Monday, December 2, 2024

#MicroblogMondays: Bah humbug? Or hohoho?

It's December. It's Christmastime. Quite possibly my favourite holiday of the year. 

But... 

I'm trying, but I'm not feeling the joy yet. :p  

  • I like to put the tree up on the first weekend of Advent, if possible. It's still not up.  Dh has had a bad cold for the past few days (wouldn't take a covid test, and it's probably too late to do it anyway...), and he's miserable.. and I need his help to assemble the tree and haul the boxes of ornaments upstairs from our storage locker in the parking garage. Maybe tomorrow... 
  • I have more shopping to do, and we usually go to the mall on Tuesdays, but likely not tomorrow, because, see above. 
  • I'm feeling the itch to do some Christmas baking -- but we're trying to lose weight a lower our cholesterol. Sigh...
  • I haven't bought any Christmas cards yet. (Those of you I send cards to, take note!)  Canada Post is on strike -- has been for almost 3 weeks now. It seemed kind of pointless to buy cards when I'm not sure if or when I'm going to be able to send them out. I don't think I've EVER NOT sent cards out at Christmastime (and I started doing my own when I was a teenager, I think?).  
  • We haven't had a single flake of snow yet (which always makes things feel a bit more Christmas-y). 
    • (On the other hand, the Muskoka region/cottage country, about two hours north of us, and western New York State, across Lake Ontario, have been WALLOPED over the past few days. We're talking 100-140ish cm/50-60 INCHES in some places.  There has to be a happy medium, right??)
    • (Maybe I should be careful what I wish for?!  lol)  
  • BIL & SIL are heading off to Florida this week with his & dh's cousin and his wife. We were invited to go along, but declined -- not a good time, for various reasons -- but a week in the sun would have been nice... (perhaps another time...). 
  • For reasons anyone reading this blog likely understands, I am feeling nervous about Older Nephew's Wife's impending due date, and hoping/praying/crossing all the crossables that everything goes well for both mom & baby.  

On the bright side: 

  • I enjoyed the American Thanksgiving weekend. :)  I'm Canadian, so I wasn't celebrating (and dh's cold put a damper on things) -- but there was a definite lull in online activity and, as a result, I was able to catch up on a lot of reading (both online & off). 
  • I did put up my Advent calendar. :)  I bought a new one two years ago. It's a Christmas tree with velcro strips on it, and little "ornaments" (backed with velcro). I love "hanging" a new ornament on the tree every morning.  :) 
  • I bought some cheerful new seasonal placemats (woven, with red and white checks and Christmas trees) that make me smile every time I put them on the table. 
  • My favourite sterling silver jewelry maker personally delivered my box of her specially curated Favourite Things 2024 yesterday -- 12 carefully curated and beautifully wrapped surprises (including several pieces of her jewelry, as well as things she loves from other local craftspeople) -- such a great treat for myself!  
    • (It used to be an "Advent Calendar," with 24 packages... obviously, that was a LOT of work for her to put together -- and more expensive for us to buy -- so she downsized last year to just 12 days' worth of goodies.  It's still worth it!)

Are you feeling the Christmas/holiday spirit yet? 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.  

Sunday, December 1, 2024

Right now

Right now...* 

*(an occasional (mostly monthly) meme, alternating from time to time with "The Current"). (Explanation of how this started & my inspirations in my first "Right now" post, here. Also my first "The Current" post, here.)

November was mostly grey and gloomy (as November usually is...!). But grey skies aside, for a month that I have historically NOT had a good relationship with (lol) it wasn't too bad -- some fun family time, some hints of Christmas coming... (Also, it went by pretty fast! How is we're almost at the end of the year?? And Christmas??) 

Pandemic diary/update: November was month #56 since the covid pandemic began in March 2020 (now in Year FIVE). :(   We (still!) remain covid-free (knocking wood, loudly...) -- although dh came down with a nasty cough/cold within the past few days (and brushes off my suggestion of testing...). We continue to mask in stores, malls and (most) other such indoor public spaces hereabouts, especially if/when there are lots of people around. (Well, I do -- I know dh has been slacking off, whenever I'm not around to hand him a mask...!) 

On top of the usual worries about seasonal colds, flu and covid, we now have to worry about H1N5 (avian/bird flu). Canada had its first confirmed case this month -- a teenager in British Columbia, who wound up in critical condition in the hospital. They're not sure about the source. 

