Right now

Right now...* 

*(A (mostly) monthly series/meme.  Explanation of how this started & my inspirations in my first "Right now" post, here. Also my first (similar) "The Current" post, here.)

**Note:  This post is a LONG one, covering two months:  both December 2025 & January 2026.**

December was a busy month.  The cold I contracted at Little Great-Nephew #1's 6th birthday party in mid-November hung on for quite a while, and when I finally did start feeling semi-human again, I was WAY behind on getting ready for Christmas!  Then we headed "home" to my parents in Manitoba on Dec. 21st. My parents have needed more and more support in recent years, and my time is never my own anymore whenever I'm there. (It was more than a week after our arrival before I finally managed to get out my laptop and sit with it for a while, vs my phone, which I find impossible to type more than a sentence or two on at a time...)  I only had a few days before Christmas to finish my shopping, decorate the house (according to my mother's exact specifications), buy all the supplies we needed for Christmas Eve and Day dinners, make salads, etc.  My sister & her partner arrived from the city just before Christmas Eve and we all had a (mostly) nice couple of days together, until... 

January:  The new year did not begin well (to put it mildly):  my mother died suddenly on New Years's Day, just days before she would have turned 85.  :(   We extended our stay another two weeks, until Jan. 18th to deal with the funeral and its aftermath, and support my widowed father.  I turned 65 (and officially became a senior citizen!!) on Jan. 12th while still in Manitoba -- and my dad forgot it was my birthday. :(  (One of these years, I'll get that birthday-on-the-beach I've been fantasizing about...!)  Once we got back to Toronto, we were busy again, unpacking, doing laundry, cleaning, restocking the fridge and cupboards, taking down our own Christmas tree, etc.  

And now here we are, already in February...! (My LEAST favourite month!) 

Some of the things I/we did these past two months include: 

• Met with our financial advisor. (Dec. 1st)
• Made multiple trips/stops to the supermarket for groceries and takeout pizza slices and/or soup, as well as to the drugstore to pick up prescriptions and sundries. 
• Went walking and shopping at the local mall (Dec. 2nd -- first time since Nov. 11th, before I got sick! -- as well as Dec. 9th & 16th, and then Jan 20th & 27th). 
• Did some Christmas shopping and errand-running locally on a busy afternoon (Dec. 5th):  Michaels (photo frames, Christmas stuff), Carters/Oshkosh (presents for the kids), Chapters (ditto, plus some cards), supermarket and drugstore (dh picked up a prescription while I got some stamps for my Christmas cards at the Canada Post outlet). 
• Had shellac polish removed from my toes (the remnants of a late September pedicure), and a pedicure without new polish (Dec. 10th). 
• Drove out to the mall in our former community for haircuts, lunch & shopping (Dec. 12th & Jan. 23rd). 
• Stopped at the cemetery on our way there for a brief visit with Katie (both times).  
• Slipped in the bathtub and banged up the back of my left thigh, just above the knee (Dec. 14th). Noticed a big bruise on Wednesday, Dec. 17th. Fretted about it for the rest of the week, throughout my month in Manitoba, and then again following our flight back to Ontario on Jan. 18th...!  
• (Finally) Went to see our family doctor about it on Jan. 21st.  He agrees I banged it up pretty badly, but did not think the lingering aches & pains were the sign of a blood clot ( = what I was afraid of, especially after flying -- albeit just for 2-2.5 hours!).  He said it will probably need further time to resolve. (I was greatly relieved! -- and, oddly enough -- or maybe not?? -- my leg has felt a lot better since then!)
• Went to Staples for supplies and then to the bookstore for a browse and some gift cards. (Dec. 15th) 
• Consulted a local dermatologist about my rosacea (on the advice of my optometrist). Got two prescriptions, including one for a month's worth of doxycycline, and another for Rosiver cream (which I'll be using indefinitely). (Dec. 16th) 
• Stopped at the bank for some cash from the ABM (Dec. 17th). 
• Celebrated Little Great-Nephew #2's first birthday with the rest of the family at BIL's house (Dec. 20th). 
• Headed to Manitoba for Christmas (Dec. 21st). 
• Renewed my driver's license and health card and had a new photo taken (which will be used for both) at the local Service Ontario office on Jan. 19th, the day after we returned (and a week past my birthday -- which is when both cards expired -- erk!).  
• Took down our own Christmas tree -- on Jan. 21st! (erk!)  Definitely the latest we've ever done that!  
• Went to a local Italian restaurant for a belated birthday celebration (Jan. 23rd). (See "Eating," below.)  
• Spent some of my Christmas gift cards and used my birthday discount at the local bookstore (Jan. 28th).  :)  
• Headed up to Older Nephew's with BIL & SIL for lunch & some great-nephew (and dog!) spoiling. :) (Jan. 31st) 

While in Manitoba, we:  

• Played cards almost every night. My dad loves it and, as he said after Mom died, "It's something to do."  I think it helps keep his mind off things. 
• Also played TV bingo on Saturdays (and won!).  
• And did jigsaw puzzles, which Dad borrows from the local library. 
• Sister & I visited the library to return completed puzzles, get new ones and ensure Dad could continue using Mom's library card. (The librarians had already heard about Mom, and changed the card to his name. As I've said, gotta love small towns...!) 
• Made multiple trips to the local grocery store, as well as the drugstore, dollar store and ABM at the credit union, before and after Christmas. 
• Assembled and decorated the tree and the house to Mom's specifications (and then took everything down again after her birthday and funeral).  I've generally been the person in charge of decorating the tree (it's usually been up already by the time we got there), but I think this was the first tine I've taken it down since I spent a year living with Mom & Dad, 41 years ago!), 
• Helped Dad & my sister with Christmas dinners, including prepping and stuffing the turkey on Christmas morning, and doing cleanup, as well as other dinners later. (My mother stopped doing most of the cooking years ago, although she did make a salad for Christmas Eve dinner, and she & my sister made butter tarts together earlier in the month. She was still talking about making our traditional shortbread cookies after Christmas -- which, of course, never happened...)  
• I'm not sure what we'll be doing for Christmas 2026, but I'm already thinking I should set aside time to bake some of our traditional cookies. I did that for Christmas 2020 (during the pandemic), since I realized I wasn't going to get any otherwise...! 
• Made and fielded umpteen phone calls and visits to and from relatives, friends and neighbours after Mom died. 
• Planned & attended Mom's funeral, picked out her urn, delivered an outfit to the funeral home for her to wear on her final journey, wrote her obituary and posted details on social media. 
• Rebooked our flights home (originally scheduled for Jan. 4th; changed to Jan. 18th). 
• Visited a local lawyer with Dad & my sister to discuss Mom's will. 
• Began clearing out Mom's things from her closets, drawers, bathroom vanity, etc., and dropped some bags & boxes off at the local thrift shop. (My sister is continuing to work on this.)  
• Browsed through through some old letters, clippings, etc. that Mom's cousin's daughter brought with her from their hometown in Minnesota, as well as a box full that Dad produced from the garage!  Sorted them into piles according to sender and date (some written by my sister & me to our grandparents when we could barely print (!), some from my mom that I've saved for myself, some that I'll send to the writers' families). 

