I've had lots of little things flit through my head lately as "stuff I could blog about" but never enough inspiration for one grand post. So this is post is a bit of a brain-dump...!
It's been a busy (and very cold!!) couple of weeks around here. I am thoroughly sick of winter. And it's not even February yet! It was still a little bit light outside when we arrived home from work tonight & I can't tell you what a spirit-booster that was. Never mind that it was freezing cold outside, lol. A little sunshine can make the coldest day more tolerable.
FIL turned 80 last week & we went there on Saturday night to celebrate. BIL & family were there, and so was stepBIL & his wife and the new baby. He slept most of the time we were there, so it was not all about him.
Our gift to FIL (with BIL & family) was a digital picture frame, which I loaded up with about 175 digital photos I've taken over the past few years... mostly of the nephews, but some of dh & me too (why not?). I was also going through old photos of dh & me & pulling negatives to get some reprints done. I've decided to set aside the nephews' scrapbooks for the time being & work on an us/anniversary album, with the goal of having it finished in time for our 25th wedding anniversary in 2010. There will be a few pages with photos of us covering from the time we met through to our wedding, & then a spread for each year that we've been married, with photos & journalling covering the highlights.
Going through all those photos, both for the digital frame & to start the scrapbook, was a more emotional task than I thought it would be -- seeing how young we both were (not to mention skinny!!), so fresh-faced & full of hope and excitement about the future. I love scrapbooking, but I sometimes find myself getting strangely stressed about it. Part of it is because I'm a perfectionist (I've procrastinated on doing an album for Katie because, of course, THIS album HAS to be perfect!!) & I get very focused on what I'm doing -- & frustrated when the page on the table winds up looking nothing like the page I had in my head.
And of course, it can be hard to be scrapping photos of your nephews, or yourself, while all around you people are scrapping their babies. I try not to let it get to me & just enjoy the creative process, but I think it does get to me sometimes, at least on a subconscious level.
I like to think I'm a laid-back sort of person, but the truth is I have a lot of anxiety issues. I like to think I've only been that way over the past 10 years, but when I think back, I've had problems with anxiety all my life. Moving frequently, always being the new girl (not to mention the "brainy" new girl), being shy and desperately wanting to fit in will do that to you. I was never assertive enough to stand up to bullies, from the elementary schoolyard taunters to the bitchy roommates I had in grad school (I still have nightmares about that situation sometimes).
I haven't had a full-blown anxiety attack in at least seven years now (knocking wood...!), but it seems like I just get one issue or worry resolved, & something else almost immediately pops up to take its place. I find that, over the past 10 years, I've gotten hypersensitive about my health, in a way that I don't remember prior to loss & infertility. I think part of that is because pregnancy & infertility makes you hyperaware of your body & what it's doing & how you're feeling. And, of course, you become acutely aware of how fragile the human body can be & how quickly things can change and go wrong.
I think I need to get back to a yoga class. I need to practice focusing my mind & relaxing.