Among other things we did this month, we
  • Went to Chapters (bookstore), Carters (children's wear), Reitmans (women's wear) and Shoppers Drug Mart on Nov. 4th. 
    • Back at Chapters and Shoppers on Nov. 13th. 
  • Went to the mall on Nov. 5th to walk & shop for a few hours (and escape the U.S. election news coverage, lol). (Regretfully bypassed the pizza place and had a healthier lunch when we got back home. Maybe in January we'll treat ourselves, if we get a good report on our cholesterol levels...!)  
    • Returned on Nov. 12th, 19th & 26th to do the same. (Each time we went, the mall got busier and busier... and we had to park further and further from the entrance!  lol -- the holiday madness has begun...!).  
  • Headed back to our old community on Nov. 8th:  took Christmas decorations to the cemetery for Katie, had lunch at Tim Hortons in the food court in the mall, then had haircuts and did a bit of walking & shopping. (We'll be back in mid-December for trims, before heading west for the holidays.) 
  • I attended a "baby sprinkle" on Nov. 9th for Older Nephew's wife -- i.e., a small shower to celebrate their second baby, due by scheduled C-section just before Christmas. There were about 20-25 women & children total -- including a half-dozen of her friends and a couple of her cousins  -- all in their early 30s, all either having babies (two other pregnant women there) or thinking about it.  
    • Needless to say, I mostly stayed away from them!  lol  I wound up spending a lot of time playing with Little Great-Nephew ("I'm a professional at Lego," he told me, as I helped him assemble his latest project, lol) and Little Great-Niece, and taking photos of them to show dh later.  We didn't play any dumb games (yay!), it was at Older Nephew's MIL's spacious house so there was plenty of room to walk around (and escape, if necessary! lol), and the food was really good (see "Eating," below). (I even managed to (mostly!) make good choices!  lol)  
    • Bonus: BIL drove me & SIL to the shower, and came to pick us up again later -- at the same time as Younger Nephew came to pick up his wife and Little Great-Niece. I suggested that they could drive me home, since they live quite close to us, and thus save BIL & SIL a longer trip home. LGNiece kept saying, "Aunt Lori! Aunt Lori coming! Aunt Lori here! Aunt Lori!"  all the way out to the car and then half the way home, lol.  MADE MY DAY.  :)  
  • A week later, on Nov. 16th, we headed up to Older Nephew's house with BIL & SIL to celebrate Little Great-Nephew's 5th (!!) birthday party. Younger Nephew, his wife & Little Great-Niece came too, and we all had such a good time together. :)  
  • We got a last-minute invitation to dinner (along with BIL & SIL) to dh's cousin's for dinner (the same cousins who have the cottage we've been to the last couple of years in the fall). Her parents were also there. Prime rib, potatos au gratin (I had a small helping), sauteed rapini, salad and tiramisu for dessert (small piece).  This cousin's wife loves to cook and entertain. Lucky us!  :)  

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Also right now:  

Reading: I finished 1 book in November (reviewed on this blog, as well as Goodreads & StoryGraph, & tagged "2024 books").  
This brings me to 32 books read so far in 2024, 71% of my 2024 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books.  I am currently 9 (!) books behind schedule to meet my goal. :(   (Too many distractions this month, plus I'm (still) trying to catch up on my Hilary Mantel reading -- see below!) 