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Also right now:  

Reading: I finished 3 books in December and 1 in January (all reviewed on this blog, as well as Goodreads & StoryGraph, & tagged "2025 books" and "2026 books"   

• "The Blue Flower" by Penelope Fitzgerald -- a slow readalong with Footnotes and Tangents, which started Nov. 3rd and ended the week of Dec. 15th. (3-3.5 stars; my review.) 
• "How To Kill Your Family" by Bella Mackie (the January pick for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club). (4 stars;  my review.) 
• "The Impossible Fortune" by Richard Osman. (5 stars;  my review.)  
• "Ex-Wife" by Ursula Parrott (the February choice for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club). (3.5-4 stars, my review.) 

Current reads: 

• "You Are Here" by David Nicholls (the April selection for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club;  previously read in 2024 and reviewed here).  
• Crooked Adam by D.E. Stevenson, together with my DES fan group (after initially reading through it myself). I'll count it as a re-read when we finish, on or before Feb. 3 (2026). 96% completed (one chapter to go!). 
• "Childless: A Woman and a Girl in a Man's World" by Fabiana Formica.  This one is beautifully written, but slow going, and I was reading it (or trying to...!) at Mom & Dad's last summer, where there were a lot of distractions. I've put it aside for the moment to focus on other reading priorities, but I've completed 33% to date.
• "L.M. Montgomery and Gender," an essay collection edited by E. Holly Pike & Laura Robinson. Slowly working my way through, in between the other books...! 

Coming up: Most of my book groups have their next reads plotted out for a few months in advance -- and listing them here helps me keep track of what I should be reading next. ;)  

• For my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club:  
• "The Safekeep" by Yael Van der Wouden (March). (I read this one recently and will likely not revisit it, particularly since I'm not leading the discussion.)  
• (Books for May onwards to be determined...) 
• For my D.E. Stevenson group:  
• The Four Graces, likely beginning in mid-February 2026 (original 2015 review here). 

• Footnotes and Tangents slow readalongs for 2026 include:
• "Midnight’s Children" by Salman Rushdie (January–March):  I was debating whether to take part in this one. Needless to say, when it began in early January, I was otherwise preoccupied.  :(    Hoping to tackle at least a couple of the other slow reads planned for this year, including.... 
• "Regeneration" by Pat Barker (April–May)
• "The Inheritors" by William Golding (June)
• "Treacle Walker" by Alan Garner (July)
• "The Children’s Book" by A.S. Byatt (September–December)

A few recently purchased titles (all in digital format, mostly discounted ($5-10 or less) or purchased with points):  (Not adding links this time around...!) 

• "Freedom" by Angela Merkel. 
• "Bone of the Bone" by Sarah Smarsh
• "Possession" by A.S. Byatt 
• "Elbows Up!  Canadian Voices of Resistance and Resilience" ed. by Elamin Abdelmahmoud
• "August Lane" by Regina Black 
• "Nesting" by Roisin O'Donnell 
• "Night People" by Mark Ronson 
• "Awake" by Jen Hatmaker
• "The Trouble With Fairy Tales" by Plum Johnson 
• "Bread of Angels" by Patti Smith 
• "Softly, As I Leave You" by Priscilla Presley & Mary Jane Ross 
• "We Breed Lions" by Rick Westhead 
• "The Smiling Land" by Alan Doyle 
• "John Candy" by Paul Myers 
• "Vagabond" by Tim Curry 
• "Book of Lives" by Margaret Atwood 
• "Sorry, Not Sorry" by Mark Critch 
• "Throwing Rocks at Houses" by Colleen Jones & Perry Lefko 
• "Future Boy" by Michael J. Fox & Nelle Fortenberry 
• "Paper Girl" by Beth Macy 

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Watching: 

• Figure skating: I watched some of NBC's coverage of the the Grand Prix final in Nagoya, Japan, on Dec. 7th;  some of the U.S. & Canadian national championships in early January, while at my parents' house, and the European championships later in the month.  
• I can't believe the Winter Olympics start soon...! 
• Lots of curling! My dad is a big fan, and dh likes to watch too. I don't mind;  I've never curled myself, but I spent a LOT of time watching my parents at the curling rink when I was growing up, and I was amazed at what I was able to pull from my memory to tell dh about the sport when they started including it in the Olympics some years ago!  (It beats watching football!  lol)  
• (As I wrote in this post) We watched "Wicked" at my sister's house in Winnipeg the night before we headed home to Toronto from spending Christmas (and the aftermath) with my family. I thought it was OK, but to be honest, it didn't thrill me. 
• "Finding Your Roots" -- a new season on PBS, Tuesday nights, which began in January. 

Playing:  

• Heardle Decades: 
• Heardle 60s: 
• As of Dec. 31st:  73.6% (840/1141, ?? on first guess), down 0.1% from Nov. 30th. Max. streak: 20 (up by 5 since Nov. 30th!).
• As of Jan. 31st:  74.0% (855/1167, 340 on first guess), up 0.4% from Dec. 31st. Max streak:  20. 
• Heardle 70s: 
• As of Dec. 31st: 76.0% (670/882, ?? on first guess), down 0.3% from Nov. 30th. Max. streak: 18. 
• As of Jan. 31st:  75.9% (681/897, 378 on first guess), down 0.1% from Dec. 31st. Max streak: 18. 
• Heardle 80s: 
• As of Dec. 31st: 41.6% (309/742, ?? on first guess), up 0.4% from from Nov. 30th. Max. streak: 5.
• As of Jan. 31st: 41.6% (315/757, 113 on first guess), unchanged from Dec. 31st. Max. streak: 5.
• Heardle 90s: 
• As of Dec. 31st:  33.9% (269/814, ?? on first guess), up 0.9% from Nov. 30th. Max. streak: 9 (up by 4 from Nov. 30th). 
• As of Jsn. 31st:  34.0% (292/858, 78 on first guess), up 0.1% from Dec. 31st. Max. streak: 9. 
• NYT Connections: 
• By Dec. 31st, I'd played 520 games and won 89% of them (1% more), including 276 "perfect puzzles" with zero errors, including 16 where I got the most difficult/purple category first (3 more than in November).  Maximum winning streak: 45 (unchanged). Current streak: 33. 
• As of Jan. 31st, I had 535 completed games, won 89% of them, including 283 "perfect puzzles," including 16 where I got the most difficult/purple category first (unchanged from Dec. 31st). Maximum winning streak:  45 (unchanged).  Current streak:  12.  

Listening:  I mostly use Spotify to listen to podcasts -- but last fall, I found a couple of playlists that reflected my tastes and reminded me of the songs & artists I used to listen & dance to in my youth. As a result, for the first time, I wound up with one of those year-end "Wrapped" reports in early December. Unfortunately, I can't seem to find the entire thing again :p  but I did share the list of my top 5 artists on FB:  The Monks (their album "Bad Habits" became a cult classic when I was in university in the early 1980s -- but only in Canada, apparently, and Ontario especially), Joe Jackson, Squeeze, The Knack and Devo (lolol). My top genre was Power Pop, I listened for a grand total of 282 minutes, and my listening age is 62!  (You can read more about The Monks and "Bad Habits" here, here and here.) 

