Things are happening quickly...

"The house is listed," dh told me, as he looked at a realtor site on his phone screen on Saturday afternoon.  

It was the moment I'd been expecting. Anticipating. Dreading. Bracing myself for. I knew it was coming, and I'd been checking the site myself every day for the previous several days.   

We (dh, me, my sister & Dad) had met with the real estate agent when we were still there in January, not long after Mom's funeral, to show her the house and get a feel for what Dad might be able to sell it for. (Dad had hired and trained her, back when he owned the company.)  He'd told me last week she'd been there to take photos and measurements.  (In fact, she'd already been over a few days before the house was actually listed with one interested potential buyer, who promptly made an offer -- which ultimately fell through.)   

But even when you've been expecting it, it's still surreal to look at a listing for your parents' home of 42 years, the place where you lived with them yourself for a year, pre-marriage, and where you've spent several weeks out of almost every year since then with them, including 40+ Christmases, a couple of (Canadian) Thanksgivings, and a week or two (sometimes three)  almost every summer.   

The photos are testament to the warm, cozy, welcoming home my parents (and especially my mother) cultivated these past 42 years -- and the hard work my sister & her partner have been doing these past few months to clean, repair and declutter -- going through drawers and closets and cupboards and the crawl space/storage area (oy, the crawl space...!), taking things to the dump, the local thrift store and elsewhere. Some tchotchkes, family photos and other decorative items remain -- but the crawl space looked almost empty (certainly compared to when I was there in January!), and the tops of counters and cabinets in every room were mostly (oddly) clear of books and knick-knacks.  

In the photos, the doors to the closets were all closed -- Sis told me she's cleared out most of the closets pretty well, aside from Dad's stuff.  But she'd stashed other things in them to get them out of the way.  She sent me a photo of the closet in the room where dh & I usually sleep, doors opened -- stacked with boxes -- and informed me (kidding/not kidding) that it will be MY task when we are next there (soon) to go through them all before it's time for us to leave again (or else she won't drive us to the airport, lol).  It's not all MY stuff, thankfully! -- she doesn't expect me to take it all home with me (not that it would all fit into my suitcases...!). Some of it is just stuff she wants my opinion on.  But it all needs to be dealt with. 

The day after the listing went up, the realtor brought another potential buyer to view the house -- which resulted in another offer.  By Sunday afternoon, the house was sold. It's conditional on the sale of the buyer's current home, but there's already some interest in that one too  Projected closing date is July 1st, but it could happen earlier too.  

Tomorrow, Dad will get the keys to the apartment that he's leased in town. This weekend, a group of strong young farmers with trucks (clients of my sister's partner) will arrive at the house and transport some of the larger pieces of furniture Dad will need over there (a couch, table & chairs, bed, dresser, etc.).   

Dh & I are coming soon, and will help to continue the cleanout and keep Dad company. My sister will have some time off while we're there, and she and I will pack up some of the smaller things Dad will need (dishes, linens, etc.) and shop for others (an area rug and small mats, a countertop microwave, possibly a small freezer, etc.) and take them over to the new place, so that he'll be able to move over and settle in there after we all leave again. 

We're going to be busy!  

I'll be spending my first Mother's Day without my mom while I'm there. But perhaps that's a topic for another/future post... 

The closet in the bedroom where dh & I sleep, 
stacked with boxes for me to sort through when I get there. 
(There may be a few more added since the photo was taken..!)

"The Four Graces" by D.E. Stevenson (re-read)

My D.E. Stevenson fan group just finished our chapter-by-chapter group reading & discussion of "The Four Graces" (first published in 1946) -- a book I've read twice before:  once in 2015, shortly after I joined the group (reviewed here), and a re-read on my own before we began our group readalong (reviewed here). It's tangentially related to Stevenson's three Miss Buncle books, with the same setting and some of the same characters in supporting roles.  (It's not necessary to have read these books first, but you will probably enjoy and appreciate "The Four Graces" more if you have.)  