Current reads: 
  • "The Windsor Knot" by S.J. Bennett, the January pick for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club (previously read in 2021 and reviewed here).   
  • "Miss Buncle’s Book" by D.E. Stevenson, for my DES fan group. We began reading this together on Oct. 7th, and will finish in mid-December. I'll count this as a re-read then. (Original 2015 review here;  most recent review here.) 
  • "Living the Life Unexpected" by Jody Day.  I'm once again taking part in a chapter-by-chapter group read of this CNBC classic!  The most recent meeting covered Chapter 3.  This is the 5th (!) time I've read this book, or the earlier version of it ("Rocking the Life Unexpected").  (Most recent review, with links to earlier reviews, here.)  
  • "The Mirror and the Light" by Hilary Mantel (book #3 in the Thomas Cromwell Trilogy) -- part of a year-long "slow readalong" hosted by Simon at Footnotes & Tangents (which participants have dubbed "Wolf Crawl,"  lol) -- about 40 pages per week.  :)   
    • We started during the week of July 21st.  I chose to focus on some of my other books over the late summer/early fall, and as a result, was 9 weeks behind the posted reading schedule at one point (erk).  I've been doing a bit of catching up, and am currently about 8 weeks behind, at about 51% read. We will finish at the end of December. 
    • Simon will be repeating the Cromwell Trilogy slow readalong in 2025 for paying subscribers. I highly recommend the experience! (and am considering whether I'm up to another round of it myself...!). (Yes, I'm nuts...!)  Details here!  
  • "War and Peace" by Leo Tolstoy (!). As I wrote here, I needed another book club/readalong obligation like a hole in the head  ;)  but nevertheless, I'm taking part in a year-long readalong of this book, hosted by Simon at Footnotes & Tangents -- a chapter a day for a full year, which began Jan. 1, 2024. (And I'm really enjoying it!)  Currently at about 92% read.  
    • If you've ever thought about reading W&P, Simon will be repeating the readalong in 2025 for paying subscribers -- and I highly recommend the experience! (and yes, I'm probably doing it again!). Details here!  
  • "L.M. Montgomery and Gender," an essay collection edited by E. Holly Pike & Laura Robinson. Slowly working my way through, in between the other books...! 
Coming up: Most of my book groups have their next reads plotted out for a few months in advance -- and listing them here helps me keep track of what I should be reading next. ;)  
  • My L.M. Montgomery Readathon Facebook group is reading assorted short stories by the author right now.  We'll begin a new book in January (to be announced soon). (I love LMM, and her books are usually fast, easy reads -- but I have to admit, it's nice to have a bit of a break to catch up on other reading!) 
  • For my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club
    • "Others Like Me" by Nicole Louie. (Not a book club selection, but Katy Seppi has said she will be interviewing the author in January!) 
    • "Yellowface" by R.F. Kuang (February). 
  • For my D.E. Stevenson group:  This list of upcoming books should keep us busy through 2025 or even into early 2026!  (A couple of the books are ones we covered shortly after I first joined the group back in 2014 -- you know you've been around for a while when....!)  
A few recently purchased titles (mostly in digital format, mostly discounted ($5-10 or less) or purchased with points):  

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Watching:  
  • "The Marlow Murder Club" on PBS, adapted in four parts from the Robert Thorogood novel, which I started reading before the first episode aired on Oct. 27th (and finished just after that). 
    • Nice as it was to see Rita Tushingham back onscreen after so many years (I remember watching her and Lynn Redgrave in "Smashing Time" when I was a kid), her character was not in the book, and she seemed to be there only to provide a few brief moments of comic relief, even though she received prominent billing in the credits.  It does bug me when TV does stuff like that!  
  • "Wolf Hall" on PBS, based on the books "Wolf Hall" and "Bring Up the Bodies" by Hilary Mantel, both of which I read earlier this year (click on links for my reviews).  The first of six episodes aired on Oct. 27th;  the last will air Dec. 1st (tonight!). I am hugely enjoying this.  Mark Rylance is wonderful in everything I 've ever seen him in (and this role, as Thomas Cromwell, is no exception), and Damian Lewis makes a great Henry VIII, both charming and menacing. It really brings the books to life! 
    • An adaptation of "The Mirror and the Light," the final book in the Cromwell Trilogy (which I'm reading right now -- see "Reading," above), with most of the same cast members, will begin airing in March 2025. Looking forward to it! 
  • Ken Burns's new two-part/four-hour documentary about Leonardo da Vinci, shown on PBS on Nov. 18th & 19th. 
  • Too much American/election-related news (CNN).  :p  :(    
  • The 111th Grey Cup, championship game of the Canadian Football League, featuring my beloved Winnipeg Blue Bombers, who went down to defeat versus the Toronto Argonauts, in Vancouver. (Kind of the Canadian version of the Super Bowl, but with slightly different rules, less glitz and a much longer history.)  
    • Missed the pre-show, which apparently featured an interview with Prince Harry (!), in town to promote his Invictus Games, which will also be held in Vancouver, in February.  (This article from People magazine says he was at "Toronto's Grey Cup"   -- it was actually in Vancouver.) 
Listening:  To the Eighties Stingray channel a little more lately. (Trying to boost my 80s Heardle scores!  lol)  Soon:  Christmas music!  :)  

