...and so are all the pregnant women. I've written in a previous post about how many pregnant women I see in the course of an average workday. Sometimes I seem to notice them more than others -- and right now, with the heightened emotions around the beginning of the "countdown" to the 10th "anniversary" of Katie's stillbirth (plus being at our support group meeting last night), it seemed like they were everywhere I turned today.
I have not counted in a long time, but I swear I saw at least 30 -- and not just girls with modest little baby bumps (who was the wise guy who invented that horrible term??). It seemed like every one of them was sporting a huge, ripe belly -- the kind that sticks way out to there and makes it look like the mom is about to deliver at any second. There was one sitting beside us on the commuter train en route home tonight, & I saw two more as we exited the train. I know that, the odds being what they are, 1 in 5 of them has likely experienced infertility problems, and 1 in 3 or even 1 in 2 has likely lost a pregnancy... but it's hard to focus on that. Pregnant bellies can be distracting. ; ) It's funny, but when someone I know has had difficulty getting or staying pregnant gets pregnant (someone from our support group, for example), I am almost always totally happy for them, & seeing them pregnant doesn't bother me in the same way as seeing total strangers does.
In the car driving home from the train station, I asked dh, "Was it just me, or was every other woman on the train pregnant tonight?" He glared & started lecturing me about being "obsessed" & how "this has to stop" and that after 10 years I should be over this (!! -- him, of all people, the pregnancy loss support group facilitator, telling me to "get over it"!!).
Oh -- and as if I don't encounter enough pregnant bellies or babies in real life, or on the cover of every single women's magazine, tabloid & issue of People -- check out the cover of this week's issue of Newsweek , and the inside stories on surrogacy.
Deathstar had a recent post about obsession (someone else said they prefer to call it "focus," lol).
So, what do you think? Am I obsessed? Is it unhealthy for me to still be hyper-aware of pregnant bellies & sometimes have problems seeing them, 10 years after my loss and almost 7 years after stopping treatment?