Following:  

Eating/Drinking:  

• Less-than-stellar bloodwork results in the cholesterol/lipid categories in mid-November (as mentioned in November's Right Now post, published in early December) left me certain that my family doctor was going to put me on (more) medication. But in a follow-up phone call on Dec. 3rd, he simply encouraged me to keep trying to get those numbers down, and said we'll retest in March. REPRIEVE!  lol  Was I relieved!! 
• (I may need to ask for a further reprieve, given that my stay in Manitoba was a little longer than I had anticipated -- and needless to say, diet was not the top of my mind...)  
• (To recap, we'd both had cholesterol numbers that were out of normal range back in fall 2024, but managed to wrestle them down by January 2025, by making a concerted effort to eat better and lose weight.  I will admit we've done a bit of backsliding on the diet front, albeit we are still eating better than we were in fall 2024.  We've both resolved to try to do better, again! in 2026.) 
• When I weighed myself mid-month (a few days after our return from Manitoba) for the first time since Dec. 19th, I was down 2 pounds! -- which was a pleasant surprise, given the fact that my diet was not exactly stellar while I was away. 
• On the other hand, I was more active than usual, doing things around the house -- including a lot of stairs...!
• I was down another 0.4 pounds the following week (this past Friday). 
• I ended January 2.8 pounds lighter than I was at the end of November. Overall, I'm down 14.2 pounds since late October 2024, and a little over 26 pounds from my heaviest-ever weight  (August 2021). 
• (Dh gained a few pounds over Christmas and is down not quite 20 pounds overall since fall 2024.)
• At my parents' house, we ate pretty well over the Christmas period (turkey and all the trimmings for Christmas dinner, with lots of leftovers stretching over the next few days, pork tenderloin another day, etc.) -- a little less so afterwards. There were butter tarts, but no shortbread cookies got made, although Parents' Neighbours' Daughter brought over a container of cookies, and we had several apple pies in the freezer, one of which we baked and had on New Year's Eve. 
• As I mentioned in this post, neighbours and friends brought over a lot of food after my mother died.  Not all of it was stuff I could eat because of my tomato allergy (hamburger soup, pasta dishes), but it all helped. A couple of things I remember:  
• We got a TON of buns -- many of them homemade. I think at one point we had something like 6 or 8 dozen buns in the house!  (My sister took some home and some went into the freezer.)  
• One of my dad's former coworkers brought over an entire home-cooked dinner one night -- a big chunk of excellent roast beef (from a cow from their own farm!), mashed potatos, really tasty gravy, veggies, two dozen homemade buns, and a dessert called Harvest Cake with thick caramel icing that was absolutely fabulous. The five of us (dad, me, dh, my sister & her partner) had it for dinner that night, and my sister took home leftovers that they had for dinner the next night -- but there was still enough for another full dinner for dh, Dad & me, as well as meat for sandwiches for lunch for a couple of days after that too.  
• A neighbour brought over an apple pie (warm from the oven) and homemade perogies (yum!).  
• One of Mom's good friends and a former coworker brought over two dozen buns, two packages of sliced deli meat (black forest ham and roast beef) and a package of two-bite mini-cupcakes (chocolate, Mom's favourite). 
• My parents get government-subsidized meals for seniors a couple of times a week -- and since my sister and I and our partners are all 55+, we can get them too whenever we're there.  They're available on weekdays -- eat in (at a local seniors residence), delivered or pick up. Dad prefers to pick up most days (gets him out of the house), but neighbours will pick up and deliver to him when it's cold & icy outside.  The meals are usually pretty tasty, nutritionally balanced and always include a protein (meat), starch (usually potatos or rice), veggies/salad, a bun and a dessert -- all for $7.50 (Canadian dollars).  Not bad!  They're ready for noon/lunch, but Dad prefers to refrigerate his and then heat it up in the microwave for supper. 
• We also had takeout a couple of times from local restaurants, including some really good chicken fingers, fries and coleslaw from one place, and a chicken caesar wrap with fries from another. 
• The chicken fingers come with honey dill sauce, a Manitoba specialty! -- albeit it's not something I grew up with;  it only became popular after I grew up and left the province. (One of these days, I'm going to bring a jar home with me! -- you can't find it in Ontario!) 
• Went to a favourite nearby Italian restaurant on Jan. 23rd for a belated 65th birthday dinner... I had a Caesar salad, orecchiette pasta with chopped sauteed rapini and crumbled sausage, and tiramisu for dessert.  (And a glass of white wine.) Yum!  (The portions were huge, so I took home leftovers for dinner the next day too!)  
• Older Nephew's Wife (who is an excellent cook!) made us a yummy orzo pasta with shrimp & cheese, airfryer chicken strips & potatos, and salad for lunch (Jan. 31st). 
• We also indulged in some of our usual takeout meals from the supermarket for lunch once or twice a week (pizza slices & soup), plus teriyaki rice bowls for occasional Saturday night dinners. We also indulged in Swiss Chalet's annual Festive Special before leaving for the holidays -- 1/4 rotisserie chicken with choice of sides, stuffing, cranberry sauce, bun-- and five Lindor chocolate truffles! lol.

Wearing: My collection of holiday-themed waffle-weave shirts from Old Navy, were brought to the forefront of the closet again during December, and I brought several of them with me to my parents' house for the holidays. Of course, I then wound up wearing them a whole lot more than I had anticipated, and well into mid-January, when we wound up staying longer than we had originally planned.  

I also wore my heavy winter coat and boots there, vs my lighter-weight (and shorter length) down jacket (and was glad I did!).

I hadn't brought anything with me to Manitoba to wear beyond jeans and yoga pants (now I know why the Royal Family always travels with a set of mourning clothes, just in case... although of course, they have servants to carry their luggage for them...!). Likewise, dh just had jeans and pajama pants.  We were considering an emergency shopping trip into the city to find something suitable to wear to Mom's funeral -- but then my sister dived into our mother's closet and found a pair of black twill pants for me. Size 12 (!) but they FIT!!  I had brought a nice grey sweater with me and I also wore that.  Dh wound up borrowing a pair of grey pants from Parents' Neighbours' Daughter's husband -- they fit perfectly too!  Thankfully, the small town/rural area where my parents live is pretty casual these days (I've seen people wearing jeans and even shorts at weddings there in recent years....!), and I don't think anyone would have faulted us even if we had worn jeans. 

Buying (besides books, lol):  Presents for both Christmas and Little Great-Nephew #2's pre-Christmas birthday. (Now I'm collecting things for their Valentine's Day goodie bags, as well as LGNiece's 3rd birthday, coming up in February.)  

Christmas gifts for my parents, sister & dh, as well as the three Little Princesses. 

Two lighter-weight sweaters with polo necks/collars from Old Navy (one black, one white) and a cropped henley sweatshirt from American Eagle, all on sale. 

A blouse and a sweater from Reitmans, using a Christmas gift card from dh and my birthday discount.  :)  

Noticing: The Rosiver cream prescribed by the dermatologist I saw in December appears to be more effective at dealing with rosacea than it was for covid.  ;)  (Look up the more popular name for it and you'll understand what I'm referring to! -- the "iv" in the name is a hint...!)  I have noticed an improvement in the redness and (minor) breakouts I was experiencing. Not perfect, but better.  Yay!  