The book is set in the British home front during the Second World War, and focuses on the four Grace sisters, daughters of the widowed vicar of Chevis Green: Elizabeth (Liz), Sarah (Sal), Matilda (Tilly), and Adeline (Addie).  Their cozy life together is disrupted by the arrivals of archeologist William Single, who is boarding with them while exploring the ruins of a Roman fort;  Roderick Herd, a soldier based at a nearby encampment, and the girls' Aunt Rona, whose late husband was the girls' mother's brother, and who has been bombed out of her home in London.  

The book is dated in some respects, and there are a few ALI/CNBC triggers (see my previous reviews for details -- links above).  But, as I said in my review from earlier this year, "I love the easy camaraderie among the four sisters, their loving relationship with their gentle father, the quiet strength of William, and the insights into everyday life on the homefront during the war."  The more I read/re-read this book, the more I appreciate it. It now ranks among my DES favourites.  Like most of her books, it's a wonderful "comfort" read, best enjoyed with a cup of tea in your other hand.  :)  

My previous readings of this book rated it a 4-star read (on both Goodreads and StoryGraph);  that rating still stands.   2

This was Book #8 read to date in 2026 (and Book # finished in April), bringing me to 20% of  my 2026 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 40 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 4 books behind pace to meet my goal.  :(  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2026 tagged as "2026 books." 

"The Bandit Queens" by Parini Shroff

I just finished "The Bandit Queens" by Parini Shroff, the May selection for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club. It's been recommended to me by a couple of other childless women and book review sites.  

Reading it, I was vaguely reminded of "How To Kill Your Family" by Bella Mackie, another book club selection from earlier this year.  Both are darkly funny novels about women murdering despicable family members. 

Geeta's no-good husband Ramesh disappeared five years ago -- and now everyone in the village thinks she killed him. They also think that she's a witch.  (As if they needed further proof of that, Geeta is childless.)  

But although Geeta is shunned and isolated, the villagers are also afraid enough of provoking her displeasure to support her small business, making wedding jewelry.  (She's saving money to buy herself a refrigerator.)  Geeta received money to fund her work from a local microlender, which brings her into regular contact with other women in the village who are part of her lending circle -- all mothers who talk endlessly about their children (hmmm, this sounds familiar...). The women meet each week to make payments on their loans and keep each other accountable:  if one person doesn't pay up, the others will be on the hook for the money.  

Then, one by one, other women in the circle start enlisting Geeta's help to kill their own husbands (!). Moreover, some of them are using blackmail to get her to do it.  I'm sure it's not a spoiler to say there are complications...!  

Interwoven throughout the narrative is the story of Phoolan Devi, "the Bandit Queen," who is something of an inspiration and role model to Geeta.  I thought Devi was a mythical or historical figure, but (as the author's note at the end of the book reveals) she was actually a real-life figure, born in 1963 (just a few years after me!) into a poor, low-caste family. In a nutshell, Devi was famous as a bandit-turned-politician (!) who punished the men who abused her. She was assassinated in 2001 at age 37.   

As in "How to Kills Your Family," the violence made me a bit queasy at times (both the murders and the domestic violence some of the men inflicted on their wives and others).  The book was also a sobering reminder of the poverty and extreme patriarchy some women continue to live under. It was a little long, and I had to stop from time to time to look up unfamiliar Indian terms.

But I loved how the women ultimately set aside their differences and came together to support each other and advocate for change and justice in their community. As the NoMo Book Club said in their Goodreads review of this book:  

Ultimately, the takeaway message from the book is that the unbearable burdens of life are made tolerable by the comradeship that can be found within true female friendship. Once the women stop turning on each other, but stand as a unified whole, they are an unstoppable force - something that any non-mother who has known the strength of joining a community of other childless women can understand all too well.

And I enjoyed the humour that helped to alleviate some of the tension. There were some truly ridiculous situations depicted (I could picture them like a movie in my mind), and some lines that made me chuckle (or laugh out loud outright). For example:  

• "Never send a god to do a goddess's job."
• "We can't just knock off everyone we don't like. This isn't Indian Idol." 
• "Shooting people makes me a don; killing a dog just makes me a psychopath.” (The dog doesn't get killed, although animal abuse and its effects are briefly depicted earlier in the book.)   
• "We’re happy to be accessories. Like jewelry, but way more dangerous." 

