Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Recent reading

  • I was intrigued by this New York Times blog piece about social media & the loss of a beloved pet.  While losing a baby is not the same as losing a pet, there are similarities. I was particularly struck by the author's struggles with how to articulate to himself what he was really feeling and what if anything he wanted to say about it, versus others' expectations about how he was "supposed" to express his grief (i.e., with a post on Facebook). To each their own...!
  • Also from the NYT, in the Motherlode blog, a post about donating embryos -- with a surprisingly mostly civil discussion in the comments section.
  • I liked this recent article about egg freezing in New York magazine.  While I'm not opposed to egg freezing per se, I was glad that the RE was honest, that egg freezing doesn't always work. And while I don't want to male-bash, the article also points to a subject that too often gets overlooked in stories focusing on "career women" who "postpone" marriage & family and resort to measures like egg freezing as a kind of "insurance policy."  It takes two to tango:  where are the men in this picture?  Granted, they are not under (quite) the same time pressures that women are (although research indicates that they shouldn't feel they can safely postpone fatherhood forever either). But why isn't anyone asking about their desire (or lack thereof) to settle down with a wife and family?   
  • And speaking of egg freezing, it's the subject of the first article in a new Globe & Mail series about "the fertility business, its procedures, and promises that might be too good to be true."  If this article is any indication, I am looking forward to reading more in the series. The writer points out the stats (and lack thereof) related to egg freezing and other ARTs, and asks some excellent but necessary questions.        
  • The same issue of the G&M included an opinion piece about workplace-sponsored egg freezing programs, which suggests that perhaps companies should be investing in flexible work options and daycare programs instead.
  • Further to my post about my dislike of February -- Justine wrote her own "not a huge fan of February" post.  In the comments, Sharah mentioned an old post by Martha Beck, which I found after some Googling. Actually, I found two posts that touched on February funks -- here and here.  (Martha's book, "Expecting Adam," was out around the time I was ttc after Katie's stillbirth. I bought it, but never could bring myself to read it. I have enjoyed her columns in O Magazine, though.)  "February in the northern hemisphere is hard on the body and the soul,"  she says. Yep. :p
  • I loved this article by a new mom, addressing all those clichés we childless/free folk know and love (NOT)(i.e., "I never knew what love REALLY was until I became a mom," etc. etc....).  She writes: "...now that I’ve crossed over from “nonparent” to “parent,” and with apologies to my fellow parents, I want to deliver this important message: You pretty much get it... I always felt like the idea that mothers and fathers are the only people that get love was bullshit, but I never had standing to argue with any of them until my son was born. Now that I’ve been on both sides of the fence, I’m very happy to report that things are just as I’d assumed they would be. That love is love, wherever you’re standing."  (Thanks for this one, Emily!)


  1. Thanks for all the great links! I especially loved the last article. I just shared it on FB. ;)

  2. I wish I had known you were looking for the Martha Beck post! She actually re-emailed it out again the day after I posted that. Looking at the comments, it seems to get republished every year around this time, and is always popular.

  3. More great articles. Thanks, L.

    I do really really love that article about love. I wish I could let the author know how much I love it, but I can't see any way to comment.