We put up our tree this afternoon, while the first major snow flurries of the season accumulated outside, and the "Charlie Brown Christmas" soundtrack played on the stereo.
I was already in a happy but emotional mood, after listening to a Vinyl Cafe Christmas concert on the radio while we ate lunch ("you did it again, Stuart," I said, as I reached for the Kleenex at the end of the story of Dave & Morley's first Christmas), and while I love decorating the tree, bringing out the familiar ornaments from the basement again, there's a lot of emotion involved in that too.
I put my favourite framed photo of my beloved grandparents kissing in front of the Christmas tree in the place of honour on the piano, & shed a few tears over that. Then I started taking out the ornaments -- which, as I wrote a few Christmases back, are almost all associated with Katie in some way.
As always, dh got to hang up his special Katybeth ornament and I took his picture as he did it. I realized that I gave that ornament to him for Christmas 1986 -- 12 years before our Katie's brief existence on this planet. And now it's 12 years that we've been without her. :(
So there were a few emotional moments. (There always are.) Sometimes I dread putting up the tree -- it seems like so much work -- & trying to fit all the ornaments back into the Rubbermaid totes when the time comes to take it down again is such a pain. :p And yes, there's a lot of emotion involved. Every ornament I put on the tree is a reminder of the little girl who should be here, decorating alongside of us.
But it's never as much of a chore as I remember. And the end result? So worth it.
I'm sitting & looking at our beautiful tree as I type this. And I'm smiling. : )
Loribeth-
ReplyDeleteYour tree is very beautiful.
You are getting me in the spirit... we will put up our tree probably in two weekends. My SIL is not coming until mid-January, and we hope it will last the long (we get a cut one).
I like the 'guard' of angel bears around the base.
I am glad you have your joy in this season. I feel so many mixed emotions this year, I think it will just get more strange as the season goes on and that it will always be this way. I could say "I wish Katie was here to..." and "I wish Serenity was here...", but it seems unsatisfactory and like I am wishing my/your life away. I guess we have to honor the life we are living and live it to the fullest. The good, and the (really) bad.
But I can't let those wishes go... It's a season of wishes and miracles, and we don't have a chance of getting the one we really want... do we?
thinking of you. I'll miss our tree this year.
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas Loribeth...
ReplyDeleteYour tree is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. <3
The tree is gorgeous, and I'm glad it still makes you smile. The holidays are so complicated - but yes, worth the effort indeed.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I’ve given you a “Cherry on Top” blog award. Visit my blog to pick it up!
Beautiful!
ReplyDeleteI wonder if putting up the tree breaks the seal of holiday emotions. I found myself crying to Christmas carols on Saturday when we put ours up, and last night when N was telling me about Aristotle's discussion of the love a mother has for her child, he started crying, too.
I love putting up the Christmas tree. We always do a live tree. Your true is so beautiful, so full of memory. I think that's why I like them. So full of wishes, and dreams and hope (tears as well), life gained and losts.
ReplyDeleteIt's so beautiful!
ReplyDeleteMost of our ornaments also bring up memories, some from my childhood and some from the losses and everything in between.
Thinking of you (*hugs*)
Your tree is beautiful, it's brought a tear to my eye. I hope I can find my Christmas spirit.
ReplyDelete