Friday, April 12, 2013

This week in grief

  • Dh & I spent a few hours at the local mall one afternoon during our recent staycation.  We had split up for awhile, and as I was making the rounds, I found him sitting on a bench, nursing a coffee, right outside a women's wear store... called (wait for it...) Katie. I knew EXACTLY why he chose to sit there. I wanted to laugh & cry & hug him all at once. It was the cutest thing. It also completely broke my heart. :(
  • This past week on "Dallas" (you knew it was coming, right?? lol) -- Pamela Rebecca Barnes (niece of the original Pamela Barnes Ewing, as played by Victoria Principal) was horrified to realize that her own father, Cliff, was responsible for the oil rig explosion that ultimately killed her unborn twin babies. What horrified ME (and grieving mothers everywhere, I am sure) was hearing her father tell her that her loss "was probably for the best," since the babies would have tied her to the hated Ewing family forever. You and I probably don't have parents capable of ordering a bomb to be detonated when they knew their only, PREGNANT daughter was onsite and at risk (and thank goodness for that...!)(that's the soaps for you...!) -- but how many of us have had to deal with similar painful comments??  (Season finale coming up, this Monday night...!)
  • Did anyone see the parents of the children who were killed in Newtown, Connecticut, on 60 Minutes last Sunday night?  Absolutely heartwrenching. :(  (And horrifying, especially watching them being totally ignored by certain members of Congress. :p  )  And although I have never experienced such a tragedy (& hope I never will), there was so much there in their grief and love for their children that I could relate to as a bereaved parent (albeit bereaved in a different way). I was in tears by the end. The segment is available in two parts online, here and here
  • On a related note, Timothy Egan's Friday column in the New York Times -- titled The Power of Loss -- bookended some pointed observations about the gun control debate in the U.S. with some powerful references to the Newtown parents that resonated with me (emphasis mine):
  • Opening paragraph:  "Their grief is so immense, their sadness so deep, that when the parents of children slaughtered in Newtown, Conn., tried this week to make a political point, most people could not see beyond the swollen red eyes. It was all hugs and pats and God forbid, we can only imagine if that had happened to us."
  • And closing: "Bill Sherlach lost his wife, Mary, a psychologist, to Adam Lanza’s Bushmaster AR-15. He was in Washington this week, his broken heart on reluctant display. “We’re just private citizens,” he said, “who are now part of a club we never wanted to be in.” "


  1. This post hits me at my core, bringing waves of sadness and anger. I can visualize your DH sitting outside of "Katie" nursing his coffee and my heart is shattered. Then I want to punch the father for saying such a horrible, heartless, wicked thing to his daughter, even if it's a soap opera. Simply because I know there are so many who have a similar line of thinking. Then there are the parents of Newton, who all I want to do is wrap in love and tell them how much I wish I knew how to take all of this away from them. And that I also want to thank them for speaking out despite their grief and pain to promote change. That they need to be listened to. And, I also feel like you. That loss has allowed me to better understand what their pain is.

    Truly a week in grief.

  2. My heart breaks a little now for you and your DH, sitting in front of that store.

    It's been a week full of grief, it seems - I don't know if you've read Glenn Canning's piece about his daughter Rehtaeh (or if you want to, it's full of love and grief and left me sobbing and angry) - but my heart goes out to that family, too.

  3. I didn't see the show; thanks for posting links and the NYT link. I like what he said: "Human tragedies are the fuel of reform."

    Your husband is such a sweet guy! I can picture this, too.

  4. Oh, the Katie store. And ugh the Dallas episode. I was nodding along to everything you wrote about the Newtown parents. Sometimes it really feels like too much, even still.

  5. Sending hugs. There is so much grief around, and so much ignorance in how to deal with other's grief. Sadly, ignoring it seems to be the default setting. If only we could change that.

  6. I wanted to watch the Newtown coverage, but couldn't. Which felt even more wrong because then facing that grief becomes a choice for some and unavoidable for others. Those families don't get a choice to say, "it's too much."