Playing:  
  • Heardle DecadesStats as of Nov. 30th: 
    • Heardle 60s: 76.5% (595/778, 238 on first guess), down 0.1% from last month. Max. streak: 15.
    • Heardle 70s: 78.8% (406/5151, 227 on first guess), down 0.3% from last month. Max. streak: 18. 
    • Heardle 80s: 40.1% (156/389, 58 on first guess), down 0.8% from last month. Max. streak: 4. 
    • Heardle 90s: 27.9% (137/491, 27 on first guess), up 1.2% from last month. Max. streak: 5 (up from 4!). 
  • NYT Connections
    • At the end of October, I'd completed 95 games and won 78% of them, including 46 "perfect puzzles" with zero errors and a maximum winning streak of 15.  :)   
    • By Nov. 30th, I'd completed 125 games and won 79% of them, including 62 "perfect puzzles" with zero errors and a maximum winning streak of 15.  :)   
Following:  

Eating/Drinking:  
  • More beans and lentils, more fresh fruits & veggies, fewer convenience foods, fewer cookies, since getting our cholesterol readings...!  I'm not cutting out sweets entirely, but we've definitely cutting down/back!  and I'm down a little over 4 pounds so far.  :)  More bloodwork to come in January (and hopefully not another prescription)! 
  • That said...!  I can't say we've really been depriving ourselves either...!  
    • The food at the baby sprinkle/shower on Nov. 9th was really good, mostly catered from a local Italian restaurant.  Lots of charcuterie/appetizers (I just had some pita bread & hummus). There was chicken piccata (which I had) and beef (which I didn't), along with little roasted potatos, rapini and asparagus, green salad (had all of those), spring rolls and chicken fingers (for the kids, mostly). Huge sweet table for dessert. I had a small piece of the cake (strawberry filling), one cookie and some fruit.  
    • Older Nephew's wife is a great cook :)  and we had a nice birthday dinner for Little Great-Nephew on Nov. 16th:  orecchiette pasta with rapini, followed by baked boneless chicken thighs, potatos & (more) rapini (plus birthday cake, of course -- and yes, despite the diet, I did not turn down a piece!).  :)  
    • We had dinner at dh's cousin's house (the one with the cottage), along with BIL & SIL and the wife's parents on Nov. 23rd. It was a spur of the moment invitation (I had one hour to get ready to go!):  she had a large prime rib roast she wanted to use, and cooked it along with potatos au gratin (delicious!), sauteed rapini and a salad. SIL brought a tiramisu (from the supermarket) for dessert. I had a small helping of the potatos and tiramisu. (Sigh!) 
    • Takeout: The usual soup from the supermarket takeout counter, once a week or so; a pizza slice for dinner (ditto, Nov. 15th), a rotisserie chicken from the supermarket (Nov. 24th), which created some leftovers for another dinner and lunches! and a chicken teriyaki rice bowl  (also from the supermarket takeout counter, Nov. 30th). 
Buying (besides books, lol):  
  • Christmas and birthday presents, including things for dh, Little Great-Niece, Little Great-Nephew and his baby brother, who will be arriving soon...!   
  • A black peacoat from Old Navy (in-store). I didn't really NEED a new winter coat (and the sleeves were a bit long -- but that's the story of my life...), but I don't have anything that's even semi-dressy anymore, and it was 40% off an already-low price. I wound up paying about $47 for it!  I also bought a new black tuque to match. 
    • (It's a "tuque," NOT A "beanie!"  lol -- at least, it is here in Canada!  I always cringe whenever I hear anyone referring to it as that! -- although, sadly, I am hearing more & more Canadians use that term too. It just sounds WRONG to me!)  
  • A couple of pretty "textured lace" scoop-neck tops in different colours, also from Old Navy (online purchase, on sale). 
  • A pretty metal snowflake photo frame, and some Christmas-y placemats (two different patterns) for the table at Homesense. 
  • Skin care and cosmetics at 30-50% discounts from Clinique's website. (I don't wear a lot of makeup these days, but there's a family wedding coming up next year and a lot of my makeup -- even the stuff that survived last spring's purge -- is pretty old, so this was a great opportunity to restock a few of my favourites!) 
  • (And I HAVE been buying a lot of ebooks in Kobo's Black Friday sales these past few days, lol. Some of the titles listed above are ones I bought then!) 
Wearing: 
  • Fall/winter jackets (sigh...) 
  • Eased into my sizeable collection of seasonal/winter/Christmas-themed PJ tops from Old Navy by the end of the month!  :)    
Enjoying:  The lull in online activity/emails these last few days ( = fewer distractions!), as Americans celebrate their Thanksgiving!  

