Saturday, August 7, 2010

My baby was stillborn 12 years ago today, & all I got was this lousy visit from AF

Last night, we went to a family gathering where I was the only adult married woman without a child.

I sat and listened to all the moms talk about their kids (& grandkids).

I held the newest baby in the family (she was cute, & I didn't mind a bit).

I congratulated one of dh's cousins who just announced her pregnancy (her third).

I thought about the little girl who should have been there, but wasn't.

I came home & found an e-mail from a good friend -- whose birthday is also today (mentioned in last year's post, here) -- telling me she was thinking of us today -- and especially because her stepson & his wife recently lost their third baby at 24 weeks. She was with them at the hospital & wrote, "I now understand what an incredibly emotional time the two of you went through." Even before she wrote those words, I would say she was probably the one friend who always remembered, listened and sympathized with me more than any other. (And she doesn't have any children of her own.)

As I wrote last year, and true again this year, this day sort of snuck up on me -- we got back from a busy vacation, & boom! it was already the first week of August. Maybe that's a good thing. The misery of AF aside :p I am doing OK. So far anyway. I knew AF was due for a visit, & as the week dragged on, I thought, "it will be the 7th, of course," and of course I was right. :p

Tonight we will take pink roses to the cemetery and think about what was, and what might have been.

We love you, little girl.

11 years later

Remembering this day, 10 years later

30 comments:

  1. To say "I'm sorry for your loss" doesn't even begin to cover it. Thinking of you and of your daughter today.

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  2. Thinking of you and your husband today, and of Katie, and of Ch 20 from Anne's House of Dreams. Your blog is like that story. I remember your series of posts 2 years ago in such detail. You are a very loving and very strong mother, Loribeth.

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  3. Many hugs to you and your DH as you get through another tough anniversary. And what an awesome friend to remember. Hugs

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  4. Thinking of you and your husband, and remembering Katie today.

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  5. Thinking of you, your DH, and Katie today.

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  6. Dear LB:

    Katie is still part of this world, she is still loved and loves you.

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  7. Thinking about you and your dh and your little Katie today, Lori. Many hugs to you.

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  8. Thinking of you Loribeth, holding Katie close in my heart. Wishing you had her in your arms, where she belongs.
    xxoo

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  9. I'm so sorry. My heart aches for you.

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  10. Remembering Katie with you, and sending you all my love.

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  11. Remembering Katie with you! She is missed by me and all of the other bloggers here.

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  12. Remembering Katie and what could have been, what almost was, with you today Lori.

    Much love

    xxxx

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  13. Sending you all my love and a big swarm of warm hugs.

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  14. I am thinking about all of you, especially Katie.

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  15. Words are so frail at times like these.
    Thinking of you.

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  16. Oh Loribeth. Rain, pours, and all that metaphoric symbolism.

    Remembering Katie, and thinking of you mightily.

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  17. there are no words to soften your pain....but know that i'm thinking of you and sending peaceful thoughts your way...

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  18. Late as usual, but, I wanted to say I'm thinking of you.

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  19. Thinking of you and DH and remembering Katie with you.

    Much love to all of you . . .

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  20. I'm so sorry Katie isn't here with you. I'm truly, endlessly sorry.

    ((((HUGS))))

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  21. Thinking of Katie, thinking of you and your husband, sending healing and peace vibes in a northerly direction...

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  22. tears in my eyes. i wish katie were with you. xxx

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  23. Oh my... thinking of you and dh... and light Sky's candle for sweet Katie tonight. Glad you have that awesome friend by your side. The world needs more of them.

    Sending a hug!

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  24. I'm sorry. Even though I have experienced the loss of a child, I still never know what to say.

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  25. Sorry I'm late, but I wanted to say how deeply sorry I am that Katie is not here. My love and thoughts are with you all.
    From a long time lurker.
    xo

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  26. I am sorry I'm so terribly late, Loribeth.
    Every time I read about Katie, I feel respect for you, and a deep loss as well.
    So much love, even if late. xo

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