Appreciating:  My parents' wonderful neighbours and friends, who brought tons of food over for us to eat after Mom died, and have been keeping Dad company (and keeping an eye out for him) since we returned home. 

Trying:  To get back to "normal" after a couple of pretty stressful months, including a full month away from home...!  And: to get at least one thing crossed off my lengthy to-do list that's piled up even further over the past month or two...!   

Hoping:  That this extreme cold spell ends soon.  (Brrrr!)  (Related:) Prioritizing:  Staying safe & warm. (It was the snowiest January on record in Toronto!). 

Wanting: A little more sunshine vs grey & gloom. (It IS clear and sunny today!) 

Wondering: How the rest of the year is going to unfold...

Anticipating: That this will be an expensive year...  :p  

• We still have another installment on the special assessment levied by our condo corporation to cover repairs to the roof as well as the parking garage -- and a new boiler has been ordered, since one of the two we use went kaput over the Christmas holidays, creating hot water shortages (!).  
• The master bathroom shower needs another look from a plumber (as detailed here.) (We've been showering in the other bathroom/tub in the meantime.)  
• We'll likely be back & forth to Manitoba a few more times than usual this year, for obvious reasons. (Flying within Canada is not cheap, and neither is driving -- and we certainly won't be driving until the weather improves...!)  
• My sister & I split the cost of Mom's funeral between us -- and there's still a plot or niche to buy and the interment of Mom's ashes to organize.  
• My heavy/warmest winter coat (which I mostly wear in Manitoba) is almost 20 years old and showing some signs of wear, and so is probably due for replacement soon. (Maybe next fall...) 
• I am going to need new glasses sooner vs later, and likely both regular and reading/computer glasses, since both are more than 10 years old and horribly scratched up. (Just waiting to see if I'm going to need more eye surgery, after I my opthomologist appointment in April -- backstory here.) 
• And... the springs on the door of our dishwasher have both snapped (first one, last year, then the other, this weekend -- made a horrible BANG that scared the crap out of us...!).  It still works (no leaks, we've checked!), but you have to lower the door VERY SLOWLY and not let it just drop, because it weighs a ton! -- and it came off one of the hinges this morning (we were able to rehinge the door and close it again, whew!).  Debating whether it's worth fixing vs just buying a new dishwasher. It was installed when the building was new (about a year before we bought this unit = about 11-12 years old), and the racks are also showing some signs of wear, although it's still cleaning the dishes well. (Knocking wood...!)
• (Any recommendations on dishwashers?  This one is a GE Profile, 23.5" door -- probably 24" wide total, including the frame, etc. We always had Kenmores at the house, but Sears Canada, where we bought them, is no more. The less noisy the better, since our kitchen/dining/living area is relatively small.)  

Enjoying:  Sleeping in my own bed again!  

Loving:  The big box of Lindor milk chocolates I got with my stocking on Christmas morning.  ;)  I've been limiting myself to one per day (there can't be THAT much cholesterol in one chocolate, can there??).  

                           

Feeling: Stunned by my mother's sudden death. (I know, she WAS almost 85, and I was lucky to have her for as long as I did, but..!). Sad (and guilty) to leave my 86-year-old dad by himself. Relieved that my sister is not that far away, and will be spending more time with him over the next while. (Nevertheless)  Glad to be home again. Also:  Disbelieving that I could actually be 65 years old (!!).  And: (partly) glad that my proudly Minnesota-born mother is not around to see what has happened there over the past month. She would have been heartbroken.  :(  

"Ex-Wife" by Ursula Parrott (re-read)

"Ex-Wife" by Ursula Parrott is the February choice for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club. I first read this book in November 2023, when Lyz Lenz (an ex-wife herself) chose it for the book club she ran as part of her Men Yell at Me Substack newsletter (which has since moved over to Patreon). You can find my original review here (which includes more background and some interesting links about the book & the author).  . 

I'd never heard of this book, but it was a best-seller when it was first published -- anonymously -- in 1929, and actually more successful at the time than "The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald!  It was republished in 1989, and again more recently, along with a new biography of Parrott, "Becoming the Ex-Wife" by Marsha Gordon. 

The plot:  Patricia and her husband Peter, both in their early/mid-20s, live and work in New York City. They have a busy social life, and an open marriage -- but when Patricia sleeps with Peter's friend, he (hypocritically) calls her a slut and leaves her for another woman. Patricia moves in with another "ex-wife," Lucia, and embarks on a life filled with parties, cocktails, speakeasies and men, all the while hoping to win Peter back. 

"Ex-Wife" is both dated -- a portrait of a very specific time and place -- and yet strangely familiar to modern readers.(In some ways, it made me think of "Sex and the City."). It was considered shocking/scandalous in 1929, with its frank depictions of "career women" indulging in smoking, drinking, extra-marital sex and one-night stands, as well as miscarriage and baby loss, abortion, rape and domestic violence. It won't appeal to everyone, but it's worth a read if you're interested in the period, or in forgotten/ignored books written by female authors, showing the complexities of women's lives. I appreciated the honest portrayal of a woman learning to roll with the unexpected punches of life, and the way the women support each other throughout the book. And, needless to say, the story of a woman who is suddenly faced with rebuilding her life and finding new meaning and purpose, certainly resonated with me!  

3.5 stars on StoryGraph, and (after some internal debate) rounded up to 4 on Goodreads. 

ALI alert: abortion, baby loss and coping with other women's pregnancies. 

This was Book #1 read to date in 2026 (and Book #1 finished in January), bringing me to 3% of  my 2026 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 40 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 2 books behind schedule to meet my goal.  :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2026 tagged as "2026 books." 

2025 Blogging Year in Review

A hat tip to Mali, whose post "2016: Looking back on the blog" has inspired me to do the same for the past several years. Also to Mel, whose Crème de la Crème lists from 2007 to 2012 prompted me & other bloggers to review our posts from the year past & pick out our favourites to share.  (There was a list in 2006 too, but that was before I started my blog.)  If the Crème de la Crème list still existed, one of these posts would probably be the one I would have submitted. :) ) 

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2025 was not as prolific in blogging terms as the past several years have been. 2021 was my best year ever in terms of numbers of posts (213). I ended the year with 132 posts, the fewest since 2016, when I published 133 posts.  

That's (still) an average of 11 posts per month (one fewer than my average 12 of the past few years). My least-chatty month was July, with 6 posts. My most verbose was September, with 15 (thanks in large part to daily posts during World Childless Week 2025!  lol)  Not bad, especially after 18+ years of blogging!  

I don't check my blog stats very often, but I had a look at the ones for the past 12 months (which now includes part of January), and (as of today), I had 1.76 million views (!) 71,000+ views and 185 comments this year (page views more than doubled over last year (!), but comments were down). As I noted in this post from September, I suspect that huge spike in views was due more to some kind of bot activity than actual eyes on screens. :p  

The top-viewed post of 2025  that was written/posted IN 2025 -- was this "odds & ends" post from Sept. 2nd, with 431 views to date. (Not sure what was so attractive about it??    

