Thursday, January 21, 2010

Blue (Mon)day?

When I woke up Monday, the DJs on the morning radio show I listen to were referring to it as "Blue Monday." According to a somewhat unscientific formula (concocted by a psychologist & used "to give academic weight to a press release put out by Sky Travel to encourage people to cheer themselves up with a holiday"), the third Monday of January is supposedly the most depressing day of the year -- taking into consideration factors that include the weather, the amount of time lapsed since the Christmas/New Year holidays, Christmas bills coming due and broken New Year's resolutions.

Actually, Monday was a pretty good day. My birthday last week helped carry the festive mood over for a little while longer. The Christmas bills have been paid off. And the weather hasn't really been that bad (knocking wood...!) -- grey & a tad chilly, but really not unbearably cold this week, & very little snow for the past while (knocking wood again).

As I've written before, generally, my seasonal blahs kick in around November, go into (semi) hibernation through Christmas & my birthday, & then resurface with a vengeance sometimes in February, when it seems like the winter is never going to end.

I must admit, though, that yesterday was perhaps a little bit tinged with blue:
  • I was fretting over some loose ends from work, hangovers from while my boss was on vacation. No doubt this anxiety was exacerbated because...
  • ...I got my period -- & it's been on the heavy side, leaving me feeling tired & drained. One of my online childless-not-by-choice friends, whose 50th birthday is coming up, remarked yesterday that the greatest gift would be "no more periods!" I responded, "I hear ya... I may eat my words later, but I'm actually looking forward to getting that transition over & done with. I'm not brave enough to have an ablation done -- but if AF went away for good tomorrow, I'd say goodbye & good riddance. If I'm not going to have children, what's the point? I never used to think this way, but the longer this drags on, the more I can't wait to be done with it."
  • I came home from work to find a large envelope from dh's cousin in the mail. I knew right away that it was a baby shower invitation for her daughter, who announced her pregnancy (actually, it was her mom who spilled the beans) at a family gathering last summer. And of course, that's what it was. She is due in late March & the shower is in a couple of weeks. I've already checked out the online registry & am planning to get the shopping over with this weekend, if possible.
  • (Sadly, we learned before Christmas that the hostess at that family gathering -- who inadvertently had her third pregnancy "outed" by her toddler son that same day! -- lost the baby. I enclosed a note in my Christmas card -- on notepaper in a separate sealed envelope -- saying how sorry we were & that we were always available to talk, if they felt like it. I didn't expect a response, & there hasn't been one. Nevertheless, I could be wrong, but I'm thinking that this shower may be difficult for her to attend, too.)

Today was a little better:

  • My boss is back, so we finally have someone looking out for us & our work again.
  • The work issues I was fretting over have (mostly) been resolved.
  • I had to go for a mammogram this afternoon (at the same hospital where I had Katie). (That's not the "better" part.) I could have gone back to the office again for awhile -- but I didn't. I could have gone shopping, but with AF tagging along, I didn't really feel like it. So instead, I sat in a cafe for a half hour, reading the new issue of Entertainment Weekly, sipping a cafe au lait & snacking on a divine bread pudding with vanilla sauce, until it was time to meet dh for an early (much less crowded) train home. Ahhhhh!!


  1. Sorry about your relative's loss. : (

    Glad that you had some high points in your day, though. I could go for some of that bread pudding right now. The best bread pudding I've ever had was paired with oatmeal stout ice cream.

  2. Sorry - I find I am completely salivating at the thought of that bread pudding. Oh my. :0)

    Having no periods anymore is nice. I don't miss them. Yesterday I found out a friend of mine (of advanced maternal age) is pg. I should be happy for her - she's had her fertility struggles also. And really, on some level, I am happy for her. I hope all goes well for her. Still, not missing my af aside, it still pangs a bit.

  3. Sounds like you've got lots of blah-causing stuff and ahhh-causing stuff going on at once. Funny how life works like that. ;-) You know, baby showers and baby registeries still give me the blahs, even despite my state. I don't think that feeling will ever go away.

    Interesting article about post holiday-depression, btw.

  4. Thanks for referring me to the article regarding adopting orphans from Haiti. I hadn't read it before. I hope she is able to implement what she has proposed about having Haiti "grannies" foster the children left without parents.

  5. Hi loribeth! Thanks so much for coming by, saying hi, and giving me some more information on those of us who are out there living childfree. I really appreciate it!

    It's been really nutty around here this week, but I just wanted to say that when I read your blog, I find myself nodding my head at the computer. It's so reassuring to find other people who are going through the same kinds of struggles. I plan on reading more as time allows - but thank you for putting yourself 'out there' and sharing with us.