Sunday, May 10, 2009

I survived.

I survived Mother's Day.

I survived the baptism.

I survived the food afterward (although I do have two itchy red patches on my neck -- it feels more like sun/heat rash/irritation than anything I ate, though).

I even survived AF showing up just in time to crash the party. : p Always impeccable timing, that AF...

Before we headed to the baptism, we went to the cemetery to visit our little girl, thinking (correctly) that we'd be too tired to do so later. I had to will the tears not to come, so as not to ruin my mascara.

When we got to the church, everyone was wishing all the women "Happy Mother's Day." It was just a constant babbling chorus of "Happy Mother's Day... Happy Mother's Day... Happy Mother's Day." Argh. One of stepMIL's nephews (university student aged) actually wished me a "Happy Mother's Day" when we said hello to him. He was the only one. I don't think he know about our daughter. Probably an automatic/politeness thing. I just said thank you.

The sound system was lousy & the priest mumbled so I could barely make out a word of the service. I did hear that the Gospel reading was the passage from Mark, where Jesus tells the crowd "Let the children come unto me." That's also the passage the hospital chaplain read at Katie's naming ceremony. It was the one point during the day when I thought I might lose it. I just squeezed dh's hand very tightly & closed my eyes.

At the restaurant later, we sat at a table with BIL & SIL & all of dh's aunts & uncles. Everyone was talking in Italian, so I kind of zoned out, as I often do at these things.

First there was an antipasto plate (with tomato, of course -- which is one of my red flag foods -- & grilled vegetables drizzled with balsamic vinegar). I avoided those, but had the cantaloupe & proscuitto.

Next was penne with tomato sauce. (I KNEW I should have called in advance & asked about the menu!) I waved away the plate offered to me, but BIL noticed & asked them to bring me a plate of plain pasta (with butter). Everyone else was finished by the time I got mine, but they took so long between courses it didn't matter.

Main course was veal with tomato sauce topped with a chicken cutlet with gravy. Again, I had to ask for a plain cutlet, which arrived later than everyone else's. I ate the chicken & a little veal, but it was way too much food. Also some potatos & green beans.

I had a bun with butter, & I did have some white wine, which I thought was brave of me. ; )

And I had some more cantaloupe & grapes before the cake arrived. That's about when I started noticing my neck felt itchy. We were facing the window, although I didn't notice a lot of direct sun coming in. But my neck has often been like this before when I've had too much sun/heat -- & I was turning my neck a lot to talk to people, & the redness (especially on the one side) is right in the fold of my neck. So I'm assuming it was that & not the food. It's not much better (yet), despite some aloe vera lotion... but it's not any worse either, thankfully.

Towards the end of the meal, the baby's mom came around handing out bunches of three red roses, tied in blue ribbon, to all the moms.

She passed me by. :(

Dh noticed & squeezed my hand under the table.

I noticed there was one bunch of roses left in the bucket afterward, & wondered whether it was supposed to have been for me.

A little while later, stepSIL brought it over to me & said, "Here you are, sweetie" & gave my shoulder a squeeze.

I just said thank you & put the flowers by my plate. There were only two roses in my bouquet, while everyone else's had three, but I appreciated the gesture. I later asked dh if he had said anything to anyone & he swears up & down that he didn't. StepSIL is a very bighearted, generous person, so she may have noticed herself. Anyway, you can imagine how I felt being passed over, so it did help heal the wound a little.

The baby was very, very good. He was getting awfully tired by the end of the day, but hardly a peep from him, even when the water was poured over him.

I tried calling my mom when I got home, but there was no answer. Right now, even though it's not even 7:30, I feel like I just want to crawl into bed.

And how was YOUR day?


  1. Oh, you can check out my blog if you want. I wrote lots. And cried quite a lot too. But we had a good day. Nothing like yours.

    I'm so sorry sweetie. I wish i could say something to fix it & to help others be more understanding. People can be so cruel, even when they don't realize they are.

    I wish God would surprise you, even at this time when you are accepting, with the gift of motherhood for you. I'm older than you are & still hold on to hope, but that is quickly fading & i need to reach a point of acceptance.

    I wish i could give you a hug. :)

  2. Glad we both survived, though at some emotional cost. So few understand. Peace.

  3. Oh Loribeth, you really did have a run through the gauntlet today.

    You are a bigger person than I, I doubt that I would show up to support someone like that who couldn't remember that I had a child of my own.

    If someone's baby dies at 3, don't others still consider them a mom? Just because our babies died without so many people seeing them doesn't mean they didn't exist and that we aren't moms too.

    big hugs.

  4. What a difficult day. You deserve a holiday for yourself now. ((hugs))

  5. Note to self: give mother's day appreciations to all women, no matter what. I'm sorry that your motherhood went foolishly unrecognized.

    So, here are your virtual three red roses, with an added white one for all the grace you show. :)

  6. My heart hurt when you got passed over so I can't even imagine how it felt to be there.

    I am so in awe of you for getting through the day.

  7. Ugh. You showed a lot of grace under pressure, and I'm glad you survived. And hurray for your big-hearted SIL.

  8. You survived, with grace to boot. Big hugs.

  9. Ewww. I don't know how you did that. Especially with the roses thing. OMG, no wonder you it was such a dilemma for you. You are very strong and growing stronger every year. You did good.

  10. What a long day - it tired me out just reading it.

    You are an amazing person and you ~are~ a mother. I would have given you a dozen roses.


  11. God you are a troopr. I would have lost it on more than one occasion going through what you just did. I am glad they gave you the flowers, it is appalling to me that they would have left you out, just appalling.
    I hope the coming days bring relief from the itching and from the crap you just got served.
    You deserve much better. SO much better.

  12. ((Hugs)) sweet girl. And congratulations on surviving. You are so strong, and it sounds like you did it with so much grace.

  13. You ARE a mom, goll darn it! I want to shake anyone who thinks otherwise.

    Thanks so much for your kind present at my blogday party, Loribeth. It was perfect.

  14. I thought about you quite a bit on Mother's Day. I wondered what the day would be like for you. You are so much braver and selfless than I could have been.

  15. {{hugs}} Lori.

    You "survive" with grace - always. That has always impressed me so much about you.

    Sorry I have been a lousy bloggy friend lately. I aim to do better. Thanks for always stopping by and having sweet things to say. You did send a little Roots sweatjacket - it was so soft and sweet and we wore it often. I kept it for her box. I always think of you when I see it. :0)

  16. Oh Lori ... what a sucky day. The part about being skipped over as the new mom passed out roses just kicked me in the gut. That feeling of deliberately being passed over ... that's what sucks the most about this day.