The Princess lays on a blanket in the middle of the living room floor, kicking her legs, waving her arms, cooing & drooling adorably, surveying her loyal subjects with wide blue eyes. All other activity comes to a stop when she enters the room. Seated around her, half a dozen adults watch her every movement in fascination.
Thirteen years ago, I called my mother to tell her I was pregnant, and due in November. "A baby for Christmas!!" my mother exclaimed happily.
Sadly, there was no baby in the house for Christmas that year. Or any Christmas since then.
Until now.
It's Christmas again. And there's a baby in the house.
No, not MY baby. Sadly, that will never be.
But perhaps the next best thing: PND, who has spent part of every Christmas at my parents' house since SHE was a baby, is generously sharing her 3.5-month-old daughter (PNGD/The Princess) with us. She has brought the baby over to visit every day since we've been here, and she, her husband and The Princess will be spending Christmas Eve with us.
There are, as usual, lots of presents under the tree. We giggle as we count how many of them are for The Princess (with more in the bedroom closet, waiting to be wrapped).
Does it hurt? A little. I'd be lying if I said it didn't. The hardest part? dh & I agree: watching my childfree by choice sister, who never shows too much excitement about anything, gleefully showing me the Santa suit (complete with hat) that she's bought -- holding The Princess in her lap, bouncing her up & down, smiling and talking baby talk to her. It is easy to envision the kind of proud, doting auntie she would have been.
But there is happiness, too. For all that I detest the idea that "Christmas is for kids," having one in the house adds a special dimension of joy to the celebrations --the continuity, the traditions -- especially when we've been without children in the house for so long. We have been so fortunate to have PND with us all these years, of course -- but when she was little, dh & I fully expected we would have our own children to celebrate with... someday.
Which is why it is extra-special to have The Princess with us this year. We'd be appreciative of any baby, of course, but being PND's daughter just adds to the specialness.
It's Christmas. And there's a baby in the house. At last.
Thirteen years ago, I called my mother to tell her I was pregnant, and due in November. "A baby for Christmas!!" my mother exclaimed happily.
Sadly, there was no baby in the house for Christmas that year. Or any Christmas since then.
Until now.
It's Christmas again. And there's a baby in the house.
No, not MY baby. Sadly, that will never be.
But perhaps the next best thing: PND, who has spent part of every Christmas at my parents' house since SHE was a baby, is generously sharing her 3.5-month-old daughter (PNGD/The Princess) with us. She has brought the baby over to visit every day since we've been here, and she, her husband and The Princess will be spending Christmas Eve with us.
There are, as usual, lots of presents under the tree. We giggle as we count how many of them are for The Princess (with more in the bedroom closet, waiting to be wrapped).
Does it hurt? A little. I'd be lying if I said it didn't. The hardest part? dh & I agree: watching my childfree by choice sister, who never shows too much excitement about anything, gleefully showing me the Santa suit (complete with hat) that she's bought -- holding The Princess in her lap, bouncing her up & down, smiling and talking baby talk to her. It is easy to envision the kind of proud, doting auntie she would have been.
But there is happiness, too. For all that I detest the idea that "Christmas is for kids," having one in the house adds a special dimension of joy to the celebrations --the continuity, the traditions -- especially when we've been without children in the house for so long. We have been so fortunate to have PND with us all these years, of course -- but when she was little, dh & I fully expected we would have our own children to celebrate with... someday.
Which is why it is extra-special to have The Princess with us this year. We'd be appreciative of any baby, of course, but being PND's daughter just adds to the specialness.
It's Christmas. And there's a baby in the house. At last.
I'm glad that in the world of bittersweet, this is more like dark chocolate; enjoyable, satisfying. Maybe a little wistful because you wanted milk chocolate. I'm glad you're getting to enjoy the good parts.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad this is special to you. I have a little tear in my eye to be honest. I had a baby in my house (well, motel, but who's quibbling?) last weekend, and it was lovely. Maybe next Christmas we'll celebrate Christmas together.
ReplyDeleteWishing you a very happy Christmas and New Year, Loribeth.
A lovely heartwarming post.
ReplyDeletexo
you are a lovely, generous woman. I, too, had tears in my eyes reading this post. I think that I would not be so gracious in the same situation. Merry Christmas to you and yours!
ReplyDeleteMay your Christmas with PND and her daughter be wonderful. Tinged with a bit of sadness of course, but it's nice to know that you can enjoy The Princess and what she can give to you.
ReplyDeleteMuch love to you and your family at Christmas and always Loribeth.
May your Christmas with PND and her daughter be wonderful. Tinged with a bit of sadness of course, but it's nice to know that you can enjoy The Princess and what she can give to you.
ReplyDeleteMuch love to you and your family at Christmas and always Loribeth.
What a lovely post...sweet and a little bit sad. Babies are special little people. I love being an aunt. I'd love being a Mom, but for now, I'll just love on other people's babies. I'm glad that you're finding joy in that this christmas!
ReplyDeleteWhat a charmingly told Holiday visit by a member of the royalty. I am glad there have been some lovely moments, along with the bittersweet. Hope all all have a very Merry Christmas!
ReplyDeleteIsn't it funny that at a certain point in life, even the most sublime things are bittersweet. Those little ones just open up your heart, don't they?
ReplyDeleteThat last paragraph really got me. I hope the holiday brought you joy and peace.
ReplyDeleteSo bittersweet. I hope you got a lot of cuddly time! xoxo
ReplyDeleteI'm glad the happiness out weighed the hurt. I think the hurt will always be there but it speaks volumes that you were able to enjoy The Princess ;-)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you had a good Christmas!