Wednesday, November 8, 2017

10 things I've learned after 10 years of blogging

...about living childless/free after loss & infertility.

(I recently celebrated my 10-year blogoversary, & posted about it here! )(I've been struggling with pg loss & infertility for almost 20 years now.... blogs didn't exist back then, but I did find support in other online forums. Some of these thoughts would also apply to my experiences there.)
  • There are certainly trolls online -- but there are also some very nice people out there.  And some of them can wind up being your very good friends :) even though you've never met. 
  • You will never make everyone happy, so you might as well blog to please yourself. 
  • Your blog, your rules. :)  It's nice if you make it clear somewhere on your blog -- in your "About" section or at the top of your post -- what new readers can generally expect, but don't feel the need to apologize for writing about your pregnancy, your hard-won family, or anything else.
  • There will be dry spells when you have no ideas and/or no motivation to write. They will pass. 
  • Writing out your thoughts & feelings and organizing them into a cohesive, readable narrative (at least I hope it's cohesive & readable??) can definitely be therapeutic. 
  • Comments are gifts.  (And gifts should be given, as well as received!)   
  • Even if you're not blogging under your own name & take precautions to remain anonymous, there's always the chance that someone you know is going to find your blog. (For me, the older I get and the longer I blog, the less I worry about that.)(I'm still not telling people I know about the blog, though, lol...)  
  • Leaving comments on WordPress when you blog on Blogger can be a real pain sometimes (even when you created a WordPress account specifically to make it easier to leave comments.).  :(  (If you blog on WordPress and you haven't heard from me lately, check your spam folder -- you may have comments from me languishing there...). 
  • There are not as many active bloggers in the ALI community as there were when I first started blogging... but that does not mean that blogs are passe, or that the support is not there. Some of it has just moved on to different forums (on Facebook & Twitter, for example).  But if you're like me and find it difficult to contain your thoughts to 140 characters, you might want to consider blogging. ;)   
  • As I recently told Different Shores in a comment, I never would have imagined 10 years ago that I would still be blogging, 10 years later... but somehow I keep finding things to write about (albeit not all infertility & loss related).  I will say that while there's still not a day that goes by that infertility, loss &/or childlessness don't pop up in some way, shape or form, there's a whole lot less angst that goes along with it. :)  And that's a good feeling! 
What have you learned from blogging (no matter how long you've been at it)?  


  1. I also learnt a lot after (almost) six years of blogging. The most precious things that I learnt: there are so many kind souls in our ALI community. I have met (so far) four bloggie friends (they come from the USA, New Zealand, France and Australia) and just loved them. I am looking forward to meeting some new bloggie friends. Let's say ... from Canada ;)

  2. Love these! When I first started blogging I wasn't so good at responding to comments but I started to realise how nice it was when someone replied to one of mine so now I've been much better at doing it! I would add that if you start blogging after an absence you don't need to apologize. Dry spells happen to everyone as you say!

    1. When I first started blogging, they didn't have the "reply" feature... you could still reply, of course, but I think this encourages it, & I try to do it more often now too! :)

  3. That's a great list. I'd have written the same list, I think. If I'd thought about it.

    I totally agree that writing out your thoughts can be therapeutic. In fact, I find it can be problem solving. I learn what I am thinking as I write. And I'm so glad I met you here.

    I'd add that if you're searching for topics, blog about not being able to blog. I've done that several times! All of a sudden I have a post written.

    And write lists. They're always good!

    1. Yep, good old bullet points! :) So glad I met you here too! :)

  4. I'm having a dry spell at the moment and I hope it does pass...The writing seems to come in spurts... It's been about a year and a half for me (of blogging) and I hope it's not the end yet. But I always think that and then something happens or I read something, and it comes back. I agree that comments are gifts: I'm still delighted every time I get one. Interesting about being anonymous: I still feel that I can't "come out" to family & friends. Is it shame? Embarrassment? I think it's fear of pity and of being 'different'... actually I'm fascinated by why people are still anonymous around infertility etc: I feel a post might come on in a minute...Why am I anonymous??
    You actually get inspiration to write just be browsing other people's blogs, like me just now reading this and commenting. So thank you!

  5. Love this list, and a belated congratulations! I don't think I have much to add, since you hit so many of the things I feel like I've learned over the years. The commenting and community is super important, because you're right -- comments are a gift and make you feel so connected to these people who you are friends with and share some commonalities with but have never met. To give and receive them keeps the community alive! I also process in my posts, it is so therapeutic to get things off the chest or pour out your soul especially when you know you have a community behind you. I loved what you said about not making everyone happy, so blog what you want to. Not every post is going to be a crowd-pleaser, but doing it for yourself is the most important thing. Some of my favorite posts rubbed people the wrong way or were met with crickets. :) I am grateful for your friendship and look forward to more years of reading what you have to say.

  6. Congratulations on 10 years blogging! I am thankful you are still here. It is always nice to see different life paths and to learn.
    This list rings true for me also.

  7. You and I are blogging twins. Class of 2007 represent!

    I love your list, Loribeth. I was nodding so hard.