In addition to posts about or related to childless/free issues or other adoption/loss/infertility issues, I tried to do a "Right now" post at the beginning of each month, participated in 38 #MicroblogMondays this year, and reviewed all 38 books that I read in 2025.  

I also wrote a lot about other things going on in my life, including aging, retirement, memories of the past, being an auntie & great-auntie, and condo living. There were lots of "odds & ends" posts, passing along and/or commenting on news items, blog & Substack posts and podcasts, etc. (usually ALI-related) that piqued my interest,.as well as lists of recent "small pleasures & annoying things."  I stopped doing monthly pandemic updates in my Right Now posts in May, and mostly stopped masking by summertime. Which is not to say that covid isn't still out there...! 

Normally, I would choose a few favourite/noteworthy posts from the past year to highlight here -- but in the interests of time and getting this (finally!) published, I'm going to skip that this time around.  (Did any of you have a favourite or memorable post from here this past year?)  

#MicroblogMondays: A few odds & ends, after holidays & loss

• 
  We are home... four weeks/one month after we left, and two weeks later than we'd originally planned. 
• I still have to (mostly) unpack. 
• There are 20 gazillion things on my to-do list.
• I am exhausted. 
• The original plan was for my sister and her partner to come out from the city on Friday night, and for her & me to spend Saturday clearing our our mother's drawers and at least some of her closets, then head into the city on Sunday morning before our early afternoon flight back to Toronto.  
• Those plans were somewhat derailed when high winds and blowing snow reduced visibility to nil in many areas of southern Manitoba and closed several highways leading to & from the city, including both routes to the small town where my dad lives. (What can I say? -- it's winter -- in Manitoba... snow happens, lol.)  
• Saturday was much better, and they arrived late that morning -- BUT, the forecast called for more blowing snow overnight, into Sunday morning, including blizzard conditions in some rural areas. (Not to mention extreme wind chill values that could lead to frostbite within minutes, if stranded.)  
• So we decided that we'd head back into the city after supper, spend the night at my sister's house, and she'd take us to the airport the next morning. (Dh frets about getting to the airport in plenty of time, even in the best weather conditions, so he was much relieved.)  
• Our plans to do some closet cleaning went by the wayside as we wrapped up some loose ends, packed, ran a few errands for Dad and rounded up some dinner. 
• It was very hard to leave our newly widowed 86-year-old dad alone for the first time since Mom died (barring a few times when we'd been out briefly, shopping and running errands).  :(  His neighbour was coming over that evening after we left to watch the hockey game with him, thank goodness. Knowing he has great neighbours who will look out for him and help him out made it a little easier to go.  My sister will be taking some long weekends and working remotely from time to time over the next while as well, so that she can spend time with him (and time working on the big house clearout...!). And I promised him we'd be back in the spring to help;  sooner, if needed.   
• We watched "Wicked" that night at my sister's house before heading to bed, exhausted.  Dh actually did go to bed before it was over -- he was exhausted (and later confessed to me that he was bored stiff by it).  I thought it was OK -- Ariana Grande & Cynthia Erivo can certainly sing! -- but it didn't thrill me. (I've never seen the play.)(Perhaps the movie played better on the big screen??)  Your mileage may vary, of course...! 
• The roads in the city were far worse than the highways outside had been. At the airport on Sunday morning, the visibility was so poor we could hardly see the airplanes parked at the gates!  But things were running relatively on time, and visibility began to improve while we sat in the waiting area.  Our flight touched down in Toronto just six minutes later than scheduled!  
• In the waiting area outside our gate at the airport, they made the standard request to have a piece of government-issued photo ID ready, along with your boarding pass. Unusually this time, they emphasized that it must be a valid piece of ID.  (I don't remember them saying that before.)  
• "Uh oh," I said to dh, as it dawned on me: my driver's license and health card had expired on Jan. 12th (my birthday) while we were still in Manitoba. I've always just used my driver's license as photo ID when travelling within Canada, and had not brought our passports with us (which are only required when travelling to the U.S. and other destinations outside the country). 
• I could not just renew and pay my fee online, because it's been 10 years since my last photo was taken, and I was required to have a new one taken at a Service Ontario office. (The same photo is used on my Ontario health card, which also expired on my birthday.)  
• I had received a reminder to renew about a month before my birthday, but of course we were busy with pre-Christmas stuff (and behind schedule after recuperating from the nasty cold I'd had in late November/early December), and I assumed I'd have time (a full week!)  to renew when I returned home. (The best-laid plans...!)  
• I called Service Ontario (would I have to do a road test again??), and they'd assured me that I could simply show up at one of their offices once I was back in Ontario, pay my fee and have a new photo taken.  BUT, until then, my license/health card would be invalid, 
• Sure enough, when I presented my boarding pass and driver's license at the gate, the flight attendant did a slight double-take as he scrutinized my card. "Your license expired on January 12th," he pointed out. I explained that we'd originally been booked to return on Jan. 4th, but had to rebook and extend our stay because of a death in the family. He beckoned dh (who'd already been cleared to board) back and looked at HIS ID, and then looked at my profile on his screen. "You arrived here on Dec. 21st?"  he asked me and I said yes. He made a few more clicks and then said, "Okay," handed me back my ID, and turned to the next person in line. Whew!  
• (Moral of the story: renew your ID as soon as possible, even if it's not a convenient time and you think you will have plenty of time later before the deadline...!) 

• Here at our condo, one of the building's two hot water boilers is on the fritz. A part has been ordered, but until it's fixed, the property manager is asking residents to conserve hot water and try to use it during off-peak hours. Oh dear...! 
• The Christmas tree and other decorations are still up. I have the tree lights plugged in today (because, why not??).  We will take it down later this week, before we clean. 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

2025 Reading Year in Review

I started doing a specific "Reading Year in Review" post in 2020. I figured that since I was doing an overall year in review post (which includes some book information anyway), and a blogging year in review post -- and since keeping track of my books is a big thing I normally do on my blog -- my reading life deserved its own year-end wrap-up post too.  :)  

(Note:  I have not linked to all the books mentioned here, but they are all reviewed on this blog.) 

How did I do?  

I increased my Goodreads Reading Challenge goal from 36 books in 2021 to 45 books in 2022, kept (and met) that goal for 2023, and retained it for 2024 & 2025 -- although, unfortunately, I was not successful in reaching my goal in either year.  