Appreciating:  Retirement!!  Never more so than this month, as HALF A MILLION Swifties (and their chaperones) descended on downtown Toronto to attend one of six Taylor Swift concerts at the Rogers Centre/SkyDome between Nov. 14th and 23rd.  I don't get downtown much these days, but I've been there (when I was working) when other big events have been happening -- and the congestion (on the roads, on transit and in the downtown area generally) has been absolutely and increasingly brutal since I retired (endless construction and roadwork). No thank you! (But I'm glad everyone who was able to get tickets had a good time!)    

(Still) Trying: (as noted in "Eating," above)  To make better food choices and be a little more active = lose some weight and lower that cholesterol!  (I'm already taking prescriptions for high blood pressure and a sluggish thyroid -- I do NOT want to add another one!)  

Noticing:  Down 4+ pounds on the scale (so far!) since our visit to the family doctor on Oct. 23rd (4+ weeks ago), where our cholesterol levels were flagged. I need to lose a whole lot more, but hey, it's a start...!    

Hoping:  To lose a few more pounds before we head west to my parents for two weeks over Christmas/New Year....! (Especially since I'll probably gain a few back while we're there...!) 

Remembering:  The small mall that opened in the town where we were living in late 1978/early 1979, when I was in Grade 12/senior year of high school -- which recently announced it will be closing its doors at the end of December. (I heard this from my cousin's wife, who grew up in another town nearby. I asked about it on my high school class's Facebook group, and a classmate there directed me to a news story online.)  
  • I got a part-time job there before it even opened, at the Woolco store, which was one of the two anchor stores at one end of the mall -- a Safeway supermarket was at the other -- stocking shelves, pre-opening, and then working in the hardware department (!! -- lololol...).  I continued to work there over the summer of 1979 and as seasonal staff during December that year (home from university early and feeling at loose ends), and also had another part-time job at a clothing store in the mall (Mariposa) the next summer (1980). My sister also worked there, at a photo studio/camera shop, and at two different restaurants there.  The end of an era... 
Prioritizing: Christmas shopping!  Rounding up stocking stuffers in particular.  Still trying to figure out what to get for a few people... 

Wanting: To get the Christmas tree up soon!  I was hoping to do it this weekend, but dh is miserable with a cold right now, so I decided to drop the subject for a few days until he's feeling better...!  (I can do most of it myself, but I need his help with a few things, particularly getting the boxes of decorations from the storage locker in the parking garage and bringing them upstairs.)  

Anticipating: The arrival of Little Great-Nephew #2, in mid-December!  

Wondering:  Whether we'll be able to see him before we leave for the holidays? 

Also:  When the Canada Post strike will end, and whether I'm going to get Christmas cards sent this year?? I haven't bought any yet, because it seemed kind of pointless until I knew whether I was going to be able to send them out. I don't think I have ever NOT sent Christmas cards out, since I started doing them for myself as a teenager/young adult.  

Loving:  Seeing more and more Christmas lights and decorations as we drive through the nearby neighbourhoods at night.  Gets me in a festive mood!    

Feeling: A little nervous about Older Nephew's Wife and the impending arrival of Little Great-Nephew #2 (as I always am whenever someone I love is expecting).  Glad November is over. (It's not as bad as it once was, but it's still not my favourite month...!)  Looking forward to (more) Christmas-y things in December, and spending time with my family!  

Thursday, November 28, 2024

"The Christmas Orphans Club" by Becca Freeman (re-read)

It's always kind of fun to read at least one Christmas-y book at Christmastime, isn't it?  When I first read "The Christmas Orphans Club" by Becca Freeman last year (I think I started it on the plane ride back to Toronto, after spending last Christmas with my family in Manitoba), I remember thinking it would make a good holiday-themed pick for the book club I co-host in the Childless Collective community. I recommended it to my co-host, who read it herself and agreed! and we added it to our schedule for this December. 

(This book first landed on my radar at the recommendation of Nora McInerny of "Terrible, Thanks for Asking," whose chose it for her December 2023 "Terrible Reading Club" podcast/Substack.) 

