Friday, November 14, 2008

Ten years old

That's how old our Katie would be today, had she lived and been born on the original due date I was given. Ten. Years. Old. Double digits, as I hear my friends say about their kids turning 10. On her way to being a (gulp) teenager.

What kind of birthday party would she be having?

Would she be best friends with the little girl who lives next door?

Would she be doing well in school?

Would she be taking figure skating lessons? Or playing hockey? (Would she be a total washout at sports, like her mother?)

Would she be a Girl Guide?

Would she like to play video games with her two older boy cousins?

Would she love to read, like her Mommy & Daddy? Would she have already plowed through Mom & Grandma's collection of old Nancy Drew books (which have no doubt mildewed by now in Grandma's basement, waiting to be passed along to the next generation)?

Would she be driving Mommy nuts by dipping into her scrapbooking supplies?

Would she beg to be taken to the next Hannah Montana and Jonas Brothers concerts? (Mom never attended a concert until she was 15.)

Would she be pestering us to get a dog?

Would she have Mom's blue eyes and Dad's wonderful smile?

So many questions, never to be answered.

Tonight, dh & I are going to a memorial mass for his cousin's mother-in-law. After 10 years, I don't expect anybody there to realize the significance of this day for us. Why should this year, this day, be any different from the ones that have gone before? :(

But as the prayers for the dead are recited, dh & I will be thinking about our little girl.

Happy birthday, little Pooh Bear (well, you wouldn't be quite so little anymore... but you will always be our little girl). Mommy & Daddy love you.

36 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry Loribeth, this is so unfair.

    Others may not remember, but I will.

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  2. There is such an ache of the unmanifested.

    Beautiful post. I join you in remembering your daughter today.

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  3. Happy 10th birthday, dear Katie. Thinking of your mommy and daddy today and wishing you were here with them.

    (((Hugs))) to you and your dh, Lori.

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  4. Oh Lori.

    Happy Birthday, Katie. I'll remember you, and also dream about what might have been.

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  5. Thinking of you today...happy birthday, Katie.

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  6. thinking of you two and katie today, loribeth.

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  7. Oh, Loribeth. My heart is so heavy for you.

    Happy 10th Birthday, sweet Katie. Holding you so very close to my heart today.

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  8. I really like Lori's term "unmanifested".

    So many lovely possibilities, a perfect soul - how I wish with all my heart that you were able to know every single bit.

    Abiding with you and Katie

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  9. Thinking of you, Katie and DH.
    xo
    Meredith

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  10. All the way from Scotland, I'm thinking of you and your husband. 'Double figures' as we call it here has such significance. My heart is aching for you all,

    Jude xx

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  11. Happy 10th Birthday Katie!!

    Big ((hugs)) Lori... I can't imagine how your heart had carried that missing and all that love, for the past 10 years. I will be remembering, and holding your family of three close in my heart. much love to you, xoxo

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  12. Hugs to you both, Loribeth. Thinking of your Katie. It is just so sad.

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  13. Happy Birthday Katie. What a beautiful post. I am thinking of you and your DH today.

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  14. The milestone anniversaries are the worst, I think. So sorry that your sweet Katie is not here filling the space that she still has in your heart. Ivy's 10th year was 2007, so I understand too well your yearning and wondering.

    I don't know a lot of Soren Kierkegaard's work, but this quote has stayed with me since the first time I read it: "The most painful state of being is remembering the future, particularly the one that you will never have."

    Warmest thoughts to you and your DH as you remember Katie.

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  15. Saying a special prayer tonight for Katie. Happy birthday, sweetheart. You were so very loved.

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  16. I came over from L&F and was so sad to tread this. I will remember Katie too.

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  17. Thinking of you and Katie today.

    Happy 10th Birthday, Katie!

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  18. Happy birthday to Katie. I'm thinking of you and your husband.

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  19. Too many what-ifs. Katie is remembered around here. Happy 10th Birthday. I bet you would have had a beautiful heart like your Mom!

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  20. She is with you always - and you with her.

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  21. Sending you big hugs and lots of support and caring, my friend.

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  22. You and your husband are in my thoughts.

    Happy Birthday, Katie . . . you are much loved!

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  23. Unanswered questions, unmanifested life, totally unfair.

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  24. 10 years. Wow.

    It almost seems impossible to imagine 10 years.

    I'm thinking of you at this time of remembering her sweetness, and imagining her life if it had been.

    Sad with you

    Barb

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  25. Thinking of you and all those unanswered, unanswerable questions.

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  26. My thoughts are with you as you remember you daughter.

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  27. The rivers of grief run deep. Hugs to you and your husband.

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  28. I am so sorry that you don't have answers to those questions. Thinking about you two.

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  29. A lifetime of questions.

    Thinking of you and Katie.

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  30. I'm so sorry, Loribeth.
    HUGS to you and a silent (but heartfelt) belated happy birthday to Katie.

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  31. Loribeth, I'm coming in late here, but I wanted to say I'm thinking about you. Katie is remembered and missed by many. She will never be forgotten. Wishing you peace this holiday season as you and your husband think of what should have been for Katie. It's such a tragedy.

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