Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Radio segment: Infertility's double whammy

A friend who has had her own struggles with pregnancy loss (but is now the proud mom of a 4-year-old boy) recently sent me the link to a podcast from the BBC Woman's Hour radio program, on a topic she knew would be of interest to me: "Grandchildlessness: Infertility's double whammy." (Ah, yes -- so much to (NOT) look forward to...!!)

I thought the interviewer & the guests hit all the right notes:
  • the continuing bonds one feels to children who are dead, or who never arrived in the first place;
  • how you live with infertility every day of your life, whether or not you ultimately succeed at building a family;
  • how the pain rises up at various, often unexpected times;
  • the ugliness of envying others for their families.

Have a listen, here. It's about 10 minutes long. (And if you do, tell me: is there a pink cartoon sheep icon on your screen?? Gave me a chuckle...)


  1. Oh Loribeth...this just breaks me. I don't think I ever really thought about any of the loss perspective from this side of things.
    The lasting legcy and continuous rippling effects of the loss are just overwhelming. Double whammy, indeed.

    and no pink sheep here, just a bizarre techno video image...

  2. I'll have to watch this later. But the grandparent issue is something i've very aware of. A few of my friends & cousins are grandparents now. The idea that not only will i never be blessed with children, but no grandchildren as well tears at me.

    Life . is . so . hard .


  3. It never occurred to me! It's been in my head that I may never give my own parents a grandchild but it never even crossed my mind that the same would happen to me.

    IF - just when you think it can't suck any more - bam!

  4. Wow. This post and the previous three have a lot to think about.

    Soon after I started a local infertility support group - and got a write up in a local paper, an 80 year old infertile woman called me and we must have talked (well, she talked, I listened) to what it was like to be childless and then grandchildless. It is heart breaking.

    So is losing a child. I am glad November is past for you and hoping things are looking up - at least the days are getting longer.

    For better or worse, it is these kinds of posts that kept me trying to have a child. I am absolutely convinced that living child free is the hardest path. Even though statistically the happiest people dont' have kids (I suspect only the ones who don't want them or expect to have them later), I don't know how you turn off that desire to parent or the heart ache when a child dies.

    One more thought - I also missed out on years of my nephews when we were dealing more directly with IF. I'm not sure I have any regrets at this point - I was barely surviving as it was. Perhaps later, I will.