The last few chapters were tense -- but the last line of the book left me with a smile on my face.  : ) 

4 stars on both Goodreads and StoryGraph. 

Shroff's next novel, "Some People" will be released in July. 

I was interested to learn that Shroff is/was a student and protegee of Elizabeth McCracken, who wrote one of my all-time favourite pregnancy loss memoirs, "An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination" (which I wrote about here as part of Mel's Barren B*tches Book Club), which contains one of my all-time favourite lines:  "Closure is bullshit."  

This was Book #7 read to date in 2026 (and Book #1 finished in April), bringing me to 18% of  my 2026 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 40 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 5 books behind schedule to meet my goal.  :(  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2026 tagged as "2026 books." 

Odds & ends

• Personal note:  10 years ago today (!), we took possession of the condo where we're now living, and moved out of our home of 26 years, on the other side of the city. (We spent the night at BIL's and moved our stuff in here the next day.) 
• "Boy, that went by fast," commented dh, when I reminded him. No kidding. 
• At the same time, what a lot has happened in those 10 years!:  our nephews' weddings, the arrival of three great-niblings (and a dog!),  the deaths of both FIL & my mom, as well as several other people we've loved, BIL's transplant surgery... 
• I've hashed out the pros & cons of condo living and of moving here several times before on this blog, so I won't go into those topics all over again here. Suffice to say, I'm still not wild about the community itself, but overall, we do love the condo and being closer to family.  :) 
• Mom stuff:  
• I had my first dream about Mom since she died, last week. I don't remember much about it, but she was there. I like it when the people I've loved and lost show up in my dreams. It's like a little visit from them. 
• Dh was looking for a newscast the other night, and landed on ABC World News Tonight with David Muir. Which got me teary, because my parents always ate supper late -- partly because Mom insisted on watching "her" news (on ABC -- the network broadcast, followed by the "local" news, from Fargo, ND -- although she almost always fell asleep before the end...!). She really liked David Muir and how he delivered the news as well.  It's the little, unexpected moments like that that catch me off guard and set me off (very similar to after we lost Katie).  
• Vision update:  We went into the city today for follow-up visits with our optometrist, following my opthamologist appointment earlier this month. The opthamologist determined that surgery was not necessary at this point, but there's still a small patch of developing nodules on my left cornea (as well as the small beginnings of a cataract).  Even so, my vision has not changed significantly since I last changed my glasses almost 12 (!) years ago (although both my regular and computer glasses have some scratches on them. The optometrist didn't think the scratches were that bad, though?). 
• The optometrist gave me an updated prescription for my glasses, but suggested it might be worth waiting a while longer to get new ones. We have a number of large expenses right now -- current, upcoming and anticipated:  we just paid our taxes (ouch), paid for flights to visit Dad soon (and will be going there again this summer and at Christmas), possible purchases for his new apartment to fund, as well as subsidizing his rent until he sells the house -- and we still need to purchase a cremation niche or plot at the cemetery for both him and Mom, and inter her ashes at some point -- etc. etc.... So I've decided to hold off on new glasses for a while longer.  (Dh's glasses are about the same age as mine! and he'd like new ones too, but agreed we should both wait.)  We'll be back for checkups again in six months, so we'll see what the situation is then... 

And now a few links to share: 

