My baby was stillborn 12 years ago today, & all I got was this lousy visit from AF

Last night, we went to a family gathering where I was the only adult married woman without a child.

I sat and listened to all the moms talk about their kids (& grandkids).

I held the newest baby in the family (she was cute, & I didn't mind a bit).

I congratulated one of dh's cousins who just announced her pregnancy (her third).

I thought about the little girl who should have been there, but wasn't.

I came home & found an e-mail from a good friend -- whose birthday is also today (mentioned in last year's post, here) -- telling me she was thinking of us today -- and especially because her stepson & his wife recently lost their third baby at 24 weeks. She was with them at the hospital & wrote, "I now understand what an incredibly emotional time the two of you went through." Even before she wrote those words, I would say she was probably the one friend who always remembered, listened and sympathized with me more than any other. (And she doesn't have any children of her own.)

As I wrote last year, and true again this year, this day sort of snuck up on me -- we got back from a busy vacation, & boom! it was already the first week of August. Maybe that's a good thing. The misery of AF aside :p I am doing OK. So far anyway. I knew AF was due for a visit, & as the week dragged on, I thought, "it will be the 7th, of course," and of course I was right. :p

Tonight we will take pink roses to the cemetery and think about what was, and what might have been.

We love you, little girl.

11 years later

Remembering this day, 10 years later