"The Christmas Orphans Club" is a lighthearted rom-com with distinct "Friends"/Hallmark Christmas movie vibes (especially at the end) -- but also some serious underlying themes/messages/life lessons that have relevance for those of us living without children. 

The book has two narrators:  best friends Hannah, whose parents both died when she was a teenager, and Finn, whose family cut him off when he came out to them as gay. They've spent every Christmas together since they met in college. It's now 10 years later, they're both living and working in New York City, and they've been joined for subsequent Christmas celebrations by Hannah's now-former roommate Priya, and the rich, handsome, charming, bisexual Theo, the secret object of Finn's desire. (Theo is the neglected son of a Richard Branson-like British airline billionaire, who -- fortunately for his friends -- can produce limos, famous Taylor Swift/Britney Spears-style pop stars and luxury vacations in Mexico like a magician pulls rabbits out of a hat.  In this respect, the book is not very realistic, albeit it's great fantasy/wish fulfillment...! -- like I said, Hallmark movie, lol.) 

But then Finn announces he's moving across the country to start a new job in L.A. This coming Christmas will be the last one they all spend together -- and Hannah is determined that it will be the best one ever. But Hannah's boyfriend David expects her to spend it with him and his family -- and he's planning to give her a special present. The pressure is on...!  

This book will resonate with childless people -- well, anyone, really -- who feel at loose ends during the holiday season, as friends and relatives occupy themselves with their children and grandchildren. It's about "chosen family" and the importance it assumes in our lives when our traditional family structures and relationships are lacking, and holidays make us feel like we're on the outside looking in. And it's also about what happens when we age out of young adulthood, situations change and our friends' life paths start diverging from ours. 

My original review of this book -- the first book I finished in 2024 -- rated it 3.5 stars on StoryGraph, rounded up to 4 stars on Goodreads (after some internal debate!). (It was Christmastime, and I was feeling generous, lol.)  I had a similar debate this time around, and wound up leaving my rating the same.  

3.5 stars on StoryGraph, rounded up to 4 stars on Goodreads. (Ho ho ho!)   

This was Book #32 read to date in 2024 (and Book #1 finished in November), bringing me to 71%  of my 2024 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 8 (!) books behind schedule to meet my goal. :(  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2024 tagged as "2024 books."    

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PostscriptThe first time I reviewed this bookI observed that "Hannah can be somewhat clueless/annoying at times."  I thought the same thing this time around too -- but with a shock of recognition. I realized that I saw a LOT of myself in Hannah -- in the way that she hates change and clings to tradition -- even when it's obvious that some of those traditions no longer serve her and the changes might eventually turn out to be okay, or maybe even for the better.  (Oops.)  I like to think I've improved somewhat over the years, though...??    

Wednesday, November 27, 2024

Do our stories matter?

Lyz Lenz asked today, in her "Men Yell At Me" Substack, "Do our stories matter?"  

If you read and/or write blogs, I think you already believe the answer is an emphatic "YES!" 

But seriously, go read her post. It's a validation of why we write, why our voices and stories matter. 

Key sentence:  "No word is wasted. No story is told in vain." 

I think about the letters that my great-great grandmother and her daughters wrote to her parents & sister in Ontario when the family came west (a story I know I've told here before).  The sister saved those letters, a cousin of my grandfather's found and saved them after her death in 1949, and we still have them today (the originals are now in a museum, and copies have circulated in our family for years now). They are absolute treasures, and we know so much more about our family because they exist, because someone took time to write them and someone else took the time and care to save them.

I don't have any children, and I know it's quite that after I'm gone, the things I've written -- my journals and emails, copies I saved of letters I wrote and sent to other people, this blog, the clippings from the publications I worked on in my professional career -- will all be pitched without anyone ever even looking at them. They could be destroyed in a fire or flood.  The things I write online -- in this blog, in online communities, etc. -- could disappear with a keystroke decreed by some tech overlord. (Some of the online spaces I used to frequent have have already disappeared into the ether and, sadly, all the words I posted there along with them.) 

But I still fantasize that our nephews, or someone, will find these things (or some of them), take the time read them, and understand a little more about who I was -- how I thought, what I felt, why I did the things I did.

