Saturday night, dh & I walked into a local pizza restaurant for dinner. It was early (late afternoon) & there was a birthday party going on -- a table full of giggling pre-teen girls and pink & purple balloons.
That's when it hit me.
Saturday (Nov. 14th) was my original due date in 1998. In other words, it might have been, could have been, should have been, Katie's birthday. Her 17th birthday. It was written in my datebook, but I hadn't really thought about it all day, until I saw the balloons & heard the giggles. (Bad Mommy!!)
After the waitress took our order, I told dh. He looked sad, & we held hands across the table as the girls sang "happy birthday" to the birthday girl on the other side of the room.
It was a weird feeling. Ten or 15 years ago, I probably would have been devastated -- both by my forgetting & by being confronted with a little girl's birthday party on this day of all days.
But I just felt sad, and a bit wistful, thinking of everything we've missed out on these past 17 years, and how different things might have been.