#MicroblogMondays: It's World Childless Week! Day One: Our Stories

(Reposted with updates and additions from a previous WCW-related post dated September 12, 2022.)  

World Childless Week is here!  -- an entire week filled with inspiring and comforting things to read, watch, listen to and participate in, focused on a different topic/theme each day (and new material posted daily too). If you miss some of the live webinars, don't worry;  they are posted on the WCW website later in the day/week to be enjoyed and consulted indefinitely. (Previous years' WCW content is also available onsite -- what a great resource for our community!) 

As usual, I didn't manage to get my act together to write something new -- but I did participate in this year's very first webinar this morning! (more on that below!) -- and I'm always happy to promote WCW here. A couple of years ago, it occurred to me that I've already covered many of the WCW topics in my blog over the almost (gulp) 17 years I've been writing here. So each day this week, it will be my intention to post about the day's topic here, with some links to some of my own writing on the subject (if I have written about it in the past). (Some of the content I wrote for previous years' WCW summary posts may be repurposed for this year's posts.) 

Enjoy! :) 

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Day One is focused on the theme "Our Stories" (as it usually is).  

Our voices are often unheard and dismissed and our stories are twisted by the media to reflect their desired outcome rather than the gritty reality we face. Society often assumes we all have issues that can be resolved through IVF, adoption and “just relaxing”. Our stories are important as they explain the reality of why we find ourselves as childless, the emotions we have to face and the grief that sits in our heart. If you are childless not by choice, due to infertility, circumstance, chance or tough choices, you can share your story here with confidence.  

We may not have travelled the same path but we’ve all arrived at the same destination; no matter how dark you have felt, we’ve been there too, and we understand. 

I'm a firm believer in the power of telling our stories (if only to each other, at least at first). Meetings of the pregnancy loss support group that dh & I used to facilitate would always begin by going around the room and having each person introduce themselves and tell us their story, what brought them to us. Sometimes (especially at first), the stories would be long, detailed and filled with tears. Over time, new details would emerge that we hadn't heard before. And we'd learn to develop a shortened "Reader's Digest" version of our story, which left more time for the longer stories (plus, over time, the "regulars" would all get to know each other and each others' stories pretty well, so it wasn't quite as necessary or important to go through all the details for the umpteenth time). 

Telling and retelling our stories to each other like this, week after week, in a supportive environment among others who had similar stories to tell, was good practice for handling those inevitable innocent questions and awkward encounters that all of us experience, sooner or later. In training sessions, we also learned that telling our stories, or some version of them -- over and over and over again -- helps us to process what happened. 

I think the same principles apply to our stories about our childlessness.  Our stories matter, because they're OURS, and because by telling them, we light the way for other childless women looking for support and comfort.  Our stories remind each other that we are not alone.  

This entire blog, of course, is my story :) (or at least parts of/a version of it) and it has evolved, along with my story, over the past 17 years.  A barebones, thumbnail version of my story can be found in the "About me" Blogger profile near the top of this page on the right-hand side (or in the link here). You can find a slightly longer version in the "About me" page (found just under the title/header of this blog). The "Timeline" page (link right beside the "About me" link) also gives you an idea of how my story unfolded and some of the significant dates & events. 

If you're really interested in all the gory details (and be forewarned, some of them ARE a bit gory, emotionally if not physically), I wrote a series of posts tagged "1998 memories" in which I relived my one doomed pregnancy, 10 years after the fact. I did the same thing with "The Treatment Diaries," all about our foray into infertility treatments, 10 years after we abandoned them and resigned ourselves to permanent childlessness. 

I also wrote a few posts shortly after I started this blog, where I told a condensed version of my story (up to that time): 

• Blogtivism: My Story (& how mandated coverage could have helped) (November 2007)
• How we made "the decision" (November 2007)

If you have some difficulty telling your story to others (and I know I have!) -- especially to parents who might not understand/appreciate the subtleties of involuntary childlessness -- take comfort in the words of Brene Brown -- who emphasizes the importance of telling our stories -- but also this:  

Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: "Who has earned the right to hear my story?" If we have one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our shame stories, and love us for our strengths and struggles, we are incredibly lucky. If we have a friend, or small group of friends, or family who embraces our imperfections, vulnerabilities, and power, and fills us with a sense of belonging, we are incredibly lucky.

Check out today's content on the WCW site, including community members' contributions. Today's webinars -- "What Can We Learn From Our Family History?" featuring a conversation between Michael Hughes of the Full Stop podcast and yours truly ;) -- "Emotional Seasons of Childlessness" with Sandra McNicol and others; and "Childlessness and Childhood Trauma" with Juli Angelis, have all concluded, but were recorded, and the videos will be posted to the Day One page as well as the WCW YouTube channel, for anyone who missed seeing them live.  

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I was up before dawn this morning -- it actually just started turning light outside when I logged onto the Zoom link just before 7 AM for our webinar about family history/genealogy and childlessness with Michael Hughes this morning (it was 9 PM for Michael in Australia! and 12 noon for Stephanie Phillips in the UK).  I'll admit I was a bit nervous, especially at first -- I've been around the childless community for a long time now, but haven't spoken much publicly about my experiences, especially under my full/real name!  But Michael & I could probably talk about this stuff all day (lol) ;)  and the hour went by pretty quickly.  We had, I think, 17 participants watching live at one point -- not bad for early morning on a work day! -- and a few questions in the chat and Q&A.  

If you watched (live, or later), I'd love to know what you thought!  (A special hello to anyone who found this blog as a result of the webinar/WCW!)   And if you have questions, you can ask them in the comments below, and I will try to answer.  

Here's a previous blog post with some background on how the webinar came about. :)   

You can find my other genealogy-related posts here. 

I'm particularly fond of this post from 2014, which tells the story of Aunt Maggie, who saved the letters that spurred my interest in my family history (and provided some valuable clues), and also includes the quote from George Elliot's novel "Middlemarch," which I read near the end of our webinar. :)  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.