And those of you who have read my words here these past 17 (!) years will have absorbed a little piece of me and my story too.  Thank you. ❤ 

Tuesday, November 26, 2024

Odds & ends

  • I've been following (on social media) the progress of a friend (a fellow loss mom whom we met through our pregnancy loss support group, 25-ish years ago), who has experienced some big health issues in recent years, and recently had a major medical procedure. Her story is not really mine to tell, but suffice to say this family has had a ton of crap to deal with in the years since we met them, and sadly, her prognosis is not looking good at the moment. Please keep her and her family in your thoughts & prayers. 
  • A couple of interesting new blogs/Substacks of note: 
    • I never heard of Cyndie Spiegel before, but a friend flagged one of the blog posts she'd highlighted on Instagram:  "Not Exactly ‘Emily in Paris’: Child-Free and the Awkwardness of Belonging in the ‘Burbs." I consider myself childless, not childfree, but otherwise, I can definitely relate...! 
      • Sample passage:  "As a social child-free couple, it feels like trying to find a way in through closed doors, each interaction a reminder that where we live is designed with a different life in mind. And not ours, one where we chose not to have kids but still want to socialize, travel, host movie nights and enjoy culture with friends and strangers alike." 
      • Other posts to date are also worth reading! 
    • Katie Dunn walked away from fertility treatments earlier this year. Now she's living in what she calls the Afterglow:  "...the glow, the satisfaction, the happiness and the delight that can come after. After not getting what you thought you wanted. After learning that your life path will involve ‘otherhood’, and not motherhood. After finding yourself on a path you are not really sure about. After experiencing something that turned your life upside down. I write about the success story that is IVF not working out. Because that is also a success story." 
  • At the Life Without Children Substack, Nadia Huq pays tribute to the childless people who have had an impact on her life. A beautiful post! 
  • Jody Day calls it "the friendship apocalypse:"  what happens when your friends start having babies, while you remain childless.  From The Guardian: "They were best mates. Then one had a baby, while the other struggled. Two brutally honest takes on what happens when motherhood affects friendship."  
  • In her weekly Sunday roundup of links for paid subscribers, Anne Helen Petersen described this article -- "Embryos Out of Reach" in The Cut -- as a "harrowing piece by Culture Study reader Rae Hudson on what happens when your IVF clinic effectively ghosts you." (I would add "infuriating." Also, beware the ubiquitous traditional happy ending.) 
    • A paywall popped up when I tried to read this, but I was able to read it when I opened the link in Pocket. 
  • Also clinic-related, from the New York Times Magazine (gift link):  "An I.V.F. Mix-Up, a Shocking Discovery and an Unbearable Choice." 
  • Also in the New York Times (also gift linked):  Sarah Wildman asks the uncomfortable question:  "If My Dying Daughter Could Face Her Mortality, Why Couldn’t the Rest of Us?"  
  • There's a lot of interest in communal living arrangements, in the various childless communities I frequent. Anne Helen Petersen's links this week also included this story from Bon Appetit, about several such arrangements. (Note:  one of the groups featured includes an 8-month-old baby. There are photos.)  
  • Also paywalled but accessible (only in part, it seems?) via Pocket:  "The crushing truth about being childless at 64," featuring Robin Hadley, providing "the elusive male perspective."  (Subhead: "As someone who had always dreamed of being a dad, there’s a unique grief that comes with unintentional childlessness.") 

Monday, November 25, 2024

#MicroblogMondays: "Does motherhood have a PR crisis?" (Seriously??)

Sara Petersen at In Pursuit of Clean Countertops and Amanda Montei at Mad Woman shared an interesting conversation recently (pre-U.S. election) about pronatalism, choosing whether or not to pursue parenthood, and whether the joys of parenthood are being lost in the movement, in recent years, toward sharing the frustrations and "mom rage" more honestly and openly.  

The entire conversation is cross-posted in both of their Substacks, but with different introductions -- Sara's titled "Does Motherhood Have A PR Crisis?" and Amanda's "What is motherhood writing for?"  (Both intros are worth reading -- and I don't think either post is paywalled, at least not right now?).  Both cite and link to other great pieces of writing that informed their own thoughts. 

(One piece not mentioned in the discussion:  the always-great Moira Donegan -- who is referenced, and is childfree by choice -- recently reviewed the book "What Are Children For?:  On Ambivalence and Choice" by Anastasia Berg and Rachel Wiseman, for Book Forum:  "Baby Talk: On pro-natalism and motherhood after Dobbs.") (I guess I can scratch THAT one off my to-read list...! -- unless to read with a critical eye, as Donegan does here...?) 