• My Goodreads 2025 Year in Review report tells me I read 38 books with 12,413 pages (versus 37 books with 15,320 pages in 2024, 48 books with 16.980 pages in 2023 and 50 books with 17,047 pages in 2022). That's one more book than I read in 2024, but still 7 books below my goal of 45, or 84%.  (My best result ever: 59 books in 2021.) All the books I read this year were reviewed on this blog and tagged "2025 books." 
• The shortest book I read was "Peter West" by D.E. Stevenson (130 pages);  the longest was "A Place of Greater Safety" by Hilary Mantel (772 pages).  
• Average book length was 326 pages (down from 414 pages in 2024, and 353 pages in 2023). 
• (Note that one of the books I read in 2024 was "War and Peace"...!)
• The most popular book I read ( = most shelved by Goodreads readers) was "Yellowface" by R.F. Kuang  (2.3 million readers);  the least popular was this one, a memoir written by my dear late friend R. (42 readers).   
• The highest-rated book I read was "I'm Sorry for My Loss" by Rebecca Little & Colleen Long (4.38 stars). 
• My average Goodreads rating in 2025 was 3.8 stars (lower than the 4.2 from the previous three years).  
• In 2021, I also started tracking books on The StoryGraph, which provides slightly different stats (and even more, with a paid subscription -- although I don't have one of those!). 
• StoryGraph reports that I read 38 books with 12,688 pages (slightly more than Goodreads recorded). 
• Average book length according to SroryGraph was 334 pages (slightly more than Goordreads reported). 
• Average time to finish a book: about 20 days. (This would be in good part because of the readalongs/slow reads I take part in...!) 
• Fastest read/least time spent:  "Peter West" by D.E. Stevenson (3 days).
• Most time spent:  "Anne of Windy Poplars" by L.M. Montgomery (143 days = not quite 5 months, part of a chapter-by-chapter readalong and discussion with my Montgomery Readathon Facebook group). 
• This year, StoryGraph provided a "mood map" of my reading during the year:  you can see a steady upward trend in the moods of my books over the year. 
•  The top/most dominant mood of my books was once again overwhelmingly "emotional" (value: 15 vs 16 last year), followed by "funny" (12), "reflective" (11), mysterious (8) and dark (7). 
• Like Goodreads, StoryGraph logged the longest book I read as "A Place of Greater Safety" by Hilary Mantel (768 pages), but the shortest according to StoryGraph was "Wonderful Adventures of Mrs. Seacole in Many Lands" by Mary Seacole (200 pages).   
• The vast majority of my books were medium-paced (69%). 19% were slow and 11% fast. 
• 53% of my 2024 books were 300-499 pages;  45% were less than 300 pages and just 3% were over 500 pages. 
• Most pages read/finished:  1,852 in October. 
• 84% of my 2024 books were fiction;  just 16% non-fiction. This is a big change from recent years! (I credit the many book clubs I take part in, which mostly focus on fiction.)
• My most-read genre in 2025 was historical (value: 13), followed by literary (9), contemporary (7), mystery (5) and thriller (5)(similar to 2024).     
• StoryGraph also tracks the format of your books, but selects print as the default. The majority of my reads this year -- 76% -- were recorded as digital, vs 24% print.  (Note that some books do not have a "digital" option, in which case I choose print.) 
• Most-read authors in 2025:  D.E. Stevenson (7 books) and Richard Osman (3).  
• Average rating 3.81 stars (vs 3.8 on Goodreads, and 4.06 last year).  
• 5-star reads in 2025:  "I'm Sorry for My Loss" by Rebecca Little & Colleen Long and "The Impossible Fortune" by Richard Osman. 
• My highest average ratings came in June (4.25); the lowest was in August (3.38).
• Most shelved book:  "Yellowface" by R.F. Kuang (445.598 users). Least shelved/popular: this one, a memoir written by my dear late friend R. (1 user, i.e., me!  lol).  
• Highest rated:  "I'm Sorry for My Loss" by Rebecca Little & Colleen Long (4.43 stars;  my rating was 5 stars). 
• I explored the work of 22 new authors, read 10 books that were part of a series, and revisited/re-read 5 books. 
• I read 6 books in October, my most prolific month, and just 1 in July. 
• I continued to take part in several online book clubs/groups/readalongs, which provided me with lots of reading/discussion pleasure, and helped boost my 2025 reading totals: they were responsible for 25 of the 38 books I read in 2025 -- more than half!   
• Sadly, the L.M. Montgomery Readathon on Facebook, which began with "Rilla of Ingleside" in 2020 during the height of the pandemic, concluded earlier this year with one final book, "Anne of Windy Poplars" (review here). (The group still exists on Facebook, and members still post Montgomery-related content there, but we are no longer doing readalongs together.)  
• I continued to co-host the Childless Collective Nomo Book Club, where we read & discussed a book a month together ( = 12 books).  
• My D.E. Stevenson fan group read & discussed 3 DES books together in 2025, chapter by chapter (currently on #4). (I read each book first myself, and then counted our group read as a re-read.)
• I initially thought I would repeat one or both of Footnotes & Tangents' 2024 slow reads ("War & Peace" by Leo Tolstoy and Hilary Mantel's Cromwell Trilogy) -- but I soon realized there were lots of other books calling my name, and abandoned that idea. Perhaps someday... I do highly recommend the experience, especially if these are books you've always wanted to read!  
• I did take part in the 4 other slow reads offered by F&T in 2025, including "The Siege at Krishnapur" by J.G. Farrell, "A Place of Greater Safety" by Hilary Mantel, "Things Fall Apart" by Chinua Adebe and "The Blue Flower" by Penelope Fitzgerald.  

Goals for 2026: 

• As noted above, I ended the year with 38 books read. I did not reach my Goodreads Reading Challenge Goal of 45 books (nor did I come anywhere near equalling my 2021/best-recorded total of 59 books, when my goal was 36).  I initially thought I'd keep my goal of 45 books in 2026 -- but, given the recent events in my life, reading has taken a back seat for the time being (sadly, I have yet to start a book in January).  So I've decided to downsize my 2026 goal slightly to 40 books (and hope to do better than that...!). It's still a "stretch" goal, based on the past few years, and still works out to 3-4 books per month on average). 
• While I'm grateful for my book groups and the boost they give to my reading totals, and while I intend to keep up with them in 2026, I'm hoping to be able to read more of my own choices this coming year too.  :)   

2025 Highlights:  

• It's always very hard for me to pick a single book as "the best" that I read in any given year. I read some really good books this year, a few really great ones  and very few "meh" choices (3.8 stars on average.)  A few of my favourites, listed in the order I read them (I haven't linked to them here, but they're all reviewed on Goodreads, StoryGraph and this blog): 

• "Yellowface" by R.F. Kuang. I still find myself thinking about this one! 
• "The Mermaid of Black Conch" by Monique Roffey.  A lovely surprise. :)  
• "The Wedding People" by Alison Espach. A depressing-sounding premise that evolved into something absolutely delightful, especially as a childless-not-by-choice reader!  
• "I'm Sorry for My Loss" by Rebecca Little & Colleen Long. Both infuriating and validating.  
• "Rules for Visiting" by Jessica Francis Kane. This one grew on me as I read it! 
• "Kills Well With Others" by Deanna Raybourn, So much fun!!  :)  
• "Mania" by Stuart "Woody" Wood. I enjoyed reliving my days as a teenaged Bay City Rollers fan through the words of my favourite band member. 
• "The Ministry of Time" by Kaliane Bradley.  Love, love, loved this one. If I had to pick just one favourite book from 2025, this might be it.  
• "We Solve Murders" and "The Impossible Fortune," both by Richard Osman. Osman does it again -- both of these were pure delight.  

Did you meet your reading goals for 2025 (if you set any)? What great books did you read this past year? 

