Of course, I know family size is also a point of contention for some couples in the ALI community. In most of our cases, though, our dream of having a family of any size, let alone the size we once might have though ideal, is tempered by the harsh reality of what's physically possible. On top of all the questions the author & her husband are struggling with, infertile couples must add these: how long should we chase this dream? When is enough enough? Is it time to stop? Should we try again? Do we have the time, the money, the physical, mental and emotional reserves of strength to go through this again? Not all couples find themselves agreeing on the answers.
I can sympathize to some extent with the author's desire to realize the family of her dreams. The gap between the family we always wanted and the family we wind up having is something that I think we all struggle with, although perhaps it's harder for some of us to accept than others. I think what bothered me most about this article, though, was the author's assurance that:
"It’s one thing if a higher power – call it God, biology or nature – determined that two children was the right number for us. We would feel as blessed as we are today. Absent that intervening force, this battle between husband and wife ends with a “winner” and “loser.” We stand our posts on opposite ends of the spectrum, waiting for the other to cave."
It's very easy to say -- secure in your fertility (or assumption thereof) -- having already produced two children -- that if God, biology or nature decided two was enough, and conceiving a third proved difficult/impossible, you'd accept it and stop, end of story. I'm willing to bet there are more than a few people out there in the ALI community who thought that too -- until they couldn't conceive that second or third (or even first) child they wanted so very much.
It's a difficult question and I wish the author & her husband luck in resolving it.
It's early going in the comments section, but one reader has already cautioned the writer that "things don't always go like you think they will." Amen to that. (And of course, someone has already advised her to "get a clue, get a grip -- and if you really HAVE to have another child -- in your own household or elsewhere -- ADOPT.")(!)
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An article in the Sunday New York Times -- titled Mother of all Comedy Topics -- explored the recent preponderance of fertility & pregnancy topics in the movies. "For a while Hollywood was into bromance," the article begins. "Now there’s momance." Hardy-har-har-har. :p
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Yes, I wanted children. (And I like holidays.) But when I read stuff like this plea from Rage Against the Minivan -- "Let's Bring the Holidays Down a Notch" -- I sometimes think that maybe it's for the best that I didn't. I don't think I could handle the pressure or measure up to the Martha Stewart model of competitive parenting that seesm to be in vogue today. :p Thanks to Msfitzita and Ellen K for bringing this one to my attention!