• Non-ALI/CNBC-related, but I thought it was worth sharing:  Canadian Returnee explains Bill C-18, Meta's response (why I'm unable to see or post news links on Facebook or Instagram), and "What Facebook's News Ban Taught Canadians."   
• I see posts on social media -- from both Americans and Canadians! -- claiming that the Canadian government is "censoring" news.  Not true!  News (actual news, from actual journalists) is readily available, online and elsewhere -- you just can't find it or share it on Facebook or Instagram. And that's because of a decision made by Meta, not the Canadian government. (The article explains more.) 
• (For some reason, Meta's ban doesn't apply on Threads??  But shhhhh, don't remind them of that...!  lol)    
• Great news:  One of the "OG" voices in the CNBC blogging world is back! Welcome back PJ at Making Sense of It All. 
• I love, love, loved this blast from the past via Tracey Cleantis Dwyer (another longtime blogger who recently launched a Substack): "The Hardy Boys and the Mysterious Case of the Magical Meeting." (Featuring Parker Stevenson, Shaun Cassidy, and an older/childless woman role model who changed Tracey's life.)  
• Speaking of Shaun Cassidy, Alan Osmond, oldest of the performing Osmond Brothers, died earlier this week at age 76, after living with MS for 40 (!) years.  Another brother, Wayne, died in early 2025 at age 73.  You know you're getting older when your teen idols start dying...  :(  
• Katie Dunn at Afterglow writes about whether children give your life "purpose" -- something that many childless women struggle with, when parenthood doesn't work out for them ("what's my purpose now?"). Part of the post is paywalled, but what's free to read is worth a look!  
• Another brilliant post from Ali Hall at Life Without Children:  "When Women Supporting Women Defaults to Mothers Supporting Mothers." (Subhead: "Compassion is never found in comparison.")  
• I vividly remember the story about the doctor whose daughter asked her that painful question -- and her response (or lack thereof) -- and posted about it at the time (during the height of the pandemic). 
• Ali is offering half-price annual paid subscriptions during the month of May. 
• Also from Life Without Children, childfree Rosie Diell ponders "What fence sitters can learn from the childless community." 
• Lana Manikowski at "Infertile and Childless. So Now What?" looks at "What Happens to Your Marriage When IVF Doesn’t Work?" A couple of excerpts: 

...for many couples, IVF doesn’t work.

And when fertility treatments end without a baby, you are left with more than grief. You are left with questions about your marriage that no one prepared you for.

I remember thinking very clearly, is this going to be enough?

 

...a marriage without children is not a lesser version of life. It is a different version of life. It can still be connected, meaningful, and something you feel proud of.

Not because you convinced yourself to be okay with it, but because you built something real together after infertility.

• Poorna Bell dismantles "the myth of grandmotherhood" (and why it's important for everyone, whether or not you have grandchildren).  Most of the post is about grandmothers, but near the end, there's this: 

What about the women who aren’t grandmothers? Where is their place in society? Most of these women will have experienced a sense of isolation and an erosion of community the first time round, when it came to not having children. Having spoken to a number of women including Jody Day about this, it appears there is a second wind in one’s 60s, around grandmotherhood that raises the same issues.

(Bell muses that this particular issue "may merit a spin-off Substack" -- I would love to read that!)  

#MicroblogMondays: Was that you, Mom??

My mother loved chocolate. You could say she was an addict. There was always chocolate around our house when I was growing up.  Most of all, there were KitKat bars. Mom loved all kinds of chocolate, but KitKats were her favourite, and she had at least one finger of a bar every night before she went to bed (and often more). She had a stash in a kitchen cupboard (high up, so the smallest visiting Little Princess couldn't reach them), and more in the pantry, when she died in January. Whenever she travelled to the States (her home country), she took a stash with her. Mom was a proud American, but she always said the KitsKats there aren't the same, the Canadian bars are better. :)  (Apparently the KitKats in the UK -- where the treat originated -- are best, but she never got to find that out for herself. If & when I ever get to the UK, I am definitely doing a taste test...!)  

Santa always filled Mom's Christmas stocking with KitKat bars. The minister of her church had the inspiration to serve mini-KitKats (Halloween treat size) at the lunch after her funeral, which made everyone laugh when they saw them. I told her Mom would have loved it. 

So naturally, I thought of my mom when I heard this recent item on the news. They say you can't take it with you... but given that this happened not too long after Mom's departure from earthly existence, I really have to wonder...!  

*** *** *** 

Personally, I like KitKats, and I will often tuck one (usually a chunky bar) into my purse for a snack whenever we're flying somewhere -- but my favourite bars have always been pure milk chocolate -- Aero (which also originated in the UK) -- and Jersey Milk -- a Canadian classic which (horrors!) has apparently been discontinued.  :(  My favourite chocolate indulgence these days is Lindt/Lindor milk chocolate balls (large or small). How about you?)  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.  