New year, new grief

(**CONTENT WARNING:  Sudden death;  some graphic details.**)

My first experience with death came when I was about 4 years old. We'd briefly had a puppy, Honey -- the only dog we ever had -- who proved to be more of a handful than my parents had bargained for. We'd rehomed her with my grandparents on their farm, who loved animals -- but she was run over by a car, a few months later.  :(  

I vividly remember sobbing in my mother's arms when she told me Honey was gone, and how she tried to comfort me by telling me that Honey was in heaven now, and that the streets of heaven were paved with gold.  I asked Mom if there would be lots of bones in Heaven for Honey to chew on, and other dogs to play with, and she said she thought so, and that made me feel a little better.  

Who is going to make me feel better now? 

My mom collapsed and died at home, late in the afternoon of Thursday, Jan. 1st (New Year's Day), just a few days shy of her 85th birthday. 

We got here on Dec. 21st, and had a nice Christmas together, Dh & I set up and decorated the tree (and Mom thanked me and complimented me on it at least twice).  My sister & I did much of the food prep, cooking & cleanup (with contributions from Dad, who still fries the fish on Christmas Eve, carves the turkey and monitors the progress of the potatos & veggies.  :) 

Mom has complained about her sinuses for as long as I can remember, and she's always been a night owl.  Since she retired, about 20 years ago, she has prowled around the house for half the night, every night (shuffling around with her cane, these last few years) -- and then languished in bed until at least noon (and often much later). But she was up early the day after Boxing Day, I think, complaining that she'd had a "terrible night." My sister & I took turns bringing her tea and toast in bed, and noticed she had a horrible rattling cough in her chest. She hadn't had either a covid shot this fall or a flu shot (hadn't had one since she worked in the school).  After a couple of days of this, my sister threatened to take her to the doctor if she wasn't feeling at least a little better the next day. The next day she WAS feeling a little better (but still not eating a whole lot), but still spent most of her time in bed. She didn't play cards with us on New Year's Eve, or stay up till midnight, I think? 

Weirdly, she was up at 7:30 AM when I got up on New Year's Day (!). She sat in an easy chair in the living room for a while and I brought her tea and toast while she watched the Rose Bowl Parade. She dozed on & off through the day, then asked for a glass of Coke and a chocolate chip cookie (! -- that was my mom...!). I managed to persuade her to have a bowl of cereal and a glass of apple juice instead, and got those for her. My sister & her partner had to work the next day and left to head back into the city shortly after 4 PM. Mom hobbled upstairs to the bathroom and was washing up while I checked the supper situation. 

We'd used up most of the Christmas leftovers, the fridge was pretty bare, and most stores and restaurants in town were closed for the holiday. It was looking pretty bleak (and my hungry dh was NOT HAPPY), but then I remembered we'd frozen some of the leftover fish we'd had on Christmas Eve. There was enough left for a couple of pieces each for the four of us. I asked my dad how about that along with some baked potatos & veggies for dinner? and he thought that was fine, but said, "Ask Mom." 

The door to the bathroom was closed, I knocked and went in, and asked her about the fish, and for the first time in days, she kind of perked up and seemed interested in food. So I closed the door and headed back downstairs to the pantry in the utility room on the ground floor at the far end of the house. I was picking out some potatos to bake when I heard a loud THUMP.  Dh yelled at me that it came from upstairs and that I should check on my mom.   

I went upstairs and knocked on the closed bathroom door.  

No response. 

I opened the door -- and saw my mother's legs, on the floor (partly blocking the doorway). 

I pushed the door open -- and my mom was laying on the floor.  

There was no blood, but her eyes were open, staring vacantly. I screamed and called to her (over and over) and squeezed her hand -- but there was absolutely no response, no flicker of recognition. There might have been a slight movement of her chest at first, but it was soon gone. She let out one long, raspy breath, and then, nothing. Dh & my dad came upstairs. My poor dad took one look at her, started crying, and retreated to his chair in the living room.  

I yelled to dh to call 911, and he did. He put the operator on speakerphone and she coached me through CPR while we waited for the police and paramedics to arrive (which took a while, as they serve a large rural area)... but I knew in my heart she was already gone.  :(  Dh also called my sister (on my cellphone) and told them to come back quickly (they were almost to the city by then).  The police arrived first (three guys in three separate cars, one after the other) and then the ambulance, and they worked on her for a while but could not revive her. It is likely just as well.  Mom was already so frustrated by her poor physical condition and limitations. She would not have wanted to linger in a life that was less than the one she was already living.  

I had to tell my sister when she arrived that Mom was gone. (She later told me they'd had to park out on the street because of all the cars in the driveway, and that every house in the bay had its lights on with neighbours looking out the windows... she called it "the perp walk"...!)  

Dad asked me to call the minister at Mom's church, and she rushed over. The EMTs had laid Mom on the floor of the room where dh & I were staying (!), and covered her up with an afghan, but I could see the top of her hair sticking out the top, and her foot out the bottom. I took the minister up there and she prayed over Mom with dh & I present. When she was done, I pulled the afghan down a little, but I could see Mom's eyes were still open, so I pulled it back up again. I watched as the undertakers wheeled her body, in a black bag, out of the house, and watched as their van (not a traditional hearse, thank goodness) pulled out of the driveway with Mom for the last time.  

Dh & I were supposed to return home on Sunday, Jan. 4th. We immediately made plans to rebook our flights (and were able to do it relatively easily online, albeit at a cost of $400 more than what we'd already paid for our already-expensive tickets...!), and will now be heading home this weekend instead -- two weeks later than originally scheduled. By the time we get back, we'll have been away an entire month!  BIL has been checking on our apartment, starting the car to keep the battery alive, collecting the mail and watering my one poor surviving plant. 

The next week went by in a blur. I was getting just 3-5 hours of sleep a night (it's gotten a little better since then).  I was EXHAUSTED.  (I even took a couple of afternoon naps. I RARELY take naps!)  Endless phone calls and messages to make and take, kind neighbours dropping by to offer condolences and food. At one point we had something like 6 or 8 dozen buns in the house (!), many of them homemade. (Gotta love small towns...!)  We ate some, put some in the freezer, gave some to Parents' Neighbours' Daughter (PND), and my sister and her partner took some home as well. 

Notably, one of my best friends from high school showed up at the door on Sunday afternoon, after driving an hour-plus from her home, bearing a couple of containers of lasagna and cannelloni from a deli in the city, as well as homemade banana bread (which was delicious).  She stayed for half an hour to chat and then drove home again.  And one of my dad's former coworkers brought over an entire dinner one night -- a big chunk of excellent roast beef, mashed potatos, gravy, veggies, homemade buns, and a dessert called Harvest Cake with thick caramel icing that was absolutely fabulous.  (My sister remarked that this woman missed her calling;  she should be a chef instead of a realtor, lol.)  My sister took home some of the leftovers, but there was still enough for another dinner for dh, Dad & me, as well as meat for sandwiches for lunch for a couple of days too.  

I could only make so many of those kinds of calls in a day. I called my mom's childhood best friend/matron of honour and her cousin/surrogate big sister (also my godmother), back to back, and that just about finished me off.  They both already knew from other people, but I still felt that I should call them, and they were still very emotional calls. Eventually, I asked my dad & sister if it was okay to just post something to social media, and did.  I felt badly that some people found out that way, but by then we'd made funeral arrangements, and wanted to get the word out to as many people as possible, as quickly as possible.  

