in live,  I went back and listened to an earlier episode I'd missed, from Sept. 5th:  "How Pronatalism is Weaponizing Fertility Decline & Childlessness" with Nandita Bajaj, Executive Director of Population Balance, and Therese Shechter, director of the documentary "My So-Called Selfish Life" and founder of Trixie Films. Their eye-opening discussion covers "the immediate and long term implications of pronatalist extremism for our community... the ways pronatalist propaganda has weaponized fertility decline, in an effort to control reproductive choice and healthcare, and how the childless community specifically, is being targeted in the pronatalist agenda." Well worth a listen!