The conversation is, as you can imagine, very motherhood-focused (both Amanda & Sara are mothers)  -- but it's an intelligent one, and I found it fascinating. Depending on where you are in your journey, you might find it interesting too. The childfree choice gets some space, but (sadly) nowhere is it mentioned that not all of us choose to be childless, or that we might have a slightly different perspective to offer. 

I appreciated comments like this one, from Sara: 

...from my perspective, the idea that motherhood can be a noble, fulfilling endeavor is the DOMINANT narrative, and has been . . . pretty much forever? I find myself wondering who/what we’re concerned about in this question of good/bad maternal PR.

Amanda agrees: 

Right, exactly. There are plenty of depictions of motherhood as rich and fulfilling—as you have written about at length! We have plenty of “online discourse” that covers that area. Not to mention all of history, in which the sentimentalization of motherhood has been the dominant story we’ve told about women and their presumed biological destiny. 

From MY perspective, as a childless-not-by-choice woman, I agree.  The message that motherhood is "the best thing that ever happened to me" still seems pretty relentless to me, and often only serves to rub salt in our wounds. On the other hand, the acknowledgement that motherhood is damned hard work, and it's not all sunshine and roses, sometimes comes as a bit of a relief to those of us who get to experience neither. 

Sara & Amanda also identify -- correctly, I think -- that the handwringing about motherhood's supposed "PR crisis" and falling birthrates, etc., is part of the concerted push in certain quarters to get women married, pregnant, out of the workforce and subservient to/dependent on men again.  And it's likely this pushback will be amplified, now that pronatalist forces are back in power in Washington (and elsewhere in the U.S. and around the world).

Both women use the term "backlash" several times throughout their conversation (at one point, Amanda speaks of "the backlash to more nuanced— and yes, critical— depictions of motherhood") -- which of course made me think of Susan Faludi and her book "Backlash" (which I read when it first came out in 1991, and would really like to re-read again soon!), about the backlash at the time against the feminist movement and gains of the 1970s and early 80s. 

It's a really rich discussion with lots to chew on! If you read it, I'd love to know what you think. :) 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.  

Thursday, November 14, 2024

Mid-month odds & ends

  • I'll admit that -- as a former journalist & communicator -- I'm biased, but I wanted to cheer, reading Catherine Rampell's post-U.S. election tribute to the "mainstream media" (on an otherwise dismal day): "This election year, legacy media consumers came out on top."  (Subhead: "We’ve made our share of mistakes, but readers of traditional media understand the stakes of this election.")  
    • I know I'm a dinosaur,  but every time I hear people saying they get their news from Facebook or Twitter/X or (God forbid) TikTok (!!), I want to scream. SOCIAL MEDIA IS NOT JOURNALISM/THE NEWS!!! 
    • (It would have meant even more if the owner of Rampell's paper, the Washington Post, hadn't put the kibbosh on the editorial board's planned endorsement of Kamala Harris at the 11th hour -- and Rampell does allude to this in her article -- but, I digress...).  
  • BBC News featured "The real reason for the rise in male childlessness" prominently on its home page recently.  The article quotes Robin Hadley, who is well known in CNBC circles as one of the few men speaking out about involuntary childlessness. 
  • "I'm the Witch:" Colleen Addison on Substack and Medium, about how life and fairy tales converge. Absolutely gorgeous writing.  
  • The New York Times had an article (on the front page, apparently!), about "The Unspoken Grief of Never Becoming a Grandparent," about dismayed Boomers (always the Boomers, of course...!) whose children are opting not to have children themselves. (Gift link.)  As usual, no acknowledgement of the fact that not all these children may not be CHOOSING not to have children (and that they might be feeling some grief over that themselves...!).  
    • My comment here (I've spotted a few from other CNBCers -- there are more than 3500 right now!).  
    • Earlier this year, there was a similar article (also on the front page!) in the Globe & Mail, which I wrote about here (includes gift links to the articles mentioned). 
  • Also from the New York Times:  "Its Birthrate Falling, Russia Targets Child-Free Lifestyles." Subhead: "The country’s lower house of Parliament passed a law that would ban what it calls “propaganda” discouraging Russians from having children."  This so-called "propaganda" would include "material on the internet, in media outlets, in movies and in advertising that portrays child-free lifestyles as attractive." 
    • Clearly (even though many of us did not choose this life), those of us without children must all be portrayed as forever wallowing in our misery, right?  :p