Sunday, January 25, 2015

More recent reading

Some recent blog posts & articles of note:

  • The New York Times Motherlode blog published a guest post this past Friday by Susan Shapiro on the subject of "Childless, With Regret and Advice: Don't Wait for the Perfect Picture."  My own take on the piece:  Shapiro had some good reasons for postponing ttc -- but we never know how one path in life ultimately leads to (& away from) others. Whether she would have been happier making different choices, she (& we) will never know. To paraphrase one of the commenters, you make the best decisions you can with the information you have at the time. (That's one of the better comments. As always, beware reading them...!)  Of course, living with those decisions is sometimes easier said than done, and it's hard not to wonder sometimes about the path not taken.  
  • And another weekend Motherlode post deals with the subject of "Changing Early Pregnancy Etiquette:  Share Good News, and Bad."  "If our family and friends never knew we were expecting, was it melodramatic to inform them of our loss? Was it hurtful, insulting or offensive to divulge our bad news if we were unwilling to share our good news first? Since no one close to us had ever miscarried, would people even consider our loss newsworthy or our emotions warranted?" Good questions...
  • Almost exactly two years ago, Pamela at Silent Sorority and I were guests on the Bitter Infertiles podcast, where we talked with Mo of Mommy Odyssey and Cristy of Searching for our Silver Lining, about our experiences as infertility survivors and coming to terms with remaining a family of two. I blogged about the experience here. Now, not only can you listen to our discussion, you can read the transcript that Pamela has compiled as part of her 8th blogoversary.
  • Sarah at Infertility Honesty grabbed my attention, made me laugh and made me cringe (as she often does) with a blog post about the traumatic experience she recently endured at (wait for it...) ...a weekend workshop on trauma. (!!!) Part One of her story is here;  watch for Part Two to come!


  1. Love your curations, Loribeth! I've bookmarked these for my upcoming reading list. I am also reminded again -- in hearing our Podcast -- how fortunate I am to have come into your orbit. xo

  2. I hadn't commented earlier because I wanted to read the articles.

    I felt sad reading Susan Shapiro's article, because she is living with regret. I wonder if her expectations - she asked "Wasn’t feminism about getting everything you want in life?" - didn't set her up for disappointment.

    The early pregnancy etiquette one was interesting too. If I hadn't had my losses at Christmas - having to change travel plans, stop drinking etc - I wouldn't have told my family. I only told people I was close to, and didn't pour out my emotions either. I'm thinking more on this post though.

    I'm loving getting to reread the interview with you and Pamela.

    And good grief, Sarah's experience is diabolical!

  3. The pregnancy etiquette is very interesting to me. Not that i've ever been pregnant, but it always is a very sensitive and confusing topic I think. I was at a wedding a few years ago (right before I got diagnosed with cancer), and a friend was about 6 months pregnant. I just asked her a few questions about how she was feeling and if she had name ideas etc. You know, the things you ask pregnant friends.

    Anyway, she leaned over to me and told me that one of the other women at our table had had a miscarriage six months ago and she didn't want to talk to her own pregnancy too much as she didn't want to upset this other woman. I totally respected that, but it was one of those things that led me to feel like I had broken some social etiquette. And then I wondered if this third woman, who I didn't know at all, would want me knowing that?

    It is one of those situations that stuck with me, because I totally respected my friend's desire to protect her other friend's feelings... but at the same time, I kind of wondered how this third woman actually felt. Did she not want us talking about this pregnancy? Did she want everyone to act normal?

    It is hard to say and I'll never know, but it definitely has made me very careful and aware of what I do say around a group as you never know who may have had a loss.