Monday, May 1, 2017

#MicroblogMondays: It's not (always) about you

Like many of you, in the aftermath of stillbirth, infertility & involuntary childlessness, dh & I found ourselves drifting further and further apart from a lot of friends & family members -- sometimes the very people we had thought we could always depend on for support. It was obvious that many of them didn't know how to deal with our situation, and felt uncomfortable around us. It was hard not to take their absence from our lives personally.

But in the last few years/months/weeks/days, we've started reconnecting to some of these people again. Beyond any discomfort they may have felt being around us and our sad situation, we have realized that many of them were just busy with building and raising their own families, and didn't have much time or energy for anyone outside that immediate circle. Now their children are growing up, or have grown up and left home for college (and the grandchildren haven't started arriving yet, lol...!), and they find themselves with more time for people and interests they once set aside.

In some cases, we've learned there were other things going on in their lives -- illness, mental health issues, marital difficulties, problems dealing with aging parents -- even infertility problems of their own! -- that they (like us) had difficulty sharing with others.

It just goes to show that:

(a) you never know what's going on in other people's lives


(b) it's not always about you.

So, like the Internet meme quote goes -- be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here


  1. This really hits home for me. We just had a conversation while walking in the woods this weekend about how we distanced ourselves from so many people, that we felt isolated but we did a fair amount of isolating ourselves, too. It is encouraging to know that you can rekindle these relationships, the ones that aren't too damaged from everything. It is hard when in the thick of people raising their children and you feeling that absence keenly, but that's good that there's hope. And a good reminder that everyone has their struggles.

  2. That's so true. If there's one thing I learned from infertility, it's this. It's not always about us ... and that isn't always a bad thing!

  3. One good thing about getting older is that it has sunk in definitively that it's not always about me - life happens to everyone, and I just don't get sensitive about things like I did before. I see that people have their own stuff going on; I also compute that people just don't care about my stuff much, a lot of the time - and I'm alright with it now. I'm glad you've started reconnecting with people, it's nice; I hope to too.

  4. I love that quote, and it's one I sometimes say to myself when I am getting frustrated with someone else. (Though I also wish others would think that before interacting with me!) I'm glad you're reconnecting with them now.

  5. Yes that's so true. I had a friend I ended up unfollowing on facebook as I found all her happy family updates too much (of her, hubby and son). We lost touch but ended up meeting up after a long time and I found out that she'd had an awful miscarriage and was in hospital and now can't have more kids. I had no idea that she was going through such an awful time. Everyone has their own struggles.