Sunday, August 5, 2018

"Christopher Robin" and the saddest day

Yesterday was a hard day for dh & BIL. They went to see their dad -- & then went with stepMIL to the funeral home/cemetery to begin pre-planning dad's funeral. :(  When they came home, they picked up me & then SIL and we went out for dinner.

It was SIL who suggested we should go see "Christopher Robin." BIL rolled his eyes, lol. Dh was willing to do whatever we wanted. I wanted to go see it -- but I would have preferred to go just with dh -- because I KNEW I was going to cry.  (As I mentioned in a recent post, Katie's nursery theme was to have been Classic Pooh, and I still have several Classic Pooh-themed items in our home, particularly in our bedroom.)

And I did cry. I sat between dh & SIL & cried through the entire opening sequence (young Christopher Robin leaves the Hundred Acre Wood to go to school, grows up and does not return), as well as other points throughout the movie. Not sure if SIL or BIL saw me crying -- and even if they did, I KNOW they did not make the connection as to WHY I might be crying (other than that I am an emotional sap, lol). Anyway, it was a cute albeit somewhat melancholy movie, beautifully filmed, & I'm glad we went -- although I think the adults in the audience probably got more out of it than the kids.

In the movie, Pooh calls "today" "my favourite day." Today, August 5th, 1998, was the day I went to my 6-month prenatal visit and heard the words no pregnant woman ever wants to hear.  Two days later, August 7th, 1998, is the date I delivered my stillborn daughter, the "official" date that's on her niche marker and on all the paperwork. It's the date we'll officially mark, on Tuesday.

But 20 years ago today was actually the saddest day of my life -- the first of many awful days that were to follow as, one by one, my dreams crashed around me. August 5th, and 7th, will never be my favourite days.

"I always get to where I’m going by walking away from where I’ve been," says Pooh in the movie. After Tuesday, I will resume walking down this road less travelled to wherever it is that I'm going. But just for a few days, I will wallow a little in where I've been.

(Don't get me wrong, I haven't been sitting around by the Kleenex box all day. But I'm definitely feeling rather subdued. And glad that I don't have any reason to leave the house/condo today.) 


  1. So many hard things right now. I’m so sorry. Sending you love. May there be butterflies

  2. You're completely allowed to wallow. Allowed to feel. It's by feeling and remembering and honouring Katie and your loss that you'll get the strength to walk away from where you've been for the next year. Sending so much love, and some gentle hugs.

  3. So Pooh has long been my favorite since I can remember, in times of sadness and loneliness and everything in between. I can read the books and watch the Disney version over and over, but NOT the search for Christopher Robin, and so I definitely could not go see the new one. I wouldn’t make it through. And I hold that original one so dear.
    I am mourning and grieving with you. I am so, so sorry for your loss, for the hard times, for this awfully sad milestone. Just know I am holding you in my heart and in my prayers, and sending a ton of love out to you. Please know you are not alone.