And, yes, we had a funeral to arrange. Dad asked the funeral director if he could come to the house, and he said of course (again, gotta love small towns...).  That was a marathon 2-3 hour session.  Dad wanted to get the funeral over with as quickly as possible.  The medical examiner did not think an autopsy was required, but she did ask if they could take Mom to the city to be tested for flu & covid. That would have delayed the funeral by a few more days, so Dad decided no. So we will never know exactly what happened.

Mom was cremated (the funeral home in town has its own crematorium). My sister & I picked out a nice outfit for her to wear (although we chose not to see her again), and dh & I picked out an urn for her ashes. My sister has taken it home with her, but we will pick a plot or niche at the local cemetery in the spring for her and Dad, and have a private family internment ceremony then, when the weather is nicer.  The funeral was Jan. 8th, one week after Mom died.  I did not think I had the time or the emotional bandwidth to write and give a eulogy or to organize a photo slide show (and my sister thought pictures would upset Dad more than he already was), so we left most of the service to the minister, and she said some nice things about Mom herself.  

I did write the obituary that appeared on the funeral home website and in several newspapers. On an ALI (adoption/loss/infertility) note, you can bet I made sure that "granddaughter Kathleen  (Katie)" was mentioned.  On another ALI note, one of my mom's cousins offered to send me some photos. I told her photos are always welcomed -- but I was rather taken aback when she emailed me a zip file -- labelled with my mom's name, but in addition to photos she'd taken of my mom, there were photos of her parents and family, including her little grandson.  Needless to say, I did NOT need to see photos of someone else's grandchild (and/or the reminder that my mother never had any living grandchildren, not will I have them myself), especially just then...! 

Being Christmastime, and winter ( = iffy weather/driving conditions), and lots of illness going around, plus the issues with the border right now (and many Americans not having passports), we were missing a few people who might otherwise have come to the funeral.  But there were still 75 names in the guest book, and probably about 100 in all. My aunt/dad's youngest sister came out from the city with her oldest son (my cousin), and a couple of my other cousins on my dad's side, many of whom I hadn't seen in years.  My mom's cousin's daughter made the trip over the border from their hometown in northwestern Minnesota. My sister's best friend since junior high came from the city -- I hadn't seen HER in at least 30 years. And I was absolutely floored when Mom's childhood best friend walked into the church hall after the service with her husband!  They came all the way from South Dakota to be with us. Our neighbours/best friends from childhood were unable to come, because their sister/aunt's funeral was the same date & time (!) in the city, but the middle sister and her husband took a slight detour en route home and stopped here for about an hour to visit. I hadn't seen her in about 10 years, and that made a hard day better.   

My sister and her partner returned to the city this week. Dh & I have been keeping Dad company, playing cards every night, doing jigsaw puzzles, etc.  Making sure he's eating.  Poor Dad.  :(  They bickered endlessly -- but 65 years of marriage is 65 years of marriage, you know?  We're pretty confident that he can manage most things by himself, short term, anyway -- he's slowed down a lot in the last year or so, but he's generally in better shape than Mom was, and he has some really wonderful neighbours who look out for him/them regularly as it is --but (much to our relief) he is planning to put the house up for sale within the next year, and find something smaller/easier to keep up, likely within one of the local seniors housing developments. 

Needless to say, dh & I will be back here a few more times than usual over the next year, helping him out, and helping my sister and her partner with the huge cleanout that will be necessary before a move takes place.  We've already started:  Dad asked us to put away Mom's personal things, which we did right away.  Then we spent a couple of afternoons emptying out the night table and sorting through the contents, as well as some of the contents of the drawers and closet in the room where I sleep when I'm here.  There were LOTS of books, and we packed the best into a box and took it to the local library to donate to their sale table.  We also gathered up all of Mom's coats and jackets from three or four different closets around the house (Mom collected coats & jackets like some women collect shoes & purses...!) and took them to the local thrift store. I also emptied out Mom's drawers in the bathroom vanity, and tossed a LOT of stuff from there. (Umpteen half-used tubes of lipstick and cover stick... eye drops, nasal spray, ancient tubes of Benadryl cream, etc. etc.). (Not just one, not two, but FOUR almost-empty bottles of Jergens body lotion, anyone??)  We want to go through her closets and make at least an initial cull of her clothes, before I leave.  

Monday was my birthday -- my 65th birthday. (I am now officially a senior citizen!!  and I will be receiving my first Old Age Security payment from the federal government next month!... eeeekkkkk....)  I keep saying that one of these days, I'm going to spend my birthday on a beach somewhere. I thought for sure I'd do it for my 60th, but that was during covid, when everything was shut down and no one was going anywhere.  Obviously this birthday wasn't it either.  It wasn't the birthday I wanted or imagined -- but this is where I need to be right now. It was, as you can imagine, a pretty low key day. My dad did not remember!! -- and I told dh not to remind him. I knew he'd feel bad about it.  Of course he remembered today -- Mom had written it on the calendar that sits beside the telephone. I told him I didn't feel in a party mood anyway, we had more important things on our mind, and that dh will take me out for dinner or something when we get back home.  I did get some lovely messages via text, email and social media, and my friend who stopped by to see us after the funeral -- who will turn 65 later this year -- called me and we talked for an hour.    

Back to the opening of this post:  Mom told me when I was little that the streets of heaven are paved with gold.  In my mind, I've decided that if there is a heaven, it looks a whole lot like my Grandma's kitchen (only a whole lot bigger) -- and Grandma, Grandpa, Mom, my uncle (who died in 2024) and all the aunts, uncles and cousins we've lost are all gathered around the kitchen table, laughing and talking and drinking coffee from a pot that's endlessly percolating on the stove, just like they used to when I was growing up.  And they're just waiting for the rest of us to join them.  

That gives me some comfort. 

As I said in my 2025 Year in Review post, "Life is short, and tomorrow is not promised. I am more and more aware of this with each passing year."  

Hug the people you love;  tell them what they mean to you, spend that time with them.  You will never regret it. 

*** *** *** 

So that is why I have not been present here lately. Not a great start to 2026.  :(  We've been busy since we got here on Dec. 21st -- I don't think I even opened my laptop until a few days after Christmas! -- and obviously our stay here has been longer and more eventful than we had planned.  I do intend to publish my Year in Books soon, and possibly my Year in Blogging (both drafts in progress). I'd already started drafting a "Right Now" post for early January;  I'll probably combine that and do a double post for December/January in early February. 

One more thing:  my family has played Kinsmen Jackpot TV Bingo (from Winnipeg) for more than 50 years now, at least since I was a teenager.  My parents have continued to play every Saturday night, and whenever I'm here, Dad will buy extra cards & I'll play along with them. We had cards for last Saturday's game -- and I WON.  The initial jackpot was $60,000+;  after 50 numbers it dropped to a guaranteed $10,000. Which doesn't mean that I/we will get $10,000 -- there's usually several winners every week, and they had already declared at least one by the time we managed to get through on their phone line. Last night, we learned there were 24 winners, which means we'll each get somewhere in the vicinity of $400+.  It's not $10,000, but it's something!  (Either Mom was pulling some strings, wherever she is now -- or she's really pissed off that I won the minute she left the picture, and she missed it all.  ;)  )