Annoying things & small pleasures

Annoying things: 

• The opthalmologist I saw last Thursday encouraged me to start using lid wipes again to keep the bacteria that contributes to rosacea at bay. I'd stopped using them (on the advice of my optometrist) when my eyes were giving me so much trouble last fall. They contain tea tree oil, and the optometrist thought they were exacerbating the issues I was experiencing.  We eventually got the problem under control, and all has been well since then. 
• So I used the wipes again on Friday morning (the day after I saw the opthalmologist), and there was some mild irritation. I chalked it up to the dilating drops I'd received the previous day, which left my eyes feeling somewhat raw and strained.  But within hours of using the wipes again on Saturday, my eyes promptly became very irritated, and the lids red and puffy. Not quite as bad as they'd been last fall, but not great either. 
• So I stopped using the wipes, AGAIN (probably for good this time...!). I'll be seeing the optometrist for a follow-up in about two weeks' time, but until then, I increased my use of the topical ointment she'd prescribed for me last fall (from once to twice a day, which is what I started out with when I was having issues last fall). 
• They're not quite 100% yet, but my eyes ARE looking and feeing somewhat better again. Thank goodness!  
• Realizing the new TV adaptation of Margaret Atwood's "The Testaments" (a sequel to "The Handmaid's Tale") is only available on a streaming network (Disney Plus, which we do not have).. (I watched "The Handmaid's Tale" on the Bravo channel, which we get on cable. It was/is also available on the Crave streaming network). 

Small pleasures: 

• Getting a surprisingly (relatively) good deal on airfares for our next trip to see Dad. 
• Checking out new potential ancestors for dh via Ancestry DNA's ThruLines and common ancestors features. (An easy way to lose a few hours!  lol)  
• Sunshine!! Two days this week!! It's been horribly grey for so long ( = annoying thing). Clear, sunny weather in the winter/early spring can often mean it's cold outside -- and it has been that! -- windchill was -15C when we woke up Tuesday morning! -- but it's somewhat sunny and milder today -- we have the balcony door partly open -- and it's supposed to start warming up over the weekend and into next week. (It's ABOUT TIME!!) 
• Artemis II.  :)   I got choked up when Jeremy Hansen announced the crew wanted to name a newly mapped crater after Commander Reid Wiseman's late wife Carroll. (I think everyone did!)  That group hug after the announcement...  :)  
• Also Artemis-related:  I had a good giggle when I read that the crew broke out some maple cream cookies during the time they were incommunicado on the far side of the moon.  :)  
• Small annoying Artemis-related thing:  I was sadly disappointed by the lack of Pink Floyd references I saw on social media regarding Artemis's trek to the dark side of the moon  ;) --  (although when I posted a complaint about this on Facebook, a cousin promptly responded to by posting this meme to my feed...!  Thanks, F.!)  

"IVF is not a silver bullet." (No sh*t, Sherlock...)

I had high hopes when I a story from The Globe and Mail landed in my notifications this afternoon, with the title "IVF is not a silver bullet."  (Gift link.) 

**SPOILER ALERT/CONTENT WARNING:**  Let's just say I was disappointed.  (If you are not in the mood for miracle baby endings, or happy mommy pregnancy & baby photos, don't click over.) 

While the article does illuminate some of the frustrations and shortcomings of IVF treatment in Canada (and generally), I found it curiously terse and the (inevitably happy, with not just one but TWO "miracle babies" -- apparently born just four months apart?? -- after the author had almost "given up," of course) ending rather abrupt. (Several people in the comments so far seem to have felt the same way.)  The graphics were kind of cool, but Ifelt like more space and attention was given to those than the story itself. I would have preferred fewer graphics/photos and more of the story itself. 

I get that this was likely an excerpt from the author's book (In Fertility: The Story of a Miracle and the Big Business Behind It by Kathryn Blaze Baum, which comes out on Tuesday). .Hopefully the book gives a fuller picture of the many systemic issues, as well as the author's personal story.  I am debating whether I am interested enough in the author's critique of the industry (if not her personal "miracle" story) to pick up a copy. 

(But oh, it would be SO nice, just ONCE in a great while, to have one of these stories end without a "miracle baby" -- let alone babIES, plural! -- and a good life, still, regardless.... Why, why, WHY must EVERY story about infertility treatment in the mainstream media end with a baby?? )